The Treehouse Gala Pageant That Loads Faster!

POSTED BY: Malicious
UPDATED: Thursday, February 3, 2005 20:33
VIEWED: 15482
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MALICIOUS

Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:51 PM

Okay! I got tired of waiting for that other one, so.....start posting here now.

And don't forget, I'll be judging you!

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

THATWEIRDGIRL

Thursday, January 27, 2005 10:58 PM

Thanks to our Most High Malicious for continuing the highly anticipated pageant. Let's recap shall we?

Mal, Ebo, and KGB are being plied with brides of all kinds.

TRM, Comsmic, Simon, and teh newcomer Cozen are in a hot competition for the Manly Mistress award.

Several otheres have joined in the celebration and festivites such as: PR, Mai, and MontanaGirl.

Zoid, Rat, and Arimana are quietly keeping to the sidelines.

Let's now return to the pageant...

www.thatweirdgirl.com

MALICIOUS

Thursday, January 27, 2005 11:04 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
Mal, Ebo, and KGB are being plied with brides of all kinds.

WHY? Why do I have to be plied with brides? What did I ever do to you? I am just picturing being smothered by white satin, lace and pearls.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

SIMONWHO

Thursday, January 27, 2005 11:40 PM

Oh, when does the lesbian wedding section start?

Right, I think it's time we made our big speeches to try to take the crown.

*gives a dainty cough*

Hello, I'm SimonWho. It has always been my ambition to be Misster Treehouse ever since the idea was first mooted. I believe thatI can bring several important qualities to the role, namely that it takes nothing away from my masculinity to be wearing this dress, these shoes nor this fabulous lipliner/eyeshadow combination.

I come from Britain, a country which has been ruled over by a queen for all of my life. I think I could do the same for the treehouse too.

So in conclusion, I believe that if you ask yourselves in these exciting new times of big budget movies and big damn heroes walking amongst us, who would be the best person to represent the forum in terms of spokesperson for the transvestite element, you will conclude it can only be SimonWho.

Thank you, bless you all.

*mwah mwah*

*walks offstage to the Muppet Show theme tune*

MAI

Friday, January 28, 2005 12:38 AM

"Uhhh, Mai, dear, I THINK you may have just gotten married!"

Nooooooooooooo! Oh wait, I have yet to take of the highly potent wine in a bowl so I think I am safe... for now. Phew, that was a close call. (Of course, depending on who is offering the wine I might be more than willing to accept)

As for the pageant, thank goodness for the new thread.

Attention judges!!!! Are there points for most creative gown? What are the other criteria your judging on?

COZEN

Friday, January 28, 2005 12:54 AM

*cozen groggygropes for chirpy cellphone*

Gmorph?

Convenient remote secretary, three paychecks due, says "I ordered you an authentic pair of red Betty Boop cfms, men's size 10. Oh: and the treehouse has changed threads. Duck! Pay me, or I'll sue." Click!

*Is nearly beheaded by blurry object mummified in nice satiny material. Passes out. Wakes up in a sea of white satin*

This ain't bad....

*A certain obligation creeps into brain made of soggy Capn Crunch. With difficulty makes way through many a blushin' bride. Mumbles a hello to nice lady who really stands out, as she's naturally dressed in leaves. Presses on, arrives at bar.*

*Nods to the guy surrounded by an astonishing amount of rootbeer.* "Uh, 'scuse me, Montanagirl, is it? Listen, um, I, well, ah, you know, I'm sorry about the unfortunate trajectory taken by the plummetting booze. Next time you hear a chopper, well..."

*MG nods a nod that cozen takes as an indication of patient understanding. Or a signal to a nearby assassin (rootbeer assasin?!) but why worry? cozen attempts to hide warbly note of panic as he orders a margarita from the bar, for the lady, of course. Is denied when creditcard fails to clear. Oh well.*

"Ya any good with make-up? You see, I'm up against a guy with access to dimensional portal technology, and another guy who's got the support of the British monarchy, and yet another guy who may have the complete support of all of this site's fans. I could use the help...."

*cozen applies full force of adopt-a-puppy visage, with subtle very manly undertones.*

_____
He gets dimensional portals. I get a helicopter. Does that seem fair to you?

CAGEYBEE

Friday, January 28, 2005 1:22 AM

*in the spirit of change, KGB runs to the kitchen. Sashying out, she tears away her orange ruffled tux to reveal....a slinky gown made out of aluminum foil*

Right, so its a little hard to move in this thing without it *gown rips up leg*...ripping. Damn...So, uh, I'm just going to sit here by the door with this.

*pulls Miss 'Verse sash out of foil-fashioned corset, only Miss 'Verse has been crossed out and it now reads Mr. Sereni-TREE*

I rememebered it just in time to get it out of an almost archived thread. I walked both ways in the snow to get it! Barefoot!

*slids down against the wall, finds a bottle of root beer knocked her way by a black-and-blue blur*

Hey, cool, thanks TRM.

me

~Mal- "how drunk was i last night?"
~Jayne- "i don't know. i passed out."

MONTANAGIRL

Friday, January 28, 2005 1:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
He gets dimensional portals. I get a helicopter. Does that seem fair to you?

Well, at least now I know that when I hear a helicopter I should hide under something. So it was a learning experience. I can't help you out with the makeup though, sorry. I don't wear it myself 'cause I'm lazy, and if I were in charge of applying it you'd probably end up looking like a clown. Although, if that's the look you're going for I'll be happy to help you out.

*Although she realizes that she has no input into this competition, montanagirl is leaning towards endorsing cozen just because of the sheer amount of effort he has expended. But then again, SimonWho used The Muppet Show music which garners high marks. Singing quietly to self, "Why do we always come here? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, to have to watch the show."*

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 2:14 AM

* The Real Me lands in this thread, and looks about for Aramina, whom he fears might be lost. When he does not locate Aramina, he quickly reads the posts above his. Hmmmm… SimonWho REALLY seems to be getting into this. No matter! The Real Me has yet to demonstrate his minioning abilities. But there is one thing…*

ThatWeirdGirl, I must protest your summary!

I, The Real Me, have offered no bribes (nor BRIDES) to any of the judges (after all, a bride I probably would have KEPT!). I am determined to win this contest my virtue of my superior… uh… virtue…

Helped along, of course, by my personal powers, my access to superior technology, and my expansive storehouse of magical artifacts!

Hey! Where is Badger’s Hat? What happened to him? He was the entry in the gala contest who had Mal-licious’ vote locked up, since she is part of his harem. But now, without Badger’s Hat OR Zoid to compete with me…

* The Real Me smiles to himself. *

I might have a chance after all!

There is also the question of Mai’s entry into the contest. I believe that her leaf-dress is so fantastic that she MUST be allowed to compete, either in this contest or another. CageyBee's aluminum foil dress is pretty great, too.

Do all these brides get to enter the contest, too? ThatWeirdGirl! Exactly how many of them did you summon?

Oh, yes! I have compiled a new crew list for the Sereni-TREE:

Aramina
Badger’s Hat
CageyBee
CosmicFugitive
Cozen
Ebonezer
Mai
Mal-licious
MontanaGirl
PsychicRiver
Rat
SimonWho
ThatWeirdGirl
TheRealMe
Zoid

Note that this does not include artificially-created-servants-in-residence, like the (currently disabled) robot Sparky, the Ebo Golem, or the Pillow KGB, nor does it include prisoners like the Female Reaver. Nor does it count the many brides with which Mal-licious was recently deluged.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 2:21 AM

Now where was I before the last thread broke? Oh, yes!

