Ten things I learned from watching Firefly

POSTED BY: Lerxst
UPDATED: Saturday, November 13, 2010 12:04
VIEWED: 82847
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LERXST

Saturday, May 17, 2003 1:40 AM

If your captain is a decent sort, but he leaves you behind, he probably had a pretty compelling reason. He'll be back. Try not to get yourself set on fire while you're waiting.

If you can't fix it, bypass it. If you can't bypass it, you'd better have a spare.

Hitting someone with a closed fist can hurt, but it is, on occasion, hilarious.

Sometimes kissing can lead to unpleasantness.

Always have a plan B.

Don't get greedy. You could end up getting smacked upside the head with a wrench and maybe thrown out of an airlock.

Never underestimate the destructive powers of a stressed-out teenage girl.

If you're a married man, never praise another woman's cooking, unless you never want to have sex again.

No matter how carefully you plan, things almost never go smooth.

Never say 'no' to a man whose got you trussed up near an engine intake.

_________________________________________________
Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

KAYTHRYN

Saturday, May 17, 2003 2:06 AM

Ha ha!

Okay, lets see.

Cows are very neat and tidy creatures.

If Jayne can have a crappy town where he’s a hero, then so can I.

Alliance is no longer just a word for a fictional government, but a derogatory word for anyone not on my side.

-------------------------------------
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle

CAPTBAGGYTROUSERS

Saturday, May 17, 2003 6:52 AM

Okay, here goes:

1. If someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back.

2. A Catalyzer is a nothing part until you don't got one.

3. Sniff the air; don't kiss the dirt.

4. When cows see sky they remember what they are.

5. Wheel never stops turning. That only matters to people on the rim.

6. What going mad feels like.

7. Live with a man forty years, share his house, his meals, speak on every subject, then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge and on that day you will finally meet the man.

8. A man learns all the details of a situation... Well, then he has a choice.

9. Never kiss 'em on the mouth.

And

10. Little Kaylee is always a man short.

STRINGSLINGER

Saturday, May 17, 2003 7:31 AM

If you need to know about crime and violence, just ask a preacher.

The payoff is NOT repeat NOT always the point.

If your ship doesn't have a keel, then improvise.

You can make a decent six string guitar body out of mud, but a hat, not so much.

You can live on prepackaged food indefinitely with a sufficient supply of dried rosemary.

You don't play a player.

When the doctor tells you that you should sit down, listen.

No matter how far from home you end up, you never outgrow playing with toy dinosaurs, ever.

Nothing gets between a woman and her strawberry. Nothing.

and finally...

Just because you are on the losing side doesn't mean that you're on the wrong one.

Keep flying.

SERENITYVALLEY

Saturday, May 17, 2003 7:55 PM

Always cut your apples before biting them

Don't get drunk unless you're sure no one is planning a marriage

Remember what the doctors do because someday they'll be gone

Be quick to answer

If the captain doesn't want you along on the mission, it's probably best to stay behind

Never underestimate the ability of the mentally unstable

No matter what - stick with your crew - they're all you've got

-----

"Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?" -Wash
"I told him to sit down," -Simon

LERXST

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 3:13 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CaptBaggytrousers:

7. Live with a man forty years, share his house, his meals, speak on every subject, then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge and on that day you will finally meet the man.

Why don't you just take him to the volcano on Day 1? It'd save a lot of time.

Serenity is NOT le se.

Jayne looks better in red.

If you're still flyin', it's enough.

Zoe can kill with her pinky.

Never, ever, let Zoe sneak up behind you.

You probably don't want to meet "the real Mal". He's pretty pissed off.

_________________________________________________
Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

NONOLUNA

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 3:22 AM

No touching guns...

If the ship speaks to you, listen...

Brothers take so much taking care of...

Too much hair hurts the brain...

If you're still flyin', it's enough...

ARCHER

Tuesday, May 20, 2003 9:37 AM

God doesn't care how pretty you are, or if you have a chiseled chin.

Every man who ever had a statue made of him was some kind of sumbitch or another.

Hospital clerks really don't care what methods you used to try to bring 'em back.

Watch out for that chain of command.

Not having the proper registry number on the bow can get you a citation.

Offering to trade weapons for women results in your not being taken seriously.

When the heat is on, keep things in Captain Dummy-talk.

Sometimes you understand how a thing works, but not why it's there.

It's fine to be morbid and creepifying as long as you don't scare the cattle.

The Good Book is fuzzy on the subject of kneecaps.

LERXST

Thursday, May 22, 2003 5:12 AM

Mathematics can be fatal.

Never dis Serenity when Kaylee's within earshot.

Grenades cost extra.

Russian submariners ain't the only ones who do 'Crazy Ivans'.

_________________________________________________
Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

LERXST

Saturday, May 24, 2003 2:49 AM

There's no sound in space. Okay, I already knew that one, but there hasn't been a TV show or movie that I can recall where the spaceships didn't go 'whoosh'. Except for 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Thrilling heroics apparently includes some kind of theft.

Fighting uses up air.

Beagles have smallish droppings.

Robbing a train is as easy as lying.

Shipboard romances tend to complicate things.

When a man engages in clandestine dealings, he likes things to go smooth.

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems.

Wash and Zoe are very private people. Except for Wash.

It's good to have cargo.

Any job worth doing, is worth doing for free if it makes an adversary look all manner of stupid.

_________________________________________________
Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

BARNEYT

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 11:56 AM

The key to any situation is giving Jayne a big stick and standing well back.

Only one thing, but I'm a slow learner...

CAPTBAGGYTROUSERS

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 3:34 PM

I'm just glad to see this thread resurrected. More, please, more!

History repeats the old conceits

http://topshelftvshow.com
Updated! Improved! Shiny!

MELEAUX

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 3:42 PM

I will get back to ya'll later when I have time to contribute but I couldn't let it go without saying that this is the greatest thread ever. All the best of FF in one sweet spot. Perfect I have laughed til I cried.

!)We WILL rise again

She understands, she doesn't comprehend

JOHNNYREB

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 4:53 PM

Dead horses make cover; Live horses make a heap of confusion.

Never hold someone hostage when the person you are
trying to coerce is a sure shot.

Never abondon your crew. Never.

Don't trust big government, no matter how innocuous it seems.

When someone is trying to make a rational deal with you, don't get proud and blustery. He may end up kicking your a** into a turbine.

Never invest your time into the fox network. It will only end in heartbreak.

Viva Firefly!

MELEAUX

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 6:39 PM

Ten things I've learned from Firefly

1) You can always pray. You don't have to tell, I never do.

2) If I talk at the theater I will go to a special level of hell

3) I'll be in my bunk

4) There is some sort of hot cheese over there!

5) You don't need to be snappy. Even if you are about to jump on to a moving train

6) Shiny is a cooler word than cool

7)If you get dressed up Jayne will take you out

8)You can't change that by gettin' all bendy

9) I need to learn how to swear in Manderin Chinesse

10) Mal is bad... in the latin. But only in the latin

She understands, she doesn't comprehend

SHEPHERDOFHERMAS

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 8:07 PM

I'm pretty much intact.

