GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables- real wild children

POSTED BY: MSG
UPDATED: Friday, October 6, 2006 12:31
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 5152
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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:42 AM

MSG


Hey guys thought I'd start a new thread and a new thought
Here's a link to the old
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=24325#388372

Now on to the new


I choose to rise instead of fall- U2




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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:43 AM

PENGUIN


YAY!!! I'm first!



King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:44 AM

PENGUIN


YAY!!! I'm first!



King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:44 AM

PENGUIN


Triple post!




King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:49 AM

MSG


Wow we have Penguin(s) in triplicate...LOL

So to ponder- What 5 qualities do you think make a good marriage?

Mine are ( in no particular order)
1-Respect for each other
2-Forgiveness
3-Passion
4-willingness to compromise(or see the other's point of view)
5-Willingness to keep trying and not give up on each other

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:56 AM

DESKTOPHIPPIE


Flying by - I miss you guys!

I can't really ponder on marraige as I haven't been placed in that particular institution yet. I think genuine love for each other, trust and a sense of fun are important though.




More animations available at http://desktophippie.googlepages.com

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Monday, October 2, 2006 5:57 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE


whhoot! So near the begining of a thread.

Thanks, NVG, I really apprieciate that! Anyway, my mum took me to oslo for the weekend as it was my 16th birthday yesterday.
I don't take that many trips, do I?

Edit: i'm with dth, can't ponder that, as I've never been there
***************
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Monday, October 2, 2006 6:01 AM

ZEEK


Also can't ponder that one.

It would be a lot easier to list things that make for a bad marriage though

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Monday, October 2, 2006 6:31 AM

MSG


Guys and Gals just because you haven't been married doesn't mean you don't have your own ideas ( based on parents, friends, siblings, etc.) about what would make a good marriage...I mean what would you want in your marriage???

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 6:33 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Cuddling and food. What else is needed?

Godd mornong everyone. Feel a little strange this mornin'. I'll be in and out, I miss everyone alot for some strange reason.


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Monday, October 2, 2006 6:38 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE


laughter. I couldnot be married to a person who had no sense of humor.


***************
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Monday, October 2, 2006 6:44 AM

MSG


hmm well we've missed you too NV:) Hope you had a good weekend though. You've seemed very busy recently so I hope you got a chance to rest over the weekend. Also, how's the GND situation??? nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean ( sorry just saw Monty Python stuff)

oooh I can't imagine being married to someone with no sense of humor...that'd suck SBDB:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 6:47 AM

MAL4PREZ


Quote:

Originally posted by msg:
So to ponder- What 5 qualities do you think make a good marriage?

Mine are ( in no particular order)
1-Respect for each other
2-Forgiveness
3-Passion
4-willingness to compromise(or see the other's point of view)
5-Willingness to keep trying and not give up on each other



Wow, those are good. I'm new to the relationship thing, but I'm seeing how important those last two are. The first three seem more obvious to me, but I'm thinking 4 and 5 are what makes it really last.

So I guess I just agree with what you got there!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 7:00 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Nothing. Friends. I think its better that way. Trying to keep from me and my and I today, but I think my has failed.

So, I just want to run away again. There are alot of short trips and tons of work coming up soon. Got to shoot this weekend and I'm still in tunnel mode for no reason. Thinkin' I might have some crossed wires.

So, I just need to find someone who hates playing Male/Female games. Sure Yatzee and Monopoly night have to stay, but who's got time for the other games. Just irritated watching others playing the stupid games.

Kinda glad it ain't me.




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Monday, October 2, 2006 7:28 AM

MARINA


I was pondering, as I walked across Atlanta today, what the man I would even consider marrying might be like. Opportune time for such a thread.

I think MsG has the key elements, from perserverence and compromise to honesty and respect. But I think there is also a mystical element unique to every marriage/relationship. For instance, you see your friends/relatives getting married and you just don't see what they see in the other person - there is something that matches, something that compliments... Can't put my finger on it, but then again, that's why I don't date.