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl in the PREVIOUS Clubhouse/Treehouse thread:
That was very impressive TRM! Although I think you might've accidently smacked me with one of your fans in the course of bouncing off the bar during the grand finale. First cozen drops a box of liquor on me and now I'm assaulted by one of TRM's fans. My barstool doesn't seem to be the safest place in the treehouse.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

MontanaGirl, you must be mistaken! I assure you that I was in complete control of my entire…

* Chagrined, The Real Me examines the one-and-a-half elegant Japanese fans that he still possesses. Then he looks over at the fan-shaped bruise that is starting to form on MontanaGirl. *

Uh… What I MEANT to say is…

* The Real Me tosses the fans over one shoulder, hops up from his lawn chair, and moves over to MontanaGirl by the bar. He bows deeply. The moving, shifting attire he wears follows him a moment later. *

MontanaGirl, please allow me to extend my humblest apologies! Here, perhaps I can make it up to you, or at the very least, prevent such an occurrence from happening in the future.

* With some effort, The Real Me peels off a strip of black cloth from around his head. The free end wiggles wildly while the other end seems to adhere strongly to The Real Me’s right cheek. With some effort and a tiny yelp, he finally pulls it loose. The strip of cloth seems to go crazy, jumping frantically in every direction as if trying to escape. Finally, The Real Me manages to restrain it with both his hands. *

Now hold still, MontanaGirl, and be calm. It can sense fear.

* The Real Me mutters some words in a strange language and touches the center of the strip of cloth to MontanaGirl’s forehead. It sticks there, while both ends wrap around the back of her head and then stick out on either side, like odd, floating, ribbony antennae. From the nearby bar, The Real Me picks up a shot glass and starts to walk away. *

Now for a demonstration!

* With no warning, and from a few steps away, The Real Me turns and pitches the shot glass directly at the spot between MontanaGirl’s eyes. One end of her black ribbon reacts instantly, slapping the missile to one side. *

There! You should be adequately protected, now. Think of it as a “Headband of Protection”. Just remember to take it off from time to time, or else it might drain away your life energy.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

MONTANAGIRL

Friday, January 28, 2005 2:30 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
* With no warning, and from a few steps away, The Real Me turns and pitches the shot glass directly at the spot between MontanaGirl’s eyes. One end of her black ribbon reacts instantly, slapping the missile to one side. *

There! You should be adequately protected, now. Think of it as a “Headband of Protection”. Just remember to take it off from time to time, or else it might drain away your life energy.

Shiny! Throw something else at me, this is fun! All is forgiven, although I wasn't really carrying a grudge. I'm used to getting bruised up, it happens all the time at work. (From restraining animals, not whatever else you might be thinking.

) And if I topple off my barstool because I've been drained of life energy, just give me a Pepsi and I'll be good to go again.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

MAI

Friday, January 28, 2005 2:32 AM

Thanks TRM! I'm kind of hoping there's a separate contest for the girls as I am afraid some of you guys are much more enthusiastic (not to mention prettier in those lovely slinky dresses. Not that I am afraid of a little competion mind you.

Just let me know when it's my turn for the limelight. I have to go adjust some of my leaves, I'd hate to be "over exposed" for my moment of glory.

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 2:42 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
Thanks TRM! I'm kind of hoping there's a separate contest for the girls as I am afraid some of you guys are much more enthusiastic (not to mention prettier in those lovely slinky dresses. Not that I am afraid of a little competion mind you.

Just let me know when it's my turn for the limelight. I have to go adjust some of my leaves, I'd hate to be "over exposed" for my moment of glory.

Over exposed? Pah! I wouldn't worry about that...

* ...The Real Me says, staring intently. *

Ummm... How about this. Since Mal-licious saw fit to start the thread called "The Treehouse Gala Pageant That Loads Faster" right near the end of the current pageant, let's hold ANOTHER pageant immediately afterward for the ladies!

Some of the men can sit as judges! That would be unusual (as well as fair)!

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 2:45 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:

Shiny! Throw something else at me, this is fun!

Uh... Okay.

* The Real Me reaches behind the bar, picks up the hiding Rat, and throws him at MontanaGirl. He, too, is effortlessly batted aside. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

EBONEZER

Friday, January 28, 2005 3:16 AM

I vote for Cozen! He has my vote! I don't know why! But he does! Who do the others voters vote for?

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 3:18 AM

Ebo! Of chief importance is the “minioning” portion of the contest, otherwise known as “pampering”. We must not leave it out!

* The Real Me approaches the judges. From the shifting folds of his attire, he pulls three specially programmed butterfly thrusters. He flicks them, one by one, at Ebonezer, Mal-licious, and CageyBee. Each butterfly orbits the head of its assigned judge once, then stops and starts humming. The three judges start floating in the air. They are not flat on their back, but reclined in such a way that they could conveniently sip the beverage of their choice. Next, the butterflies induce a slow, soothing, rocking motion. *

It so happens that I can set them for “full body massage”, if you like.

* The Real Me departs, but quickly returns with some pitchers. He gives each of the judges a drink appropriate to their age limitations. But mixed into each pitcher is the tiniest amount of ice cream from the Purple Dimension, the effect of which is to make the drink taste like the favorite flavor of the drinker. *

* Next, The Real Me reaches into his shifting attire to pull out a fresh, authentic Florida palm frond. He waves this at Ebonezer. A second hand pulls out a second palm frond and waves it at Mal-licious. Then, a THIRD HAND pulls out a THIRD palm frond and waves it at CageyBee. The Real Me continues until the judges all fall asleep or ask him to stop. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

MALICIOUS

Friday, January 28, 2005 3:23 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Some of the men can sit as judges! That would be unusual (as well as fair)!

NO.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

EBONEZER

Friday, January 28, 2005 3:30 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:

* Next, The Real Me reaches into his shifting attire to pull out a fresh, authentic Florida palm frond. He waves this at Ebonezer. A second hand pulls out a second palm frond and waves it at Mal-licious. Then, a THIRD HAND pulls out a THIRD palm frond and waves it at CageyBee. The Real Me continues until the judges all fall asleep or ask him to stop. *

*drools*

Must...stay...awake...

...fall...asleep...bad...no stop...

light...console...gease...

...can't...sentence...properly...

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

CAGEYBEE

Friday, January 28, 2005 3:53 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
It so happens that I can set them for “full body massage”, if you like.

*KGB sways gently in the breeze provided by the third-handed palm frond*

I was thinking, maybe we should have one of these pagents every week. A girl could get quick used to this.

*as she speaks, KGB becomes so relaxed she accidentally drops the Mr. Sereni-TREE sash. Free-for-all ensues*

me

~Mal- "how drunk was i last night?"
~Jayne- "i don't know. i passed out."

COZEN

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:04 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:
I vote for Cozen! He has my vote! I don't know why! But he does!

Yes!!! 4 out of 5 times, bribery and hypnosis will trump talent.

Ebo,providing I can pay her back wages, you may have my CRS. She's a bit cynical, but very efficient.

*thwop thwop THWOP THWOP THWOP!*

Uh-oh. *Sprints over to bar in an effort to save Montanagirl, who has been so kind to transmogrify cozen into transvestite clown. Sure 'nuff, package containing B. Boop shoes arcs straight at her fresh pepsi... but wait! The package is swatted aside by a magic headscarf ribbon! It's a line drive... hooking... hooking.... Ebo, in full relaxation mode enjoying a full body butterfly massage, is THWACKed in the head by the shoes! Butterflies scatter away, Ebo thumps to floor, unconscious yet again.*

*cozen glares at TRM* "Please tell me that wasn't an evil setup." *Fails to contain laughter.* "Gotta say, though: hi-larious!"

Polite, groveling reminder to esteemed judgestressi: those lovely butterflies are breeding thrusters.

____
Practioner of safe full body massages.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:22 AM

AAACKKKKKK!!!!!

So I typed that in like 2 seconds cause I was late for work. Maybe someday I'll know my D from my B.

I feel special being surroundeed by all these foxy men in dresses. And these gorgeous gals in dresses of foil and leaves. *sniff* It's all so *sniff* exciting.

