GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables--Ride On

POSTED BY: TRISTAN
UPDATED: Thursday, September 21, 2006 20:34
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 3133
PAGE 1 of 3

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:22 AM

TRISTAN


Another Imponderable thread.
Last thread:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=24078&m=381319#381319

Post and enjoy!

______________________________________


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:25 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


*does happy cartwheels through fresh shiny thread*

Added to my loss of waist inches, I just weighed myself. I am only five pounds away from where I was before my breakup, and only ten-ish pounds away from where I was two years ago. My energy is up and I'm starting to feel like myself again!

And MsG, I just got some mango ginger lip balm. It smells really yummy, though I don't know about taste. I think an extra little taste would be sexy and fun, though.

http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. - Gautama Siddharta

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:26 AM

KELKHIL


Firstyness....firstyness...firstyness.
*Sung to Jitterbug*

Edit: Darn you PR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelkhil

The Shirtless Forsaken

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:29 AM

TRISTAN


Alright, happy imponderables, anyone? We still have MSG's question about lip gloss...


______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:30 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Tried posting in last thread and it got all locked up and such. Whats up with that. Still sick, at work, and locked out. I'd scream but I might make a mess. Still tryin' to catch up.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:38 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


NVG! You're alive! I'm so sorry you're sick, and yet so happy you're alive!

http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. - Gautama Siddharta

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:39 AM

MSG


oh poor NV- we've missed you desperately :) HUGS and such...I shall make you virtual tea, though I wish I could have made you real tea and chicken soup and such and brought it to you...when will those dratted transporters get invented?

PR- ooh Mango lip gloss sound nummy...I have coffee, caramel, cherry, raspberry, tart orange, sugar cane, and glacee...


Now FMF- tell us of your exotic travels and the men who followed you around:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:41 AM

SPACEANJL


Am posting in the recipe thread again...

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:45 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.


I love raspberry! Probably my second favorite flavor. For anything!

*brews NVG some raspberry tea*

http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. - Gautama Siddharta

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:53 AM

TRISTAN


NVG, it is indeed good to have you back amongst us. I find when the site locks up, that wandering away from your desk helps.

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 6:56 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


I'm a little mifffed. Even you shiny online folk offered to codle me for a bit. Saturday and Sunday are a mere blur to me. I was smelling food and thinkin' all funny those days. Guess the fever was worse than I thought. No one helped me much. I got to hear how a friends friend did something stupid and selfish and got coddled for his efforts. But I knocked my ass out all week for other folks and ended up sick, taking care of myself, and really pissed off. Guess anger can carry a person far. Just tired of doing and getting F-ed in uncomfortable places for my efforts. Not even a kiss to show for it.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:12 AM

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE


I'm writing this as I have a moment here and there this morning (yay for long load and compile times!), so hopefully it won't be too disjointed...

I hate to drag the ChrisMoorhead and Ladder Theory thing into this shiny new thread, but I thought I should explain my part in things. After thinking on it overnight, I find that I agree with most of the theory behind the Ladder Theory. I do think that most single men and women rank others they meet based on their own personal scale, and most have a rank below which they wouldn't consider dating/marrying/sleeping with that person. But I do have some very specific issues with the Ladder Theory as presented:


1. The spelling and grammar. I know I mentioned this before, but it really is atrocious. A good deal of my work revolves around sociological theory, so I spend a lot of time talking with PhDs about real sociological theories and statistical findings. Maybe I've been spoiled by these published professionals, but I stand by my initial reaction: even if Ladder Boy's tone wasn't so misogynistic, his theory still wouldn't be taken seriously by anyone with any familiarity with real sociological theories. You simply can't misspell "physical" and mix up plurals and possessives and expect to be taken seriously.


2. Casting all women as "bitches" and all their actions as evil. I can't stand it when women talk about men in this way either, but this is by far the worst I've ever seen from either gender. I mentioned this yesterday, but I'd like to clarify a bit. Like I said above, I do think that Ladder Theory is correct as far as men and women ranking others. I do not think this is evil. (I don't agree with the presented criteria that go into these rankings, but I'll get to that in my next point.) After the ranking phase, I think there's a general break down of communication between the ranker and the rankees. Women don't know how to subtly communicate their preferences to men -- who would have guessed? I guess women really are from Venus. This communication issue is a two way street, and much has been said recently about women learning to read men's signals, in books like "He's Just Not That Into You". Men apparently aren't any better at reading women's signals.

