Bad News; Serenity going staight to DVD

POSTED BY: BlackoutNights
UPDATED: Saturday, April 1, 2006 15:11
VIEWED: 21038
PAGE 1 of 1

BLACKOUTNIGHTS

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:08 PM

Universal sci-fi thriller “Serenity” headed strait to DVD

By Ami Railtafgib
Staff Writer

A source at Universal films who wished not to be named said today that the studio’s much anticipated release of the science-fiction film “Serenity” will not be shown on the silver screen this fall and will instead be mass marketed on DVD just in time for Christmas.
“After our test screenings, we just thought this would be the best move,” said the source, who wished not to be named. “We understand this will upset the six or seven fans out there who were waiting for the movie, but we need more than that for a blockbuster.”
The film was to take up where Joss Whedon’s short-lived television series “Firefly” ended.
Based upon huge DVD sales of that series, Universal entered into a contract with Whedon to produce the movie. However, it was discovered last month that the sales numbers were less than truthful about the amount of fans in the marketplace.
“What we have here is the case of three rabid fans buying more than 2 million copies of this series,” said the source, “and then using multiple on-line aliases to make it seem like there’s an audience for this film.”
“It’s deceptive; it’s untrue, and Universal is ashamed to even be associated with this thing. While we appreciate all the hard work of the cast and crew, the notion of us showing this movie to empty theaters worldwide is less than appealing.”
Whedon said in a telephone interview he was unaware of the studio’s move. Star Nathan Fillion, the captain of the starship the movie was named after, also was surprised.
“Who told you this?” Fillion asked.
And actress Summer Glau sounded on the verge of tears.
“This was going to be my breakout movie!!”
Still, Universal believes Christmas sales of the DVD will be excellent.
“Those fans who bought the series will buy multiple copies of the movie to try and get us to make a sequel,” the source laughed. “It’s wishful thinking, but that’s not going to happen.”

ZAPHODB

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:11 PM

And so April Fool's Day begins....

Industrial Looniee & Madness - http://www3.telus.net/vchrusch

RAT

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:14 PM

Cute!

-Ratboy

THESOMNAMBULIST

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:25 PM

Dood - that was not funny.

I almost put my boot through my monitor from disgust.!

April fool's ! - What numbskull thought of this. Everyday is pretty much a practical joke as it is!!!!

I'm off to take some oxygen.

Thanks
TheSomnambulist

www.cirqus.com
For Pictures:
http://www.cirqus.com/lightfantastic.html

TOMANTA

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:38 PM

Not so much funny as just cruel....

---
"Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines, it's made out of circles. That's why clocks are round."

EBONEZER

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:44 PM

Oh you guys, give 'em a break. Its April Fools day, if you can't take a joke, probably you should go back to bed right now.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five gynecologists recommend calling Ebo a girl.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yeabig/

CIARA

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:45 PM

~snicker~ cruelly funny, or funnily cruel, I cant' decide--*happy sigh* ahhhh a legitimate reason to lie--all day long!!! Does that seem right you you?

Just a humble supplicant in service to all things Joss

BROWNCOAT1

Friday, April 1, 2005 6:49 PM

Two words:

SPECIAL HELL!!!

__________________________________________

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."

Richmond, VA & surrounding area Firefly Meet Up:
http://firefly.meetup.com/9/boards/

HAKEN

Friday, April 1, 2005 7:10 PM

Let me join you in that special hell. For at least one day anyway.

LUPINS

Friday, April 1, 2005 7:29 PM

Evil!!! This was just evil!!!

I've had a crappy crappy work week and this almost brought me to tears. Thank GOODNESS this is a joke...this is a joke...right??

RUE

Friday, April 1, 2005 7:45 PM

I saw the title ... it was the first thing I read ... what a way to start the day

but I'm in - this'll put it back at the top

WHISPER

Friday, April 1, 2005 7:49 PM

Really, I'm laughing on the inside.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Friday, April 1, 2005 7:51 PM

I bet we could buy enough dvds to justify making a sequel...come on...we can do it!

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
Can we not revel in our cyber-love?

ELWOODMOM

Friday, April 1, 2005 8:03 PM

Nice try! See how easy us browncoats can read through the bull??

TOMANTA

Friday, April 1, 2005 8:37 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Elwoodmom:
Nice try! See how easy us browncoats can read through the bull??

If only there were more like us on the World of Warcraft forums. People there will literally believe anything.

---
"Timeline? Time isn't made out of lines, it's made out of circles. That's why clocks are round."

SGTGUMP

Friday, April 1, 2005 8:39 PM

That had me going there for a minute. Good one.

TETHYS

Friday, April 1, 2005 8:43 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Haken:
Let me join you in that special hell. For at least one day anyway.