*sniff?* eww. what's that...
So, I've been in this tux now for, what, 5 days now. No one has said if I look fancy or weird or handsome or anything and now it's too late cause I stink from wearing a tux for 5 days.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

RAT

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
* The Real Me reaches behind the bar, picks up the hiding Rat, and throws him at MontanaGirl. He, too, is effortlessly batted aside. *

THHAAANKS!!!

-Ratboy

(Ratboy can currently receive messages from this site; he is ignoring you.)

CAGEYBEE

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:30 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:

I feel special being surroundeed by all these foxy men in dresses. And these gorgeous gals in dresses of foil and leaves. *sniff* It's all so *sniff* exciting.

*sniff?* eww. what's that...
So, I've been in this tux now for, what, 5 days now. No one has said if I look fancy or weird or handsome or anything and now it's too late cause I stink from wearing a tux for 5 days.

If you want, you can wear the Gown de Alumina. I've been toying with the idea of a Saran Wrap sari, anyway.

*grabs twg's hand and they proceed first to the kitchen, then to the east wing. KGB sets up the privacy screens and throws several boxes of aluminum foil at twg. She then recruits Pillow Me to hold the box of Saran Wrap while she spins in a style befitting Ebo...but unaccustomed to the g-forces which Ebo has handily mastered, KGB does the thing most popular to do in the Sereni-TREE....passes out*

me

~Mal- "how drunk was i last night?"
~Jayne- "i don't know. i passed out."

RAT

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:30 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
...now it's too late cause I stink from wearing a tux for 5 days.

Age'd to perfection!

-Ratboy

THATWEIRDGIRL

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:42 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by cageybee:
*grabs twg's hand and they proceed first to the kitchen, then to the east wing. KGB sets up the privacy screens and throws several boxes of aluminum foil at twg.

*steps around screen only to hear rip* crap, I'll try again.
*wraps teh foil, once more, around self. Steps out to show KGB only to have the top drop to her waist* Crap! I can't get this thing to work, argh.

*goes back behind screen and puts smelly tux on*
I'll just wear this for a little bit. Why did I give all my dresses to the men?

www.thatweirdgirl.com

MONTANAGIRL

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:50 AM

*montanagirl sits on her barstool tossing ping pong balls at her head and watching her shiny new headband bat them away. One goes sailing across the stage, another smacks into the mirror behind the bar.*

Oops! Well at least they're only ping pong balls, as opposed to a large package containing shoes. *Meaningful glance at cozen, then goes back to tossing ping pong balls.*

Hey, do we have a ping pong table somewhere around here? With my headband to assist me, I might actually have a chance playing.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

RAT

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:55 AM

* Rat ducks *

-Ratboy

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 6:06 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:
I vote for Cozen! He has my vote! I don't know why! But he does!

Yes!!! 4 out of 5 times, bribery and hypnosis will trump talent.

Ebo,providing I can pay her back wages, you may have my CRS. She's a bit cynical, but very efficient.

*thwop thwop THWOP THWOP THWOP!*

Uh-oh. *Sprints over to bar in an effort to save Montanagirl, who has been so kind to transmogrify cozen into transvestite clown. Sure 'nuff, package containing B. Boop shoes arcs straight at her fresh pepsi... but wait! The package is swatted aside by a magic headscarf ribbon! It's a line drive... hooking... hooking.... Ebo, in full relaxation mode enjoying a full body butterfly massage, is THWACKed in the head by the shoes! Butterflies scatter away, Ebo thumps to floor, unconscious yet again.*

* The Real Me is stunned. All he can do for quite a long while is to numbly wave the palm fronds in his three hands, even though Ebo is no longer receiving any benefit from hers. Then he snaps out of it. *

Doctor SimonWho! We have yet another case of blunt head trauma!

Quote:

*cozen glares at TRM* "Please tell me that wasn't an evil setup." *Fails to contain laughter.* "Gotta say, though: hi-larious!"

Indeed, Cozen, I am certain that it WAS an evil setup! Allow me to congratulate you on its perfect execution!

* The Real Me checks a dictionary with a fourth hand. *

Hmmmm...

"cozen (kuz'n) vt., vi. [< ME. cosin, fraud, trickery < ? ] 1. to cheat; defraud 2. to deceive"

* The Real Me closes the book and looks over at Cozen. *

So, what are you REALLY? Some trickster god just messing with us? A jinx? A Jerry Lewis clone?

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 6:49 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
*sniff?* eww. what's that...
So, I've been in this tux now for, what, 5 days now. No one has said if I look fancy or weird or handsome or anything and now it's too late cause I stink from wearing a tux for 5 days.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

Huh?

Well, there are some things that are just...

Well...

The grass is green.
The sky is blue.
The sun is bright and hot.
And ThatWeirdGirl is a beauty.

Five days in a tux or not. If you don't know that, you should.

I don't go into that much, because I wouldn't want you all uncomfortable or creepified, thinking I'm hitting on you.

But beauty is not as important, anyway, as your wit and playful sense of humor. I liked you for that before I saw your picture.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 6:54 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
Quote:
Originally posted by cageybee:
*grabs twg's hand and they proceed first to the kitchen, then to the east wing. KGB sets up the privacy screens and throws several boxes of aluminum foil at twg.

*steps around screen only to hear rip* crap, I'll try again.
*wraps teh foil, once more, around self. Steps out to show KGB only to have the top drop to her waist*

HUH? WHAT? WHERE?

Oh, she's back behind privacy screens with CageyBee...

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 6:57 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:

(Ratboy can currently receive messages from this site; he is ignoring you.)

Huh! Make fun of my account's disabilities, will you?

Well, I got a new e-mail... So there!

Uh, sorry about tossing you. I heard it works well with geese and Tolkienist dwarves, though.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Friday, January 28, 2005 7:03 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:
*montanagirl sits on her barstool tossing ping pong balls at her head and watching her shiny new headband bat them away. One goes sailing across the stage, another smacks into the mirror behind the bar.*

Oops! Well at least they're only ping pong balls, as opposed to a large package containing shoes. *Meaningful glance at cozen, then goes back to tossing ping pong balls.*

Hey, do we have a ping pong table somewhere around here? With my headband to assist me, I might actually have a chance playing.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

Well, we USED to have a ping-pong table.

* The Real Me looks around the common room. *

I think that the ping-pong table was a casualty in our confrontation with Inola Teg, along with my "Whack-a-Fox-Executive" game. Put perhaps you can have Cozen construct a new one.

SAY, EVERYBODY! Considering that two of our three judges are incapacitated, why don't we declare this contest a tie and get on with judging the ladies' various bizzare outfits? This time EVERYBODY votes.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

SIMONWHO

Friday, January 28, 2005 10:05 AM

Hey TRM, you know you can change your registered address under your profile, so you would receive all the fascinating messages people are sending you.

Judging the women on what they wear? Isn't that a little shallow and ... ooh, ooh, thatweirdgirl is topless! With another girl in front of her!

See, told you being in a dress didn't affect my masculinity.

EBONEZER

Friday, January 28, 2005 4:39 PM

*Ebo comes to on the floor.*

Ow. What happened?

*Ebo looks around and notices that she's wearing a dress and a knitted sash. She finds this somewhat interesting. She looks around again, this time noticing that most of the menfolk are wearing dresses. She finds this more interesting.*

Whats goin on here? Wha'd i miss? Who are all you people?

*Ebo ponders this for a moment*

And while were asking these sort of questions, who am I?

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Friday, January 28, 2005 11:52 PM

Hey! I'm no longer topless. *rolls eyes* Is that all you read in my post. It is in't it.

But I did find a new outfit and KGB did help me in and out of my clothes.

*TWG jumps from behind the screen in her new borrowed outfit*
My crazy aunt, I know hard to beleive I would have a non-normal relative, let me borrow this, well, I think I get to keep it.