My biggest issue is children. I am absolutely under no circumstances going to give my children anything but my last names (I've got two, so no room for that extra middle name thing). It's impossible to start a first date with said qualification (jumping the gun a wee bit), but man. I imagine it will be the true challenge of any potential future long term relationship I might have. (awful lot of qualifications there)

I don't like the games either. The one true love of my life...well, we actually met online, when I was 15. By the time I was 17 we were living together and by the time I was 20 he had died. Five years we spent traveling the world and working out who we were. And we didn't play games. That was the beautiful thing. We had our conflicts, of course, but there was no puffing of feathers or pretending not to care or what have you. After that I had two relatively long term relationships, both of which I "attained" by playing the game (well) and both of which meant nothing to me.

Sorry for the rambling. I guess I would have to say that for me, the key element is the ability to be straightforward. Not just honest, because you can be honest and still hide things, but a) being able to differentiate between things that need to be addressed and things that are just petty and b) the ability to be totally upfront about those serious issues. I'll shut up now.

I'm very smart.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 7:45 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


For a ramble it was very well executed.
See, this is what I've been saying for a long time. With the span we have there should be a limit to the games we play. The time spent with someone should be open and honest. Sure, there is a certain amount of us that is lost, but that should not hinder the potential of our relations with others.
Admittedly so, I have the shadow of things past I wish to divulge to no one. But to those I have told they seem to love and respect me more.

KInda funny the complex I've developed lately. I can't stand compliments. Thanks to everyone who humored me last week and yanked my chain a bit. Helped me get through the weekend with a little smile.


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Monday, October 2, 2006 7:52 AM

MSG


NV- since I suck at games ( the male/female kind) I completely understand. I am so not willing to waste one second pretending to be or feel anything I don't. too big a hassle and too hard to remember what you are supposed to do and say as this mythical person you aren't...as for the flirting games, now those I love!!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:05 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Okay, thats a wholly acceptable game. For the most part.



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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:10 AM

MAVOURNEEN


When Husband asked me to marry him, he did it by bringing up a line from a musical- I think it is Oklahoma!, where the man asks the father to marry his daughter.

Father: Do you like her?
Man: I love her!
Father: No, son. I mean do you like her?

Husband said to me as he gave me the ring. "I don't just love you, I like you."

I think liking your partner is just as important as all of the things MsG said - he and I are friends, and we genuinely like each other. Passion is great, but passion itself cannot keep a relationship afloat. There has to be, more than a core of respect, but a core of like.
Besides, for most people, when kids come on the scene, passion is the last thing on your mind.


"Have you ever been with a Warrior Woman?"

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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:29 AM

MSG


hmmm interesting Mavoureen:) see I can't respect someone if I don't like them so I didn't think to put that in, but you make a very wise point:)

NV- again were I not wed I'd definitely take you...( fill in the blanks here)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:35 AM

ZEEK


Quote:

Originally posted by marina:
My biggest issue is children. I am absolutely under no circumstances going to give my children anything but my last names (I've got two, so no room for that extra middle name thing). It's impossible to start a first date with said qualification (jumping the gun a wee bit), but man. I imagine it will be the true challenge of any potential future long term relationship I might have. (awful lot of qualifications there)


I don't even understand this qualification. You don't want to give your kids a middle name? You feel very strongly that middle names are bad news? You think this will be a major issue at some point?

Personally I've never met anyone with strong views about middle names. You know...except you. That's if I'm understanding you.

Also...you're looking for a man right? Unless you're a man yourself....isn't it usually the man's last name that goes to the kids? Possibly you're from a different culture though.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:42 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE


oh, I do love that game called flirting!
whilst in the company of my male peers, I'm not sure if I ever actually stop! Its ingrained into me!

OK, not exactlly an imponderable, but nevertheless:
Your house is on fire, everyone else is out safely, what do you save? (besides your firefly boxset, of course!)

***************
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:47 AM

MSG


ooh I love that one SBDB- um ( of course after pets, husband, and firefly) I'd save my jewlery case( or maybe not as it is all insured and I could get new stuff..hmmm) ok definitely my ipod, my cell phone, and my good shoe racks with all my favorite shoes in them( yes I have more than one shoe rack- I have 3 and actually I need one more)ok I appear to be weighing myself down a lot...hmm maybe I need a cart in case of fire to throw stuff into.I can't even think about all my beloved book burning up.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:52 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


I would throw out the gun locker and ammo boxes. Don't want the Fire Dept. Hangin' back while my house burns down because of live rounds cookin' off. That and the kids' papers.


