BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL

HAWKMOTH

All Is Bright: Conclusion
Tuesday, December 7, 2004

The crew holds their ground, while Mal tries to regain his. Will there be a happy ending? Well, this is a Christmas story...


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2835    RATING: 10    SERIES: FIREFLY

(Notes and disclaimers with Part One)

******

Sleep didn't come much easier to the rest of Serenity's crew that night, so not very long after dawn had broken over Bountytown, they gathered in the common area for their early Christmas. After some slight awkwardness, the spirit of the season began working its own particular magic, and they were able to enjoy themselves.

The lanterns glowed brightly, and Kaylee had piped in some soft, festive music. They were all talking and laughing as the gifts got passed round. Book was presiding over the punch bowl, handing out cups of hot spiced milk, smiling paternally.

Even Jayne, a bit more bleary-eyed than any of the others, was into the spirit of things. He was handing out T-shirts--all in his size--that were garishly emblazoned with the legend: "My buddy had a good time in Bountytown, and all I got was this fei-hua shirt!"

River had put hers on immediately, right over her dress. It hung down near to her knees, but she didn't seem care, skipping around the commons in graceful little dance steps, showing it off, as her brother smiled indulgently.

Everybody was having a real good time.

Mal watched from the other side the aft hatch, trying to keep out of sight. He wasn't sure what had drawn him here after his restless night, still plagued by conflicting emotions.

Joy that it was, though, to see his crew happy and for the time being unfettered by worries, he was still feeling outmaneuvered and more than a bit pissed-off. Shepherd had pulled a fast one, no question, and his crew had rebelled in a way he'd never dreamed possible.

He'd punished them, for nothing more than wanting to snatch some happiness out of life. Damn. And here he stood, watching them pull it off, wishing he wasn't such a miserable, low-down bastard. Wishing things could be different.

But a person feeling all selfish and uncharitable had no right to be in there with them, spoiling all the fun. That wouldn't be in the spirit of the season at all.

"Mal?"

He turned, and Inara was behind him, pretty as she ever was in a sparkly gown, her hair all done up with jeweled combs. She was carrying a basket, full of various-sized packages tied with multicolored bows.

"Hey. Don't you look nice." The compliment was out of his mouth before he recalled their last encounter.

"Thank you."

"So you're speaking to me now?" he asked curtly, raising one eyebrow.

She studied him for a moment, her expression cool. "It seems I am." She gestured towards the merry group beyond. "I'm fashionably late. Would you like to be my escort?"

"Would I what?" He couldn't believe that she was asking. Never mind that part of him wanted in, wanted to share and feel that spirit Preacher had talked about. More of him didn't want to be the beggar at the feast. He looked at the gifts she held, then into the commons, where Kaylee was parading around in her T-shirt, showing everyone the brand-new tool kit Wash and Zoe had given her.

No, he didn't want to be the one to walk in there with an empty soul, empty-handed.

Inara was smiling at him coaxingly, like he was a wayward kid. She put a hand on his arm. "Come on, now."

Shame was burning on his face, he knew it; knew it was there in his eyes too. "I--can't, Inara," he said roughly. "Not my place. 'Sides, I didn't get nothing for nobody. Wouldn't be fitting."

"Oh, Mal..." Her smile turned sad, and she squeezed his arm in compassion. Her eyes went all shimmery, like stars in the black, and she sighed deeply.

His heart near about stopped beating. It was like she was looking right down inside him, trying to find the empty spaces and fill 'em, and make some of the pain that never left him go away. They could know each other fully as man and woman, yet never be as close or knowing of each other as it seemed at this moment. He wanted to reach for her, just to touch her hand and say without words what he always tried to hide with rough talk and insults...

But before he could move, she took her hand from his arm, curled those soft, delicate fingers into a tight fist, hauled off and punched him in the shoulder.

"Ben dan!" The soft look in her eyes was gone, replaced by an angry glitter. "Malcolm Reynolds, you are the stubbornest, stupidest man I have ever met! That doesn't matter one bit to them, or to me."

He stared at her, totally shocked. "Huh?"

The exasperation on her face brought back memories of his momma, of all things. She raised her hand again, and he actually flinched. But all she did was give him a firm shove.

"You get in there and join your crew. Ma-shong!"

His brain was still uncomprehending, but his feet got the message and carried him through the hatch. Inara was right on his heels, poking his back unmercifully in case he got second thoughts. They arrived the bottom of the landing with more than a bit of noise.