I can accept all that as fact. The point at which I have a problem is when Ladder Boy takes this natural phenomenon of both men and women ranking each other, and the long-established communication issues between the genders, and says that therefore 99.999% of women are bitches. Just because you don't understand my subtle signals does not make me a bitch. It likely means that you are a man and I am a woman, but that's it. No evilness should be implied there.


3. Disregard for variations in ranking criteria between individuals. Ladder Boy seems to have had experience with a very specific subset of women, and has drawn conclusions about 99.999% of women based on his observations (I won't even waste the time breaking down the flaws in his method -- see point #1 above). I think that most people, or at least people who are actively looking to get into a relationship of one sort or another, do rank each other, but I think the criteria for the ranking varies widely based on the individual. There are some aspects that are more important to some people than to others. For some people, dating and marrying within their religion is highly important, so someone who might otherwise score a perfect 10 is dropped below the "would date/marry/sleep with" line.

To bring this point home, try this example on for size: Ignoring for a moment their respective Significant Others, if you were given the choice to date/marry/sleep with one of these two, who would you choose -- Brad Pitt, or Joss Whedon?

As a life-long geek, I have in the past (and would in the future, were I single) turned down guys who are not as geeky as I am, and I've counseled my two younger sisters to do the same. Both of my sisters are big gamers, like anime, love Firefly, play D&D, can quote geeky movies from one end to the other, have worn costumes to movie premiers, and own their own sets of color-coordinated dice. Any guy who doesn't adore and cherish my sisters' geeky qualities is not good enough for my sisters, as far as I'm concerned. (For my own part, I met my husband because we both work in the same geeky industry, and got to know him over a weekly D&D game. He gave me a set of pink and red dice our first Valentine's together. The list goes on and on. )

My point in all that is that we each have different priorities, and thus different criteria on which we base our rankings. Several of our wonderful guys here have mentioned that sexual attraction is not that large of a factor in their rating criteria, and I don't think they're being dishonest with themselves. I do think that anyone who is looking to get into a relationship has a set of qualities they are looking for in a Significant Other, but I'm bothered by how little variation in these qualities the Ladder Theory recognizes.


4. The belittling of friendships between men and women. I haven't read through the entire site, but I've skimmed every section, and the idea that men and women can't be friends comes up again and again. In one section, Ladder Boy refers to friendships between men and women who are taken as "conditional". Now I agree with the general idea here -- despite the time and effort I've spent forging friendships with men (including getting past the "drool phase", like I mentioned yesterday), I do recognize that if I were to suddenly become single, those friendships would likely not continue on in their current form. I recognize that these friendships are predicated on the idea that I am not available, and so therefore could be considered "conditional friendships."

However, I don't think that makes these friendships any less real. Just because I will die someday doesn't mean I'm any less alive today. Right now, at this very moment, I am friends with these guys, and that is all that matters. If some major shift happened in my life that left me single, I wouldn't expect those friendships to go unchanged. I would expect my friendships with my female friends to go largely unchanged, and I recognize the difference there. I just don't think it's fair to trivialize the friendships with men that I have today. There is life on the far side of sexual tension, and it bothers me that Ladder Boy doesn't seem to recognize that.


As far as my issues with ChrisMoorhead go, I didn't go into that conversation thinking he was a troll, and I don't think I attacked him with my post about the Ladder Theory. I came to the conclusion that he is likely here just to stir up trouble and/or be the center of attention -- a conclusion that was solidified by his accusation that Tristan is actively trying to make everyone else hate him. I've been online for a long time, and I have very little patience for trolls and drama queens. I love that I've seen very few arguments on the Imponderables threads, and I for one would like to keep it that way. I find the best way to discourage drama is to ignore the drama, and so that is what I will do.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:24 AM

TRISTAN


Damn, NVG...I don't know what to say except I am sorry you were ill, and hope we didn't add to the problem. If so, I apologize profusely.

CK, amen.