BLACKSTAR

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 4:36 AM

Ten things I learned from watching Firefly.

1) A government is a body of people, usually notably ungoverned.

2) The first rule of battle is "Don't let the enemy know where you are."

3) Of course, there are other schools of thought.

4) Kaylee is pretty... pretty

5) This is somethin the captain's gotta do for himself.

6) No, no it's not!

7) That there; exactly the kinda diversion we coulda used

8) If we're Alliance, we shoot first. Brass can sort it out later.

9) A ship will bring you work, a gun will help you keep it.

10) Oh, my god! What could it BE! We're all doomed! WHO'S FLYING THIS THING! Oh, right, that would be me. Back to work...

-------------------------
Oh, my god! WHO'S FLYING THIS THING! Oh, right, that would be me.

CB

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 5:33 AM

By changing the words a bit, you can sing a song about yourself in the 1st person. "The man they call ME!"

It takes less than a pound of pressure to break the skin.

Even if you only want a quiet drink, folk are always a might tetchy in Alliance-friendly bars on U-day.

It just ain't civilized to let a bunch of vultures profit from stolen cargo, even if they did just save your gorram life.

Marital problems = free soup for passersby.

Blue Sun Butcher Knives - "Helping you to look better in red!"

________________________________________________

"Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the caveman had known how to laugh, History would have been different." - Lord Henry, 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'

BARNEYT

Wednesday, July 30, 2003 11:09 AM

Kissing girls makes you sleepy...

BARNEYT

Thursday, July 31, 2003 12:47 PM

Ten percent of nothin' is... let me do the math
here...nothin' and a nothin', carry the nothin'...

HIGHIRON02

Friday, August 8, 2003 10:17 PM

This is my first posting to this site so here goes.

1. Being captain is tough. People are always trying to punch, kick, stab, shoot, and torture you. What a cool job!
2. If I knew that I was going to that special hell, and my choice was to a). talk in the theatre; or b). take advantage of a young woman... well...
3. When the music gets low and the drums start beating, it's the Reavers, unless it ain't.
4. When the engines are making weird noises and the lights blink... duck!
5. Wash is always flying this thing.
6. The Blue Hand Group ARE the bad guys.
7. a). Cows do not have smallish droppings.
b). When in the vacinity of cows, wear different shoes.
c). Cows are not cows inside of spaceships.
8. If you are afraid of hanging around with hooligans and not breathing, make up for it with a gunfight.
9. If you read people's minds and tell them what they are thinking, they will set you on fire.
10. Niska doesn't like being held over the volcano.

Highiron02

WULFHAWK

Friday, August 8, 2003 11:35 PM

1) Always close the hatch when there's a fire on board.

2) When you investigate an odd sound in a dark stairwell, don't lead with your chin.

3) Homilies could be very important.

4) Trying to evade the authorities by flying through twisty and dangerous only works if the ship you're trying to evade follows you.

5) You don't wanna go there with me, boy.

6) Stabbing a fallen enemy can be funny.

7) - 10) Gorram Fox!!

Take my love
Take my land

FREMDFIRMA

Saturday, August 9, 2003 4:22 AM

1) It takes a badass man to look tough wearing a cotton dress.

2) Better folk kill people, lesser folk just stab em a couple times and humilate em.

3) When your engineer tells you "we need a new one" for weeks, might be a good idea to listen to her.

4) Mentally unstable people, who are on YOUR side, should be armed.

5) A fancy hat will get you pretty far.

6) Fresh fruit makes a GREAT bribe when it comes to down and out spaceship crews.

7) Talking smack to someone with a gun in your face is terminally stupid.

8) A spaceship is NOT a democracy.

9) A firefly's engine makes a right handy still, if you know how.

10) Fox executives ARE the blue hand guys.

-Frem
diefuxdie

VETERAN

Saturday, August 9, 2003 6:36 AM

If someone offers to give you your money back and asks you to forget the whole thing, make sure you're not kneeling near a huge engine before you boldly state that you'll hunt him down and kill him.

Long cotton dresses have good air flow.

There are some really good bibles out there.

And some pretty good myths.

Some girls get really turned on by big engines.

Sometimes a man does something, realizes it wasn't right and has no choice but to fix it.

Put the call back switch closer to the part that has to be repaired.

Don't offer your wife to the Captain, he might feel obliged to take her into his bunk.

If it works out it was all part of the plan.

Firefly is a good design.

BARNEYT

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 7:49 AM

1) Remember to lock the doors of the ship when you leave it to go pick a fight with someone...

2) Install alarms on all the airlocks - just in case...

STILLSHINY

Tuesday, August 19, 2003 2:44 PM

OK here's my "shiny" donations

It’s good to have cargo

Eating an ice-planet is problematic for a mind-reading genius.

If your sister is a ship, you probably had a complicated childhood.

Contemplating the wonders of your rock garden is just sitting.

The companion dating policy is complicated.

The day the money is good enough will be an interesting day.

If you hold prisoners for the Blue Hand guys and like your blood in your body don’t talk to them.

Getting pinched is what happens when you call the feds.

If the planet is coming up a might bit fast, your probably going down to quick.

If you select someone’s proposal than the honor you do them flatters their honor.

When you start drinking, and a girl gives you a pretty hat made out of a tree and starts to dance with you, you are signing up to have & to hold.

and when that same girl who has nice qualities tries to seduce you, your pilot & your companion, then sabotages your ship, and leaves you & your crew at the hands of those who would kill them even though she didn’t and she made you dinner, remember marriage is hard work & you shouldn’t give up.

Mal: “See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown!”

LIVINGIMPAIRED

Friday, September 5, 2003 8:53 PM

Here we go:

1) Drop some money to save your ass, you get a town. Save someone's live, you get a hamster.

2) Hamsters is nice.

3) Mercy is the mark of a great man.

4) They don't like it when you shoot at them. Figured that one out myself.

5) Somewhere out there, there's a bullet with your name one it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds you.

6) Exercise, Prayer, sleeping on coffins: Everyone copes with death in different ways.

7) When you're in space, measuring time by the orbit of a planet that no longer exists doesn't make sense. It's also a good excuse not to get someone a birthday present.

8) If at first you don't succeed, kick the first guy into a jet engine, go on the the next guy, and try again.

9) "Don't" is just a short way of saying, "Manly and implusive."

10) Smuggling stuff in corpses is a time-honored, repulsive custom.

________________

Mal: “You see anyone, smile.”
Zoe: “I don't think anybody smiles in hospitals.”
Mal: “Of course they do, it's the Core, everyone's rich and happy here!”

STILLSHINY

Friday, September 5, 2003 9:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by LivingImpaired:
Here we go:

18) If at first you don't succeed, kick the first guy into a jet engine, go on the the next guy, and try again.
i]

Now that's advice to live by!

PSYKOTEK

Saturday, September 20, 2003 8:48 AM

So many people,
so few jet engines....