IT Lives!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL just kidding Haken, good to see ya posting

as to mine....I am about to call out for work, but I've been here for 4 hours

muahahaha

****EDIT****

I have just been informed that if I do so, they would dock me 1/2 day's pay. Talk about being dense.............

"Your mouth is talking. Might wanna look to that"
I am: http://redwing.hutman.net/%7Emreed/warriorshtm/bigcat.htm

YT

Friday, April 1, 2005 9:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BlackoutNights:
By Ami Railtafgib

C'mon folks, it's right @the top. Would it help if he said it was written by Lirpa Loof?

Keep the Shiny Side Up . . . (wutzon) Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"

CHRISISALL

Friday, April 1, 2005 10:00 PM

The first four lines had me holdin' my breath...
In the words of Hudson from Aliens:
That ain't funny, man. It ain't funny.

Yeah, it WAS funny. Good one. Almost had me crap my tightpants, but good one.

Chrisisall

AURAPTOR

Friday, April 1, 2005 11:33 PM

Quote:
And actress Summer Glau sounded on the verge of tears.
“This was going to be my breakout movie!!

.....a SPECIAL Hell.....count on it!

See this face? It's me... NOT laughing

.....much.

And a happy foo's day to you too!

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

FINN MAC CUMHAL

Friday, April 1, 2005 11:47 PM

I read this this morning before I left for work. In my usual way of only reading half the news, I didn't get down to the bottom where it started getting stupid, so the whole day I've been wondering if this were true or not. Luckily I tend to be skeptical of everything so I didn't immediately believe it, but resigned myself to do an intensive internet search when I got home from work.

Now that I find out it was all just a cruel joke, I don't know what to do with the rest of my night.

STARRBABY

Saturday, April 2, 2005 12:39 AM

That was actually very clever. I got a huge kick out of the whole five or six fans who bought up the DVDs . . .lol.
Too bad they're on to us, huh?

INEEDSERENITY

Saturday, April 2, 2005 12:54 AM

I almost cried after reading the headline. April 1st is a terrible day!

CHANNAIN

Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:04 AM

Quote:
Like BC1 Said
SPECIAL HELL!!!

My heartbeat just plain stopped - but I gotta say, that was pretty darn well written.

This is the other special hell, right? The one that's lower than the first one?

Fans come and fans go...but zealots are with you until the bitter black end.
I draw...therefore I am. http://www.mnartists.org/artistHome.do?rid=7922
Minnesota Meetup - join us! http://firefly.meetup.com/45/

0REAVER0

Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:09 AM

ahhhhh evil Ban him i almost died that was the worst aprils fools!!!!111

0Reaver0

CAITE

Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:13 AM

I totally fell for this one too. Thank god I read it all the way through and saw it was a joke

Good one!

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Saturday, April 2, 2005 1:16 AM

Y'know, I would have bought if the discussion link didn't have APRIL 1, 2005 right above it...
...no way around that I guess. Well at least you had fun with it. It looked good, well except for the author's name, that too was a blatant give away...but me, I like more cruelty in a joke...

Cilantro!
TCM (Creator, Killer and Resurrector of CAPTION TIGHTPANTS!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't, I repeat, DON'T go to these links...
http://www.zazzle.com/contributors/home/default.asp?cid=23847914695881
5760
AND
http://www.cafepress.com/10thcrew

BLACKOUTNIGHTS

Saturday, April 2, 2005 3:55 AM

Ok, now that the day's almost over I'll say it.
APRIL FOOLS! HA!

Man, that was fun.

Thanks Channain for the compliment on the writing and to all who got a kick out of this. And a very special thanks to Haken for putting it on the news section. THAT was unexpected. What a hoot.

Less than 200 days to go Browncoats. I've got to keep you on your toes. It's my duty, Bubba's.

"Keep Ted Turner and his damned Crayolas away from my movie!"—Orson Wells.

INIRE

Saturday, April 2, 2005 7:06 AM

Super Special Hell!

JUTIN

Saturday, April 2, 2005 9:20 AM

Some of the shit that was said could just simply be called an April Fools' joke, but the part in "quoting" Summer Glau and some of the phrasing detailing the film is just complete douchebag ragging on a wildly entertaining franchise... not to sound too much like a sobbing fan but you are a total fuck-head and need to realize the difference between a joke and just simply bashing the best sci-fi since The Matrix or Star Wars... and I appologize to anyone else who reads this comment for my language. It's meant for the intended and none other.

CALIGARI

Saturday, April 2, 2005 9:28 AM

I believe Evan Dorkin went on record on LJ with much that I second. I quote....

