Martian Air Force denies UFO crash by Channain

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Martian Air Force denies UFO crash

POSTED BY: CHANNAIN
UPDATED: Friday, June 11, 2004 04:14
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Wednesday, February 4, 2004 8:42 AM

i DO aim to misbehave

Just a bit of space-geek humor.

EDIT: 14February2004 - I just learned that this piece was plaigerized from an original piece written in 1997 to commemorate the Spirit landing.
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=Sb43.21d1%40clarinet.com
Keep Flying, Browncoats
___________________________________
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
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Martian Air Force denies UFO crash

Gusev Crater (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that an alien spacecraft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Saturday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".

The story broke late Saturday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Gusev Crater Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop, and "deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases." Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.

General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps. They point to the release of secret government memos detailing attempts to discredit reports of the landings by alien spacecraft. The memos discuss strategies to avoid troubles similar to those caused by the War of the Worlds radio program of years ago. The program, which featured a sensational story of gigantic oxygen breathing two-eyed invaders from Earth, sparked planet wide panic.

Local residents like Driv Rhodo, who lives in the area of the alleged landings, are even more skeptical. "I seen it with my own 5 eyes" claimed Rhodo last week. "I've lived here over 300 years, most of my adult life-form. Them things used to be few and far between but lately they come in every few years or so. The government wants to bury the truth but I can tell you what's real. The Earthlings are going to invade and the government is spending our hard earned tax dollars on press releases and denials instead of preparing for the battle to come." A spokesthing denied any government involvement in the disappearance of Rhodo, who has not been seen since shortly after the interview, claiming "Any sentient being knows that a planet with the concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less intelligent life. The fear and consternation caused by the unfounded and wild speculations of citizens like Rhodo are a traitorous disservice to the citizens of Mars."

We have art so as not to die of truth ~ Neitzsche
http://www.mnartists.org/artistHome.do?rid=7922

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Wednesday, February 4, 2004 8:55 AM

KNIBBLET

Washington D.C. was an uninhabited swamp before it was drained and all the marble buildings constructed. No intelligent life can be found there, that's for sure :)

Obviously, Fox Studios must also be built on reclaimed swampland.

Quote:
"Any sentient being knows that a planet with the concentrations of water and oxygen found on Earth is a deadly and inhospitable environment for the formation of life, much less intelligent life."

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Wednesday, February 4, 2004 2:09 PM

SERENA

Bravo!!

"Well lady, I must say, you're my kind of stupid."

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Wednesday, February 4, 2004 2:18 PM

KALATHENA

That's funny. I'll forward it on to the sfwa'ns if they haven't seen it already.

--Kala

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Wednesday, February 4, 2004 2:45 PM

CHANNAIN

i DO aim to misbehave

I just wish I could say I wrote it myself. I got it from a stargazer here in Minneapolis.

We have art so as not to die of truth ~ Neitzsche
http://www.mnartists.org/artistHome.do?rid=7922

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Friday, June 11, 2004 4:14 AM

MANTICHORUS

They're right... There's no intelligent life here...

-------------------------------------------
"BADGER: You think you're better than other people.
MAL: Just the ones I'm better than."
-------------------------------------
"MAL: Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near miraculous.
SIMON: Yes, I'm very proud."

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