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:30 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Y'all are the only ones I have to vent with. Thanks for the concern folks. Browncoats rock.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:35 AM

TRISTAN


Vent, my brother, vent. Then come join my for a Guinness and some chocolate.

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:42 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Chocolate and beer. The whole duality of man thing. I love it.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:44 AM

MAL4PREZ


Hi all and greetings from Orlando! I'm at a really boring science conference. I just skipped lunch to swim, and now I'm holing up in my room to 'work'.

Just caught up with the drama - yikes! I know you all just want it to end, but I missed it all, and it's got me thinking, so...

I didn't read the Ladder thing page - I know it would just annoy me. I see a lot of this as being a problem of people living their lives based on what their gender is supposed to be, and what the opposite gender is supposed to be, instead of judging each person as an individual, whether indoor or outdoor plumbing.

Chris has made some statements that make it sound like he's never been in a romantic relationship, maybe never had sex. I feel like he's never known a woman as an individual, really been aware her as a human being and similar to him. Therefore he (and the Ladder guy, judging from what you guys have said about the webpage) have this idea of what women are based on the media. And that's just not a good thing.

I really hope these poor guys can drop their barriers and judgemental attitudes enough to really get to know a woman, and see how much of that stuff that goes into movies and TV shows is just crap. Women aren't evil. We're a lot like you in the ways that are really important!

This is something I'm learning - though I've dated and had sex, I've never had a really emotionally intimate relationship before, and that has changed lately. I've always had some bad preconceptions about men (leftovers from childhood) and this man is proving me completely wrong. And let me tell you - he's totally a man! Beer-drinking motorcylce riding badass grrrrr, but he's not "after me" just for sex and I didn't judge him on the first date based on is he hot and will I do him? OK, he's hot, but really mattered was how we interacted.

Another funny thing - I just heard from an ex, a guy I was friends with a long time then dated for a while. It don't matter that he's XY and I'm XX - we should not have dated! I think we'll be friends forever, because we enjoy eachother's company, but romance doesn't work between us.

I am woman, he is man, and we are friends. That's all. Put that in your ladder and smoke it!

Anyway - good to catch up with you all!

And did someone say guiness?

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:51 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


I hope to be lucky enough to find a woman willing to accept my manlyness the way you have. I ain't lookin' to be changed. I just want to fall and work things out from there. Good for you M4P. You are a true woman. Thanks for showing that they really exist.
And yes, Tristan did say Guinness.
And chocolate.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 8:59 AM

MAVOURNEEN


Hi NV-

I thought of you yesterday...while grocery shopping! I was at my local Giant Foods and was browsing in the Halloween aisle. They had a thing - a decoration, I guess you could call it- of a skeleton wearing leather riding a motorcycle and it looked exactly like your signature. Made me smile. Good to see you back. And yes, good women do exist.

Mal4Prez- I like what you said - "put that in your ladder and smoke it!" Ha!

This site has been acting wonky all day - this is the first time I've been able to post. I was over at serenitymovie for a while, but like it here. This is home.



"Have you ever been with a Warrior Woman?"

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:02 AM

MSG


NV- I just wish I could do more than make you virtual soup.

Hey after reading some of those Cosmo confession I begin to wonder about my gender...YIKES those women have issues...but I will say the most embarrassing stories are great.

M4P- good to see you sweety:)

Ok I love my 5th period so much!! ( students in my 5h class of the day) They are so sweet and so responsive and great!!! couldn't ask for better. They just brighten my day right up.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:03 AM

JPSTARGAZER


Well I'm not defending Ladder Guy, but he did state he was drunk as he typed it. He also makes many little jabs at his theory in general that lead me to believe he doesn't take it completely seriously (come on, the whole hypotenuse and "ladder space topology" comments were funny).

Now I'm not defending him or the site, but I think the whole reason he did this was to a.) be able to say in bars that he's the "Ladder Guy" and b.) to upset women hoping to get their attention as well as the attention of the guys who read this and go "he's so right, it's like that one time [insert drunken rambling here]."

I just think it's kind of funny, and I'm not afraid to say that because I know that I personally am not misogynist, nor do I think 99.999% of women are...well, you know. So I guess I'm able to just ignore most of it, and chuckle at a few parts.