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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:54 AM

ZEEK


Quote:

Originally posted by Smartbutdumbblonde:
oh, I do love that game called flirting!
whilst in the company of my male peers, I'm not sure if I ever actually stop! Its ingrained into me!

OK, not exactlly an imponderable, but nevertheless:
Your house is on fire, everyone else is out safely, what do you save? (besides your firefly boxset, of course!)


Apparently just my cat, wallet and car keys.

A while back the fire alarms went nuts in my apartment building because someone had set off their sprinklers. After unplugging all my smoke detectors and swearing a lot cause they were still going off, I looked outside. Everyone else's alarms were going off and they were leaving. So, I felt stupid, grabbed my cat out from where she was hiding, grabbed my wallet and keys and took her to sit in the car and wait it out.

I didn't feel there was any real threat though. Don't know what gave me that impression, but I was right.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:57 AM

SPACEANJL


Actually had some kind of panic attack at this. It would have to be my hard drive, and the armful of hardback notebooks stacked against it.

Weirdly enough, I used a house fire as a life-changing event in fic. Perhaps because it is one of the scariest things I can think of.


So far, what makes my marriage work is that the H gets me a cup of tea in the morning I am a useless zombie without it, and unable to even feed my poor kitcat. In return, I tolerate a weird obsession with tools (why does anyone need twenty near identical screwdrivers, and then have to buy another, because it is 'exactly the right one' for the job?) He is not a Browncoat, but puts up with a lot of random oddness, involving a wife who stares at him blankly occasionally and mutters about gorram purplebellies.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 8:59 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE


wow, MSG, looks like you need a fireproof house! I would save my two venetian masks, my pendrive and the stuffed yellow elephant I have had since I was a baby. oh, and my schoolbooks (nothing sentimental there, I just refuse to do all that work again!)

I get what you mean, Marina. I would only refuse to take my husbands name if it was something really awful. Other than that sure!
***************
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:06 AM

MINK


Hey, I haven't gotten to do the first one yet!

Marriage, in order:
1) commitment - to the marriage, not so much the person
2) compromise - a willingness to surrender your personal autonomy in favor of the community
3) common goals and values
4) communication - this encompasses a great deal, so much that I won't even bother trying to get into it
5) copulation! (not the best word, makes me think of snails for some reason, but I figured it should start with "c"; plus I'm not sure it's absolutely necessary, but what list would be complete without it?)

To those of you who have expressed a distaste for playing games with each other, my first reaction is, you're either going to have a lot of lonely years, or you're going to get used by people who are playing games but will take advantage of your belief that they are not.

Oh, and watch Wedding Crashers ("Maybe we'll play a little game called just the tip, just for a moment, just to see how it feels")

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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:06 AM

MINK


Hey, I haven't gotten to do the first one yet!

Marriage, in order:
1) commitment - to the marriage, not so much the person
2) compromise - a willingness to surrender your personal autonomy in favor of the community
3) common goals and values
4) communication - this encompasses a great deal, so much that I won't even bother trying to get into it
5) copulation! (not the best word, makes me think of snails for some reason, but I figured it should start with "c"; plus I'm not sure it's absolutely necessary, but what list would be complete without it?)

To those of you who have expressed a distaste for playing games with each other, my first reaction is, you're either going to have a lot of lonely years, or you're going to get used by people who are playing games but will take advantage of your belief that they are not.

Oh, and watch Wedding Crashers ("Maybe we'll play a little game called just the tip, just for a moment, just to see how it feels")

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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:12 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


No freakin' crap. I pretty much understand everything you're saying. I've seen both sides of the non game thing. I just won't play back. Distance seems easier than putting up with too much poop.
I'd rather be lonely and gameless than be used as I have in the past.

So I was going through some paperwork and realized that I have been an Administrative Assistant for over three months. Kinda wierd.


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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:12 AM

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE


well, I'm off now, goodnight everyone!

***************
Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:12 AM

MINK


And now, the fire:

Cats, kids, wives - check
Firefly box set - check

I run in and grab, in order:

1) an external hard drive containing vast arrays of digital photographs.

