Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys

POSTED BY: mai
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 17:49
VIEWED: 58558
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MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 8:55 PM

I started my own thread! YAY ME!
So here's the thing, we know there are nice men out there somewhere.
Our goal: To find them and capture... umm ask them nicely to come out and play.
The question remains where is said hidey hole and how do we get to it.

Portals?
Planes?
Time Travel?

If this thread makes sense to you... yay! If not, then all shall be revealed, so stick around.

Mai-Mai
Newest Offical Randomn Girl!

AURAPTOR

Monday, October 24, 2005 9:12 PM

*Is all for another random girl*

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Monday, October 24, 2005 9:21 PM

I think they are the 'Others' on that island where Lost is taking place.

Although most of the "nice" guys I know suck. it's the ones who seem devious but are secretly nice that you want to find. Those with the 'heart of gold' per -se.

But I'm all about a silly girl thread, so let the hunt begin!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

CHRISISALL

Monday, October 24, 2005 9:31 PM

This sounds like a thread by the givers of pain and delight.

(Okay, I'll tell ya, the Secret Hidey Place is bookstores and libraries and Fireflyfans.net )

Chrisisall Nice

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:02 PM

Now that's an interesting theory Chrisisall, and would work. 'Cept as previously mentioned the ones that aren't so nice know where to hang out and pretend to be a part of the nice guy club. So, the question becomes how do you tell 'em apart? Is there a code word or somethin'?

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:05 PM

The others ok, that may have to be our first stop to investigate.
Who here is good at crashin' planes on mysterious islands?

R1Z

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:11 PM

Quote:
Is there a code word or somethin'?

There's a secret hand shake, but I can't tell you what it is, 'cause it's secret.

To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. --Robt. Heinlein

CASUALTY

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:13 PM

I'm not sure about planes but I can crash other things! Or maybe thats crash into other things. I'm very accident prone.

I thought I'd found a nice guy the other day. Turns out he was nice to me, not so nice to some other people I know. I just can't win.

------------
"If nothing we do means anything then the only thing that means anything is what we do"
"This is the Captain. There's a litle problem with our entry sequence, we may experience some slight turbulance and then explode."

THESOMNAMBULIST

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:13 PM

Hey, it's not that we're hiding it's just that when it comes down to it, you gals don't actually like nice guys....

...I'd show you my scars but I'd have to open up my insides for you to see them :(

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:16 PM

Maybe some don't like the nice ones, but that's sorta the point of the thread. We are the few, the proud, the really wanna nice guy kinda girls. Hence the search! So come out, come out, wherever you are!

THATWEIRDGIRL

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:32 PM

Ric this is Mai...Mai this is Ric.

play nice!

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

YORG

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:39 PM

Nice guys are so boring, predictable, wimpy and have low self-esteem.

Let me relate this topic to Firefly (and thus ruining the randomness of the thread).

Take Simon for example. He's a nice guy. Always trying to be proper and polite and help his sister. All good things. But he's a real sad sac for most of the series. He's too cerebral. But after being on the Serenity for a while, you can see him grow as a person. He finds strength through trials and shows signs of becoming a whole man.

Now take Jayne for example. He's a jerk. Thinks about himself nearly 100% of the time. Speaks his mind (the little there is of it). He does show some emotion, but only in extreme situations.

Then there's Wash. He's a fairly nice guy, but only until he's pushed too far. He's very reliable but doesn't handle things in stride. He worries too much.

And finally there's Mal. He is a man who has all the qualities of a man, and Joss had to make him this way on purpose. Simply because it would be very tough to believe that he's a captain of a crew if he's not solid. Mal can be sweet and tender, but he won't take flack. His stength comes from his belief in himself and he doesn't wait for others approval.

What usually happens to nice guys is that they start out like Simon. They end up finding a girl who claims to want a nice guy. The girl gets fed up with the nice guy, cause he's lame (as all nice guys are), and drops him like a bad habit. Then the guy at some point realises that life isn't about living up to other people's expectations all the time. It's about being your own person and doing so with fervor.

Nice guys only exist in a place in time before they get trampled on by girls, then they branch off into a few different paths.

1. The jerk. Afraid of being hurt again, he takes it upon himself to do the hurting and thus remain safe within his little bubble of jerkness.

2. The loser. Gives up. He just gives up all hope and lets his life fall apart.

3. The real man. Slowly comes to the understanding that accepting oneself is vital to developing real strength of character.

LOFWYRR

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:39 PM

I'll tell you where we are. We're driving you home from the bar, drunk, as you cry about the hot guy that 'broke your heart' that night at the bar. We're holding back your hair as you puke. We're sitting at home when you call and say that your date for the night cancelled and can you come over and talk. We're sitting at the bar with you, watching your purse as you go up to the bar or out on the dance floor to hit on the hot guy, trying to get him to buy you drinks. We're waiting for you to realize that we'll treat you well all the time, not just when the hot, or rich, or nice car-having guys are done with you.

We're right in front of you.

Not that I'm bitter or anything

Be wary of rousing the wrath of wizards, for you are flammable and conduct electricity.

CASUALTY

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:40 PM

Sorry, Mai to hijack your thread but I'm doing very important Team Random initiations. There must be a few nice guys on the rugby team right?

http://www.kentrugby.co.uk/photo.php?t=2&id=12

------------
"If nothing we do means anything then the only thing that means anything is what we do"
"This is the Captain. There's a litle problem with our entry sequence, we may experience some slight turbulance and then explode."

SPINLAND

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:41 PM

Rule #1: disqualify any boy who nominates (or tries to nominate) himself. Nice boys don't think of themselves as such, it's part of how they stay nice instead of narcissistic.

