Surreality 5
Thursday, 07 July 2005 14:47:26

Again, to those in the know...these still really aren't funny: My wife and I are painting the living room. A pleasing brownish color called Chatham Tan. The really cool thing about it (And, I'll never tell my wife this) is that now that its done, I sit on the couch with all my remotes and pretend I'm in the Batcave(TM). Doritos now claim to be better tasting. Didn't anyone learn the lesson when Coke starting tampering with things? There is a receipt taped to the desk above me in the tool room. On it is a price for a 1/4" Female Nipple....$1.01. Now, I'm not an alarmist or anything, but you'd think chick nipples would be a little pricier. I lent my Firefly out again...To fantastic results for once. Not only did my friend from work love it, he converted someone else at the same time! I bought a large Whatchamacallit bar before we drove to Kentucky last weekend...And forgot it in the van...When I found it, of course, it was melted all to hell. I picked up the bar as it slowly wilted over, and took it to my refrigerator. Later, I had a Whatchamacallit Salad! My mother decided to enter all of her grandchildren in the Catfish Festival beauty pagent last weekend. My son caught a third place. My daughter didn't place, but, the announcer called her as the winner. My daughter got the flowers, the trophy, and the tiara...the whole nine yards...for about three seconds. Then they took it all away from her and gave it to someone else. I was mad as hell about it, but I knew if I showed any emotion, then the people around would think I was mad because my daughter lost. Not the case. I was mad that I had to explain to my daughter that she didn't get a crown, after they had already given it to her. They told us later that the announcer left in tears. My response: "Good." My mother's horses managed to ruin another otherwise good vacation. We were setting off some fireworks...The horses got spooked and ran for the hills. All I wanted to do this time was ride a horse. But, my mother considers her horses too fragile after this, and my brother was the only one who got to ride. And, we didn't get to set off anymore fireworks for fear of upsetting the gorram horses. I'm beginning to like dogfood and glue more and more. I think that's all the weirdness I have in me for now...more to follow, and I'm a font! A VERITABLE FONT!!!

Why You Shouldn't Argue In Front Of The Children
Wednesday, 20 July 2005 15:11:40

This flylog is rated PG-13 for coarse language. Everyone still here? Thought so. We've been having some problems with our four year old daughter of late. If you tell her no, she flies into tears. She's been talking back a lot lately too. Things like "Madelyn, I don't appreciated your behavior lately" She responds "Well, at least I got dessert already." I don't cotton to the idea of witholding dessert as a punishment, but I was almost sold on the idea right then and there when I said "I can make sure you don't get dessert for another week." Which led to another ten minute crying spurt. It has me a little haggard and confused as to how I should proceed. You see, she spent three weeks with her grandmother in Kentucky, and this is how she came back. Her grandmother (greatgrandmother, actually) caters to her every whim and never says no to her. I can't compete with that! But, all that is just background...Here's the real story. I laugh and seethe with anger over it, and I have no one to blame but myself. Okay, I only say I'm angry so that my wife doesn't think I'm total bastard...I think what happened was funny, and that's the bottom line. My wife and I were arguing about Madelyn, and how we should discipline her. I come from a different school of thought than my wife does. When I tell my daughter to do something, the last thing I want to hear out of her mouth is "Why?" It drives me up the wall. Another thing, in a related tangent, when I ask my wife a question that she doesn't really want to answer, she responds "Because!" My children...both of them, have started doing this too...Though I often hear my daughter saying to her brother "Because is not an answer." So, I guess a little of me is going in there too. My wife was basically running me into the ground, saying that everything I was doing with Madelyn was wrong. So, I said: manwithpez: Why don't you just call me a bad father and be done with it. wifewithpez: YOU'RE A BAD FATHER! I was shocked...what do you say to that...well...Here's what you don't say to it...especially when your two year old son is sitting is his mother's lap at the time. manwithpez: Fuck you! 'lilmanwithpez: BUCK GOO, DATTY! And, believe me, he meant it! Why shouldn't you argue in front of your kids? Because you never know when your toddler is son is going to say "Fuck you, Daddy." And, what do you do after that...If looks could kill, I would be a rotting corpse in my living room, but, I could not...and I can't stress this enough...could not stop laughing at it. So, be careful what you say in front of your kids...Your wife could end up loathing you for teaching your son a new phrase, and your son will think its perfectly okay to say "Fuck you." I love my kids.