The clatter silenced the merry-making. Everyone looked up, with varying degrees of surprise or alarm. Except for Book and Zoe, whose twin expressions of "Don't you dare ruin this!" were particularly fearsome.

Mal stared back, trying to school his expression into one of captainy sternness.

"Uh, hey, Cap," Kaylee said uncertainly, twisting her fingers in the loose sides of her new shirt.

"Hey," Mal echoed her faintly, all too aware of Inara standing firm behind him. At least they were all looking as uncomfortable as he was feeling. 'Course, that was making him feel worse. Despite what Inara had said, it made a whole lot of matter to him, to have something he could give to his crew. A gift, he suddenly realized with a guilty twinge, that only a captain could give, worth more than anything coin or credits could buy.

He cleared his throat, trying to make it sound authoritative. "Just wanted to--to ask if y'all felt up to handling a coupla extra days dirtside. Have ourselves a real vacation."

Zoe's eyebrows went up, and Wash's jaw dropped. Book smiled--smugly, damn him, while Jayne just stared. Simon was gaping a bit, too. River was grinning like--well, like a kid on Christmas.

It was Kaylee who broke the stunned stillness. She gave a little whoop, then ran forward and threw her arms around him. "That's my mean old captain!" she said gleefully, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Mal couldn't do anything but hug her back, immensely relieved and absurdly pleased with himself. "Thank you, xiao mei-mei," he whispered against her hair.

She pulled back a little, beaming at him. "You're only a monster sometimes," she teased him boldly.

He gave her a crooked smile and hugged her again. Over her head, he could see the others looking on with approval, and knew he'd been forgiven for being such a jackass. Things were smooth now. He could let go of another piece of the past, and maybe live with Christmas, after all.

He felt a little pat on his back that didn't come from Kaylee. Inara brushed by them gracefully, and as he caught her eye, she just shook her head and whispered, "Ben dan."

It seemed like the sweetest thing she'd ever said to him.

Kaylee slipped out of his embrace as the rest of the crew crowded around him. He accepted a round of handshakes and backslaps good-naturedly, then found himself face to face with Book. This might not be so smooth.

With an uneasy smile, Mal said, "Not a word, Preacher."

Book's eyes crinkled with amusement. "Then how about two words, Captain? Merry Christmas."

Mal snorted mildly. "And the same to you," he replied, cordially accepting a cup of milk punch.

The Shepherd put down the ladle and picked up his ever-present Bible, slipping something out from under the cover. "I paid a courtesy visit to the local pastor yesterday," he said. "He very kindly allowed me to log in some time on his Cortex connection, so I could send a Christmas greeting to the brothers back at Southdown. I also managed a little information gathering while I was at it." He handed Mal a memory tab. "Flight plans and schedules for upcoming Alliance patrols in several quadrants."

"Whoa..." Mal held the tab gingerly, as if it might explode. "That's...some Christmas present, Preacher. Thanks. I think."

"Don't worry," Book assured him. "I left no tracks behind me."

"I guess I don't wanna know how you pulled this off, do I?"

Book nodded sagely. "Best you don't, son."

"Uh-huh." He smiled weakly, and tucked the precious object carefully into his shirt pocket. Such a little thing, worth so very much to him and his crew. He was grateful Book had taken such a risk for them all, though it was a bit worrisome.

Mal decided to let it pass, and settled down on the couch to enjoy the view as Inara passed out her gifts. He laughed harder than anyone as Jayne opened his--a box of very fragrant incense cones. Large ones.

"Uhh, hey--" Jayne was making a mighty effort to be polite, even as his nose wrinkled up. "Thanks." He shoved the box hastily under his chair, then handed Inara another of the king-size shirts. "Here ya go."

"Thank you," Inara said, all graciousness, winking at Kaylee as she turned away, holding the shirt up against her body. It clashed wonderfully with her dress.

Mal laughed even harder at the sight. Inara simply smiled at him.

"Bi zui!" Jayne snapped, scowling. He threw the last of the shirts into Mal's face. "Merry ruttin' Christmas!"

By the time Mal stopped laughing and got the shirt folded up, a small pile of presents had, as if by magic, appeared on the table in front of him. He looked around quickly, but nobody was near or paying him any mind. Before he got up the nerve to even think about opening them, River plumped down on the couch next to him. Her face was glowing with happiness.

