To: MISTER NISKA, BADGER, DARLENE From: CROW Subject: Friends Survey 1. What is your occupation? MISTER NISKA’S GOOD RIGHT HAND 2. What color is your underwear? UNDERWEAR IS FOR THE WEAK 3. What are you listening to right now? SCREAMS OF THOSE WHO CROSSED MISTER NISKA 4. What was the last thing you ate? RAW BEEF 5. Do you wish on stars? WISHES ARE FOR THE WEAK 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? A lovely lavenda—er, BLACK, LIKE MY SOUL 7. How is the weather right now? BONE COLD 8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? PHONES ARE FOR THE WEAK 9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah, he’s good people. 10. Name three things other than office supplies/computer/laptop that are on your desk right now: MY BLADE, MY BAT, AND A FUZZY PINK SWEAT—er, SOME OTHER HUGE, SCARY WEAPON WITH WHICH TO KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP 11. Favorite drink? BLOOD OF THE WEAK 12. Another MIA one ... how about any tattoos? TATTOOS ARE FOR THE W--, wait, yes, I have several. Sorry, got off on the whole “weak” thing. 13. Have you ever dyed your hair? NO 14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Funny story, was going to get LASIK, but Mister Niska wouldn’t let me have the time off, so I called my bud, Jimbo, who’s good with lasers… and well, I guess it’s not such a funny story… anyway, the short answer is “no”. 15. Who do you think Jennifer Aniston should marry next? I AM STILL BROKEN UP OVER WHAT BRAD AND THAT SCARLET JOLIE WOMAN DID TO HER, SO IT’S HARD TO TALK ABOUT. JEN, IF YOU WANT A REAL MAN, CALL ME 16. Favorite month? OKTOBER 17. Favorite food? BONES OF THE WEAK 18. What was the last movie you watched? BEATING THE WEAK VOL. IV: Courage to Torture: Yes You Can 19. Favorite day of the year? CHRISTMAS: MISTER NISKA KNOWS HOW TO THROW AN OFFICE PARTY 20. What do you do to vent anger? CRUSH THE WEAK 21. Favorite Toy as a child? SIT-N-STAB 22. Fall or Spring? FALL 23. Hugs or kisses? A SWEET KISS FROM MY BLADE TO YOUR THROAT 24. Cherry or Blueberry? BLUEBERRY 25. Do you want your friends to email you back? OY, IT’S ONLY COMMON ETIQUETTE 26. Who is most likely to respond? DARLENE 27. Who is least likely to respond? MISTER NISKA *SOB!* 28. Living arrangements? A CLOSET IN MISTER NISKA’S SKY-PLEX 29. Last time you cried? I DO NOT CRY! IGNORE THE *SOB!* ABOVE!! 30. What is on the floor of your closet? MY BED, AS I LIVE IN A CLOSET, PER ABOVE 31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? MY BLADE 32. What did you do last night? Caught a game on an illegal feed with some buds and brew 33. Favorite smells? THE WEAK 34. What inspires you? A GOOD DAY’S WORK OF HANGING, SLASHING, AND QUILTING— er, I MEAN KILLING 35. What are you afraid of? ENGINES. ONE MUST RESPECT ENGINES AT ALL TIMES 36. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? ANYTHING SO LONG AS IT’S RARE 37. Favorite car? I CARE NOT FOR ANY TRANSPORTS 38. Favorite dog breed? AN APPALOOSA—THAT’S ONE OF THOSE SPOTTED DOGS, RIGHT? YEAH, AN APPALOOSA 39. Number of keys on your key ring? IS THIS A TRICK QUESTION ABOUT BODY PIERCING? BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE 3 40. How many years at your current address? 31 YEARS 41. Favorite day of the week? A TIE: TUESDAY TORTURE DAY AND FRIDAY WACKY SHIRT DAY 42. How many states have you lived in? TWO: THE STATE OF ANGER AND OF RAGE 43. Are you happy? Eh, could be doing worse 44. Where would you like to move? IT DOES NOT MATTER WHERE I MOVE, I CAN STILL HUNT YOU DOWN 45. If there is another question you'd like to add ... do it here! ARE YOU, CROW, HE WHO IS FEARED AROUND THE ‘VERSE, TRULY INVINCIBLE, AND NIGH INVULNERABLE? WHY YES, YES I AM