2) my guitar that I've had since high school - I'm not all guitar-obsessed, but there's nothing else I've owned that long. If I get a chance to roll out the piano, I will. It's right by the front door.

3) whatever book I'm reading.

4) useful stuff.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:12 AM

MINK


And now, the fire:

Cats, kids, wives - check
Firefly box set - check

I run in and grab, in order:

1) an external hard drive containing vast arrays of digital photographs.

2) my guitar that I've had since high school - I'm not all guitar-obsessed, but there's nothing else I've owned that long. If I get a chance to roll out the piano, I will. It's right by the front door.

3) whatever book I'm reading.

4) useful stuff.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 9:27 AM

KAYNA

I love my captain


Hmm. Good questions. What would I look for in a potential husband? I'm not totally sure, as I have aproxamately no experience with relationships but here are a few things.

1) The ability to compromise (that is a great one MSG. Very important)
2) The ability to disagree about some things but still be ok (I like a good philosophical argument sometimes. Passion has many forms and I enjoy most of them)
3) Definately a sense of humor. But a good one not a mean or spiteful one. My mom dated a guy with a nasty sense of humor a while back and I just did not see the attraction.
4) Intelligence. Must be able to have intelligent conversations on a variety of subjects. I could not stand a fool. But not someone aroggant about their intelligence. I don't want anyone in the relationship to be made to feel inferior because of personality and IQ combinations.

Can't think of anything else just now.

As to the fire. What do I save? You're trying to make me pass out right? Here's how I reacted when I read that question.
Oh God! My books! I can't possibly save all the books I own but how can I let them burn?!?!!
And my paintings! My drawings! Ack! All my art is flamable!!! Why coudn't I be a sculptor?
And Baby Ruth of course! I couldn't leave her to the fire (it's a doll I've had since I was two. Much sentimental value. Yes she's named after a candy bar. So what!)


And Mink, did you say wives?!?
Plural?!!
Just where do you live?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Op: You're fighting a war you've already lost.
Mal: Yeah, well I'm known for that.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 10:08 AM

RUGBUG


Y'all get so busy while I'm away. Takes days to catch up. ;)

First of all: Most of you listed movies that are in no ways guilty pleasures, at least by my definitions. IMO, to be a guilty pleasure movie, it can't have been popular at any point. Red Dawn, Some Kind of Wonderful, etc are all out. But you can still have Howard the Duck. Ack! Saw that in the theater and it was just awful....

To add to my already humiliating confession of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, I will say "Excess Baggage", "First Daughter" "Bootmen", "Drop Dead Fred" and a few others too embarrassing to mention. I'm sure I have more that people would consider embarrassing, but I just consider them overlooked (Drop Dead Gorgeous, as an example).

Mal4Prez, I had a huge C. Thomas Howell crush. I love (and own) Soul Man. I saw Rae Dawn Chong (who was once, or still is married to him) in Malibu once. I was all star-struck. Sadly, he wasn't with her.

What's my sin? I'm sure a lot more than just this, but I can narrow a lot down to envy.

Successful marriage? Lots of good stuff already posted, so....



***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

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Monday, October 2, 2006 10:13 AM

MSG


Yeah I really need a fireproof house...I have ( at last count an estimated 3,275 books)and I love and re-read each and every one of them...( little booko addiction problem) SpaceAnJL- your description of your hubby makes me laugh...mine's the same way over computer stuff!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 10:34 AM

MARINA


double post! gah.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 10:36 AM

MARINA


Well,

A) I'm not looking for anyone, man or woman.
B) Traditionally, yes, children take the name of their father. Also, wives tend to take their husband's last name. I will do neither. When I have children, biological or adopted, they will have my last names. I have two, as my mother kept hers, so my children will already have four names (for instance, Bryn Rose Donnelly Donovan). No room for another name.


My parents gave me both of their last names, no hyphenation, and allowed me to choose which one I wanted to use in my academic and professional life.

Since you are right, it IS traditional for the man to receive such a privilege, I expect it will be difficult to find another (I mean, I had the one, back in the day) who will consent to that. It is extremely important to me, however, that my family names live on.

I'm very smart.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 10:40 AM

MARINA


Quote:

Originally posted by Smartbutdumbblonde:

Your house is on fire, everyone else is out safely, what do you save? (besides your firefly boxset, of course!)