"Hey, sweetheart," Mal said. He was a bit surprised but not displeased when the girl moved closer and rested her head against his shoulder, as fondly as she might do with her brother. "Havin' a good time?"

"Time to shine," she said, looking up at him shyly. "No time like the present."

"They do say that," he agreed, wondering if maybe the excitement was proving too much for her. Things seemed to be quieting down though, as folks drifted in and out of the commons.

River pulled a box wrapped in plain paper out of the pocket of her dress. "Everyone shines," she said with serene certainty. "Everyone's good, even when they're bad." Solemnly, she placed the box in his hands, keeping hers cupped around them for just a moment. "Be good," she said, gazing into his eyes with a disturbing intensity. "Be careful."

Mal couldn't help but feel a shiver run up his spine. They all knew River's sanity was still a fragile commodity, and despite their increasing fondness for her, that she'd always be an unraveled knot of mystery, with the power to unnerve them with a mere word or look.

He was feeling powerfully unnerved right now, as he took the present and cautiously began to unwrap it. The box made an ominously familiar sound that gave him another jolt of alarm.

"Whoa--hey now, this ain't right!" he protested as the sight of the label confirmed his fears. "River, honey..." He was trying his best not to frown too hard and upset her.

But she was smiling again, all joyful and child-like, patting his hand. "Be careful," she repeated. "Keep everyone safe."

Simon appeared abruptly, sitting down next to his sister and wrapping a protective arm around her. "It's all right, Captain," he said in hasty assurance. "The bullets were Kaylee's suggestion."

Mal looked down at the box of ammo, then across the room at Kaylee. She shrugged helplessly, giving him a little nod of encouragement.

"Besides," Simon continued with a wry smile, squeezing River's shoulder affectionately, "it was either the bullets, or the rather large Rose Dancer doll she fell in love with at one of the shops in town."

"Oh, well then," Mal said, smiling with relief, "thank you. Very thoughtful--and practical." He patted River's hand in reassurance. "And I will use them with great care," he promised.

She bounced to her feet, grabbing her brother's hand. "Thank you for the extra leave," she said, grinning. "Simon could really use the time off!" She dragged him away, heading in Kaylee's direction.

Their place on the couch was immediately taken by Inara, although she maintained a more discreet distance. She held one last gift.

Mal stretched one arm along the back of the couch, across the gap between them. "That for me?" he asked with feigned disinterest.

She smiled, in that infuriating superior manner that made him crazy. "It might be. I don't know if you really deserve it."

"What?" He put a hand to his chest. "Am I making a fuss? Ain't I sitting right here, partaking of this festive occasion?" He turned away from her for a moment. "And speaking of festive," he added loudly, "why the hell ain't there no eats at this shindig? Who's in charge of the food?"

"Whoops!" Kaylee broke away from her conversation with the Tams. "That'd be me. I'm on it!" She went up the stairs, two at a time.

Mal looked back at Inara, smiling benevolently.

"Oh, yes," she said. "It's wonderful the way you changed your mind."

"Or had it changed for you," Zoe commented as she strolled by, carefully not looking at either of them.

Mal shook his head, trying not to laugh. "Plots and conspiracies. I may just have to go out and find myself a new crew."

"You'd never find one to match what you have already," Inara said softly.

He dared to stretch his fingers out a bit further, to brush her shoulder for only an instant. She didn't seem to mind. "That is true."

She smiled again, in a totally non-infuriating way. "Maybe you deserve this after all," she conceded, holding out the package to him.

He had scarcely put his hand on it when a loud shriek reverberated down from the foredeck. Mal jumped up, automatically accounting for River's presence before recognizing the source of the cry. "Kaylee!" He went charging up the stairs, Simon, Inara, and River right behind him.

Up top they met Zoe coming out of the engine room. As they all converged on the kitchen, Wash and Book were already there, frozen in the bridge-side hatchway, staring open-mouthed. Jayne stood transfixed behind them.

The sight that awaited them froze Mal and the others, in just the same fashion.

Kaylee was standing by the long dining table, her face pale, pointing with a shaking hand at what had evoked her scream. "I-I come in, and it was just there. Outta nowhere! It--it wasn't here before, I swear it!"

It was a tree--but not a real tree. Tree-shaped--specifically, Christmas tree-shaped, a cone set into a large, ceramic pot. No piney branches, though. Instead, the whole thing--all three-feet tall of it, was covered top to bottom in wondrous things.