LITWOLF689

Wednesday, December 31, 2003 9:47 PM

~pain is scary

~if two men with blue gloves on their hands come up to you, run away very fast because they either want to mess with your mind or they want to drain all the blood from your body

~If a big, tall, muscluar man walks down the street with a wool cap with ear flaps and a pom-pom, you know he is not afraid of anything

~never save a girl's life, 'cause all she'll give you is a crappy hamster. Go drop money on a town, then, you'll get a town and your very own theme song

~people in hospitals are rich and happy
... but they dont smile a lot

~never kiss a girl on the lips... 'cause that will knock you out and then she will steal your ship

Litwolf689

TEELABROWN

Thursday, January 1, 2004 2:02 PM

Okay, some have been repeated, but I tried to find new ones. Here goes nothing:

1) That Fox execs are blue handed.

2) Eating strawberries can be very erotic.

3) How to interrogate a buffet table.

4) Never get greedy.

5) Learn the steps, learn the beat, then make up your own. (Safe; when River is dancing.)

6) Serenity, and her crew, are NOT go-se.

7) When you can't walk, you crawl, and when you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you.

8) A stegosaurus and a T. rex will never be friends.

9) No power in the 'verse can stop me.

10) We will rise again.

And a bonus one for your plesure(!):

11) To keep flyin', and know that that's enough.

............................................................................................
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Keep flyin', and remember, THEY can't take the sky from US!

CONGOCHRIS

Friday, January 2, 2004 10:00 AM

Never sell Fox a sci-fi western. Instead, sell them a reality show filmed using special time-travelling cameras.

WERZBOWSKI

Friday, January 2, 2004 7:22 PM

OK...I tried to come up with some original ones but forgive me if there are re-runs.

10- Cattle rustling never goes out of style.

9- Always take care of your crew...wether you like 'em or not.

8- They may look silly but please don't antagonize them men wearing blue gloves.

7- ALWAYS carry spare parts.

6- The Bible has loopholes.

5- A running engine is a great barganing tool.

4- Dont' get greedy!

3- Sometimes asking questions about the job now can save you a mighty big headache later.

2- Firefly class transports are beautiful, hard working, quality ships that should NEVER be made fun of.

1- If someone shoots you...those feelings don't mellow with time.

"We will rise again!"

SHINY

Friday, January 2, 2004 7:32 PM

From the deleted scenes:

If you want something, take it...or ask for it...more than 70 earths spinnin' in the galaxy, and the meek have inherited not a one.

RIVER
Purple elephants are flying.
MAL
Good. Thanks for the update.

JAYNE'SJOJO

Friday, January 2, 2004 9:12 PM

I'm going to modify and say "Top 10 Things I learned watching unaired episodes of Firefly":

10.Sure, some boys may not always say the right things but they sure beat boys that hold a gun to your head. (And gets blood all over your nice white shirt).

9.On that note, If a boy's "Date" includes taking you to see proof of alien life and, while enclosed in a dark room alone with you, he actually concentrates on that "alien" life...odds are he's going to screw up the whole compliment thing. These are the kind of boys worth keeping...patience will be required.

8.All I have to do to get straddled by a good looking captain-tight-pants while naked is fake my own death and ship myself to him in a coffin.

7.NEVER, and I mean NEVER shoot at a woman's husband...especially if that woman can kill a man with her pinky.
(For that matter, NEVER EVER try to take a woman's baby, either.)

6.Being open minded about participating in crime can often lead to standing next to a naked captain-tight-pants. This is a good thing.

5.Jayne, despite earlier annoucements to the contrary, DOES kiss em' on the mouth. This is also a good thing.

4.Captains with tight-pants rarely feel girly or dirty. Especially when they are about to make a possible last stand.

3.Hover craft, schmuther craft...nothing is faster than a good piece of horse flesh. For that matter, sure, a lasers shiny, but the battery has to run out eventually.

2.Always lock the door to your spaceship.

1.Rice wine and guns are the perfect tools for seducing a captain-tight-pants.

AND FINALLY:

The main thing I learned from watching the unaired episodes of Firefly is that I want more Firefly. :(

JoJo

CLANGASSOCIATION

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 10:28 PM

Never whine about how crappy the souvenirs are if you want to get anywhere with that cute mechanic.

When redeeming a torture victim from your hated enemy, make sure you aren't paying too much.

If you pay your laborers next to nothing, you can pass the savings on to the customer.

Doctors can't shoot worth anything.

If the word "testicle" comes up in a conversation, always be very careful about what is said immediately thereafter.

"Yo-Saff-Bridge" is Chinese.

Companions are NOT whores. Those who flunk out of the Guild of Companions ARE. (Corollary: The Guild of Companions must NOT be referred to as "Whore Academy")

Mary Mother of God had numerous wacky nephews.

Whose colors is God flying?

Don't move the conversation in a "Jayne's fault" direction...

...or a "let's dump River and Simon on some border planet" direction, for that matter.

If you're picking up a weird heat bounce off your wake, it's not an engine flux: it's a bounty hunter who's not a bounty hunter.

Preachers have smutty minds (probably because they're not really preachers).

Elephants have explosive diarrhea.

No matter what your profession, you most assuredly have funnier stories to tell than Simon.

Firefly is set in the same universe as Starship Troopers.

SNIPER

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 10:59 PM

Haha! Those are great!

SEVENPERCENT

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 11:13 PM

Here's a few from me:

10. Never mess with a man in a pretty floral bonnet.

9. Dont pick up strange survivors. You never know where they've been.

8. If someone tears up your symbol, they arent bad, they just dont understand.

7. It helps to be a good man....well, an alright one.

6. Take the slaver's money, then hit him with the space pool cue. The getaway is faster that way.

5. Watch out for monkeys. Dangerous space ones can wreck an engine room.

4. If you're going to try to screw people for money, dont be surprised if you wind up locked in a trash bin while the cops bear down on you.

3. Everytime the crazy psychic lady says there's trouble, it might be time to actually leave. Ariel, Bushwhacked, Out of Gas.....

2. Getting tortured by a madman? Not a really great way to bond. Effective way- yes, but not a good way.

1. Getting a stupid stick that makes a sound like it's raining can sometimes be better than getting married.

And the bonus- There's nothing more deceiving than a low-down dirty deceiver. Because pain is scary.

He looked bigger when I couldn't see him.

STIZO

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 3:45 AM

Here's a few I came up with, sorry if they're repeats.

- There's no power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerfull.

- You cant be sure its a buffet table unless you question it.

- The Fox Execs IQ's add up to... let me do the math here...nothin' and a nothin', carry the nothin'...

- Big Government types like to wear hats.

- Mal's not a monster

- You cant fix faith, it fixes you.

- Serenity is NOT a piece of go-se.

- Jayne is heavy.

- During a hostage situation, dont negotiate, shoot them in the face.

- When you cant run, you crawl; and when you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WASH:
"Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'."
"I think we should call it...your grave!"
"Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
"Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"

JAYNE'SJOJO

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 3:40 PM

CLANGASSOCIATION

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 9:24 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Stizo:
- The Fox Execs IQ's add up to... let me do the math here...nothin' and a nothin', carry the nothin'...

That's the best one yet!

TAMFAMFAN

Friday, January 16, 2004 7:34 PM

Never let a man devoted to saving lives back you up in a gunfight.

However, do give his psychotic little sister a pistol in said gunfight.