*SimonWho's eyes travel up twg's black boots, up a short leather mini, up a red lace bustier, to twg's face*

Um, feelin' a little objectified. Okay now I'm over it. So, the men tied and the women are competeing? Crap, we have to go up against Mal

Oh well. At least I'm lookin' good and trampy.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

MONTANAGIRL

Saturday, January 29, 2005 12:43 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
SAY, EVERYBODY! Considering that two of our three judges are incapacitated, why don't we declare this contest a tie and get on with judging the ladies' various bizzare outfits? This time EVERYBODY votes.

I don't think the pageant is over until Mal says it's over. I'll be more than happy to join in if/when she declares that it is time to do so. Until then I'm stayin' right here.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

CAGEYBEE

Saturday, January 29, 2005 12:45 AM

*wakes up amongst shards of discarded aluminum foil. remembering she's clothed only in Saran Wrap, KGB manages to roll her way to the common room*

twg, you ok? Oh hey, nice bustier, red is definitely your color. Wow, its a good thing you can't see through Saran Wrap very well when its all layered, right?

*rolls under the newly reconstructed pool table*

Wow, this is nice. Uh, if Ebo doesn't remember who she is and no one helps me up, think I could live under here? I could set up a nice little outfit down here, lots of pillows (Sorry, Pillow Me, no offense), lots of satin sheets...maybe a blender or two....

Hey, did I roll through gum?

me

~Mal- "how drunk was i last night?"
~Jayne- "i don't know. i passed out."

SIMONWHO

Saturday, January 29, 2005 1:55 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:

*SimonWho's eyes travel up twg's black boots, up a short leather mini, up a red lace bustier, to twg's face*

Um, feelin' a little objectified. Okay now I'm over it.

Oh well. At least I'm lookin' good and trampy.

I must admit that I do occasionally treat sexual objects as women. But only the special ones.

Well, you're lookin' good and trampy, I'm lookin' good and vampy, we should form a double act of some kind. The Doctor and the Weirdo! No, wait, the Weirdoctor! Perfect.

*goes off to write our theme song*

THATWEIRDGIRL

Saturday, January 29, 2005 2:42 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:

*goes off to write our theme song*

ooh, our own theme song?! you so rock!

www.thatweirdgirl.com

MALICIOUS

Saturday, January 29, 2005 3:27 AM

On behalf of me, I would like to accept the Sereni-tree sash as the gala pageant winner. The honor you do me, honors my....honor.

Thank you! Thank you all!

Why is there a roll of Saran Wrap stuck under the pool table?

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

MONTANAGIRL

Saturday, January 29, 2005 4:28 AM

Ok, let's see what we've got here. There's a leaf dress, tinfoil, saran wrap, and hooker (I mean that in a good way ). I think I might need to go in another direction just to stand out.

*montanagirl goes in back and changes into almost floor length silvery slinky dress. It is complimented with an Evenstar necklace and silver dangly earrings. Unfortunately there are no shoes to go along with it, so she goes ahead and wears her cowboy boots.*

So guys, whadda ya think?

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

THEREALME

Saturday, January 29, 2005 5:39 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Hey TRM, you know you can change your registered address under your profile, so you would receive all the fascinating messages people are sending you.

Well, I HAVE been known to receive SOME messages.

I am a bit nervous about changing my e-mail since Haken’s system uses our e-mails as our userids. I HAVE tried to change my e-mail through my profile, but then the system would not let me post or reply at all. I have the theory that if I logged off completely and logged back on using the new e-mail address as my userid, things would change and work for me, but I don’t KNOW that. Furthermore, I don’t KNOW that I could get back on at all after that. I really don’t want to lose “TheRealMe” as my alias.

I posted a question about this in the FireflyFansCentral forum almost a month ago, and bumped it a few times, but have received no answer. Haken must be away, busy doing Hakenish things.

Have you actually changed your e-mail in this way?

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Saturday, January 29, 2005 5:55 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
Hey! I'm no longer topless. *rolls eyes* Is that all you read in my post. It is in't it.

Not at all! I clearly recall, that just BEFORE you went topless, you were encasing your body in form-fitting aluminum foil!

Quote:

*SimonWho's eyes travel up twg's black boots, up a short leather mini, up a red lace bustier, to twg's face*

The Real Me, having more class, does not stare directly at ThatWeirdGirl. Instead, he casually observes her from a strategically placed mirror.

Quote:

Oh well. At least I'm lookin' good and trampy.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

A contender for the next pageant!

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Saturday, January 29, 2005 5:57 AM

* The Real Me notices that one of the brides, a blonde, is carrying a katana, and looks decidedly angry as she crosses names off a list one by one. The Real Me decides to take action before something gets out of hand. He gathers the brides together, all in pretty white dresses with veils, some with trains. Hmmmm… One, two, three… There seem to be seven of them. *

Hello! I am The Real Me. You are in the Sereni-TREE. No, I don’t know where your husbands are. No, I don’t really know how you got here, but perhaps ThatWeirdGirl over there can help answer that. If you like, we could probably arrange to take you home. In the meantime, make yourself at home here, and let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Saturday, January 29, 2005 6:03 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:
*Ebo comes to on the floor.*

Ow. What happened?

*Ebo looks around and notices that she's wearing a dress and a knitted sash. She finds this somewhat interesting. She looks around again, this time noticing that most of the menfolk are wearing dresses. She finds this more interesting.*

Whats goin on here? Wha'd i miss? Who are all you people?

*Ebo ponders this for a moment*

And while were asking these sort of questions, who am I?

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

* The Real Me, amidst all the shifting ribbons he is wearing, kneels to examine poor Ebo. He whispers to her. *

Who are we? We are the crew of the Sereni-TREE, and we are having a little pageant.

Who am I? I am The Real Me, your bestest friend, and the one you wanted to vote for in this pageant.

Who are you? You are Mal-licious, a queen and a goddess who likes to hijack threads and bonk people on the head with your scepter.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THATWEIRDGIRL

Saturday, January 29, 2005 6:07 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
The Real Me, having more class, does not stare directly at ThatWeirdGirl. Instead, he casually observes her from a strategically placed mirror.
Quote:

Oh well. At least I'm lookin' good and trampy.

A contender for the next pageant!

I did mention that Rhonda Shear is one of my idols, didn't I? If the 'Up All Night' girl isn't a good trampy role model, I don't know who is.

I was convinced to enter a pageant once. Miss Chick for the Rooster Days Festival. I came in dead last. It was horrible. The girl that did the convincing won runner-up. Apparently in real pageants you need to be a 6'1", blonde, blue-eyed, full figured female. Go figure...

I showed them! I won the weirdest hairstyle award. Hah!

www.thatweirdgirl.com

SIMONWHO

Saturday, January 29, 2005 12:22 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
On behalf of me, I would like to accept the Sereni-tree sash as the gala pageant winner. The honor you do me, honors my....honor.

What? After all the effort I went to with my dress and make up? I waxed my legs for you to just take the crown?

I promised myself I wouldn't cry...

Waaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Ahem. Actually, I'll ask my glamorous assistant for advice on how to be a good loser. Much better that you lose gallantly than have embarassing footage of you crying when you win turning up at a later date (think Halle Berry)

Also, I'm having trouble with our theme song. I got as far as "He treats all his patients, while she pulls funny faces" and somehow I have ended up with a three cycled opera where we both die at the end. Oops.

MALICIOUS

Saturday, January 29, 2005 1:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
What? After all the effort I went to with my dress and make up? I waxed my legs for you to just take the crown?

(Mal-Licious's body guards step in front of SimonWho and say:)

"Mal-Licious is not accepting requests for interviews or autographs as of yet. You will be notified of any changes at her press conference. Good day."

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

COZEN

Saturday, January 29, 2005 2:50 PM

Great. The judge steals the prize. That's life in the Black for ya. Guess I'll build a jacuzzi, need a bath anyway.

*Spies lovely ladies in slinky silvery dress, bustier, a leafy number.*

Sigh. Certainly takes the edge off of losing.