"April Fool's Day is the dullest fucking day of the year. If you need a license to pull something over on someone, you're a dweeb. It's the 24-hr period equivalent of a "funny" t-shirt or bumper sticker. It sucks. If you're planning an April Fool trick, go home, get under the covers, and think deep, bad thoughts about why you are such a giddy loser who plans dull whimsy by the calendar. You are probably so crushed by the monotony of school or the cubicle that you need this hilarious smidgen of release. Mayhaps suicide will scratch that itch far better, hmmmm? Keep thinking until it's midnight and the desire to pointlessly fool someone has passed."

Ya know, anyone that can come up with the brilliant _Milk and Cheese_ must know a proper place for humor....

http://www.livejournal.com/users/tomehoarder/

AX3001

Saturday, April 2, 2005 11:07 AM

A bit of history about april fools if your interested...

The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1.

However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the new year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fools errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes.

continued at:
" http://wilstar.com/holidays/aprilfool.htm"

Just thought people might be interested

Ax
~~

Zoe: Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?

MISSJASADIN

Saturday, April 2, 2005 11:27 AM

OMG. I think my heart stopped.
Damn April Fools *shakes fist*
But must be calm, all is good... Serenity

jasadin

REEQUEEN

Saturday, April 2, 2005 11:50 AM

Quote:
C'mon folks, it's right @the top. Would it help if he said it was written by Lirpa Loof?

The name was the first thing I looked at (good thing I've a habit of reading things backwards), plus I was looking for the link - all good Whedon fans provide links!

Okay, I admit my heart stopped for a split second.....

"He has a gorm horizon. All gorm that falls past it is lost forever." UserFriendly http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20050114

ZOIC

Saturday, April 2, 2005 5:51 PM

“We understand this will upset the six or seven fans out there who were waiting for the movie, but we need more than that for a blockbuster.”

I think this line gave it away.

CHRISISALL

Saturday, April 2, 2005 6:11 PM

I bet Joss woulda got a kick outta this. Any way to foward some of this stuff to 'em?

Some gorram funny stuff, it is...

Chrisisall

ZOID

Saturday, April 2, 2005 6:13 PM

B.o.N:

You're a baaad man. And I don't mean Tom Brady 'bad'; I mean O.J. 'bad'...

By the way, your Mommie doesn't really love you. That's right! I heard her talking with Mizz Smith and she said she was just going to leave you at the kindergarten... Forever!

-zed

P.S.
And it's April 2nd, so I'm not even foolin'. *sigh* I guess you'll just have to go live with strangers who don't love you...
(Your mommie doesn't love you! Your mommie doesn't love you! Nah, nuh-nah, nuh-nah, nah!)

P1NKISPUNK

Saturday, April 2, 2005 8:53 PM

You got me!!! I was on the verge of tears of rage...until the whole 3 fans buying 2 million box sets. Ha!

BAGELHOT

Saturday, April 2, 2005 10:54 PM

Crap. I just sent an email to universal studios telling them of my disappointment. Curse that April fools thing! I agree with one of the earlier entries. You should go to the "special" hell for pulling that little stunt but since it's april fools day I guess a "Sucker" stamp should be placed on my head instead.

nice.

Derek<<<<<

WHITEFALL

Saturday, April 2, 2005 11:27 PM

Hi folks... i'm new. Been lurkin on your site for awhile, and now i registered.... and um.. hi. Anyways, i couldnt let this perfect opportunity for a applied quote go un-used... (though i loved the "special hell" thing)

Wow Ax3001, that was so...... historical!

And lol, a cruel april fools joke to be sure, but having just read the WoW homepage, i came prepared, hehe.

LOSTINTHEBLACK

Sunday, April 3, 2005 12:01 AM

Thanks. I nearly wet myself from panic after reading that. Cruel bastard.

Then I wet myself laughing when I remembered it was April Fools. That was better than ceran-wrap on the toliet seat. Cheers for your creative, semi-humorous evil.

THEGREYJEDI

Sunday, April 3, 2005 6:04 AM

am I the only one whose skepticism immediately denied the possibility of such a thing the moment I saw it? And I saw the author's name before reading any of it. People, people. Calm down. BON, nice piece of work.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Chief Engineer - USS SereniTREE.
http://www.jed-soft.com Gamer Rigs, Budget Prices
http://tomeofgrey.blogspot.com
Real Fans Wait - 09/30/05

RAT

Sunday, April 3, 2005 6:31 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheGreyJedi:
am I the only one whose skepticism immediately denied the possibility of such a thing the moment I saw it?

No!

-Ratboy

JAK

Sunday, April 3, 2005 10:29 AM

Son of a bitch. It's April 3rd now! I should've looked at when it was posted, but... son of a bitch! I was so pissed after reading the title that I didn't really pay attention to the rest to realize it was a joke. Summer almost in tears... Son of a bitch!