Fresh, succulent fruit--apples, mangoes, net bags of strawberries, heavy bunches of grapes. Cello-wrapped packets of frosted cookies, hard candies, sugared almonds and rice cakes, all done up with pretty ribbons. Pouches of tea leaves. Tiny, glistening bottles of liqueurs and flavored syrups. Little jars full of spices. It was a riot of food, colors and delicious smells.

"Oh, my." Book broke the spell of amazement in his typically dry, understated way.

Simon ran forward and took charge of Kaylee, quickly assessing that she'd come to no harm and wasn't in real shock. "What happened?"

She looked at them all, zeroing in on her captain. "I told ya--I walked in, and there it was, sitting there." She looked back, a slow grin lighting up her face. "Ain't it pretty?"

"Yeah--it's all sorts of beautiful," Mal scoffed, finally finding his voice. Too damn pretty--like a bug-catching plant. "How the hell did it get in here?" he demanded. Mysteries were never to be treated lightly, not even on a day such as this. He thought they'd been safe and secure in this port, and didn't want to even imagine that an enemy might have gone to such lengths to get at them.

River had joined Simon and Kaylee. She was smiling, but her eyes had that distant look which could be mystifying and troublesome. "Someone came down the chimney," she announced.

"Hey--no!" Wash hopped down the steps and crossed the kitchen, somewhat warily, to meet Zoe. "We saw one of those in a shop in the better part of town, didn't we, sweetie? Damn thing cost a small fortune."

She nodded. "It did that."

That narrowed it down to only one suspect for Mal, and he rounded angrily on Inara. "Well, surprises are nice an' all, but you coulda given Kaylee--any of us--a heart attack! What the hell were you thinking?"

"Me?" she exclaimed indignantly, getting right in his face. "What makes you think I had anything to do with this?"

He glared at her. "You were conveniently late to the party, and you're the only one who could afford such a thing!"

As the rest of the crew goggled at the confrontation, River spoke up, unheeded. "Shiny presents under the tree. Someone came down the chimney."

Inara took a step back, hands on her hips. "Oh, really?" she spat. "And how did you spend your hard-earned money, Captain Reynolds, when you went to town last night?"

"Huh? That's none of your gorram business!" He turned away from her, seething. He'd lost his temper, most likely without a real cause, and ruined the day after all. But he still wanted to get to the bottom of this.

He took a step towards the table and waved his hand at the gift-laden tree. "Someone better 'fess up. If I don't find out how this thing got on my boat, I'm gonna pitch it--"

River darted forward and grabbed his hand, blocking his way. "No peeking!" she scolded him. "No telling. Someone came down the chimney. You have to comprehend. It's just a gift, and that's all."

She stared at him with her wild, knowing eyes, and he wanted to trust her. Girl had her own gift, that had been proved time and again, and he knew she wouldn't let any of them come to harm.

Zoe came up beside him. "I'd like to believe her, sir," she murmured, "but I don't know if we should take--"

"Oh, wuh de ma!" Wash pushed past them, giving River a fond smile as he stepped around her, and strode determinedly to the table. He grabbed the biggest, shiniest apple off the tree, and faced everyone, holding it up in the air for their inspection. Then, as Zoe gasped at his intention, he took a big crunchy bite out of it.

"See?" he sputtered, chewing happily. "Sometimes you just gotta have faith."

Mal smacked himself in the forehead. "Wash, you stupid son of a bitch..."

The pilot blithely ignored him and took another bite.

Book smiled. "Well said, son."

"Woo-hoo! You go, little man!" Jayne cheered. He approached the tree and plucked off the biggest bag of candy and several of the liqueur bottles, squinting as he read their labels.

Wash smiled at his wife, and held the apple out to her. She hesitated for only a second, then stepped forward, giving him a look that promised all kinds of repercussions later as she bent her head and took a bite.

He threw his arms around her and hugged her tight. "That's my brave lambie-toes," he said proudly.

River giggled. "Told you so," she said to Mal, then beat a hasty retreat back to her brother's side. He wisely stayed silent, although his expression betrayed smug delight in his sister's audacity.

"Fine." Mal flung his hands in the air, giving up. He marched past Inara, who ignored him, into the lounge area and sat down in the armchair. "What're ya going to do with all that fancy grub?" he said pointedly to Kaylee.

Jayne snorted, and pulled a bunch of grapes from the tree. "Eat it, a'course."