*Makes for pool table to fetch tools and spare golem parts and stuff*

Ooh... nice saran wrap ensemble. If modesty was your intent, you coulda done with an extra wrap or five. *Carefully picks gum from dress, leaving a few immodest rips (ever tried removing gum from saranwrap? Ain't easy).*

*Fetches hopefully non-critical bits of plumbing from the boiler room. Zoid, deep in heavy contemplation of more important matters, declines to notice (this may be a good thing).*

*builds jacuzzi*

*Doffing dress, backs up to pool,spreads arms and falls back dreamily.*

kathunk!

___
Water: an important component of your jacuzzi.

[IMG] [/IMG]

THEREALME

Saturday, January 29, 2005 4:29 PM

Sorry. Double post. See next.

THEREALME

Saturday, January 29, 2005 4:32 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
On behalf of me, I would like to accept the Sereni-tree sash as the gala pageant winner. The honor you do me, honors my....honor.

What? After all the effort I went to with my dress and make up? I waxed my legs for you to just take the crown?

* The Real Me nods sadly. *

Yes. I expected something like this, which is why I was reluctant to enter this contest in the first place. I suppose that I should have warned you, but I hoped it might be different this time.

Hey, would anybody like to place some side bets on who the winner of the "bizzare dress" contest is going to be?

No takers? Didn't think so.

While the prize will undoubtedly go to Mal-licious, I think that those of us not in the "bizzare dress" contest need to vote for one of those individuals who are actually participating, in order to show our appreciation for the effort they are expending.

* The Real Me collects his butterflies and heads off toward his room, dejectedly dragging three palm fronds behind him. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

MONTANAGIRL

Sunday, January 30, 2005 4:37 AM

I'm just posting this because my computer's been acting weird all afternoon, and I want to see if my page will update if I post.

Oh, and I'm also starting to get woozy from my headband. TRM, is it safe to take off or will I have to wrestle it into submission?

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

MAI

Sunday, January 30, 2005 7:43 AM

"I think that those of us not in the "bizzare dress" contest need to vote for one of those individuals who are actually participating, in order to show our appreciation for the effort they are expending."

*Mai enters common room still dressed in amazingly shiny dress of leaves*

ATTENTION PLEASE! As a contestant in the bizarre dress contest I would like a chance to explain my ensemble to the voters.

First, I chose to make the dress of material of leaves in reverence to the Tree House. What better way to express my love of for this unique gathering place (and its even more unique inhabitants).

Secondly, its good for the environment! It's recycling fallen leaves without all the hassle of composting!

Lastly, because of this contest, I have decided to start my own environmentally friendly clothing line.
The dress I am sporting is merely a preview of what I have deemed the Fall Foliage Collection. All proceeds from the sale of this line, of course going directly back to the Tree House, for basic upkeep, booze, and replacement of furniture and such things that tend to be broken a lot, etc...

Revered members of the tree house thank you for valuable time.

*Mai bows gracefully to the audience* It appears the leaves are beginning to wilt and oh my...
Ummm, I'll be right back. I have to go and find some fresh leaves to make a new more umm "healthy" dress.
*shuffles backwards out of room very slowly*

THEREALME

Sunday, January 30, 2005 8:36 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:

Oh, and I'm also starting to get woozy from my headband. TRM, is it safe to take off or will I have to wrestle it into submission?

* The Real Me pauses on the way to his room. *

Right. Of course. Here, allow me to help.

* The Real Me comes near MontanaGirl. He shifts all three palm fronds to one set of hands while his other pair slowly approach the two waving ribbons of MontanaGirl's headband. Suddenly, he grabs them. They react violently, like snakes being grabbed on some Discovery Channel show. The Real Me twists them about so that only the center of the ribbon is attached to MontanaGirl's forehead, but it seems stuck there. The Real Me smiles. *

Persistent little thing, isn't it?

* The Real Me drops the palm fronds and pushes against MontanaGirl's shoulders with two of his hands while pulling the ribbon ends with his other two. The ribbon lets go, and The Real Me goes tumbling backward. He quickly hops up. The ribbon seems dead in his hands. He stuffs it into a drinking glass and hands it over. *

Since I keyed it to you, it will always try to attach to you when you touch it. If you keep it in that glass, it will just sit there. If you need help putting it on later, just let me know. You could also try wearing it on an arm, leg, or your torso. Good day!

* The Real Me picks up his palm fronds and heads off toward his room. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Sunday, January 30, 2005 8:43 AM

* The Real Me pauses again, and turns toward Mai. He claps with two of his hands. *

Thank you, Mai. That dress is an excellent idea! You know, if you need more raw materials, we have a dimensional portal set up in the boiler room that takes you to Zoid's Pub at the Bottom of the Tree. You could get more leaves from the Tree.

Now, if you will all excuse me for a short time, I need to get out of this attire.

* The Real Me indicates the numerous ribbons floating around his form. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Sunday, January 30, 2005 9:13 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:

*montanagirl goes in back and changes into almost floor length silvery slinky dress. It is complimented with an Evenstar necklace and silver dangly earrings. Unfortunately there are no shoes to go along with it, so she goes ahead and wears her cowboy boots.*

So guys, whadda ya think?

Uh...

Are the cowboy boots color-coordinated with the slinkly, silvery elven gown?

Also, those would more properly be called cowGIRL boots, right?

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

MAI

Sunday, January 30, 2005 11:38 AM

Ok, so to be honest the dimensional portal thingy scares me a little. How exactly does it work? I really am in desperate need of more leaves, vines, and flowers. Ok, I guess a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. So, I am going to brave and just jump right in, but first...

If I don't return it probably means I have been sucked into some scary alternate dimension and am helplessly lost.
Of course, it also could mean that I got "sidetracked" at Zoid's Pub and am too sloshed to find my back up to the Tree House.
Either way, if I am not back within the hour, could someone please come and look for me?

SIMONWHO

Sunday, January 30, 2005 2:06 PM

*checks watch*

Uh oh.

THEREALME

Sunday, January 30, 2005 5:55 PM

* The Real Me returns to his suite of rooms, dead tired. He has done his best in this pageant, but that is over, now. As he closes the door behind him, he begins to pull off the clinging ribbons of black cloth and drops them to the floor, where they wiggle for a time. He needs the help of the Ebo Golem to remove some of the more persistent pieces of fabric from his body. *

Ebo Golem, please gather these up, fold them neatly, and place them in my dresser. Hmmmm… how am I going to launder them? They’re likely to get irritated and attempt to escape the washing machine. Hmmm... is it even SAFE to launder them? I guess I ought to read the instructions.

* The Real Me shrugs, then sticks the bases of the three palm fronds in a bucket of water to try to keep them fresh. Next, The Real Me goes to his laboratory. He unbuckles the cybernetic harness that allows him to use Sparky’s two robotic arms as his own. Then, he carefully detaches those arms from the harness and returns them to his workbench with the rest of Sparky. *

Heh. THAT was a good trick.

* Then he takes a quick shower and gets dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, ready for whatever happens next. *

Hmmm… maybe it’s time for me to see if our butterfly thrusters really ARE breeding…

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Sunday, January 30, 2005 6:14 PM

* The Real Me returns from his room, showered, refreshed, and in a new change of clothes (and with only two arms). He stops when he notices a worried look on the face of SimonWho. *

Doctor, what’s wrong?

* SimonWho shakes his head gravely and points to the last couple of posts. The Real Me reads. *

Hmmmm… Mai is missing? This could be serious. I shall investigate!

* As The Real Me departs, he sort of wishes that SimonWho would stop wearing that “vampy” dress, now that the pageant is over. It’s down-right unsettling! On his way to the boiler room that contains the permanent dimensional portal to Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom of the Tree, The Real Me notices Cozen relaxing in a jacuzzi. *

Huh! When did we get one of those?

* In the boiler room, The Real Me makes a frightening discovery. A vandal or saboteur has ripped out some of the critical steam pipes used to maintain and stabilize the permanent portal. The portal itself is wobbling in four of its eleven dimensions and is about to implode! With great effort, The Real Me uses his own powers to slowly shut the portal down, dimension by dimension.

