REAL WORLD EVENT DISCUSSIONS

Right-Wing Group Seeks Help Rewriting the Bible Because It's Not Conservative Enough

POSTED BY: NIKI2
UPDATED: Wednesday, December 25, 2013 13:42
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VIEWED: 1174
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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 12:45 PM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


The right wing isn't happy with the new pope, and they haven't BEEN happy for a long time when confronted with a lot of what's in the Bible. So what to do? REWRITE THE BIBLE! Seriously:
Quote:

Liberal bias in the media pales in comparison to what you’ll find in your standard-issue Bibles, according to Conservapedia.com, a kind of Wikipedia for the religious right {which calls itself "The Trustworthy Encyclopedia"}. The King James Bible, not to mention more recent translations like the New International Version (NIV), are veritable primers of progressive agitprop, complains Andy Schlafly, the founder of Conservapedia.com. (His mother, Phyllis, is an activist best known for her opposition to feminism and the Equal Rights Amendment.)

But not to worry. Andy Schlafly’s group is on the case, and they have invited you to pitch in. Well, maybe not you, exactly, but the "best of the public,” whose assistance is solicited in proposing new wording for left-leaning Bible verses.

Don’t know Aramaic, Hebrew or ancient Greek? Not a problem. What they are looking for is not exactly egghead scholarship, but a knack for using words they've read in the Wall Street Journal. They have a list of promising candidates on their website— words like capitalism, work ethic, death penalty, anticompetitive, elitism, productivity, privatize, pro-life—all of which are conspicuously missing from those socialist-inspired Bibles we’ve been reading lately.

In the several years since their translation project was inaugurated, all of the New Testament and several books of the Old have been thoroughly revised. But lots still remains to be done. If you've got a soft spot for Leviticus, the Book of Amos, Lamentations or Numbers, they are all still available for rewrite, so get cracking!

To give a sense of how to go about your own retranslation, here are some examples of changes the editors have already made.

Take that story where the mob surrounds a woman accused of adultery and gets ready to stone her, but Jesus intervenes and says, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone" (John 7:53-8:11). It might have been a later addition that wasn’t in the original Gospels, according to some right-thinking, or rather right-leaning scholars. So the editors have excised this bleeding-heart favorite from the Good Book, and they've also removed Jesus’ words on the cross, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

“The simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing,” Schlafly points out, proving that, “Jesus might never had said it at all.”

Another thing Jesus might never have said at all is, “Blessed are the meek.” Change that one to, “Blessed are the God-fearing,” the translation’s editors advise, which is far less touchy-feely than the King James version.

Where Jesus teaches that, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:24) our mentors at Conservapedia recommend that we scratch the word “rich” and replace it with either "fully fed and entertained" or, if you prefer, "idle miser," which have none of the Occupy Wall Street-ish sour grapes of the better-known translation.

When Jesus greets his disciples with the blessing, “Peace be with you” (John 20, 26), the editors cleverly change the wording to, "Peace of mind be with you," so that nobody gets the wrong idea and thinks Jesus was some kind of lilly-livered pacifist.

Likewise where Jesus says, “For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but to save it” (John 3, 17), they change “world” to “mankind,” so it is clear the Christian savior is not advocating environmentalism here. Hey, you can’t be too careful!

Finally, when Jesus admonishes hypocrites to, “Cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye,” the conservative Bible replaces the word “hypocrite” with "deceiver," since hypocrite is often “misused politically against Christians.” Good point!



Pretty damned insane, but it makes sense to them; if the Bible doesn't say what YOUR version of your religion does, heck, change it; FauxNews has proven you can LEGALLY change the "news", so it's the logical next step.

The Conservative Bible can be found at http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible. They've completed the New Testament, but there's still a lot of work to do on the Old Testament. I'm sure they'll be really proud of the result!

One of the things I love about it is that they think "new words" which are more "relevant" to us today should replace the original ones. So they have an entire section on "Best New Conservative Words". Their logic is wonderful:
Quote:

Powerful new conservative terms have grown at a geometric rate, roughly doubling every century. For each new conservative term originating in the 1600s, there are two new terms originating in the 1700s, four new terms in the 1800s, and eight new terms in the 1900s, for a pattern of "1-2-4-8". This demonstrates that the future is increasingly conservative. http://conservapedia.com/Essay:Best_New_Conservative_Terms


It's really quite fascinating, and an amazing glimpse into the mind of the hard-core right wing. They will now have something to point to when people claim they aren't thinking or behaving like Christians...according to THEIR "word of God", they ARE!

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 1:56 PM

WISHIMAY


My neighbor called me over yesterday to try and guilt me into being a better Christian when she has no idea what or if any religion I come from and used my daughter to try and manipulate me into putting up a tree and decorations. And this is one of the nicer ones I've met here... I just don't get it...I would never presume to tell anyone else what religion to follow for my own comfort.

I think they got it wrong...Hitler is coming, not Jesus, and this time it'll be under the guise of making us ALL better Christians for a better world....


P.S. Hubby says (sarcastically) There's so such thing as a Christian Extremist, just Christians and those that ain't Christian enough...