"Stop that!" Kaylee ordered, slapping his hand away as he reached for more. "It's so pretty--just leave it be for a while." She carefully rearranged a few bags of treats to cover up the bare spots Jayne had left in his depredations. "We can have some of it today, and a lot of the fruit will stay good in the cooler."

Inara examined the tree more closely. "Quite a few of these packages are steri-sealed," she noted. "They'll keep indefinitely, mei-mei. We can save some for other special occasions."

"Mmm-hmm," Kaylee agreed, her fingers brushing over a bag of plump strawberries. "These would go awfully nice with breakfast," she said, smiling with anticipation.

Book joined them. "I can make a nice fruit compote," he offered, putting an fatherly arm around Kaylee.

"P'nc'kes," Jayne mumbled through a mouthful of grapes as he sat down at the table with his booty.

Wash and Zoe had just finished munching their way through the apple, ending with a nice juicy kiss. "Somebody else shopped for groceries yesterday," said Wash, as he came up for air. They joined the others, along with River and Simon, around the table. "I saw a jug of fresh cider in the cooler!"

"I seen fresh eggs in there too," said Kaylee.

"Eggs!" Jayne was ecstatic. "Let me at 'em!" He pushed back from the table so hard that he nearly fell over the chair.

With a riotous burst of laughter, a fresh party broke out as they discussed, planned and all pitched in to make a sumptuous holiday breakfast. Kaylee judiciously harvested some select items from the gift tree, then moved it reverently to one end of the table to be out of the way of the preparations and cooking.

Mal stayed where he was, resisting the partying mood.

*****

Inara busied herself with brewing a pot of tea, using one of the choice blends from the tree. River was helping her, painstakingly sorting through their collection of cups and mugs for the least battered ones. As Inara let the fragrant leaves steep, she sent a sidelong glance toward the lounge, where Mal was--well, it had to be said. The man was sulking.

"Don't pay him no mind," said Kaylee, as she passed behind the stove to fetch some plates. "He's only a little tetchy. Sometimes he's happier that way."

"He's being such a child," Inara protested. She had the urge to march over and slap some sense into him again.

River looked up, holding out a mug that had a large crack in it. "Mal. Bad, in the Latin," she pronounced somberly.

Kaylee stared at her. "Wh-what?"

She held the mug high in the air, and for a moment Inara feared she intended to throw it at something--or someone.

"River!" Simon hurried over to soothe his sister, pulling her arm down and taking the mug from her. "You know by now that's not true," he scolded her.

She shook her head willfully, yanking her hand out of his grasp. "Not bad. Just sad. Malcontent. It's too crowded for him--" She tapped a finger against her temple--"in here."

Inara felt a cold shiver pass over her. The troubled young girl usually exhibited more control in speaking out loud what she might read from any of her shipmates. Yet none of them had to be psychic to realize their captain was beset by fresh worries and old fears.

"The captain does have a lot to think about," Simon compromised with his sister as he offered an apologetic smile to Kaylee and Inara. "Come on, let's go give Book a hand."

Kaylee slowly piled up the plates. "Inara, it don't matter where the tree come from, does it?" she asked plaintively.

"No, sweetie, it doesn't matter at all."

"Good." She looked across the room at her friend, heaving a little sigh. "Hope she can get through the rest of the day without takin' a bad turn," she said, smiling faintly at Inara as she took the stack of plates back to the table.

"I hope we all can," Inara murmured to herself, looking back in Mal's direction. Dare she approach him again, and try to break him out of his shell of self-imposed misery? He'd ruin the day for certain if someone didn't get him to snap out of it.

Quickly, she finished making the tea and set the pot aside to keep warm. Then she slipped unnoticed out the foredeck hatch, to take the long way back down to the commons, to retrieve the present Mal hadn't had a chance to open.

She could still hold it back, somehow find a quick substitute, but her instincts told her that she'd made the right choice, even if it was a terribly risky one. And with the perilous life they were all living out here in the black, she couldn't be certain there would ever be another opportunity like this--to show him something she couldn't in any other way.

******

Odd man out again, Mal sat and brooded. It wasn't that he was feeling angry or resentful, but he'd lost whatever holiday spirit he'd managed to conjure up earlier. The need to know just where in hell that damn tree had come from was itching at him something fierce. He suspected, though, that he was never going to find out, and that every single member of his crew would tell him it wasn't worth getting fussed about.

