New Element Discovered

POSTED BY: GinoBiffaroni
UPDATED: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 02:37
VIEWED: 3603
PAGE 1 of 1

GINOBIFFARONI

Sunday, June 12, 2005 8:15 PM

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

" Looking for a place to happen
Making stops along the way "

ILIZEDE

Monday, June 13, 2005 1:23 AM

Haha

CANTTAKESKY

Monday, June 13, 2005 2:27 PM

I love it.

Can't Take My Gorram Sky

CONNORFLYNN

Tuesday, June 14, 2005 12:09 PM

Gino-

That is priceless LOL. Thanks, and nice to see a chuckle thread in the RWE, where the person doesn't get flamed ;)

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to steal that and e-mail it to a few friends hehehe.

CHRISISALL

Friday, July 1, 2005 6:33 PM

Gino, I just read you reprehensible 'joke'. Only someone with YOUR political leanings would post such an attack on our beloved government, indeed, on our wonderful country itself! If you hate this country, it's farms and it's American babies, then F-ing move to Siberia!!!
Fooling people into thinking this post was about science is stupid and mean!! You didn't fool me, though. Halfway through it I knew it was not about science!
Peddle your Constitutional hating beliefs elsewhere, the RWE is no place for levity!

The always serious, never fooling around Chrisisall

CHRISISALL

Friday, July 1, 2005 6:37 PM

P.S. That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. Did you make it up yourself? If so, Bravo! *claps loudly*

Chrisisall

GINOBIFFARONI

Friday, July 1, 2005 7:24 PM

It was E-mailed to me... I laughed my ass off, then figured it would be the type of thing that would go over here

Glad you liked it

When my eloquence escapes you
My logic ties you up and rapes you

http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/the_police/de_do_do_do_de_da_da_da.h
tml

RUE

Saturday, July 2, 2005 12:44 AM

More science:

TEXAS A&M CHEMISTRY MIDTERM QUESTION:

IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC?

Is Hell exothermic (giving off energy/heat) or endothermic (absorbing energy/heat)? Support your answer with proof.

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

"As far as how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions. Some state that if you are not a member of their religion then you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one religion and since people do not belong to more than one religion we can safely project that all people and all souls go to Hell. And, with the birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

"Now, if we will look at the rate of change with respect to volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to remain the same the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives only two possibilities:

"If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate than which souls are entering then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

"Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls then the temperature will drop until all Hell freezes over.

"So which is it?

"If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Sheryl Atkinson during my freshman year that it would 'be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and taking into account that I have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then I am sure that Hell must be exothermic."

RUE

Saturday, July 2, 2005 12:56 AM

Dilbert's Theorem on Salary

Dilbert's Theorem on Salary states that engineers and scientists can never earn as much salary as business executives and salespeople. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power
Postulate 2: Time is Money

Work / Time = Power

substitute
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

results in
Work / Money = Knowledge

solve for Money
Work / Knowledge = Money

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the amount of work done.

RUE

Saturday, July 2, 2005 12:57 AM

finally:

186,000 mi/sec It's not just a good idea, it's The Law.

RUE

Saturday, July 2, 2005 12:58 AM

OK. I know thse are groaners. But I really, really like them.

SEVEREN

Saturday, July 2, 2005 4:01 AM

Awesome !!!!

http://www.constitutionparty.com

CHRISISALL

Saturday, July 2, 2005 1:40 PM

Hey, they're new to me, and gorram hi-larious to boot!
Thanks.

Hell in a handbasket Chrisisall

FIVVER

Monday, July 4, 2005 1:50 AM

I'd like to add the three laws of thermodynamics:

1) You can't win.
2) You can't break even.
3) And you can't get out of the game...

SGTGUMP

Monday, July 4, 2005 8:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by GinoBiffaroni:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium".

That's going to everyone I know. Thanks.

CREVANREAVER

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 1:52 AM

For another small government alternative try...

http://www.lp.org

By the way Ginobiffaroni, your work is both clever and accurate.

WHITEFALL

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 2:37 AM

Here's something similar, for all you wonderful liberals out there :)

A groaner, to be sure, but...
---------------------------------------
At New York's Kennedy Airport an individual (later found to be a teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while possessing a ruler, set square, protractor and calculator.

At a morning press conference Attorney General Ashcroft said he believes the man to be a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult" Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of mediaeval with co-ordinates in every country." He further declared "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. "

When asked to comment President Bush said "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction he would have given us more fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence." He then added "Under the circumstances we must differentiate their root, make our point and draw the line."

President Bush warned "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vortex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said "As our former Great Leader would say 'Read my ellipse'. Here is one principle he is uncertainty about: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks".

"Some people juggle geese!" -Ancient Chinese proverb.