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 3:32 PM

BYTEMITE


I thought they'd already done this, only they renamed Jesus "John Galt."

Although religion and belief IS what you make of it, not what others tell you it is. Frankly I have no reason to prefer a 2000 year old version to a modern version. I only need to know both are merely religious stories and that I disagree with both.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 3:48 PM

BYTEMITE


Quote:

I think they got it wrong...Hitler is coming, not Jesus, and this time it'll be under the guise of making us ALL better Christians for a better world....




Heh. Presuming Hitler as an anti-christ figure, that's not far off from what the bible says will happen.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 4:42 PM

WISHIMAY


Can I go ahead and opt out of the whole End Of Days thing now then?
I've got a headache...


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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 5:12 PM

1KIKI

Goodbye, kind world (George Monbiot) - In common with all those generations which have contemplated catastrophe, we appear to be incapable of understanding what confronts us.


It doesn't surprise me.

I've wondered quite a while now why so called Christians seem so fixated on the Old Testament, with all its damnation and fire and brimstone. Not to mention stonings and whatnot. I thought Christianity was the religion of Christ - he of the New Testament - who said that what came before was henceforth in the past, and he was the new way one should follow. * I * am the way, the truth and the light, etc. I guess those folk just couldn't ignore the NT any longer, and now that they're thinking about it ... maybe it could use some fixin'. Maybe it should be more like the OT. That thing Jesus set aside.

I've also wondered for quite a while how it is that people like rappy and geezer can so steadfastly deny reality and distort evident facts to be more to their liking. Now here's a whole new example of the same process in action to study. Not that I claim to be a Christian or anything like that - it's just an interesting thing to see.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 5:40 PM

AURAPTOR

America loves a winner!


Quote:

Originally posted by Wishimay:
My neighbor called me over yesterday to try and guilt me into being a better Christian when she has no idea what or if any religion I come from and used my daughter to try and manipulate me into putting up a tree and decorations. And this is one of the nicer ones I've met here... I just don't get it...I would never presume to tell anyone else what religion to follow for my own comfort.

I think they got it wrong...Hitler is coming, not Jesus, and this time it'll be under the guise of making us ALL better Christians for a better world....


P.S. Hubby says (sarcastically) There's so such thing as a Christian Extremist, just Christians and those that ain't Christian enough...



Puritans were against the idea of Christmas festivities because there is no mention of any such celebration for that event in the Bible.

The first state to recognize Christmas as a holiday was Louisiana, back in the 1830's. It wasn't until 1870 that Christmas became a national holiday here in the U.S.

We call can thank a intermingling of Pagan, Viking, German and Roman festivals for what we today recognize as Christmas.

Fathom the hypocrisy of a government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured... but not everyone must prove they are a citizen

I'm just a red pill guy in a room full of blue pill addicts.

" AU, that was great, LOL!! " - Chrisisall

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 6:13 PM

BYTEMITE


Quote:

Originally posted by Wishimay:
My neighbor called me over yesterday to try and guilt me




Hey Wish, you should bust out some of my patented anti-missionary one-liners to discourage your nosy neighbor.

such as:

"Oh hi! Come on in! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU."

"Don't disturb the chalk outlines, the police say it's part of their ongoing investigation."

"Have a cookie! I promise they're not even poisoned!"

"You're just in time, we're sacrificing chickens to Ayida Weddo!" (Unseen computer playing chicken noises and drumbeats in the background)

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 6:54 PM

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT


Quote:

Originally posted by Wishimay:
My neighbor called me over yesterday to try and guilt me into being a better Christian when she has no idea what or if any religion I come from and used my daughter to try and manipulate me into putting up a tree and decorations. And this is one of the nicer ones I've met here... I just don't get it...I would never presume to tell anyone else what religion to follow for my own comfort.

I think they got it wrong...Hitler is coming, not Jesus, and this time it'll be under the guise of making us ALL better Christians for a better world....


P.S. Hubby says (sarcastically) There's so such thing as a Christian Extremist, just Christians and those that ain't Christian enough...



Buy yourself a Star of David, hang it in your front window, greet her with "Shalom!" or "L'chaim!". See what happens. If pressed, tell her you're still waiting for The Messiah.

Warning! This advice may be hazardous to your health, mental or physical.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 6:56 PM

BYTEMITE


You can also wear white robes everywhere, smile vacantly all the time, make up some silly hand gestures, and ask her if she's heard The Message From The Great One.

Also try to be randomly holding power tools whenever she sees you.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 7:05 PM

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT


The Conservative Bible came up here once before. I researched it then. I checked their version of the Christmas story, Luke ch.2. The King James (traditional version, beloved otherwise by Conservatives because it's in English, proving the superiority of the White Anglo Saxon Protestants) says Joseph and Mary went up to Bethleham " to be taxed." Direct, blunt language. More recent, informed, liberal versions say to be "registered " or "enrolled" in the great census.


The Conservative Bible then used "enrolled" ,and mentioned submitting to captation.( Which, it explained in a FOOTNOTE, was not only a head tax, but also required the taxpayer to show up in person to pay it, so the government could evaluate that taxpayer as a potential draftee-- that's the registered part.