So he resigned himself to just sitting, letting the sounds and smells of what was shaping up to be a damn fine breakfast waft over him. But that wasn't enough to lift him out of his funk.

He wasn't so far down, though, that he didn't hear a soft footfall he recognized immediately. Slowly, he tilted his head up to meet Inara's penetrating gaze.

"Well, go on then," he told her. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"That I'm a miserable, ornery son of a bitch."

She didn't even blink. "Yes, Mal, you are, and every person on this boat knows it."

"Hey!" He sat up straight, glaring at her. "I ain't that way all the time."

"Which is the only reason we're able to put up with you," she retorted, gracefully stepping around his feet to sit in the chair beside him.

"So it ain't for my charming personality and good looks, then?"

"Hardly," she said, not quite looking at him. But there was a smile in her voice.

He liked that, although his thoughts were taking a serious turn again. "Come on, Inara," he said, leaning a little closer to her, "tell the truth. You bought that thing in there, didn't you?"

"Mal, I told you--I had nothing to do with it! And honestly, I thought you were responsible, at first, until I saw how upset you were by it."

"Me?" he snorted incredulously. "Hell, I wouldn't waste good money on a fancy thing like that, and you know it."

She bent nearer to him, suddenly all serious herself. "What did you spend your money on last night, Mal?"

He drew back from her close scrutiny, his first instinct to refuse to answer. But there was no reason not to tell her--everyone would suss it out sooner or later. "Food," he replied shortly.

Inara nodded, glancing over at the kitchen. "Cider, fresh eggs, lots of canned goods. Not to mention the inevitable proteins."

"Yeah."

"What else?" she prompted.

"Some spare engine parts. Don't think Kaylee's found 'em yet, but they're stowed back there."

She didn't let up. "And...?"

"New filters for the recycling system."

"Always a plus," she noted, finally relenting and sitting back. "That certainly is a great deal of 'nothing' you managed to pick up."

He shrugged in discomfit. "Nothing more than a captain's responsibility," he tried to explain. He hadn't thought it was that big a deal--not like picking out personal gifts for everyone.

"You are such a fraud," Inara said, shaking her head.

"Just figuring that out now, are ya?" he said, only half-teasingly.

She shrugged one elegant slim shoulder. "I knew it from the day we met."

He looked at her, trying to read what was in her half-lidded eyes. Then he finally noticed she was holding the present he had left behind when they'd gone after Kaylee. "So, is that still for me, or am I suddenly undeserving?"

It pleased him no end to see her blush, just the tiniest bit. "Of course. But there are other presents waiting for you downstairs."

"I'm thinking perhaps I'll save those for the real Christmas Day," he said. "Though if you really want me to open yours..." He smiled provokingly.

The suddenly solemn look on her face was unsettling. "Yes, Mal. Please do."

He took it from her hesitantly, undoing the bow and paper with as much care and trepidation as he had unwrapped River's gift. This one was just as surprising.

It was a bound book, as worn and old-looking as Preacher's Bible. Faded gold letters were imprinted on the front, and Mal had to tilt it into the light to read them. "'Shadow of...Shadow of Earth'?" He shot a puzzled look at her.

"It--it's a reprint of a book that was written almost a hundred years ago," she explained haltingly. "It's a history of how one world was terraformed, and the people who originally settled there...and named it Shadow."

Mal felt the blood draining from his face. "How did--I never said--"

Inara glanced at him warily, then looked away, speaking in an agitated rush. "Zoe mentioned it once, in passing--and also said it was a forbidden subject. But I saw the book in the shop--the proprietor said it was something of a rarity--and I had to buy it. Even though I wasn't sure if I'd actually give it to you..." She stared down at her hands, which he saw were trembling slightly.

So were his own as he held the book, his mouth gone dry and his throat tight. "Oh..."

The story of his homeworld's founding wasn't unknown to him--there were legends and epic tales which had passed on in song and by word of mouth through the generations. He'd never known, though, that anyone had taken the time to write it all down, make it into a genuine book. For all that it had been written decades before his birth, and that he survived while his world was no more, the fact of its existence made it seem like Shadow did live on, in some strange way.

Inara was playing nervously with the beads on her dress, still not looking him. "The man at the bookshop said I could bring it back, and have it treated for preservation. It will look the same, but last much longer. The shop should be open by the time we finish breakfast, so I could go then..."

