REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

It's the Wurst!

POSTED BY: FREMDFIRMA
UPDATED: Sunday, January 27, 2013 23:40
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VIEWED: 522
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Friday, January 25, 2013 10:00 AM

FREMDFIRMA



Rather hilarious local column, but certainly a capsule view of local driving conditions, oh indeed.

The Wurst delivery driver in Michigan
http://www.annarbor.com/entertainment/the-wurst-delivery-driver-in-mic
higan
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Quote:

I’m keenly aware of how quickly bratwurst goes cold. I blast the heat in my car and point the vents directly at the food sitting in my passenger seat. I merge onto I-94 and, kids, do as I say not as I do, average 87 mph until I hit my exit. I exit, drive a reasonable speed on Huron heading for downtown and almost don’t hit the brakes in time to avoid a car swerving into my lane, cutting me off, then swerving three lanes over into oncoming traffic, smoke billowing out of the front of the car.

Huron is four lanes wide and at our current location, the maniac car and I were three blocks from Main Street. At midnight, there’s still plenty of traffic on the streets. I whipped out my phone and dialed 911, connecting with the operator just as the car in question stopped completely in the far right lane across from the YMCA. I pulled into a parking lot and while describing the vehicle and the situation, the the car made a lazy three-point turn across all four lanes and headed back towards Seventh.

The delivery driver’s oath (I assume) contains a clause about chasing maniac cars while on duty, so that’s just what I did, narrating my pursuit to the 911 operator and watching the perp weave in and out of the correct two lanes and into the incorrect oncoming lanes. It turned right on Seventh, narrowly missing a man taking out his trash, and came close to clipping an oncoming car with its lights flashing and horn blaring. The 911 operator warned me to keep my distance, but justice had to be done.

The front driver’s side of the vehicle was bashed in and the smoke billowed from a completely shredded tire, sparks flying off the rim. The car took another few turns into a neighborhood, then pulled over on the wrong side of the road and stopped. I parked nearby and reported this development to the operator, who suddenly seemed much less interested in my adventure. She took my name and phone number and hung up.

I turned my car off and waited for the cavalry. But no cavalry came. Three minutes. Five. Eight. No patrol cars. I smelled the bratwurst and remembered I was a delivery driver. The first point in the delivery driver’s code—deliver. I took a lazy drive past the car, surveying the damage and unable to peek into the semi-tinted windows, then sped to my destination and completed my delivery, the food still fresh and warm and the customers happy.


Feh, all the cops were prolly too busy roughing up homeless people and terrorising medical marijuana users I guess.

Of course, street racers having blown an engine and trying to get out of dodge isn't the half of it, throw in the "Clovers" (thank Eric Peters for the term) and dipwads with their SUV let's-pretend-it's-not-a-minivan game and thinking it's exaggerated capabilities equate to magical abilities to defy the laws of physics, ending up in the ditches aside I-94 in freakin piles, compounded by folks too damn old to drive safely and too damn arrogant to admit it...
It gets nuts on the roads around here, especially when it snows cause despite the fact that they LIVE IN MICHIGAN (Helllloooooo, it SNOWS here, duh!) not a damn one of em seems to have any IDEA how to handle it, which endangers everyone around them as they STOMP the gas, spin spin slide, oh-no-oh-no, STOMP the brakes, slide-slither-slider, STOMP the gas... later, rinse, repeat, till they wind up in the ditch, taking you with em if they can - and there's me rather than being able to use momentum and the path nicely cleared by other cars having to decide whether to get bogged down behind this fool, forced to slow down to the point of absolutely and assuredly getting stuck in the middle of the road - risk letting him wipe me out too when the inevitable happens... or zoom up his tail at downright ludicrous speeds for the conditions and throw my car half-sideways in an opposite lock drift pass on heavy snow to get AROUND and AWAY from his dimwitted halfassed suicide attempt, ARRRRRGHHHHGGLLLEE!

Is it any WONDER that I treasure having what's essentially a vintage rally car with a civvie paint job ?!

-Frem

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Sunday, January 27, 2013 7:06 PM

RIONAEIRE

Beir bua agus beannacht


Funny writing, very entertaining. But not so when its your own self stuck anywhere near the car in question. take care of ... Sophie (that's your car's name right?)

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

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Sunday, January 27, 2013 11:40 PM

FREMDFIRMA



Oh I do, despite the fact that riding shotgun can be a nail-biting, brick-passing experience for the faint of heart, I've actually never hit anything I didn't mean to.
I've had about fifteen different people refer me to this scene, cause yeah, okay, it really is a bit like that.



In fact as I passed the dimwit in question at 50mph half-sideways I flipped him the bird for good measure, and him ending up in the ditch near the exit ramp about two minutes later proved that lunatic move a smart decision cause he woulda taken me out with him had I still been behind him.

Worth remembering is that my mother was a demolition derby champ several years running, and I used to do not only that, but my personal favorite is a VERY brutal form of full-contact racing called a few different things here and known in the UK as banger-racing.



I know WHERE to hit you, I know HOW to hit you, and imma do it, you betcha, lock your bumper and spintap you into the pack, PIT you right into the infield, tailslap you and nail your arse to the outside wall, or just troll you with a little bump and grind for fun - hell I once made top ten in a demo derby in a freakin YUGO... cause all of that means I know how *not* to get hit, and in comparison to dodging folks hell bent on turning your car into a friday night beercan, ducking the incompetent clueless ain't so hard.

Alas that the only failing the BMW E-30 Type has is that it handles like a hippo on rollerskates in snow, prolly cause it's too small and light to get any real traction, but careful driving fixes that, and it also means you're not likely to get stuck.

-Frem

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