Never turn someone in unless you are absolutely ceratin beyond the shadow of a doubt, you will not reconsider.

Make friends with an academy trained prostitute. Sure, you will never bed her, but at least you can get your hair done.

Name your gun.

Never trust someone that's shot you before.

Avoid all old men in suits with accents. It just never works out.

If you are not good with talking to women, let her do all the talking. When you speak, even when you're trying to be nice, you say something wrong almost every time.

Shepherds get access to all the good med facilities. Don't ask me how, they just do.

Remember. The captain is right. Anything to contradict that usually leaves the ship, on the ground or in space. Then the captain is still right.

You don't have to pull your gun first. Just faster.

It's better to be a live weasel than a dead lion... better still to be a live lion, and usually easier.

LITWOLF689

Sunday, January 18, 2004 11:53 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jayne'sJoJo:

AND FINALLY:

The main thing I learned from watching the unaired episodes of Firefly is that I want more Firefly. :(

JoJo

I think we all really want that... *sobs* WE WANT MORE FIREFLY!!!

^-^

Litwolf689

TEELABROWN

Sunday, January 18, 2004 11:59 PM

Quote:
- The Fox Execs IQ's add up to... let me do the math here...nothin' and a nothin', carry the nothin'...

...Equals nothing!

Yes! Very, very, VERY true!

............................................................................................
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Keep flyin', and remember, THEY can't take the sky from US!

ANKHAGOGO

Monday, January 19, 2004 1:26 AM

Ok,I'm definitely not new to the show, but I'm new to the site. So here are a few things I've learned(insert normal 'hope these aren't repeats' disclaimer)-- hope ya like em!

Naked and articulate can be a lethal combination.

The captain is still the captain even if he's nekkid.

Engine grease makes some girls prettier.

Even a big, tough,somewhat amoral man who names his gun has a mommie who loves him and sends him mail.

When visiting an unfamiliar, rural planet, research the marriage customs.

Hair can be scary.

Someone who looks dead isn't always.

Even a skinny guy who wears Hawaiian shirts can marry a beautiful warrior woman, if he's decent and funny.

If you're bein' mouthy,the doctor may drug you to get you out of the way. And no-one else is going to complain.

Four years in box can make a man a mite tetchy.

Just cause your sister's crazy doesn't mean she's never a brat.

Part 2: Just cause your sister's crazy doesn't mean she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Ankhagogo

"But she was naked --- and all...articulate!"

GUNRUNNER

Monday, January 19, 2004 3:10 AM

1) The locals don't know that transport ships don't have no guns on it.

2) If you aim for his head while doped-up you will hit his leg.

3) Don't let a crazy girl play with a gun, it may have hull-piercing bullets.

4) The 8:00 PM Time Slot on Fridays kills a show.

5) The Premier episode is to be aired first.

LITWOLF689

Sunday, January 25, 2004 12:57 PM

I just thought of some more:

~people always look bigger when you cant see them

~there is a difference between understanding and comprehending

^-^

Litwolf689

TEELABROWN

Sunday, January 25, 2004 1:55 PM

Two replies to things I learned from Saffron:

Wow...good bible.

Wow...good myth.

Quote:
Hair can be scary.

I have a true stiry. A friend's of mine's brother has hair bigger than Book's, and he never ties it back. It stays up, too. Now that, my friends, is scary hair.

............................................................................................
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Keep flyin', and remember, THEY can't take the sky from US!

KINGOFKOINS

Sunday, January 25, 2004 7:00 PM

If you come across the remains of a Reaver slaughter, look out for booby traps.

Always pay attention to what the crazy girl says.

Little men love fire.

Some teachers are very stupid.

Don't brand the cow, brand the buyer, he's the one who is likely to stray.

Sometimes girls who seem meek, really ain't.

Saying "gorram it!" is fun.

--------------------------------
It's sickening how comforting the privacy of the mind can be.

EBONEZER

Tuesday, January 27, 2004 2:14 AM

watch out for that chain of command

games don't always need rules to be fun

the fox excecs are "good dogs" in my mind (ahem)

people love those dolls with goo goo heads

perhaps it's best not to have you insides scooped out, and replaced with fake insides

it doesn't mater where your going, as long as you like the ship

when local color is shown, you might want to add to it by making eyes purple and blue.

"Oh my god it's grotesqe! and here's a thing in a jar."

INEVITABLEBETRAYAL

Saturday, January 31, 2004 4:31 PM

10) Never double cross a girl who can read your mind.
9) Them as want to keep their blood internal will avoid men with blue gloves.
8) Be careful. They peck harder on some planets than others.
7) Fist fighting may be hilarious on occasion--but before you go for the laughs, make sure it doesn't also involve sword-fight challenges.
6) Being ornery, bitter and emotionally unavailable will win you the love of a wise, beautiful, emotionally unavailable prostitute.
5) If a girl won't go all the way, try taking her down to the engine room. I hear that works sometimes.
4) If Inara has a female client, knock before you enter Jayne's quarters.
3) Being truthsome with the afore mentioned prostitute will only backfire on you. Continue with the ornery bitterness.
2) Living on spaceships does not constitute science fiction. Mind reading does.
and the number one thing I learned from Firely...
Edit (new number one):
1) Avoid midgets--sometimes they have an unhealthy attraction to fire.

___________________________________
No power in the 'verse can stop me.

STATIC

Saturday, January 31, 2004 5:14 PM

Okay. . .things I learned from watching Firefly THAT CAN BE APPLIED TO AFGHANISTAN. . .

When local color is happening, a grand entrance does not go amiss.

Arriving at the nick of time makes you big damn heroes.

If you aren't too bright, when your mouth is talkin'. . .you might want to look to that.

==================================================
"Wash. . .we got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss."

FIREFLYWILDCARD1

Sunday, February 1, 2004 12:33 AM

Some things I learned from Firefly:

- Don't harm Mal's crew and/or passengers

- Once you enter Serenity, you never leave it

- Next time your ship's engine explodes and your life support shuts down, listen to what your captain is saying without interrupting.

- It is always better to leave the job getting and delivery to Mal and Zoe.

- Never, as in do not ever, piss Mal off

- When Mal starts mouthing off, it means Zoe is getting behind you to take you out.

- Fox exec's ain't the Blue Hands, but we should sic the Blue Hands on the Fox exec's.

- Mal is a good shot.

- Never mess up one of Mal's plans, it's not good for your health.

- I'd love a ride on Serenity.

ANKHAGOGO

Sunday, February 1, 2004 7:41 PM

6) Being ornery, bitter and emotionally unavailable will win you the love of a beautiful, wise, emotionally unavailable prostitute.
3) Being truthsome with the afore mentioned prostitute will only backfire on you. Continue with the ornery bitterness.

LMAO!

Oh, that was just....beautiful.

And I did think of some more..

If Kaylee says a part needs to be replaced, replace the part.

Just because a girl says she's happy you slept with her good friend doesn't mean she is. (This is really for the boys, cause the girls already know it)

Sometimes backin' down from a fight is the smartest thing you can do, iffen you want to live.