They were so Conservative that they wouldn't even use the word "taxed" because that might imply that a government had the authority to tax the Father of God. Which might imply that Uncle Sam (or even Uncle Obama) had the authority to tax THEM.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 7:06 PM

BYTEMITE


If all else fails, ask me, I can enlist some help of some friends of mine who are furries to put together a questionable looking newsletter you can print. Apply a fake postal label on it with your name and address, then put it in their mailbox. Watch hilarity ensue.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013 11:06 PM

WISHIMAY


Believe me, nothing would give me more pleasure than to mess with people. I used to where we lived before, but unfortunately it doesn't just affect ME now...They would gladly take it out on my kid and have already done so in little ways. She has to deal with so much crap already... Everyone knows everyone or is related (literally) to half the county. For the time being I have to walk in line and play pretend, but the day is coming -and that right soon- and I shall go a monstering

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013 9:46 AM

NIKI2

Gettin' old, but still a hippie at heart...


Deepest sympathies, Wish. I wouldn't put up with it for a nanosecond. When the Jehovas show up, I smile sweetly, say "thanks, but I'm Buddhist, have a lovely day" and start closing the door before they can get another word in. With a smile. Only takes a minute.

Of course, after some 38 years in this house, I know maybe three of our neighbors to say "hi" to and maybe four more to wave at--some wave at me when I pass in the car and I smile and wave back, with no idea who they are (I think the huskies hanging out the door make us known), so we really don't give a damn anyway...


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Wednesday, December 25, 2013 11:32 AM

WISHIMAY


Quote:

Originally posted by Niki2:
Deepest sympathies, Wish. I wouldn't put up with it for a nanosecond. When the Jehovas show up, I smile sweetly, say "thanks, but I'm Buddhist, have a lovely day" and start closing the door before they can get another word in. With a smile. Only takes a minute.



Believe it or not, I have a family member that is a Jehovah's Witness. On the whole they're decent people, except for the whole trying to talk me into converting EVERY DAMN TIME I SEE THEM, but Christians do it too, so I'm used to that. It's probably where I get my intolerance to people thinking just because I'm young I'm fair game for brainwashings. I get it from both ends. I can't imagine being a Witness or a Mormon and knocking on people's doors today. I know one was shot at recently in Kentucky. I tried explaining to this relative that with the internet going door to door was pretty silly, not to mention dangerous, and that if anyone did want to convert they could learn everything they ever wanted to know on the internet and pick up the phone, but I don't think I got anywhere...I recently had to install a gate on my back porch with a "no trespassing" sign because this relative was given my address, and I highly recommend that to anyone who really doesn't want to be bothered at nine in the morning on a Saturday

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013 12:06 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.


Oh, I either shut the door... politely but immediately, as I would for real-estate agents and other door-to-door salespeople... or, if I have time, I welcome them in for a long and confusing (for them) conversation which I drag out for 45 minutes as they start to anxiously look at their watches. And then, just before I release them, I tell them it's so good to talk to someone who is concerned about the state of the world.

WISH, if you don't feel good about closing the door, hand them cookies and wish them Merry Xmas, or Happy New Year, or Happy Easter... or whatever Xtian holiday is nearest... just before you shut the door in their face. They'll be sure to be confuse them!

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013 12:22 PM

NEWOLDBROWNCOAT


When asked by ANY evangelizing person, I actually do reply, "I have a church that I'm happy with, that I attend on a regular basis." I actually did regularly attend one for almost 10 years, and my daughter keeps looking around for a new one. I periodically attend with her.

If that doesn't shut 'em up, they're trespassing on MY religious freedom and rights, and they deserve whatever they get.

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013 1:42 PM

SIGNYM

I believe in solving problems, not sharing them.


Anyway, we've gotten a rather long way from the OP.

The Bible has been rewritten and misinterpreted many times already. I remember, when I first moved to CA, seeing the bumper sticker Prosperity Your God Given Right and having a profound WTF moment. That was very different from what I read in the NT. The few evangelicals whose brains have not been totally turned to mush have been conflicted for a long time over the mismatch between their official teachings and what the NT actually says.

It's difficult to tell what the original NT might have been like. Scholars have gone thru the NT and have tried to pare away additions and reinterpretations. But as far as they can tell, Jesus was the original hippie, with a real grotch against the wealthy. (The Jews of the day were disappointed, they were looking for a revolutionary who would free them from the Romans. But they didn't want anyone attacking their Pharisees and money-lenders... the Wall Streeters and televangelists of their day.)

Is this re-write- by the wealthy and for the wealthy- hypocritical? Of course it is. Is it being driven by the basest of motives? Absolutely. Will it be taken up by the toothless and nearly homeless know-nothings of the south and midwest, as if it were a safety-vest in a storm-tossed sea? Most likely.

All you can do is try to reach the young. By the time people are in their 20s, their basic morals (What is fair? What is wrong? How should I approach the world?) have been mostly programmed in and are only changed with extreme effort.

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