REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Things to do while waiting for The Rapture

POSTED BY: ROCKETJOCK
UPDATED: Wednesday, May 25, 2011 04:35
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Friday, May 20, 2011 4:25 PM

ROCKETJOCK


1. Read the Bible, look for loopholes.

2. Assemble appropriate playlist. My suggestions:
--“It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” - REM
--“Knockin on Heaven’s Door” - Bob Dylan
--“I Feel the Earth Move “ - Carole King
--“Waiting For the End of the World” - Elvis Costello
--“Apocalypso” - Jimmy Buffett
--“Dust in the Wind” - Kansas
--“Eve of Destruction” - Barry McGuire
--“Spirit in the Sky” - Norman Greenbaum
--“Robots for Jesus” -Celtic Elvis

3. Take some old clothes, lay out on local fundamentalist’s front porch. Ring doorbell, yell, “Hallelujah!” and run away. (Fill shoes with dry ice and water first for added effect.) For extra points immediately reverse course, stroll casually by as they gawk, and say, “Wow, you got left behind too? Bummer.”

4. Go to local library or book store, move the “Left Behind” series from fiction section to current events shelf.

5. Enjoy a home theater Film Festival:
*“Armageddon”
*“End of Days”
*“2012”
*“Apocalypse Now”
*“When Worlds Collide”

And hey, if it doesn’t pull off, just relax. It’s not the end of the world.


"With a Bible on my knee/I'm living for the prophecy/I can't wait/'till I hear that sound/I can't wait/for the final battleground/I can't wait/to call out his name/when the world goes up in flame/Whoosh!" -- Celtic Elvis, "Robots for Jesus"


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Friday, May 20, 2011 4:44 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.


DON'T do the dishes. After all, nobody will be around to care, will they?

Personally, I intend to pop a champagne at 6:01.

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Friday, May 20, 2011 5:43 PM

KANEMAN


Quote:

Originally posted by SignyM:
DON'T do the dishes. After all, nobody will be around to care, will they?

Personally, I intend to pop a champagne at 6:01.



bullshit....always do the dishes you never who will show up

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Saturday, May 21, 2011 7:26 AM

ROCKETJOCK



Well, the deadline for the New Zealand earthquake has passed with nobody flying up into the sky so I guess we can relax now. No rapture today. Oh well, it's not the end of the world . . .

"She's tore up plenty. But she'll fly true." -- Zoë Washburn

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Saturday, May 21, 2011 11:12 AM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!


Quote:

Originally posted by RocketJock:

Well, the deadline for the New Zealand earthquake has passed with nobody flying up into the sky so I guess we can relax now. No rapture today. Oh well, it's not the end of the world . . .

"She's tore up plenty. But she'll fly true." -- Zoë Washburn



You're forgetting 1 thing.

God can make it APPEAR as if the rest of the world is still in 1 piece, in each time zone. Then, when 6pm comes around.... WHAM!


" I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. "

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Saturday, May 21, 2011 2:16 PM

ROCKETJOCK


Quote:

Originally posted by AURaptor:
Quote:

Originally posted by RocketJock:

Well, the deadline for the New Zealand earthquake has passed with nobody flying up into the sky so I guess we can relax now. No rapture today. Oh well, it's not the end of the world . . .

"She's tore up plenty. But she'll fly true." -- Zoë Washburn



You're forgetting 1 thing.

God can make it APPEAR as if the rest of the world is still in 1 piece, in each time zone. Then, when 6pm comes around.... WHAM!


" I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. "



Ah. This would be the same deity who created the physical universe with every sign of being billions of years old (manufacturing "old light" already on the way from distant galaxies, burying fossils in appropriate strata, etc.), & then condemns souls for not believing the revealed truth of the God who has already lied to them in the very shape of creation!

Well, it'd be consistent, anyway.

I'm a "Last Tuesdayist" myself. The world was actually created last Tuesday; any evidence of existence before that is just a test of faith. (Don't listen to those heretical "Last Mondayists", the poor deluded fools.)

"She's tore up plenty. But she'll fly true." -- Zoë Washburn

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 5:13 AM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.


Well, I'm still here. And now I have dishes from yesterday.