She was flustered in a way he'd never seen before, and it touched him deeply. What she had done--she must have known that she was pushing way past a certain boundary, crossing a line they'd never actually drawn, but which existed between them nonetheless. Yet she had bravely taken a chance anyway. For him.

He knew, no doubt as she did, that the odds were greatly against them ever having any normal sort of human relationship. There were too many different things dividing them, conspiring against them.

But they were capable of trusting and respecting each other. They had managed, somehow, on some odd, unexpected level, to become friends. All the games, the childish sniping and bitter disagreements were what made their friendship unique. The rare moments when they could get along and be kind made it all the more special.

He ran his fingers reverently over the old book, loving the weight and substance of it. This was a piece of the past he'd willingly hold on to, and he could do it without pain, all because it had come from her...his friend.

His long silence was getting to her, he could tell. Boldly, he put a hand over hers, stilling the anxious movements. She stared at him, her dark eyes full of apprehension.

"Would you care to have an escort when you go into town, ma'am?" he asked, smiling gently.

Damn. He'd made her blush again. But she gave him a tremulous, radiant smile, bowing her head graciously. "I would be honored to have you accompany me, Captain Reynolds."

He tucked the book safely back in its wrappings, laid it down on the side table, then offered her both hands. She took them, and he gently pulled her to her feet. "First thing after breakfast, then," he promised.

"All right," she agreed.

As they walked to the table, where their friends and breakfast were waiting, he bent down and whispered, "We'll just sneak out and let the others clean up."

Inara gasped, then covered her mouth with her hand as it turned into a delighted laugh. They were both grinning like idiots when they sat down, ignoring the speculative looks they received.

Book raised his glass of cider. "Shall we at least have a toast, Captain?"

Mal lifted his glass. "Sure, why not?" He waited for the Shepherd to continue, then realized they were all waiting with raised glasses for him to do the honors. "Oh. Well then..." Put on the spot, he was at a complete loss.

Inara kicked him under the table.

"Uh, yeah..." Was it a bad sign that he liked it when she beat up on him? He dodged away from that thought in a hurry. "Right." He lifted his glass high. "To this happy holiday..."

That sounded like weak tea, but his people all around him were happy, content and joyous. His people...his family. A deep satisfaction washed over him, settling in his heart.

"And...and to the finest crew any captain ever sailed with," he finished, smiling broadly.

"And the best captain in the 'verse," Kaylee swiftly rejoined, her eyes shining.

Among the echoing cheers, Book pronounced a hearty "Amen!"

Mal didn't mind at all.

******

After the sumptuous, festive meal was finished, Mal and Inara made good their escape, for the most part unremarked, except for a loud, lewd whistle from Jayne. That earned him another smack from Zoe, and sole responsibility for doing the dishes after the rest of them cleared the table. He grumbled and whinged--there was far more than the usual amount as a result of the lavish meal. But he set to it after informing everyone he planned to spend the rest of the leave off-ship, no matter what it cost him for lodgings in town.

"Anything to get the hell away from all of you for a while," he asserted.

The Shepherd beckoned Zoe and Wash aside for a moment. "If you two still want a chance to spend at least one night in good lodgings," he said, handing them a small business card, "the brother of the local pastor runs a very nice place. Mention my name, and you'll get the best accommodations available, including a private bath."

Wash blinked, then grinned from ear to ear. "You are..." Words failed him, so he settled for shaking Book's hand vigorously for several seconds. "Thank you!"

Zoe broke her usual reserve, giving the older man a quick, grateful hug. "Preacher, you are a wonder," she said. "I'm leaving you in charge till Mal gets back, okay?" she added, not entirely joking.

"We'll all be fine," he assured her, shooing the couple away.

With Simon's help, Kaylee had moved the Christmas tree to a place of honor in the lounge. "Don't nobody touch it!" she ordered, looking at right at Jayne. He ignored her, still grumbling at the dirty dishes.

"What do you have planned for the day?" Book asked the younger members of the crew.

Kaylee took the doctor and his sister each by the hand, swinging their arms back and forth exuberantly. "Simon and River are gonna teach me all the fancy dancing they do in the Core!"

Simon went bright red. "Um, well, River's the dancer, really...I--I never had that much time to attend that many balls, um, with school and, you know, my studies and..."

River smacked him on the arm impatiently. "You fibber!" She turned to Kaylee. "He is a very good dancer," she said, pushing them both off to the aft hatch, following demurely as she waved at Book.