I solved part of this problem by investing in four large fireproof safes, so all of my photographs and keepsakes and sentimental stuff (ok, not all, but many) would survive the fire.

I'd take my cat and the framed photograph on my desk (my grandparents - the only one that exists of them) and...well, that's probably all I'd have time for.

I'm very smart.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:00 AM

RUGBUG


In a fire I would take (if I could get to them):

A set of books by Dorothy Lyons that I read as a kid. They are no longer in print and I have all but one (There are about 12 of them). Need to get that one, but it is currently selling for $200+.

In fact, I would like to take all the Junior Fiction horse books I have amassed from my youth. There are some rare books there. I really should look into a fire proof safe for them.

I would be very sad to lose older pictures, so maybe those too. Just about everything else could go.

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:03 AM

MSG


hmm I can't think where I'd put a fireproof safe ( all the walls are covered in either bookcases or paintings) but that's a great idea. Someone suggested I put my jewlery in a safe deposit box, but I can't imagine making daily trips to the bank to get the jewlery I was planning to wear. I figure insurance should be sufficient and I have pics so I can have a jewler dupicate anything that's really important ( like my wedding ring)

Marina- can I ask why your family names are so important? I kind of like the idea of letting your kid choose which name they use. That'd be fun. When my stepdad adopted me I got to choose my middle name (well choose from a few option) wisely they wouldn't let me pick my first name as, at the time, I wanted to be named Princess Lilly...LOL I was 5.

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:04 AM

RUGBUG


Quote:

Originally posted by marina:

Since you are right, it IS traditional for the man to receive such a privilege, I expect it will be difficult to find another (I mean, I had the one, back in the day) who will consent to that. It is extremely important to me, however, that my family names live on.




Hrmmm, I don't think it would be that difficult to find someone who would consent. I had friends that were going to take HER last name, instead of his. Don't remember why they didn't, but it wasn't a matter of him not being willing. They both decided against it.

I'm not too keen on the idea of giving up my name, if it ever comes to that.

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:05 AM

JAMESTHEDARK


Games: Don't know the rules, and I'm more of a spectator anyway. I might not have a damn clue what's going on, but it's still fun watchin' people run around and injure each other.

Fire: My computer, first of all... and after that, there ain't much I wouldn't be able to replace from a fire. Not because my computer's that damn valuable, just because it has all of my writing and whatnot on it.

Relationships: As I mentioned innumerable times in these threads, I have no practical experience with this stuff, so I cannot, in good conciounce, recommend any course of action.

Last Names: My own isn't exactly common (although it is a fairly common color, especially once you head toward the equator), but still, I'm not exactly obsessed with passing it on. If I was, I'd probably have gotten married by now, be holding down a piece-of-crap job and have a barefoot-and-pregnant wife.
Needless to say, that person is practically my antithesis. If whatever woman I gain wants to keep her original sirname (which, if one thinks about it, is most often her father's original sirname. Just pointing out the elephant, you know), I say, go right ahead. Names are quite literally the least of my concerns.

Of course, I went all summer without anybody referring to me by my name; they managed only using pronouns. So take that with a grain of salt.

--------------
I ain't lookin' for help from on high. That's a damn long wait for a train don't come.

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:19 AM

MSG


It must really depend on what last name you have and what importance you attach to it. I was thrilled to give up mine ( not that I don't adore my step dad) as it was Bird...yes Bird as in tweety and I really didn't want to get my doctorate and be adressed as Dr. Bird ( sounds way too much like a sesame street character)

I have never really understood the feminist thing about not giving up your name ( which as james pointed out is really your dad's name) and if you use your mother's birth name then you are really using her father's name and so on. So it doesn't seem to matter one way or another you're using a guy's name...however if you are keeping it because your family name is really important to you,like Marina, then I say go for it and any one who can't understand if something is important to you wouldn't really make a good spouse in my opinion:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:21 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Okay, I'm forced to take lunches with my title. I think that was the point I meant to make earlier but being a dunderhead and all...

Any hoo, speaking with my bestest friend over the phone and I thought of something.

I want so bad to fall in love, but I'm thinkin' I have no clue how anymore.

Not that there are according to Hoyle rules, but it might be nice to have 'em.