"All I got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth...the rest is up to you"
--Bono

NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:04 AM

TRISTAN


Well, hello, Mal4Prez! Yes, help yourself to a Guinness! Missed you in the Imponderables lately...hope you're back for awhile!

NVG, I really do hope you find what you are looking for. You deserve happiness.

Mavourneen! Haven't seen you around in awhile, either. Hope all is well.

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:08 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


That's the one and only MAV. Thanks for thinking of me. Thought I had that feeling.

Friend soup is cool. Just wonder what wife soup tastes like. Good thing I have the recipe.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:13 AM

MAVOURNEEN


Tristan- good to be back- my computer / this site was acting up. I could only view posts, not respond. I was like the kid with his nose up against the glass!
BTW, I did like your use of Gaelic in the previous Imponderables thread. I tried to respond, to no avail. Any man who can use the word "inish" correctly in sentence - or any gaelic for that matter, gets a wink from me.

NV- Isn't it nice to know you were thought of all the way over here in Maryland?
When made correctly, wife soup and friend soup taste the same.

EDIT: The post below mine is not the post you are looking for. Move along.


"Have you ever been with a Warrior Woman?"

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:15 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD


Quote:

Originally posted by CaliforniaKaylee:
As far as my issues with ChrisMoorhead go, I didn't go into that conversation thinking he was a troll, and I don't think I attacked him with my post about the Ladder Theory. I came to the conclusion that he is likely here just to stir up trouble and/or be the center of attention -- a conclusion that was solidified by his accusation that Tristan is actively trying to make everyone else hate him. I've been online for a long time, and I have very little patience for trolls and drama queens. I love that I've seen very few arguments on the Imponderables threads, and I for one would like to keep it that way. I find the best way to discourage drama is to ignore the drama, and so that is what I will do.

~CK



Indeed! Who needs that attention grabbing jerk around here anyways? We're perfectly content sucking each other's virtual dicks without him disagreeing with us!

[HR]
[IMG]
It motivates me :'(

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:19 AM

TRISTAN


Thank you, Mavourneen! I try to throw in some Gaeilge whenever I can. Remember:


______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:21 AM

DAYVE


dial it back just a notch Chris

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:23 AM

MSG


OK NV- this I have to see...tell us of this wife soup:)

Mavoureen-may I just say: Is múinteoir mé.An dtuigeann tú?
Irish grandmother comes in handy:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:27 AM

TRISTAN


MSG, ooh, ooh! I know part of that...muinteor..mentor..teacher! "I am a teacher" "Understand me"?

My favorite phrase has always been "Ta gra Agam Duit"

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:30 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD


...Daffyd? Is that you? If it is, hey, sorry for hitting you in the balls so much. If it's not... uhh, you should probably just ignore what I said there.

[IMG]
It motivates me :'(

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:32 AM

MSG


Very good Tristan...I'm not very good myself, but I work on it. I'm hoping to be proficient one day:) I would have thought your favorite would be
Is breá liom caife.


Hey Dayve you might have missed it, but I asked all the guys their opinion of flavored lip gloss...turn on or turn off??? What do you think?

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:33 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Did I raise your hopes a bit? Sorry. I just snagged the recipie off of the board. But if speaking not so literally, I have a quick recipie. Can anyone say "Mail order bride"? Kidding.

So on being married. Why is it so hard for my brain to grasp the perception of being married, living with someone, having kids, paying bills. I just can't grasp it right now. Then again I can't figure out how to change my voicemail message either. Need brain!


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:37 AM

TRISTAN


MSG, thanks! I was studying to be a teacher at one point, and also semi-studying Gaeilge...so one of the words I learned was for teacher...it just took a bit of jogging to remember the path from mentor to teacher!
Um, how about "Ta Gra agam duit, caife"? Doesn't quite work, I know...

NVG, I'd offer you my brain, but it's been kinda Swissed lately.

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:38 AM

MAVOURNEEN


Quote:

Originally posted by msg:
OK Mavoureen-may I just say: Is múinteoir mé.An dtuigeann tú?
Irish grandmother comes in handy:)



Tuigim go maith - but I had to look up muinteoir.
I thought it might be teacher but I wasn't sure!

Ummm... Is troscan oifig oibri me.

