BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

ORANGEHAT

Inara Laughs(2)- Gloomy?
Tuesday, March 6, 2007

For all of you wondering why Inara is in a 'gloomy' mood. It doesn't really answer the question per say must put everything in perspective :P


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2433    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

*** I wrote two versions, both completely different. This is my true reasoning behind her 'funk', its not that something particular caused it....Well I'll leave you to read if you want the other one let me know I'll post it. ~Comments always welcomed!!!!~***

-This world is not for you-

She was an empty shell of a person. Her blood drained from her veins, her pulse beating its own sad rhythm. Inara could feel her soul draining away with every passing day. She was an object to be used over and over and over yet never discarded. Kept in a tightly sealed saran wrap tomb until the end of time. Only alive to appease the male appetite, and it was all the same. What had drawn her to this life? Her body wasn’t even hers. No matter how badly she wanted to take that broken glass shard and drag it over her pulse, to throw herself at the ground or walls, just to admire the purple her skin could turn, just to stake claim on something that should have belonged to her since birth, she couldn’t. No respectable client appreciated bruises, or scabs. It had taken her a while to realize that she was selling every part of herself, her opinions, her pride, not just her body or her company. Her livelihood filtered through the door in which her client entered and left. She was unsure as to what part hurt the most. Before or after the act, which hardened her senses to everything and everyone, when she had to turn on the sultry personality, the all-knowing love goddess. Love was not something Inara was willing to accept. She’d heard it all before, the gasps the huffing, the touching became nothing more than a touch. A fleeting moment that was getting harder to appreciate. There were no butterflies. How could she possibly be expected to appreciate love when she was forced to endorse its’ best qualities on a regular basis? It left her feeling empty, incomplete. Worse it left her feeling cheap and used up. She would never become more than what she was: a whore. The fact that Mal refused and empowered the title stabbed at her insides. When he blatantly called her one; naming her biggest fear, and even worse, when he treated her like a person. Full people would never submit themselves to such an excruciating emptiness, dressed up as a profession. It hurt that he cared, more than when he called her names, or ignored her. How could he love her, he didn’t know her, he knew her façade, the Inara she hid behind. The real person bottled up in her mind would never be as sought after as the dignified companion. It was like he was crushing every means her mind found to protect herself against herself, giving her value when she didn’t deserve. She was worth nothing, her actions and the tricks of her trade that was where the money hid. “ ‘Nara? Are you okay?” Kaylee snapped into vision as quickly as her thoughts dissolved, lurking at the edges of her mind. “Wow. You were really out of it! Thinking about a handsome new client?” Inara smiled falsely quickly blinking the shadows from her eyes tears brimming her lids ever so slightly. Kaylee was right, she had been somewhere else, definitely not sitting in the galley studying the yellow walls with the intensity of an interrogation. “Yes mei mei- I completely forgot where I was. How rude of me! Please continue. After you told him about the slanted floor he…?” She recognized the familiarity of a teacup in her hand and brought it to her face slowly, sipping down the hot liquid in hopes of warming herself long enough for Kaylee’s story. The young mechanic giggled girlishly and continued on with her lively recollection and Inara listened. Envious of the nervous chattering Kaylee was capable of when referring to Simon. She would not let the words swirl together this time, she would concentrate, drink up Kaylee’s excitement like a hungry vampire. Kaylee had more than enough personality to spare.

COMMENTS

Tuesday, March 6, 2007 12:45 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Oh...this was utterly brilliant, OrangeHat! The imagery and ideas put forth here really clenched my heart for her...the knowledge that she feels empty and that she can't fathom a way to fix it really gets one where one lives:(

However, the peak of the story - I think, at least - is Inara's thoughts on how Mal treats her. His use of the word "whore" and his treating her as a "real" person? Some of the most telling information included here...she's gone so long without some semblance of true appreciation and affection that she is lost when it's shown towards her. Makes her feel afraid, confused...angry. Definitely some Whedon-like ideas, OH;D

BEB

Tuesday, March 6, 2007 3:16 PM

KACIDILLA


this is the closest insight to Inara that i've seen in a long time! fantastic! thank you for writing it and THANK YOU for posting!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007 7:09 AM

EMPIREX


Yes, excellent insight, OrangeHat. I can't wait to read more from you.


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