I agree. The Very Special Hell.

KISSTHESTRAWBERRYLOVERMRTAM

Sunday, April 3, 2005 4:07 PM

Ha Ha - that was brilliant, well done!

I thought surely there would be outrage amongst the forums and the earth shattering news would have been plastered everywhere as soon as i logged in!

Nice one!

Sarah

STEELCAGE

Sunday, April 3, 2005 10:26 PM

That scared the crap out of me... Phew..

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Sunday, April 3, 2005 11:17 PM

You , you almost had me.

I read this on April 3rd, I thought it was real untill I read "three rabid fans buying more than 2 million copies". Rabid fans don't have that much money.

Don't do anything like this again.

---------------------------------------------
The real-life box droppin', man-ape gone wrong thing, now without the pesky falling boxes

VETERAN

Monday, April 4, 2005 4:27 AM

Just as I clicked on this I noticed the date. Good one.

FREDIKAYLLOW

Monday, April 4, 2005 10:29 AM

I myself am actually a big fan of April Fools Day, tricking quite a few people into drinking a bottle of salt water (oh, good times) but I didn't notice the date on the post and was literally hyperventilating while i read this. i'm not over exaggerating, i was sitting at the computer screen, fanning myself with my hand.
It was rather well done though, and although i didn't think it funny at the time, it was once i knew it was a joke.
Congratulations!!!

No Power In The 'Verse Can Stop Me
xoxox-FREDIKAYLLOW-xoxox

HUITZIL

Monday, April 4, 2005 11:51 AM

wow, that's great, I 've found the five or six other people in the world with as severe dissociative identity disorder as myself! and we're all wearing brown :)

___________
All guilt is relative. Loyalty counts. And never let your conscience be your guide.

LITTLEKAYLEE

Monday, April 4, 2005 2:50 PM

omj, thats the most unfunny thing I have ever heard!

you almost gave me a heart attack!

-I hate april fools

*aka Scooby_Gal from Browncoats*

"Yes sir..Captain Tightpants"

"Well my sisters a ship. we had a complicated childhood."

BLACKOUTNIGHTS

Monday, April 4, 2005 4:04 PM

Jutin—Right back atcha.

You're either in or you're out, and I'm playing to the in.

SHINYGODDESS

Monday, April 4, 2005 6:51 PM

I cried. I was tearing up.. and I think you are NOT funny... I agree with "special Hell".

VETERAN

Monday, April 4, 2005 9:51 PM

I especially liked the part where you said three rabid fans bought all the DVDs.

DIETCOKE

Monday, April 4, 2005 11:48 PM

Make no mistake, you will go to "special hell" for this post! :)

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Tuesday, April 5, 2005 2:28 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by dietcoke:
Make no mistake, you will go to "special hell" for this post! :)

Screw the Special Hell, kick him into the engine!

---------------------------------------------
The real-life box droppin', man-ape gone wrong thing, now without the pesky falling boxes

DIETCOKE

Tuesday, April 5, 2005 2:31 AM

That would not be disagreeable to me....

LORA

Tuesday, April 5, 2005 3:15 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by p1nkispunk:
You got me!!! I was on the verge of tears of rage...until the whole 3 fans buying 2 million box sets. Ha!

This almost had me. Last year's took a very LONG time to read, so I'm grateful it was a short 'article'. The less energy I have to invest before being told it's a joke, the less likely I am to be bitter about it.

I was ready to cry with Summer, and thinking of calling up the other 3 fans I know -- whom I recruited -- to ask which of them had purchased the other 1,999,994 box sets of the DVD and which one of them claims to be Haken.

I am so looking forward to seeing Serenity fly on the big screen. Empty theatres, my pigu!

"Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?"

RAT

Saturday, April 1, 2006 5:29 AM

Bump!

____________________________
Acquisitions Officer - SereniTREE

SAMEERTIA

Saturday, April 1, 2006 5:35 AM

*snicker giggle*

Thanks for the giggle.
I LOVE April 1st!

(Now, how can I torture the highlander board this year, I wonder?)

FITZ

Saturday, April 1, 2006 2:57 PM

ummm, how was that ever gonna work when it has already come out in cinemas and on DVD?

Did anybody honestly fall for that?

surely you all went an saw it in the cinema...

Men of Honour - coming soon to a Blue Sun Room near you...

CBY

Saturday, April 1, 2006 3:11 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Fitz:
ummm, how was that ever gonna work when it has already come out in cinemas and on DVD?

Did anybody honestly fall for that?.

The thread is from last year, now it's pretty pointless.

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