Whew! THAT was close.

* The Real Me then realizes with some shock that if Mai went through the portal while it was in that state, then she could be ANYWHERE! Or ANYWHEN! *

Well, there are a couple of obvious places to check.

* The Real Me opens one of his personal dimensional portals onto Zoid’s Pub at the Bottom. He sticks his upper body through it. *

Hello! Mai? Hey, Zoid! Have you seen Mai?

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

COSMICFUGITIVE

Sunday, January 30, 2005 6:31 PM

*A slither of white light appears in the middle of the treehouse. It slowly expands, growing brighter. Suddenly CosmicFugitive falls to the floor, still wearing his red dress (which is now ripped in several places and covered in multicoloured paint) and looking a mite startled.*

Gah! Get back! Don't look at their heads! They wobble!...

*He hugs his knees into his chest. He looks through a curtain of long, tangled, hair and checks his surroundings. Suddenly his eyes widen.*

Whothahwhattahawaddawhattawhit? Where am I?! What time is it?!

COSMICFUGITIVE

Sunday, January 30, 2005 6:32 PM

*CF looks down at his arms and ripped dress. He shakes his arms allowing the paint to splash onto the floor. He looks up, noticing everyone staring down at him.*

Gou zao de! *Sigh*

MONTANAGIRL

Sunday, January 30, 2005 8:31 PM

Thanks for the help TRM! I love my headband/armband/whatever-you-want-to-call-it-band (I'm really going to have to come up with a better name for it), but everything was starting to get fuzzy there for a while. Now he's happily sitting in his glass drinking some Pepsi I gave him. Who knew that he'd like Pepsi too?

Unfortunately, my boots don't actually match my dress. I don't have any grey boots, only black ones. But my black boots are so comfy that I didn't want to take a chance with a new, possibly uncomfortable, pair.

Hey, I haven't seen Mai in a while. Do we need to organize a search party?

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

EBONEZER

Sunday, January 30, 2005 8:59 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:

Who are you? You are Mal-licious, a queen and a goddess who likes to hijack threads and bonk people on the head with your scepter.

Oh. Ok.

Do people bow to me as well? Yes? Wow. Thats pretty damn cool.

So, um, tread hijacking eh? How does that work? Do i force ya'all to talk about pineapples or what?

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

MALICIOUS

Sunday, January 30, 2005 9:44 PM

Does this mean I'M Ebo now? Or what? I'm confused. This is like the time Maryanne thought she was Ginger.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

EBONEZER

Sunday, January 30, 2005 9:51 PM

Oh hey! Do i get to co-hold the red ball thing too? Does that mean i finaly get to find out what the red ball thing is? This is very exciting.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

COZEN

Sunday, January 30, 2005 9:56 PM

*s-l-o-w-l-y awakens from ongoing visions revolving around Mai's unleaved posterior*

This site is rapidly losing its PG rating....

An open missive to Sereni-Treehousers, esp. TheRealMe, technomagician extrordinaire.

Heya, TRM. Can I call you "The"?. I will anyway, pending respect gained through experiential maturity.
IMHO, you deserved the Misster Treehouse prize. Though I may have, debatably, expended slighlty more energy upon the competition -- the improved pool table, the jacuzzi-needing-water, the over-burdened creditcard -- in retrospect it is clear that your methodology was, in every way, honorable. Heck,even altruistic. My methods, maybe not so much. As for SimonWho, calling upon the Brit Royal Fam'ly's aid somehow crossed a proprietal line: political connexions , how gauche!
Anyway, The, it was naive of us to assume Mal-L wouldn't somehow usurp the title. She is, after all, a goddess. They can do these things, and are entitled to do so. We, ie., the minions, can only be enthralled by our fortune to have even touched upon her presence.
My heartfelt thanks to Ebo: you can have your mind back now. (BTW: share with us every nuance, every pore, all aspects of MB's entry in your life). To KGB: Never sure if I got yer vote, but it was, um, interesting picking off that wad o' gum. To montanagirl: I done run out of Noxema... got any? Oh, if and only if I find a largish snake that has very naturally expired of old age, or croaked from indigestion because s/he consummed too many Rats would you mind if I recycled said creature into snakeskin boots?

The, sorry about the missing plumbing. I never dreamed that such old tech could be utilized in the making of dimensional portals. Speaking of which, ya want help in searching for Mai, I'll take my chances and leap thru one of them openings.

*****
Losing pageants induces the positive attribute of enabling truthsomeness.

MALICIOUS

Sunday, January 30, 2005 10:06 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:
Oh hey! Do i get to co-hold the red ball thing too? Does that mean i finaly get to find out what the red ball thing is? This is very exciting.

Ohh, POOR Ebo! SimonWho, can't you give her any of those drugs River was on? Or do a holo-scan on her brain? See if there is one? (

)

The red BELL (rhymes with "hell?") was the device used to ring-in to answer a question during Firefly Jeopardy at the PA Shindig, back in October. The reason it was from hell is because it made us get the answers wrong. See? It weren't US who were stupid, it were the BELL.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

SIMONWHO

Sunday, January 30, 2005 11:26 PM

Hmm.

*gives ebo drugs*

Aha. Aha. Mmmmm.

*gives ebo more drugs*

Hmmm. Ah.

*gives ebo different drugs*

Okay, let me see...

*gulps*

Er...

*gives ebo shot of adrenaline to the heart*

Ebo?

*checks for vital signs*

Oh dear. This isn't going to look good on my permenant medical history. I hear they put down a slightly sarcastic comment you when you do this for the twentieth time.

Alas poor Ebo, farewell sweet princess and repeats of Angel send thee to thy rest.

*in the background, ebo sits bolt upright*

What was...

ARGH! WHAT THE!!! ARGH!

Oh. Oh dear. The ebo golem. I forgot about the ebo golem. Stupid thing, lacking in vital signs and higher levels of intelligence. Ebo? The real ebo? Where are you?

MONTANAGIRL

Sunday, January 30, 2005 11:35 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by cozen:
To montanagirl: I done run out of Noxema... got any? Oh, if and only if I find a largish snake that has very naturally expired of old age, or croaked from indigestion because s/he consummed too many Rats would you mind if I recycled said creature into snakeskin boots?

I've got some more Noxema in my room. Sorry about the makeup job

. I guess I wasn't really thinking ahead to having to remove it. That's what you get with me helping you out

.

Oooh, snakeskin boots! If you do happen to find said snake, I would be consumed with delight upon receiving a pair of snakeskin boots. Then I can pretend I'm a badass chick. (Right now, not so much.)

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

EBONEZER

Monday, January 31, 2005 12:43 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

Has it always said Bell?

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

COZEN

Monday, January 31, 2005 1:33 AM

Quote:
I can pretend I'm a badass chick.

I struggle mightily to avoid responding with a clever sarcastic quip.

*alas, fails*

Okay, let me get this right. You want there to be something wrong with your ass.

*gives up forever, yet again, trying to figure out women*

Well, if snakeskin boots are what it takes to ruin yer bum, who am I to not help?

*calls up Ebo's CRS, who's all flush with back pay. CRS hangs up on ex-employer. Dials Russian pilot*

*thwop thwop thwop thwopthwopthwop (etc.). Conscious folk dive for cover. Unconcsious folk take their chances. Comfy chair lowered by cable, cozen climbs in, rises up up up. Begins singing, in key of not-quite-there b-flat, a poem badly.*

Off I go to the land
Of freshly expired snakes.
So that I can lend a hand
In ruining bumcakes.

*'copter noise saves Treehouse gang the horror of further drivel*

*****

! Forgot to ask what size....

THEREALME

Monday, January 31, 2005 1:54 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CosmicFugitive:
*A slither of white light appears in the middle of the treehouse. It slowly expands, growing brighter. Suddenly CosmicFugitive falls to the floor, still wearing his red dress (which is now ripped in several places and covered in multicoloured paint) and looking a mite startled.*

Gah! Get back! Don't look at their heads! They wobble!...