What's bad luck to you may be an act of heroicism to someone else.

The pay-off isn't always the point.

Ankhagogo

But she was naked...and all -- articulate!

NUR

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 7:17 PM

11 (just because I'm onery) thing that I learned from watching Firefly:

You don't fix faith, it fixes you.

Just because we don't have the technology to transport organs grown in a lab doesn't mean that when you arrive and they scoop them out of you that we can't put your origional (transported) organs back in.

Not explaining the plan in a moment of crisis gets Wash nicked with bullets/Simon all freaked out.

It also gets old army buddies killed.

Your patient should be dead.

When you can't think of something for the bad guy/Mal to do, have them punch Simon in the face.

If you really love someone, you'll let the hill-folk set you on fire too.

During extractions from dangerous torture situations, you ALWAYS pick your husband.

It is thoughtful to have boy-whores.

Marry yourself a powerful ugly creature, it's the only way to go.

Shiny (heh) vests are all the rage in the hospitals of the Core this season.

Those who restrain desire, do so because thiers is weak enough to be restrained.
-William Blake

KAY

Sunday, February 29, 2004 7:23 PM

From "Ariel"
"No, we didnt talk to the prisoners. No way. They just sat there with their mouths shut, and we ignored them. Not a word. Nope. In fact, my memory is so bad I cant remember what they looked like and how many of them there were."
Then if they take out the weird glowing stick thingy, run like hell.

TEELABROWN

Sunday, February 29, 2004 7:43 PM

Even big, powerful mercenaries have mothers.

Even big, powerful mercenaries care for their mothers.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

KUGELBLITZ

Thursday, March 4, 2004 10:17 PM

A good sniper is worth two or three horsemen.

Scoped rifles need laser pointers too.

The dead always deserve respect.

Redheads is just plain trouble.

A little sack of coins buys a lot of fuel.

The Alliance ER don't care how you died.

CONANTHEBARBIE

Monday, March 8, 2004 2:18 PM

Speak slowly and clearly when dealing with a psychopathic bounty hunter or you could convince him that you think he is a lion - and so does he.

Sometimes the threat is more effective than the follow through.

If someone shot you once, you can bet your gorram ass they mean to do it again.

Make it clear that you get paid when you do a job. Guarantee you will be heard by placing your audience under a horse.

If you are double-crossed by an attractive nut repeatedly and finally end up naked in the middle of nowhere, relax, sigh, and tell yourself it went well.

"Play nice with the other kids...unless one of the other kids wanna fight; then you have to kick the other kids' butt."
-Mushu in "Mulan"

SAMURAIX47

Monday, March 8, 2004 4:19 PM

Einstein is reincarnated as Shepard Book.

Jaymes

MISSOURIFIREFLY

Tuesday, March 9, 2004 4:49 AM

Sorry if I repeat any...OK, here are some things I learned:
1. Jayne is a girl's name.
2. You can't open the book of someone's life and jump in the middle.
3. When your medic promises never to hurt you, remember that he reserves the right to drug you if he's not comfortable with you in command.
4. Sometimes we all get a little tired of the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.
5. There is kissing.
6. Don't make faces when a psychic says we're all dreaming.
7. Plans can work even when you smell a lot of "if" on them.
8. Black market beagles are in demand.
9. You just have to have faith in people.
10. No one can take the sky from me!

DTT

Tuesday, March 9, 2004 3:57 PM

1. Don't let ignorant villagers know that you can read minds.
2. If you see guys in nitrile gloves, run!!!
3. No matter how much "progress" we make as a race, us men will still always be clueless about womenfolk.
4. When you can't walk, you crawl. And when you can't do that, you find somebody to carry you.
5. The Millennium Falcon has lousy hiding places.
6. Never wear the logo of a conglomerate that has tortured one of your shipmates.
7. In the future, religious orders will be sponsored by hair care product manufacturers.
8. You'd be amazed what three little switches can make a ship do.
9. Don't tell a mechanic that her ship is Luh-suh.
10. Having your guts scooped out is not a great way to make money.

"You didn't have to wound that man."
"Yeah, I know. It was just funny."

HILDY

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 2:27 AM

The small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.

Killing may be bad, but God is a might fuzzier on the subject of kneecapping.

TEELABROWN

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 2:34 AM

That...people...can't...sentance...proper...

Well, we never learned if that geisha in the window was for sale...

Well, from experience, I learned I can't get to do the same look Kaylee has when eating strawberries. Darn.

That "gorram" is not Madarin.

And many others, I assume.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

TEELABROWN

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 2:35 AM

Thought of another!

Niska is the senior citizen from Hell. (Sorry Channain...)

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

SERENA

Wednesday, March 10, 2004 3:46 AM

Jayne's got man parts.

"Every well bred, petty crook knows that the small, concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting."

KALIMEERI

Monday, March 15, 2004 1:07 PM

1-110

If you talk in the theatre during the "Serenity" movie, 110 Browncoats WILL send you to a special Hell.

Jen dao mei.

ECGORDON

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 2:12 AM

I can't add much to what has already been said on this thread, except for this:

No matter how many times you watch your Firefly DVDs, you can always find a compelling reason to watch them again.

wo men ren ran zai fei xing.

TEELABROWN

Sunday, March 21, 2004 3:04 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ecgordon:
I can't add much to what has already been said on this thread, except for this:

No matter how many times you watch your Firefly DVDs, you can always find a compelling reason to watch them again.

Yeah, cause no power in the 'verse can stop us from our DVDs...and soon our movie...

Not even Death. Or Reavers. Or Fox execs. Or Blue Han- well, maybe Blue Hands...but we'll find them somewhere else...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

JEBBYPAL

Sunday, March 21, 2004 4:36 AM

Someone should print out flyers to be handed out at the movie about what whill happen when you talk during Serenity. That was the funniest one yet! here goes my try:

1.) When you find out that your character has to do a lot of running, ducking, lifting and fighting, be sure to ask the costume department to hold a pair of pants in a larger size so you don't end up with an embarrassing nickname.

2.) When your sister knows a mute person's entire life story, tell others she is lying. They'll never believe she's just intuitive.

3.) If you are rich and your favorite show is canceled, buy a shitload of DVDs and maybe you'll get a movie.

4.) If you are really pretty, you can't die during a gunbattle.

5.) People juggle geese in some places for sports.

6.) If held at gunpoint, try to hire a thug to your side.

7.) Big white boxes sometimes contain people.

8.) Don't say the first name of your old husband in front of your new husband if new hubby hasn't introduced you yet.

9.) The war buddy bond is tough to crack.

10.) Crazy people don't like can labels, big hair, people who look better in red, and bounty hunters.

11.) If you wake up under your bunk ladder and are locked inside, don't make faces at the crazy girl. She really can devise better plans than you.

ANGELDOVE

Sunday, March 21, 2004 5:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by InevitableBetrayal:

4) If Inara has a female client, knock before you enter Jayne's quarters.

I can't..stop...laughing. Thanks for that, I needed a good laugh!

I only fell is all.

DTT

Tuesday, March 23, 2004 3:35 PM

Ooh, I forgot one:

There is hope for humanity: bobblehead dolls will be outlawed in the future.