He chuckled, delighted that the three of them were off to have some fun. His own plans for the day would be less vigorous, but satisfying enough, as he had volunteered for some Christmas charity work at the chapel. It would be good penance for his illicit use of the pastor's Cortex terminal.

For now, he finished the chore of putting away the fixings and few leftovers from breakfast, and taking care of the foodstuffs from the tree that needed immediate safe storage. The crew was going to feel pampered for quite a while with all this bounty.

Jayne looked up from his assigned chore and saw what he was doing. "Quite a thing, ain't it?"

"Indeed. A princely gift," Book said, leveling an emphatic gaze at the big man.

"Ahh, tzao gao," he scoffed, his face nearly as red as Simon's had been. "It ain't that big of a deal. But thanks for loan, anyway, Preacher."

"It wasn't a loan, son. I was more than happy to contribute. But I have to ask--why such an extravagant gesture? It's really not your style at all," he said, without censure.

Jayne shrugged diffidently, obviously uncomfortable with his own generosity. "I dunno. It was just--well, I figured I could do some good in this 'verse, least once before I kick." He pointed vehemently at Book. "And I'll ask you again to keep your mouth shut about it, dong ma?"

"Of course," Book said calmly. "Just remember, good works are always taken into consideration somewhere."

"Uh-huh," Jayne mumbled, scrubbing fiercely at a stubborn stain on a pot. "Little River might have sussed me out, though," he groused. "All that crazy talk about chimneys, an' all."

Book walked over to store some of the more delicate fruit in the cooler. "I wouldn't worry," he said, clapping Jayne encouragingly on the shoulder. "She had the chance to tell, and she didn't. Your secret is as safe with her as it is with me."

"Yeah, I guess...what say we have ourselves another secret, Preacher, and you give me a hand drying these gorram dishes?" Jayne asked with a sly grin.

He grabbed a dish towel, shaking his head. "You're a bad influence on me, son," he complained cheerfully.

They finished up the job together, trading jibes and jokes, unaware of a nearby presence.

River stood in the shadows of the aft hatch, hugging the wall, feeling the faint comforting vibration of Serenity in standby mode. "Everyone's good," she whispered, watching the two contradictory men beyond, hearing the sounds of ballroom music start from below. "Everyone shines."

Reveling in her own inner peace, she skipped off down the stairs to dance and play with her beloved brother and her best friend.

*************

Wishing peace and joy to everyone this holiday season! Thanks for reading.

COMMENTS

Tuesday, December 7, 2004 11:28 PM

KAYLEEFRYE


Awww, that's so cute. Made me all warm and fuzzy. :)

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 5:41 AM

ARTSHIPS


Perfect holiday fare. Spot-on, the interesction of personalities and the ultimate resolution. Thanks!

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 7:48 AM

GORRAMREAVERS


I enjoyed this fanfic alot. I think you captured Mal the way Joss wanted to in the series...more of a tortured soul. Thank you so much for this...hope you write more soon.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 12:04 PM

SOULOFSERENITY


This was so good! I loved the way Mal came around in the end, and the fact that Jayne bought the Christmas "Tree". Wonderfully done.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 3:07 PM

GUILDSISTER


*sniffle!*

That was nice! I loved Mal's whole bit--especially the trying to go along with the celebration but how he can't help but feel disconnected from it, very well done. Inara and the book--*big sniffle!*

Loved Zoe and her 'you are going to deal with it' sort of almost-ultimatum to Mal. Played very Zoe-like.

And Jayne... just hit every mark from the t-shirts all in his size (perfect!) to the don't-tell-anyone tree at the end.

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 11:44 PM

CASTIRONJACK


I did enjoy this very much. I had the slightest inkling that it might have been Jayne with the tree, but it was still a goodly surprise. I also enjoyed you putting the good Book front and center.
And Zoe.
Still the only one that can call Mal on himself and make a significant difference.
Inara was excellent as well.

Keep flyin'

Monday, December 13, 2004 1:47 PM

SHEALYNN88


Oooo...loved it! Especially when Jayne handed out the shirts and River put her's right on...captured it PERFECTLY! And what a surprise, Jayne getting that tree...totally didn't see that one coming!! I liked how you added more mystery to Book, too, with the hacking of the computer. Great story!

Shealynn

Wednesday, December 22, 2004 5:21 AM

STILLSHINY


Just the way it should be. Merry Christmas.


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