*He hugs his knees into his chest. He looks through a curtain of long, tangled, hair and checks his surroundings. Suddenly his eyes widen.*

Whothahwhattahawaddawhattawhit? Where am I?! What time is it?!

Doctor SimonWho! Here is another one!

* The Real Me examines CosmicFugitive. As he recalls, CosmicFugitive has not been seen since near the start of the gala pageant. *

Heads that wobble?

Where have YOU been? Are you all right? I guess the rest of us assumed that you had been napping in your room all this time.

* The Real Me looks up at the recently opened dimensional rift through which CF fell. With his special senses, The Real Me can watch reality re-knit itself. That’s odd. Why did that dimensional portal open? Does CosmicFugitive ALSO have super-powers involving dimensional travel? Or did CF fall through the wobbling permanent portal in the boiler room to end up here and now? Or has space-time been stretched too much by The Real Me’s recent activities and by the recent attack of Inola Teg, Eldritch Horror from the Purple Dimension? Are these portals opening spontaneously because space-time is frayed in this location? Concerned, The Real Me quickly goes over the math in his head. No, according to his calculations, The Real Me believes that everything should be fine. He should be able to fold space-time over on itself several more times before such activity produces perceptible strain. Oh, well, better safe than sorry. *

Hey, everybody! I’m going to unfold space-time around the Sereni-TREE. Anybody in the North or South Wings should move their possessions to rooms in the East or West Wings. I think that we’ll still have plenty of room, even with the extra seven brides.

* The Real Me personally checks each and every room in the North and South Wings. Then he closes the doors where those wings connect to the common room. The Real Me takes a deep breath and concentrates. Nobody notices anything strange. Then The Real Me goes to open the door to the North Wing. He steps into the hallway beyond and closes the door behind him. Immediately, the door to the East Wing opens, and The Real Me walks out into the common room. *

Okay, that’s done now. The door to the North Wing will now lead to the East Wing, along with the East Wing door, of course. There is a similar relationship between the West and South Wings. All the wings are really occupying the same space, anyway. Okay, now. What next?

* With CosmicFugitive still in a state of shock and SimonWho nowhere to be seen, The Real Me asks Bride3 and Bride6 to watch after him. Bride6 REALLY seems to like CF's dress!*

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Monday, January 31, 2005 1:59 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by montanagirl:
Thanks for the help TRM! I love my headband/armband/whatever-you-want-to-call-it-band (I'm really going to have to come up with a better name for it), but everything was starting to get fuzzy there for a while. Now he's happily sitting in his glass drinking some Pepsi I gave him. Who knew that he'd like Pepsi too?

Unfortunately, my boots don't actually match my dress. I don't have any grey boots, only black ones. But my black boots are so comfy that I didn't want to take a chance with a new, possibly uncomfortable, pair.

Hey, I haven't seen Mai in a while. Do we need to organize a search party?

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

You are very welcome. I'm glad you like it. Pepsi? Yes, of course.

* The Real Me makes a note to himself that the black ribbon-things like Pepsi. *

As to the boots, I am clearly not one to offer fashion tips.

As to Mai? Well, I am begining to become concerned, yes. Perhaps we will need to do something soon.

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THEREALME

Monday, January 31, 2005 2:07 AM

* The Real Me rounds a corner and runs into Mal-licious. He bows deeply. *

Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
Does this mean I'M Ebo now? Or what? I'm confused. This is like the time Maryanne thought she was Ginger.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

Yes! Exactly like when Maryanne thought she was Ginger. And no, you are not Ebo, you are Mal-licious. But you might want to PRETEND to be Ebo so that Ebo-Mal-licious isn't too terribly shocked.

* The Real Me continues on his way, and runs into someone else. Mal-licious, this time. He bows deeply. Hmmm... The Real Me notices that THIS Mal-licious is holding a red BALL. This must be the Ebo-Mal-licious. The Real Me sighs, and thinks that maybe he shouldn't have fooled poor Ebo. Perhaps PsychicRiver can restore Ebo's memories if he dug down deep enough into her mind. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

MALICIOUS

Monday, January 31, 2005 2:24 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Yes! Exactly like when Maryanne thought she was Ginger. And no, you are not Ebo, you are Mal-licious. But you might want to PRETEND to be Ebo so that Ebo-Mal-licious isn't too terribly shocked.

I hate to have to tell you this, but just BEING me is shock enough.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

THEREALME

Monday, January 31, 2005 2:34 AM

* The Real Me continues on his way. He passes SimonWho, who is apparently attempting to resuscitate the Ebo Golem. How odd. It was never alive in the FIRST place! Hmmm… No WONDER our good doctor wasn’t around earlier to help CosmicFugitive. The Real Me moves on. *

* The Real Me pauses while Cozen says some kind words to him. While The Real Me considers what Cozen has said, Cozen speaks briefly to MontanaGirl. By this time, The Real Me has composed his response: *

Actually, Cozen, I have to say that… Cozen?

* But, after making a quick call on his cell phone, Cozen is off, muttering something about not understanding women and wanting to ruin someone’s bum! The Real Me follows. *

Cozen? Cozen, are you…

* But by this time, Cozen has hopped into a chair dangling under a helicopter and is off, singing a strange song about snakes. Hand shielding his eyes against the sun, The Real Me watches Cozen’s helicopter disappear into the distance. *

Huh! What an odd fellow!

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THATWEIRDGIRL

Monday, January 31, 2005 4:20 AM

*Slamming her 42nd shot of PepsiMilk back, twg falls off the stool onto her bum. She quickly tugs her mini down to feign some kind of decency.*

Hrumph

*Trying to pull herself up, she falls down once more. She sniffs the shot glass. Not PepsiMilk, not PepsiMilk.*

wha? That’s...yes, yes, it is, that's vodka...

*Closing her eyes, she once again attempts to stand. She stands. Ignoring the looks from the other blurs in the room, she walks back to the changing screen to get out of this harlot outfit. She steps into her coveralls, laces up her combat boots, and secures her hair in a ponytail. Feeling much more comfortable, she returns to the common room with only a mild headache*

I think those copter guys spilled some mighty fine spirits in my pepsimilk. I can usually handle more than just 42 shots, it must be the combination of Pepsi, milk, and the good drink. Well, I learned my lesson: Never think about past pageants and the entire town laughing at your inability to walk in heels across the Main Street stage.

So, do need me to call up IT and look for Mai?

www.thatweirdgirl.com

THEREALME

Monday, January 31, 2005 5:17 AM

* The Real Me claps at ThatWeirdGirl's amazing drinking binge. *

Wow! I haven't seen anybody consume that much booze since... uh... since...

I've NEVER seen anybody put it away like that!

Uh...

Say, is that your Kaylee-complete-with-hearts-and-teddy-bear-patches outfit, or your Ripley-about-to-kick-some-alien-butt outfit?

And I think that it might be a bit premature to call in Inola Teg to hunt for Mai. After all, we haven't failed on our own yet. Remember, the last time Inola Teg graced us with her presence, the entire common room was trashed and Sparky was destroyed. Moreover, several of our fellow Treehouse inhabitants haven't been seen here since that day. Now, I'm not saying she ATE them, mind you.

I'm just sayin'.

Besides, don't we still have the ladies' bizzare dress contest going on?

Okay, I can make a new list now:

Volunteers for the Mai Rescue Party:

Cozen
MontanaGirl
ThatWeirdGirl
TheRealMe

P.S. Say do you really prefer "Tippy"?

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

THATWEIRDGIRL

Monday, January 31, 2005 5:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Wow! I haven't seen anybody consume that much booze since... uh... since...

Did I tell you about the time back in freshmen year, down in Louisiana, when I won a shot contest at the frat house? Pretty sad if you ask me, a 110lb girl beating all those guys. Shameful.