Ok. that was some sh*tty Irish! How else would you say you work in the office of a furniture store???

Gotta run- the real world beckons.
Slan a fhagail ag duine, caras. Until tomorrow.



"Have you ever been with a Warrior Woman?"

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:44 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION


CMH

You have issues. You should look to them, and stop trying to agitate the others.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.

What about perfume gentlemen? I prefer a subtle floral. What scents do you all prefer? Ladies? Oh and I have been known to follw men that are wearing Aspen, just cause they are!


----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:45 AM

MSG


Hey NV- this is for you...if you think you have a problem with your brain being missing...check it out
Posted April 4, 2006, 3:23 PM CT
> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 31st anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Kathy. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser (stun gun). The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no longterm adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....WAY TOO COOL!Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Kathy what that burn spot is on the face of our microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,.. . right? There I sat in my recliner, my dog Asia looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Asia (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a old dog. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a wife-beater shirt with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself,"no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, butI'll do my best.....I'm sitting there alone, Asia looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say,"don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER,WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@ !behind!% !@*!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found,with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The dog was standing over me making whining sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself
with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-... . that hurt like heck!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses were on the blades of the ceiling fan. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock,
Daniel Dawn Massey



I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:55 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD


They can only call me a troll so many times before I start actin like one, darlin'.

It's like this one time my ex was telling me how I'm minpulative, even going so far as to call me a tyrant. And I told her to stop, but she kept doing it. An I sez, "If you keep calling me a tyrant, I'll start actin like one". "You ARE a tyrant!", sez her, so I took her most recent love interest by the throat (formerly my best friend) and punched him in the side of the head. "Take it back", I said. Continued that for about 3 strikes before she started crying and conceeded. Him? None the worse for the wear.

Course, I can't physically do anything on this board, so I'll settle for acting like a child. Issues? Hah! Not me.

[IMG]
It motivates me :'(

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:58 AM

TRISTAN


MSG, I just had to make an excuse to the office manager about why there were tears in my eyes! That was the funniest thing I have seen all day. Thank you!

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:59 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


So, how much reward are we talkin' 'bout?


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 9:59 AM

KELKHIL


LMFAO....
I had tears in my eyes after that one.
WHY would anyone even think of doing something like that?
Wow good stuff... This just points out what me and Tristan were talking about before. Other people's pain is FUNNY!

*clutches sides and attempts to wipe tears from eyes at the same time*



Kelkhil

The Shirtless Forsaken

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:05 AM

FUTUREMRSFILLION


Quote:

Originally posted by ChrisMoorhead:
They can only call me a troll so many times before I start actin like one, darlin'.
(



See either (a) you are completely screwed and we need to find out where you are and have you locked up for the good of humanity or (b) you are having a great time making an ass of yourself, which is sorta redundant since you are making an ass of yourself either way.

But taking your theory a bit farther - if I were to start telling you how sweet and reasonable and lovely you were, over and over you, by your confessed immature reaction to negative stimuli, would then become sweet reasonable and lovely?



Take a chill pill. Find others to harrass. There is nothing to see here.

Play nice or no one will want to play with you at all!




----
Bestower of Titles, Designer of Tshirts, Maker of Mottos, Keeper of the Pyre

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"



NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:06 AM

MSG


I know it cracked me up so much I had all my students ask what was so funny...I truly can't believe someone would do something that dippy, but it is seriously great reading:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:12 AM

CHRISMOORHEAD


Quote:


But taking your theory a bit farther - if I were to start telling you how sweet and reasonable and lovely you were, over and over you, by your confessed immature reaction to negative stimuli, would then become sweet reasonable and lovely?



Maybe not "lovely", but yes, I'd back off. See, I think it was just as immature for people to hurl names and insults at me all whe while I was acting as polite as possible. So I just see this as sinking to their level.

In a bit of an irony, they've insulted me less since I've started acting like a bitch than they did when I was actually being civil with them! You can call it an immature conclusion or whatever, but in the end, being mean was what got them to shut up.

EDIT: By the by, if any of you tried personally to lock me up, I swear to Christ that I'd kill you.

[IMG]
It motivates me :'(

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:14 AM

DAYVE


Quote:

Originally posted by msg:
flavored lip gloss...turn on or turn off??? What do you think?