Man, that sucks.

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 2:08 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


I appear to still be here as well.

Guess I wasn't "saved"... ;D


"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 8:21 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht


Yeah, everyone's still here. I think its rediculous to try and predict the Rapture, makes no sense to me since Jesus is pretty explicit about the situation, that we just don't know when its going to happen.

The thing is that in the Rapture only the Christians, the people who know Christ and have said connection with him, will disappear, everyone else stays here for a while.

There's debate about at what point in the end times the Rapture itself will occur. Some people are Pre Tribulation (PreTrib), some believe it comes after the seven year tribulation (Post Trib) and some people don't really know which they think, that's me, I guess it doesn't seem entirely important at this point which one it is, it could be MidTrib for all I know.

But yeah, we're all still here. I wonder what that guy who predicted it is saying now.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Sunday, May 22, 2011 8:32 PM

DMAANLILEILTT


Quote:

Originally posted by RionaEire:
But yeah, we're all still here. I wonder what that guy who predicted it is saying now.

Mathematical error. Same as last time. This guy isn't very good at maths.

"I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?"

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Monday, May 23, 2011 1:38 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by dmaanlileiltt:
Quote:

Originally posted by RionaEire:
But yeah, we're all still here. I wonder what that guy who predicted it is saying now.

Mathematical error. Same as last time. This guy isn't very good at maths.

"I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?"




Evangelicals usually aren't. They have a tendency to get the age of the universe off by a factor of some 2 million, after all. And PN likes to claim that there are some 12 billion illegal aliens on their way here from Mexico, and that Obama increased the debt by $75 trillion.

So yeah - they tend not to be so good at cipherin'.

"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

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Monday, May 23, 2011 5:26 AM

PIRATENEWS

John Lee, conspiracy therapist at Hollywood award-winner History Channel-mocked SNL-spoofed PirateNew.org wooHOO!!!!!!


1. Count your $120-Million in your bank account.
2. Spend your $120-Million in your bank account.
3. Plan another Rapture Donation Drive.

I bet that preacher is a jew, like that jewish felon lawyer Scofield who invented the Rapture 100 years ago, after being fired as a federal prosecutor for perjury. THE RAPTURE IS ALL ABOUT STEALING THE NATION OF ISRAEL FROM PALESTINE AND GENOCIDING ALL THE ARAB SEMITES IN THE MIDDLE EAST (ZIONISM). Scofield appears to be deep in jewish Freemasonry, that's infiltrated all Christian churches in all towns and cities today.

Quote:

"Why would a wealthy German Jew like Untermeyer living in America sponsor Scofield and spend money on a man who was working on a new Bible translation and preaching Jesus Christ?" Torell asked.

Jewish leaders long ago recognized the bonanza for them if they could force the teaching of an imminent rapture on Christians and move them to abandon their moral hold on society. Darby was financially supported and Scofield, Darby’s successor, could make this teaching central in all Christian churches. Removal of Christians from politics and public schools would leave the door open for Jewish writers and political leaders to move in and remove the Bible and prayer from public schools and political institutions. The ACLU is a Jewish organization, having only a few Gentiles in it for window dressing, he stated.

In 1907, the International Zionist movement had its "payday" when, after some 120 years they were finally able to have a document produced that would forever change the theology of Christian churches around the world so that, in time, believers in Christ would be transformed into Christian Zionists. Even though they had to "pay good money" to further the cause of fundamentalism, it was worth it to them because the fundamentalists would be led like a bull with a ring in his nose in the direction the Jewish masters wanted them to go.

Forty-one years later, the political state of Israel came into existence. "Without the Scofield Bible, it never would have happened," Torell said.

It is impossible to overstate the influence of Cyrus Scofield on 20th century Christian beliefs. The Scofield Bible is the standard reference work in virtually all Christian ministries and divinity schools. It is singularly responsible for the Christian belief that it is Hebrew Prophecies that describe the pre-Tribulation Second Coming of Jesus, and not, instead, a Zionist vision of a man-made New World Order.

http://proliberty.com/observer/20090507.htm



Then the jews leaked their Protocols of Zion, faked the 16th Amendment Income Tax, the private "Federal" Reserve Bank and ADL Intelligence Spy Agency. It's all part of the jewish scheme for world domination.