"You didn't have to wound that man."
"Yeah, I know. It was just funny."

MERAT

Saturday, March 27, 2004 1:00 AM

In the future, guns and bullets will still be the weapon of choice.

Zoe has a REALLY shiny gun.

You need to be standing more than two feet away to effectively test a walky-talky.

Tragic space dementia makes you all paranoid and crotchety.

Simon is Mal's hero, but only if he wants to be REALLY sarcastic.

If you kill your wife's nephew and hang him like a side of beef, expect an earfull at dinner.

Can't get paid if you're dead.

Can't get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither.

Its bad when River starts making sense to you.

Carved ducks and carved swans are often difficult to tell apart.

Dear diary: "Today, I was pompous and my sister was crazy. Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

Getting there in the nick of time makes you big damn heros.

Do not be excluding people. That'd be rude

Some people may want you captured alive. Sgt. McGinnis is not one of them.

When deciding to stab your captain in the back, have the guts to do it to his face.

Hearing "Take me sir. Take me hard." can be downright unsettling.

River should rub soup in her hair. It's always a hoot, and we don't all die from it.

If wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak.

Big, black moustaches are traditional.

Ship like Serenity'll be with you until the day you die.

And its NOT because shes a deathtrap!

Inara has funny whorin' stories.

Jayne will never hear them.

Midgets can be deadly and unpredictable.

Jayne getting naked is NOT a good distraction.

The crew of Serenity has guns. Don't ask about brains....

Aliens are upsidedown, mutated cow fetuses.

Jayne has nothing to fear from Simon while on the operating table.

River, though, can kill him with her brain.

A pretty, floral bonnet can be a very effective disguise.

Someone out there was going to find out that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian

BUDCLARE

Sunday, April 4, 2004 2:15 AM

I learned to say "ain't". :)

***

"She has had congress with the beast."

WIZZLER

Saturday, May 1, 2004 12:38 AM

I can't really add much but

I learned that wash is so in tune with serenity that he can fly her without actually holding the controls.

Oh an sticky can be placed around the vaults lock before Jayne has handed it to you.

Wizzler C.E.O.

"This land pest control" : Keeping Fox execs populations down since 2004

DAVEUKFAN

Tuesday, May 18, 2004 1:31 PM

When a lady shows you her guns she's after sex in return.

You sent money home to your parents and you get cool knitted hats.

If you arrest their traitor, you don't have to pay him.

Nothing says "We love you" like starting a riot.

Big hair can be very scary.

The first few minutes of a bullet to the abdomen are crutial

"Fine, I'll get naked"

GRACEOM

Tuesday, May 18, 2004 11:46 PM

1. If a box is big enough to contain a body, it probably does.

2. The body is not really dead.

3. If a woman tells you she's glad you slept with her friend, she's lying (Duh!).

4. Guns are female. I suppose I should have known this already, but I didn't.

5. When a beautiful con artist bursts into guilty tears, she's trying to distract you so she can steal your gun (Duh!)

6. Good looking men with lots of money are apt to treat women like property, and other men like monkey feces (Duh!)

7. Beware of rustic maidens bearing bowls of wine (Duh!)

8. A geek who plays with plastic dinosaurs can be very hot in the sack.

9. Cursing in Mandarin is creative and fun and totally fools the censors.

10. Sneak an intelligent, complex, funny, beautifully imagined and performed show onto network TV, and the execs heads will explode. As far as they're concerned, people who like such "arty" shows are not desirable viewers--as in they're statistically less likely to be influenced by the sponsors' advertisements and rush out to buy Big Macs. Reality TV fans are the gullible sort they're after. Gotta keep those sponsors happy!

Grace

MANTICHORUS

Friday, May 21, 2004 12:12 PM

Some of these may have already appeared. If so, sorry.
1. When doing anything on the bridge, the 3 magic buttons make it happen.
2. If Mal ever kills you, you'll be awake, facin' him and armed.
3. Drunks are so cute... apparently.
4. If you torture/maim/kill your spouse's nephew, you'll get an earful at dinner.
5. If Mal dies, you get his share.
6. The management is NEVER responsible for anything...
7. Wearing a red sash sideways does not always mean the wearer has won the Miss Persephone Pageant.
8. Jayne likes smackin' 'em.
9. Well, a good goat would do that.
And finally...
10. Zoe is very much lacking in imagination.
Oops! Forgot this one...
11. Simon's very proud of his talent for alienatin' folk.
Heh-heh. God bless the edit button:
12. Mal only thinks he's better than people he's better than.
13. When in doubt, give a psychic a gun.
14. If someone says 'Two by two, hands of blue', PEG IT!!!
-------------------------------------------
"BADGER: You think you're better than other people.
MAL: Just the ones I'm better than."
-------------------------------------
"MAL: Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near miraculous.
SIMON: Yes, I'm very proud."

PINGJING

Saturday, June 5, 2004 5:01 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CaptBaggytrousers:

3. Sniff the air; don't kiss the dirt.

By far my favorite lesson learned - heck, that's the show in a nutshell.

Julia

TEELABROWN

Saturday, June 5, 2004 9:43 PM

Quote:
If you kill your wife's nephew and hang him like a side of beef, expect an earfull at dinner.

Gorram, that's funny! Man, I was laughing so hard over here...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

SUCCATASH

Saturday, June 5, 2004 10:07 PM

10 Things I learned from watching Firefly

1. Joss is God

2. Ben Edlund is incredible.

3. Buffy is cool.

4. Angel is even cooler.

5. Wesley is even cooler than Angel.

6. I really like Angel.

7. A lot of people think the Civil War wasn't about slavery.

8. I really hate Reality TV.

9. Firefly is my favorite show.

10. I need more Firefly.

MANWITHPEZ

Saturday, June 5, 2004 10:59 PM

Top Ten Things I Learned From "Out of Gas"

1. When introducing Zoe to your shiny new ship, pay attention to where she's pointing when she says "What is that?" That's where you're going to be laying, bleeding someday.

2. That cake you're not eating...It's pretty much what you just ate.

3. When your psychic, psychotic sister says "Fire", she's not talking about your birthday candles.

4. Keep Zoe around. She makes a great human shield when engine parts blow up.

5. When disaster falls, mention it was your birthday. Inara will hold your hand.

6. Bester is a crappy mechanic. He likes tail too much, and that girl he was banging is such a better mechanic than he is.

7. That something that the hot warrior woman doesn't like about you...It's your mustache.

8. Beware people offering you exactly the engine part you need. They're bastards.

9. Jayne wants 10% and a bigger room. Give it to him. Your leg will thank you.

10. You don't have to die alone. If you survive, your crew will be there when you wake up.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

MANWITHPEZ

Sunday, June 6, 2004 9:36 PM

That was fun! In fact, I think I'm gonna go episode for episode, and really annoy the go se out of everybody.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

MANWITHPEZ

Wednesday, June 9, 2004 12:20 AM

Top Ten Things I learned from "Shindig"

1. Just because Malcolm Reynolds defends your honor at a party, doesn't mean he's going to stop calling you a whore.

2. People with english accents in the Firefly 'verse tend to be bastards. Except River, and she's only playing around.

3. Even space hookers know more about swordplay than our illustrious captain.

4. Buy Kaylee that dress and stop saying that her wearing it would be like a sheep walking on its hind legs. She looks better in it than you think.