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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:23 AM

MINK


Quote:

Originally posted by Kayna:


And Mink, did you say wives?!?
Plural?!!
Just where do you live?





Pakistan.

Just kidding. I was being silly. Two cats, two kids, one wife. Which is plenty, mind you.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:23 AM

MINK


Quote:

Originally posted by Kayna:


And Mink, did you say wives?!?
Plural?!!
Just where do you live?





Pakistan.

Just kidding. I was being silly. Two cats, two kids, one wife. Which is plenty, mind you.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:24 AM

MAL4PREZ


I would grab, in this order...

cat
laptop
computer harddrive
as much of the 4 carboys and 100+ bottles of homebrew as I can carry. That stuff is hard to replace, especially the ones approaching 2 years old!

Rugbug - did you see The Hitcher? Rutger Hauer and our boy C. Thomas. So cute he was, mm-mmm!!!

Re last names - I'd have a hard giving mine up. Don't think I'd do it. I've never seriously thought I'd have kids, so I'm not sure of my opinion on that. The hyphonated thing would be a bear, since I already have four syllables in my last name!

It would be cool if kids got to choose for themselves at some age. As long as the losing parent doesn't take it personally, LOL!

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:25 AM

MARINA


Quote:

Originally posted by msg:

Marina- can I ask why your family names are so important? I kind of like the idea of letting your kid choose which name they use. That'd be fun. When my stepdad adopted me I got to choose my middle name (well choose from a few option) wisely they wouldn't let me pick my first name as, at the time, I wanted to be named Princess Lilly...LOL I was 5.




Princess Lily would have been a FANTASTIC name to go through life with!

Well, when my parents married of course my mother kept her name. I'm the first of two, and before I was born my father had agreed to let me have my mother's last name. Turns out he got panicked and they compromised and gave me both. Both my mom and dad are from huge families, and yet my brother and I are the only two who are at all likely to continue the lineage. I'm sure I have a better reason than "It's important to them, so it's important to me" but that's what I'm coming up with.

I guess I just really admire my mom, which is why I took her last name when I finished high school, and which is why I want to pass it on. As for my dad's name...he cares a lot about it, his family is very complex and I won't go into it here, but it's very important for him that his name lives on, and I want to be able to do that for him.

I'm very smart.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:31 AM

MARINA


Quote:

Originally posted by msg:

I have never really understood the feminist thing about not giving up your name ( which as james pointed out is really your dad's name) and if you use your mother's birth name then you are really using her father's name and so on. So it doesn't seem to matter one way or another you're using a guy's name...



Keep in mind, however, that there is also a difference between a father and a husband. You came from your father, you're a part of him, he raised you, whatever (hence the traditional naming system). When you marry, the idea is that you take your husband's name to indicate you are now a part of HIS family. It's not so much whether it's a man's name or a woman's name, but the family you "belong" to.

That's the idea, anyways.

So, I'd just rather belong to my family and my parents.

EDIT: I know this leaves the door wide open for "what about your children, they'll be a part of your husband?" arguments, but I don't really want to argue about it :) So this is the last one on this subject

I'm very smart.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:32 AM

MSG


That's really wonderful Marina. My family sort of does that through first names ( no one in my family has a unique name. we are all named for someone who was named for someone and so on)

NV- I think the only rules left are
1-Follow your gut and your heart
and
2-be careful what you wish for

However I would like to throw in my grandmother's piece of wise advice...
"The only expectation you should ever have for a relationship is that each of you will try to do better tomorrow than you did today."


I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:35 AM

MARINA


Quote:

Originally posted by msg:


However I would like to throw in my grandmother's piece of wise advice...
"The only expectation you should ever had for a relationship is that each of you will try to do better tomorrow than you did today."



Genuinely beautiful.

And the sentiment is applicable to so many things we do in life.

I'm very smart.

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Monday, October 2, 2006 11:41 AM

MSG


Yes my grandmother is very wise... her other great saying is
"There's magic in believing"

Ok well I have to bail and such, but I will be back in a few hours ( hopefully, providing I can get to the eye doctors, get home, cook dinner, watch the finale of Stargate and Atlantis, and do a load of laundry before 9 pm) otherwise I shall return tomorrow...big hugs to all

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2



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