Quote:

Say, is that your Kaylee-complete-with-hearts-and-teddy-bear-patches outfit, or your Ripley-about-to-kick-some-alien-butt outfit?

Kaylee

Quote:

P.S. Say do you really prefer "Tippy"?

I'm not sure. Still rollin it around. I like the idea and the way it sounds. "TiPpY" See it's kinda fun. I just don't know. I've always been ThatWeirdGirl, Twig, twg. Let's see how it goes.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

EBONEZER

Monday, January 31, 2005 5:37 AM

*Ebo-Licious perks up.* Rescue party? I volunteer! This red ball thing should really help!

I'm a woman of action! A fearless leader!

hmmmm...fearless leader...that sounds familiar...Eh, whatever. Probably not important.

Let the searching begin!

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

MAI

Monday, January 31, 2005 6:27 AM

*A very bewildered and slightly rumpled girl stirs from a deep sleep on a rather large pile of leaves.* Now that is weird! I don't feel hung over. Where in the hell am I?

Ohhhh look at the pretty butterflies, so sparkly, and oh my they're making some sort of strange formation. Now that's a little scary. Don't like scary butterflies. Eww don't like bugs at all. Shoo! Go on, and get!

Much better. Maybe I will just curl up again and go back to sleep. I was having such a lovely dream about men in slinky dresses. *Yawn* Yes, definitely time to go back to dream land.

THEREALME

Monday, January 31, 2005 6:54 AM

* Meanwhile, on the Sereni-TREE, The Real Me stands very still, eyes closed and concentrating. He has a backpack strapped behind him and a high-tech squirt gun at his hip, the kind with an extra large reservoir. He is trying to imagine Mai, to get a good picture of her in his head. Unfortunately, this has him thinking a lot about falling leaves. He takes a deep breath, focuses his will, and reaches out with his hand. A spot of light appears, and widens into a dark dimensional portal. It floats in mid-air. The Real Me turns to the other volunteers. *

Okay, that’s about the best I can do. I THINK that this will lead us to Mai, but I can’t promise that. This is not an exact science, after all. It might only lead us to SOME Mai; a version of Mai that exists somewhere in the multi-verse that is not the Mai that we knew.

Anyway, if you are ready, then follow me. I’ll keep the portal open for you as long as I can.

* The Real Me steps into the hole in reality and disappears. *

The Real Me

(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you. But he CAN receive e-mail at realme@pcibroadband.net.)

MONTANAGIRL

Monday, January 31, 2005 7:05 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheRealMe:
* The Real Me turns to the other volunteers. *

Anyway, if you are ready, then follow me. I’ll keep the portal open for you as long as I can.

Oh, we're leaving now! Just a minute!

*montanagirl jumps down off her barstool (making sure to grab the glass with the headband) and runs to her room (formerly in the South, now in the West wing). She returns dressed more regularly in a t-shirt, jeans and boots, with her black ribbon tied securely around her head.*

Hold the door TRM!

*She steps through the portal and vanishes. Her voice comes floating back.*

I sure hope he knows what he's doing.

Packer fans welcome.
All others tolerated.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Monday, January 31, 2005 3:39 PM

*grabbing her trusty hula hoop, twg/tippy follows thru the portral*

www.thatweirdgirl.com

THEREALME

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 12:09 AM

* One of the brides is the next to approach the dimensional portal. Before she goes, she turns and says: *

To follow the adventures of the Treehouse crew on Mai-Quest, see the thread, “The Treehouse Crew On Mai-Quest”.

* The bride dives into the portal. *

THEREALME

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 12:12 AM

duplicate.

SIMONWHO

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 12:32 AM

Wow, you're going off on a huge adventure to track down the one Mai in the multiverse that is ours. To join up, all we have to do is throw ourselves into that multi-dimensional portal, right?

*peers inside*

Hmm. If anyone wants me, I'll be in my bunk.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 12:50 AM

*twg's voice floats thru the portal*

Simon? If you stay behind, can you catch me if I have to jump thru in haste? You could join us, we'll likely need a doctor. The Sleestaks are creepy and violent.

www.thatweirdgirl.com

EBONEZER

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 2:06 AM

*Ebo jumps through the swirly-mai-finding-porthole thing.*

Geronamo!

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

MALICIOUS

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 2:37 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ebonezer:
*Ebo jumps through the swirly-mai-finding-porthole thing.

Ebo, are you you again?

Also, were we done with this thread?

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

EBONEZER

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 3:41 AM

as me as i can be anyway

and yes, i think we are done.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

SIMONWHO

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 3:58 AM

Hmm. Well, where am I going to stand to catch those running from the scary monsters if not this thread?

I am following the activities in the other dimension thanks to my time/space visualiser but I think it might be a good idea if someone remained in the right reality so you know which one to come back to.

*settles down to watch Miss Congeniality again*

THATWEIRDGIRL

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 5:17 AM

Quote:
Stand back, I have a young doctor stadning by to catch me. I'd like him to not drop me, so clear off.

Hey, Simon! Here I come!

*twg begins running. she jumps thru the hole...*

www.thatweirdgirl.com

SIMONWHO

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 12:22 PM

Okay, this is going to be a hand/eye coordination thing isn't it? Right, I'm a doctor, I can handle this.

*sidles up to glowing portal*

Just like catching a newborn baby. If that baby weighed 9 stone and was leaving the womb with the help of a jetpack...

*portal glows brighter*

Girl, you are coming head first, right?

*TWG's feet emerge from the portal at high speed*

Uh oh.

*THUMP*

Ow. Well, I caught you. And also, ow. I think for the other returnees, we'll just set up some crash mats, I don't think it's a good idea for us all to end up tangled up on the floor.

*notices he and TWG are still intertwined on the ground*

Um. I suppose one of us has to get up sometime.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 3:25 PM

nah, we can just lie here for a bit and rest. unless you're uncomfortable. my elbow or knee pokin you?

www.thatweirdgirl.com

SIMONWHO

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 8:14 PM

No, no, this is surprisingly comfortable.

*comfortable silence*

So..... what sort of present did you bring me from another dimension?

THATWEIRDGIRL

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 8:30 PM

Oh, I almost forgot...*twg opens her hand to reveal a plum sized crystal. The light hits the edge and a soft green glow can be seen inside.*

Chaka let me have this from the matrix table. He says it's a visual recorder, like a holorecorder. It can play back images. I thought maybe you could keep this near you at the sneak peek.

*timidly looks up at Simon's eyes*

You don't have to, being illegal and all. A short little projection with you waving at us in front of the con would be enough. Think of all the cool things you can do with this.

*twg encloses his hand around the crystal and smiles*

www.thatweirdgirl.com

SIMONWHO

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 8:56 PM

This isn't fair, she's doing the timid eye thing. How am I supposed to resist?

Come on man, pull yourself together, you've braved worse things than this.

Argh! She's wrapped her fingers around mine. Now practically every wrappable thing of hers is wrapped around me.

Okay, dull thoughts, dull thoughts. John Major. The events section of the Essex Chronicle. Learning to fly in GTA: San Andreas. Cricket. Latin. TWG smearing oil across.... no, bad, bad, back to dull thoughts.

Must not risk getting thrown out of cinema. Must not be stopped from seeing the big screen debut of our heroes for 9 whole months. Concentrate. Fight it, my boy, fight it.

Hang on, it's been five minutes, this interior monologue has gone on way too long already. Be a man. Say no. Just say no. No, sorry, can't do it.

Well...

*TWG squeezes slightly*

Sure, anything you want.

Bugger

THATWEIRDGIRL

Wednesday, February 2, 2005 9:09 PM

Have I told you how glad I am that we had that first confrontation in the three switches board? You've been a great addition to our number.

*cuddles into Simon's shoulder*

No, really, you don't have to spy for me. But a wave hello or an English sunset might be nice.

*thinks over 'anything you want'*

If I make it over there someday, I want you to share a pint at your favorite pub. Deal?

www.thatweirdgirl.com

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