5. You're playing cards with Jayne? And you turn your back on him? For shame.

6. The Miss Persephone Pagent has some ugly winners.

7. Watch out for the camerawork in the party scene. Especially when Mal and Kaylee get there. While its pretty, it might make you sick.

8. Stop gloating over your percieved duel victory. If you'd just stab the guy, Mr. Wing, you might've won. Not you. You got distracted by the space hooker.

9. That dress with too much foofaraw makes a great wall hanging in Kaylee's room. Or a shower curtain, I'm not sure which.

10. Its good to have cargo, even if they don't remember to be cows 'til they get out.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

MANWITHPEZ

Wednesday, June 9, 2004 3:37 AM

These get funner with each new one...

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

THEREALME

Tuesday, June 15, 2004 5:34 AM

Hi,

I've been lurking here for a while. This is a great site. Here is my first post:

If you are fortunate enough for Inara to accept you as a client, then be polite and gracious, drink the tea, enjoy the experience, and afterward have the good sense to thank her and depart with no fuss. Do not bother with asking her to stay with you. Inara has no interest in becoming your wife, your mistress, your pet, or your toy. Do not offer her any petty insults and for goodness sake, don’t try to kill the love of her life right before her eyes. These things will only hurt your chances of being a repeat customer.

Got Mudder's Milk?

THEREALME

Tuesday, June 15, 2004 6:06 AM

From “Serenity” (and Others):

Zoe is always ready. Bendis, not so much.

If you shoot down an enemy plane with a Big Damn Gun, then take care not to be under it when it crashes.

If you are a businessman with shady dealings, give everyone who works in your office a gun. Could come in handy.

The silly, klutzy guy? He’s the one to watch out for!

Don’t give Mal orders on his own ship. He hates that. But if you absolutely must get your way, then threaten to let Kaylee die. While this will work, be warned that it will upset Mal, and he may feel obliged to play a nasty practical joke on you.

If you DO get Mal upset with you, then remember to bring along your crazy sister in a box. It will garner sympathy. Either that or save Kaylee’s life. Do both, and he’ll ask you to stay as part of his crew.

A standard Companion immunization package won’t hurt.

Imprinted goods are at a discount.

If Patience doesn’t haggle over the price, then she’s planning to shoot you again.

If you have a silly name and wear a silly hat, then you WILL be shot (even if you are Jayne; it just takes a few more episodes). Yes, it’s only a matter of time for Badger!

If you ain’t weak, then that’s not nuthin’.

If Mal ever kills you, you’ll be awake, you’ll be facing him, and you’ll be armed… Unless he just sneaks up behind you, bashes you upside the head with a wrench, and tosses you out an air lock. Which method he chooses might depend on how sentimental he’s feeling at the time, or whether or not he’s had a good day.

Got Mudder's Milk?

MANWITHPEZ

Thursday, June 17, 2004 2:24 AM

Top Ten Things I Learned From "Jaynestown"

1. If a one eyed, armed, hostile man comes into the bar where you're eating breakfast, don't call him "sir".

2. Medical tape hurts. When Mal tells you not to take a gun, listen to the man.

3. Never judge a son by his father. The father might be an ass, but the son might listen to everyone's favorite space hooker.

4. The captain knows your name, Jackass.

5. Sometimes hitting a man in the chest with the blade side of a knife ain't enough. Sometimes you've got to pound him into a statue dedicated to you.

6. Even though your husband's been drinking, the story he's telling you about Jayne is absolutely true.

7. Mudders...Great human shotgun blast shields.

8. Simon, Simon, Simon...sigh. Can't you keep from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? "Son of a bitch" aside?

9. Serenity has a pretty goofy landlock warning screen.

10. If you order a milk, and the bartender slaps it out of your hand, don't get offended. He'll probably give you something better.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

THEREALME

Thursday, June 17, 2004 2:37 AM

From “Heart Of Gold”:

The whores ARE prettier than the whorehouse.

If you flunk out of Whore Academy, don’t worry. All you have to do is learn how to say “ain’t”, and you can get your own business.

If someone calls you “sly”, they might not be complimenting your cleverness.

If you don’t remember where everything goes, just take it real slow.

Jayne may be something of a brutish thug, but if you are his whore, he will treat you well. He will even dress up for you in his best button-down shirt, brush your hair, and show you all his guns.

The Real Me

[Edited as per Nuisance]

Got Mudder's Milk?

NUISANCE

Thursday, June 17, 2004 3:36 AM

Quote:
THEREALME wrote:
Jayne may be something of a brutish thug, but if you are his whore, he will treat you well. He will even dress up for you in his best button-down shirt and show you all his guns.

You forgot to mention he'll brush your hair.

MANWITHPEZ

Thursday, June 17, 2004 5:04 AM

The Top Ten Things I Learned "The Train Job"

1. Crow. Big guy, but not so big he can stop a large turbine engine.

2. The sherriff of some towns can be nice guys. Get arrested, and they'll share a cigarette with you.

3. Steal the medicine, no parades. Them's the rules.

4. While Niska may be a snappy dresser and look like your grandaddy, he ain't. In fact, he's so hell bent on reputation that it isn't even safe to be his nephew.

5. Joey Bloggs...Dead. Do a little research from time to time.

6. Our favorite space hooker has a mean right hook.

7. No matter what, remember that I love you. We're married, remember?

8. Some jobs, I'd pull for free, but I ain't going to give up my share of the take. Well, maybe if I'm dead.

9. That chain of command? Kinda hard to get around that.

10. Its a good thing Jayne's so heavy. If he hadn't been, they'd have gotten him into the infirmary, and Mal would've have been skewered on Crow's ridiculous looking knife. I mean more so.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

TALLCARDDEALER

Thursday, June 17, 2004 6:27 AM

Hi, I'm brand new. This thread is worth joining the club just to participate in. I'm happy to say that I have both the time and the patience to go over the whole thread to make sure I don't have any repeaters. here goes:

-If you’re the pilot of a spaceship and you get arrested, you can always say you were flying the ship by accident.
-If you rely on luck you end up on the drift.
-If everyone always has the advantage over you, it means you are special.
-Never underestimate what a brilliant civilian doctor will do to save his deranged sister. (see Serenity, Ariel, Objects in Space...)
-Don’t be shy about killing big thuggish guys who threaten you. (read: you don’t need Greedo to shoot first).
-If you have a good pressure catch among your spare parts, you can make a formidable booby trap.
-Be careful with slave traders. They are very good drinkers.
-The AD-10 is the same machine. They just changed the plating and hoped no one would notice.
-Swinging a sword from the shoulder may be stronger, but it’s also slower than swinging from the elbow.
-Getting stabbed in the hip isn’t a total disaster if you can line up some exciting new crime.
-A Firefly will run forever with a mechanic even half awake.
-Mudder’s Milk is 15% alcohol.
-Prairie Harpies make better mechanics than surfers with body paint.
-50 platinum is about 20 Alliance credits.
-Important people don’t do field work.
-Ending up naked and stranded is no reason to think you didn’t win.
-You can get a badge for learning how to drop your weapon so that you can eat beans and get yourself shot.
-Watch out for the Warrior Woman behind you while you're sneaking up on a private who got a badge in dropping his weapon so he could eat beans and get himself shot.
-First rule of battle: Never let the enemy know where you are (of course, there are other schools of thought... )
-There is no such thing as a magical wish-granting plank.
-When you’ve had a lot of sake, you can attract the feds by singing.
-If you call your space companion a whore, she has the right to call you a petty thief.