The Rapture brainwashes Christians to lie down and give up, like Tokyo Rose. This is nothing to laff at, unless you're a jew faffing all the way to the jewish bank.



"The whole government is a Ponzi scheme."
-Jew Bernie Madoff, founder of the NASDAQ stock exchange, who stole $150-Billion...more than all other criminals in USA combined
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=13015875

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Monday, May 23, 2011 7:10 AM

STORYMARK


So, now that the world didn't end, the next question is: Who stopped the end?

Buffy and the Scoobies?
Angel and the Fang Gang?
The Doctor?
The Winchester Bros?
Captain Kirk?

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Monday, May 23, 2011 7:23 AM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by Storymark:
So, now that the world didn't end, the next question is: Who stopped the end?

Buffy and the Scoobies?
Angel and the Fang Gang?
The Doctor?
The Winchester Bros?
Captain Kirk?

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."



PN's usually pretty quick to take credit for this kind of thing. He and Alex Jones allegedly stopped Israel from nuking the USA a couple of times already!




"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

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Monday, May 23, 2011 8:48 AM

STORYMARK


Yeah, but who ya gonna give more credit/credibility? PN.... or a fictional character?

Pretty easy call for me.

"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Monday, May 23, 2011 10:00 AM

HERO


Kinda disappointed the world didn't end. Saturday was a beautiful day and today its raining.

I'm just sayin if the world is going to end and everything...I'd kinda like it to end on a nice sunny weekend rather then a cold, rainy Monday.

End of world: Downside, end of world. Upside, Obama not reelected. Downside, fire and brimstone. Upside, no more The Bachelor. Downside, war, pestilence, death. Upside, angel food cake.

H

"Hero. I have come to respect you." "I am forced to agree with Hero here."- Chrisisall, 2009.
"I would rather not ignore your contributions." Niki2, 2010.

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Monday, May 23, 2011 10:00 AM

BYTEMITE


Well, if it helps, I have a logical exercise that suggests you all might be just voices in my head.

Squeaky helium voices, even. Not because of the logical exercise, but more just... because.

In any case, since you are all fictional versions of yourselves in my imagination, you all participated in an epic battle with a cursory similarity to an American Gladiator tournament and put the anti-christ back in the doom box before the irinim saw.

Then a guy in a linen robe and a beard wandered up and said "you durn kids, get offa my porch!" We fell about a thousand feet when he booted us off, but we had parachutes.

And that's truly for reals how we saved the world.

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Monday, May 23, 2011 10:14 AM

HERO


Quote:

Originally posted by Bytemite:
Well, if it helps, I have a logical exercise that suggests you all might be just voices in my head.


Thats crazy. We're not voices in your head. Nonsense. BTW, your neighbor is the devil.

H

"Hero. I have come to respect you." "I am forced to agree with Hero here."- Chrisisall, 2009.
"I would rather not ignore your contributions." Niki2, 2010.

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Monday, May 23, 2011 11:22 AM

BYTEMITE


Oh no!

That barbeque wasn't steaks!

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Monday, May 23, 2011 12:49 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Squeaky helium voices, even. Not because of the logical exercise, but more just... because.



Squeaky helium voices? You may have us mixed up with that guy who wrote "You Light Up My Life". (Seriously. Look it up.)


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Monday, May 23, 2011 12:51 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Pretty sure Randy "Macho Man" Savage saved us all. He battled The Jesus and reigned supreme. Then he snapped into a Slim Jim as he slipped this mortal coil...

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Monday, May 23, 2011 2:48 PM

STORYMARK


Thank you, Randy.



"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."

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Monday, May 23, 2011 4:10 PM

ROCKETJOCK


Breaking News from MSN:

Quote:


RADIO HOST NOW SAYS JUDGMENT DAY COMING IN OCTOBER

ALAMEDA, Calif. — California preacher Howard Camping says his prophecy that the world would end was off by five months because Judgment Day actually will come on Oct. 21.

The independent Christian radio host said Monday the apocalypse will come five months after May 21, the original date he predicted.



