Blue Sun Room FILK - FILK

rushed moment

Thursday, February 2, 2006

ok i was not going to so but this is totaly in my head a mal/inara t.hing....though i think you might be able ot fit it some other pairing, but probibly not

CATEGORY: FILK    TIMES READ: 2775    RATING: 9.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Here we are again, never knowing what to say,

the silence is disturbing cause we both have things to say

Please don't look me in the eyes

cause I'm not sure that I can hide

the truth that’s looking for a way

to show that it’s alive

My heart is bursting in my chest

the words are tangled on my lips

They just can't seem to find

an escape and worse

with every second the silence in the air

makes it hard to catch my breath

The closeness of your skin

attracts my finger tips

As we get closer our eyes meet

I see fear painted on your face

reflecting on my own

Instincts make us pull away

with out a touch the moment fades

As does the silence when rushed words leave

our lips, we always leave so much unsaid

This was our last good morning

last good evening....

and our first good bye

Comments
Thursday, 02 February 2006 23:35
Will some one leave a frig'n comment!bad good anything, flame me if you wish! but come on, i almost never post poetry that i write specially romantic sort! and now that i do i see that about 40 people have read it but no one has commented?! GHA! please some one comment! Was it to dramatic? did it flow ok? i was going to make it a bit less agnsty but that is what mal and inara are. i need feed back!
ANONYMOUS
Friday, 03 February 2006 03:37
I like it, very well writen. Very romantic as well.
Friday, 03 February 2006 06:41
u put in effort
and thats good
frankly i cant be stuffed reading it
but im sure its good
Friday, 03 February 2006 07:08
I knew i should have put in more agnst, more heart ach like i had it before... oh well. ok now the question is how can i fix it? How should i change it make it more what? change how what line is fraised what ever but if any one can give it to me i would like some more detailed feed back, you know so i can make it better. or should i just make a new one? i could make another one cause my mind is swimming with insperation i just have a habbit of holding back.
ANONYMOUS
Friday, 03 February 2006 21:56
"As we get closer our eyes meet
I see fear painted on your face
reflecting on my own
Instincts make us pull away
with out a touch the moment fades"

aw i like it, old soul. those two just break your heart every time! suggestion: i think it should be 'reflected on my own' instead of reflecting.

do more!

~kaynara
TEENIERIVER17
Sunday, 05 February 2006 15:09
I really love it. It says so much about them and it's all true. That is one heck of a poem. Fabulous job.

~Christine
ANONYMOUS
Sunday, 12 February 2006 19:38
I read it, and thought "this person has great poetic ability." It's a beautiful poem. Meaningful on a wider scale, not just as fanfic pertaining to those 2 characters. Start collecting your poetry into a booklet. Print it out, staple it. Pass it out to your friends and family, as the Beat poets did. Someday those first editions will be collector's items.

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