How to get Firefly back on TV

UPDATED: Wednesday, April 21, 2004 06:30
VIEWED: 1310
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004 5:12 AM


OK. Here's how to sell Firefly to the TV Execs.

"OK, tell me about this new show of yours."

"Well, it's Reality TV with a new twist."

"OK! I like where this is heading! Now tell me more."

"See, we take a spaceship..."

"Wait...a spaceship?!?"

"Sure, with Dubya's new space program coming in, nobody wants to do the Amazon or some island somewhere any more. Let's put them in outer space, planet-hopping."

"Sounds expensive..."

"Nah. We actually build the spaceship, but everything else is done with computers."

"Eh...OK. I think that'll work. So what do they do? Gonna vote people off until somebody is left alone as the Captain?"

"Oh, no. No voting. In fact, most of the time the job will be for the participants to find people who have been lost, kidnapped, or arrested and getting them back on the ship safely."

"Umm. OK. What if somebody doesn't work out, though, what then?"

"Shoot them."

"Shoot them?!"

"Yes. If somebody just isn't working out on the ship, the Captain will walk in the airlock, draw his pistol, shoot the offender between the eyes, and get another member of his crew to help dump the body in the desert. We tried this with another concept a couple years ago, and the viewers are still raving over it!"

" your first batch picked out, have you?"

"Yep! A guy who dresses like a cowboy but used to be a soldier..."

"Soldier...yes, definite appeal there. Go on."

"A beautiful woman who used to serve with him and can kill people with her pinky, her smart-aleck husband who is a pilot, a former mercenary who names his guns, a doctor with a shady past, his mentally disturbed sister, a guy who just spent six years in an abbey, and this really hot-looking, sophisticated lady of the evening. Oh, and this unbelievably cute engineer who can do things with a strawberry that are not to be believed."

"Wow! And you are gonna stick them all in a tin-can long?"

"We're not telling them that."

"Oh, that adds tension right there. Definitely. And what challenges do they have to pass to win the big cash prize at the end?"

"We'll set up 'jobs' for them to do. Smuggle something. Rescue missions. Skirmishes with 'bad guys'. Encounters with religious fanatics. Massive failures of the 'life support system'. Sword-duels. Cows."


"Cows are big this year. (shrugs)"

"And you think this can outdo Survivor?"

"Trust me. There is a whole group of viewers out there that will find this much more real and believable than a bunch of accountants trying to cook a snake."

"Well, it certainly is way out there, but that's the Reality TV market these days. I'll have to run it past the Big Boss, but I'd say you have a 'go'. Start assembling your people."

"I give up. I admit it. I'm a Browncoat."


Wednesday, April 21, 2004 5:20 AM


That's just crazy enough to work!


Originally posted by Talvin:
Oh, and this unbelievably cute engineer who can do things with a strawberry that are not to be believed.

Could not stop laughing when I read that.

Conquering the galaxy with terrifying space monkeys, one ship at a time...


Wednesday, April 21, 2004 5:25 AM


It WILL work.

We sell Firefly as "Reality TV", and the Execs WILL buy it.

Because they, themselves, are OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY!

They'll never know the difference.

"I give up. I admit it. I'm a Browncoat."


Wednesday, April 21, 2004 6:30 AM


"I don't think regular people will go for this. We won't get any contestants."

"Well, we could hire people to pretend they're doing all these things. Nobody would notice the difference."

"Hmm. Pretending to be reality. It's never been done before. Genius!"

"Dear diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy."






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