So, come October 22nd, how much you want to bet he'll claim that it was the prayers of the faithful that convinced God to put things off again?

Cross-Reference the Following: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Prophecy_Fails

Not sure he'll follow the above referenced strategy, but the one thing I'm sure he won't say is, "I was wrong." It's just not in the mindset.



"The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary; it causes one to suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other con man. But it's lovely work if you can stomach it."
-- Lazarus Long (Robert.A. Heinlein) Time Enough for Love


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Monday, May 23, 2011 5:22 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


So, five months from last Saturday, eh? With a margin of error of plus-or-minus 8 billion years?

Sounds pretty close.

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Monday, May 23, 2011 7:17 PM

DMAANLILEILTT


I was gonna say Chuck Norris, but Randy works too.

"I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?"

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011 5:55 PM

KANEMAN


Quote:

Originally posted by RocketJock:
1. Read the Bible, look for loopholes.

2. Assemble appropriate playlist. My suggestions:
--“It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” - REM
--“Knockin on Heaven’s Door” - Bob Dylan
--“I Feel the Earth Move “ - Carole King
--“Waiting For the End of the World” - Elvis Costello
--“Apocalypso” - Jimmy Buffett
--“Dust in the Wind” - Kansas
--“Eve of Destruction” - Barry McGuire
--“Spirit in the Sky” - Norman Greenbaum
--“Robots for Jesus” -Celtic Elvis

3. Take some old clothes, lay out on local fundamentalist’s front porch. Ring doorbell, yell, “Hallelujah!” and run away. (Fill shoes with dry ice and water first for added effect.) For extra points immediately reverse course, stroll casually by as they gawk, and say, “Wow, you got left behind too? Bummer.”

4. Go to local library or book store, move the “Left Behind” series from fiction section to current events shelf.

5. Enjoy a home theater Film Festival:
*“Armageddon”
*“End of Days”
*“2012”
*“Apocalypse Now”
*“When Worlds Collide”

And hey, if it doesn’t pull off, just relax. It’s not the end of the world.


"With a Bible on my knee/I'm living for the prophecy/I can't wait/'till I hear that sound/I can't wait/for the final battleground/I can't wait/to call out his name/when the world goes up in flame/Whoosh!" -- Celtic Elvis, "Robots for Jesus"





HILARIOUS....man, I have not laughed in days....Wish i didn't miss this when posted ...funny shit

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011 6:23 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by dmaanlileiltt:
I was gonna say Chuck Norris, but Randy works too.

"I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?"



Randy works better, because he died that day. He got raptured for your sins!

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011 6:43 PM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.


Have you ever wondered why the all-powerful, unknowable universal forces are so tied to our calendars and clocks and solar system events? 12 midnight (GMT?), solstice, full moon? I mean, I just have this vision of the almighty forces looking at their wrist watches and tapping their fingers, waiting for the hands to reach 12 ...

Anyways, I'm ready for another partaaaay!

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Tuesday, May 24, 2011 6:58 PM

KWICKO

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." -- William Casey, Reagan's presidential campaign manager & CIA Director (from first staff meeting in 1981)


Quote:

Originally posted by 1kiki:
Have you ever wondered why the all-powerful, unknowable universal forces are so tied to our calendars and clocks and solar system events? 12 midnight (GMT?), solstice, full moon? I mean, I just have this vision of the almighty forces looking at their wrist watches and tapping their fingers, waiting for the hands to reach 12 ...

Anyways, I'm ready for another partaaaay!




It's because the whole universe revolves around us. Americans, I mean. Jesus was an American, after all. Jesus of Nazareth, Pennsylvania.

(Actually that's the title of a story idea I'm working out: "Jesus of Nazareth, PA")

"Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservatives." - John Stuart Mill

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011 4:35 AM

HERO


Quote:

Originally posted by Kwicko:
So, five months from last Saturday, eh? With a margin of error of plus-or-minus 8 billion years?


Its kinda like the debt ceiling. Time was up but God can move some money around and play with refinancing and poof, we get a few more months.

H

"Hero. I have come to respect you." "I am forced to agree with Hero here."- Chrisisall, 2009.
"I would rather not ignore your contributions." Niki2, 2010.

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