MSG - I really don't have an opinion on this.... but I don't think flavored lip gloss would be a turn off... unless it's Cilantro flavored... not a big fan..

as a matter of fact, visit another of my favorite websites... ihatecilantro.com...... it's rather funny

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:14 AM

TRISTAN


KelKhil, thank you for tying that story in with our pain thing...I had almost forgotten about that!
Damn, that was funny, though...

______________________________________

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:19 AM

MAL4PREZ


MSG - that story is too much! Wow. And may I say - what a dumbass! ZAP!

NVG - I have every confidence that you'll find fabulousness. You know who you are and that's the big thing. You're just surrounded by silly women.

I remember once asking this thread about when to tell a new date your secrets... well, it turns out the my new guy was once married to a woman with the same issues I have (that's right CMH, you're not the only one) and it ruined the relationship. Difference is, I told him staight up, and she never told him at all. And talking about it makes it so much less a big deal.

I still got issues, but I'm working on it. And now I'm not stressed that he'll find out and run screaming, which was the Big Scary for me.

BTW, I haven't had flavored lip gloss in a long time, need to get some! I love it - only I got through it quick because I lick it off as soon as I put it on!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:24 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Those lacking fabulousness need not apply. They usually push their way to the front anyway. I need a bigger stick.


NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:26 AM

KELKHIL


Quote:

Originally posted by nvghostrider:
Those lacking fabulousness need not apply. They usually push their way to the front anyway. I need a bigger stick.




Or quite obviously a stun gun.

If Penguin is about we need a stungun emote!
*Snicker...snicker...snicker*

Kelkhil

The Shirtless Forsaken

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:42 AM

MSG


Oh that would be amazing..a little penguin with a stun gun. LOL
NV- I'm sure there's a lot of pushing and shoving in the line to get to you....maybe you need bouncers and entrance requirements...perhaps you should have them all fill out a qustionnaire and then you can pick the most qualified applicants:)

M4P- I am so glad to hear that you are doing better. You're such a wonderful girl and you deserve to find an equally wonderful guy!! HUGS

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



NOTIFY: N   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

Wednesday, September 20, 2006 10:46 AM

MAL4PREZ


Thanks MSG! I don't know about wonderful, but I'm working on it...

Where's that stungun emote? If only it could include the reading classes on the ceiling fan, LOL!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

NOTIFY: Y   |  REPLY  |  REPLY WITH QUOTE  |  TOP  |  HOME  

YOUR OPTIONS

NEW POSTS TODAY

USERPOST DATE

OTHER TOPICS

DISCUSSIONS
76th Independent Battalion Part 48
Tue, October 22, 2019 09:59 - 1885 posts
One shot on Ma(ude) Reynolds
Mon, October 21, 2019 15:02 - 1 posts
Happy Halloween
Sat, October 19, 2019 10:11 - 3 posts
North Richland Hills, TX CSTS Event Sunday, October 13 2019. Serenity Charity Screening. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog Charity Screening.
Sun, October 13, 2019 00:12 - 1 posts
THE ROOKIE PICKED UP
Mon, October 7, 2019 16:19 - 13 posts
Prodigal Son
Tue, October 1, 2019 20:47 - 4 posts
Nathan Fillion's The Rookie 2nd season starts 9/29/2019 10 pm eastern ABC
Sun, September 29, 2019 21:58 - 1 posts
Arcata,CA CSTS Event Sunday, Sept. 29th 2019. Serenity Charity Screening.
Fri, September 27, 2019 02:27 - 1 posts
Denver, CO CSTS Event Saturday, Sept. 28th 2019. Serenity Charity Screening.
Fri, September 27, 2019 02:15 - 1 posts
New Berlin, WI CSTS Event Saturday, Sept. 28th 2019. Serenity Charity Screening.
Fri, September 27, 2019 02:06 - 1 posts
Irvine, CA CSTS Event Sunday, Sept. 22th 2019. Serenity Charity Screening and the Fallen Stars.
Sun, September 22, 2019 00:43 - 1 posts
Rocker Ric Ocasek, The Frontman Of The Cars, Has Died
Fri, September 20, 2019 20:40 - 5 posts

FFF.NET SOCIAL