Any petty criminal knows that the small, concealable weapons always go to the left side of the place-setting.

MANWITHPEZ

Thursday, June 17, 2004 6:45 AM

Top Ten Things I Learned from "Trash"

1. Saffron, Bridget...whatever. Just because she didn't shoot you when she had the chance doesn't mean she can be trusted. Didn't you learn anything the first time?

2. The Lassiter, while historic, is not a reliable weapon. That eyebrow plucker looking thing the space hooker is carrying, however, works just fine.

3. Making a man you married as part of a con shave off his beard only gets you called a "Devil Woman" and thrown off his ship.

4. You won't die from being locked in a trash bin even if you have a condition. You just won't be as hot, or smell anywhere in the vicinity of good.

5. When a con artist leaves you for dead, butt nekkid in the middle of a desert, it is perfectly alright to call her a dirty, dirty whore!

6. Cross Zoe, get knocked down. Them's the rules. Especially after you tell her to get over it.

7. Everyone loves little wobbly headed geisha dolls. Except space hookers.

8. Simon won't hurt you on his table. River can kill you with her brain. You do the math. God knows she already has.

9. Yeah, you saw YoSaffBridge with no clothes on. Yuo probably still haven't seen her nekkid. But, she, and the rest of America are going to see your "Green Apple".

10. Opening an episode of Firefly with Cap'n Reynolds nekkid on a rock muttering "That went well" is a very good way to get people to watch the flashback. I'm not gay or anything...I'm just sayin's all.

No, really, even my own father wanted to see that episode, and he don't like the show.

Maybe he's gay too...

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

THEREALME

Friday, June 18, 2004 2:29 AM

From “Objects in Space”:

They don’t cut it off or nuthin’.

Inara is a big girl.

When it comes to the combination to the gun locker, Jayne’s mind can be as good as a post-it note.

When you think about it, a stick and a gun are pretty much the same sort of thing.

Fully loaded and safety off is a recipe for unpleasantness.

Mathemetics is deadly.

River IS Batgirl.

For goodness sake, LOCK THE DOORS!

When the bounty hunter tells you that you might find an opening and turn the tables on him, he is just messing with you. You don’t have a chance.

That ain’t a shepherd.

Sometimes, bounty hunters lick walls, shoot doctors, kick shepherds in the head, and smack space hookers across the mouth. Does that seem right to you?

Someone incorporeally possessing a space ship is nonsensical crap. Ain’t nobody can do that.

Midgets can be deadly and unpredictable. And some little men love fire.

Sometimes, River ISN’T crazy.

Even if Jayne loves you, he will steal all the covers.

Use the extra-strong boot magnets.

You don’t have to be a genius to play jacks, but it helps.

A gas giant planet, when sufficiently compressed, can substitute fine as a bouncing ball.

Always carry a remote control device keyed to your ship.

The Real Me

Got Mudder's Milk?

THEREALME

Friday, June 18, 2004 3:59 AM

TallCardDealer,

I'd extend a welcome on behalf of the board, but I just sorta joined myself.

So, until I feel a bit more confident here, I will extend a welcome on behalf of ME.

Yeah, I loved this thread, too.

The Real Me

Got Mudder's Milk?

THEREALME

Sunday, June 20, 2004 7:52 AM

From “Jaynestown” and “Objects in Space”:

If you manage to get Simon drunk, you WON’T get him laid, but you MIGHT get him naked and singing on top of a statue of Hippocrates.

The Real Me

Got Mudder's Milk?

LAILING

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 1:39 PM

Never underestimate the genius of a madman - or the madness of a genius.

Corollary A. - Also never underestimate the damage that can be done by Fanatical Followers/Evil Henchman/Slimy Minions of the above.
Corollary B. - However, if said Fanatical Follower/Evil Henchman/Slimy Minion is being a pompous ass and you have the upper hand, it's ok to kick him into the nearest engine intake.
Corollary C. - If, of course, YOU are the FF/EH/SM, and someone ELSE has the upper hand, never be a pompous ass unless the Mad Genuis you are following has the power to kill the someone with her brain - or successfully impersonate a spaceship.

"They've gone to *plaid*!"

FEMALEJAYNE

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 3:18 PM

LOL! Remember sleepiness is weakness of character

DIGIFICWRITER

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 4:45 PM

Ten things I learned from Firefly (some of these will be repeats):
10. You can't just open the book of a man's life and jump in the middle
9. If you've got a lot of hair, don't ever barge out of your quarters without making sure it's not flying every which way. You might scare people
8. Pain is scary
7. Even if a man dresses much better than you, he can still think you're being pretentious
6. Accidentally dumping boxes of money on a town full of poor, working-class people will get you branded a folk hero
5. If you get yourself into a peck of trouble, make sure you've got a scary-looking spaceship to back you up in case you need it
4. Even if you try to hand the doctor you're flying with over to a couple of scary men in suits with blue hands, he'll still honor his hippocratic oath to 'do no harm'
3. When confronted by wacko bounty hunters, make sure you speak clearly, cause otherwise you might end up getting a confusing lecture about lions
2. If you're just looking for a quiet drink, going into fed-friendly bars on a particular holiday might not be the best course of action
1. If you're an incredibly successful TV creator and the company who funds your other shows wants you to make another series for them, make 100% sure they understand EXACTLY what it is you're selling them before you shoot the pilot

Take my love
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell 'em I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 5:29 PM

Haven't been here for a while, but I had to add my bit:

10. When you can't walk, crawl. When you can't crawl, find someone to carry you.

9. God does not care how very pretty you are.

8. Terrifying Space Monkeys are no excuse to hang out with whores, err companions.

7. If I show a man my guns and he doesn't kiss me right away, eventually he will plan on sinnin' with me (even if he ain't sinned in quite some time), and most likely, takin' it nice and slow .

6. Boy-whores may or may not service girl-folk.

5. Afros may in fact cause heads to cave in, and no matter how well secured, will in fact always be there waiting.

4. When ignoring the chain of command you may get beat with it.

3. In addition to alcohol, love and sex, birthday celebrations rarely end well when Joss Whedon is involved (re: Buffy: Surprise and Innocence, Beer Bad, Angel: Cordy & Connor, Firefly: Our Miss Reynolds, Out of Gas).

2. Arguing uses up more oxygen than not talkin' at all, and if in this situation in space, you'll possibly freeze before the oxygen actually runs out.

and #1: Nothing worse than a monster who
thinks he's right with God.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

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