Posting here is a prime cause for suspicion of maneuvering for nomination.

"Not a nice boy, but might play one on TV"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"That's what governments are for, [to] get in a man's way." -- Malcolm Reynolds

SPINLAND

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:44 PM

http://www.theniceguycomic.com/index.html

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"That's what governments are for, [to] get in a man's way." -- Malcolm Reynolds

LOTRSTARWARSAAFAN

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:52 PM

What do you mean as a nice guy, because some people would say im one of the nicest guys in the world and then some people would say that im one of the worst.

EVILBUNNIES

Monday, October 24, 2005 10:56 PM

I'm with Causalty on this... sorry to hijack your thread too. You understand, with all this random initiation stuff right? Last post woo hoo!

My broken bicycle sits all alone
While I try my best to conduct this poem.
I found the buckin bronco Matt, its safe now
If she ever stole it, I don't know how.
Never mix flapjacks and turkey together
A Fannypack full of money will make one feel much better.
Sadly I don't know to how to work crisyllis into this poem
Anyone else agree Sean's abs are completely toned?
At long last this poem is done, I'll leave you to muse
That once my fake husband went on a gay cruise.

Mal: Define interesting.
Wash: Oh god, oh god, we're all gonna die?

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:00 PM

I ... like it! I agree with all your character examples. (and we'll just pretend you didn't say mean things about my Simon)

Seriously, speaking for myself, I wasn't defining the nice guy as some doormat who doesn't care. To me nice doesn't = weak. Nice doesn't even have to mean overt gestures like opening doors and such (not that there's a thing wrong with such gestures, to the nice girls they are very much appreciated). For me the nice guy is open, funny, understands the word compromise,unafraid to speak his mind, but at the same time willing to listen and take in other ideas/points of view. Theres a list that could go on and on, but i think you get the idea.

Quote:
Nice guys only exist in a place in time before they get trampled on by girls,

I agree with this statement somewhat, but...

1. It goes both ways, we all have had that expereince(s) where our hearts our ripped out and trampled to tiny pieces and we can't figure it out.
2. Its not all our fault, no matter what the guy was like to begin with he is who he is even if he tries not be.
3. Not all women have a secret fantasies about the bad boy type. Macho is one thing, but ultra- aggressive, insensitive, self-centered is something that we don't crave. Though, I'm sure some do.
4. This post is getting entirely to serious and I don't want to turn into some snipey, man bashing thread.

Quote:
3. The real man. Slowly comes to the understanding that accepting oneself is vital to developing real strength of character.

These are the ones were lookin' for! Maybe they aren't all hiding, maybe they are just shy or scared or whatever. This is just kind of a very round about way of saying: Nice guy wanted, please inquire within.

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:01 PM

Yes, Casualty, very nice indeed!

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:03 PM

AHHHH! I've been threadjacked ... twice!!!

I feel so special

CHRISISALL

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:04 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:
So, the question becomes how do you tell 'em apart? Is there a code word or somethin'?

Tell a supposed nice guy that you appreciate his interest in you, but that you're a lesbian. Say that you really like him though, and would like him to be your friend. If he still wants to be your friend with no booty to be gained, you got your answer. Most will bolt.

That help?

Chrisisall

SPINLAND

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:06 PM

Be careful Chris: there's that small chance to run afoul of someone who thinks they're the right boy to "cure" her. Of course, that's another big giveaway, so methinks your tactic still holds water.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"That's what governments are for, [to] get in a man's way." -- Malcolm Reynolds

MAI

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:09 PM

*writes down new and very helpful info in her How to find a nice guy, no really an actual nice guy book*

CALLMESERENITY

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:23 PM

Mai! Yay for the nice guy thread! And I like your definition.

Lofwyrr-don't be bitter! Bitter is not attractive at all. Stay good Lofwyrr! Stay good!

And for the record, I've never been one of those mean girls that use nice guys.

The problem is that sometimes we don't know a guy likes us. If he doesn't make a move, how are we to know?

Sorry, being serious.

I make really yummy brownies. Yummy brownies for the person who gives away the secret location of the nice guy hideout.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

PURPLEYIN

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:26 PM

How would one qualify a 'real man'?
Does this mean most males are infact not real? How does this function? And could this not be a manifestation of someones tastes, as opposed to some galactic standard that all males are tried against?

In more relevent news- have you tried under the bed?

REALLYKAYLEE

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:30 PM

The story of my life:

me: *wow you're really hot and sweet!*
him: *laugh at my jokes, complement my looks, discuss politics without attacks*
me (later that night): he's got to have a girlfriend
bf: no he definitely doesn't have a girlfriend.
me: so what's the problem?
bf: he DEFINITELY doesn't have a girlfriend

now he's one of my super great friends and i think we can relate on a lot of issues that a straight guy friend couldn't. i thank jesus everytime i see him that we have the relationship we do!

note: um- [bold] i don't want a bad boy!! [/bold] *waits patiently*

shakespeare: more words than God.

CHRISISALL

Monday, October 24, 2005 11:31 PM

Here's another: watch Somewhere In Time(Christopher Reeve, Jayne Seymour, 1980) with a guy and see if he cries at the end. Any guy that don't cry- hit the ejector button.

Chrisisserious

CHRISISALL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 12:03 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
The problem is that sometimes we don't know a guy likes us. If he doesn't make a move, how are we to know?

I was at a party once where there was a girl I wanted to talk to, and I couldn't think of any way to introduce myself that didn't sound like a come-on. Just as my friends were leaving I walked up to her and said, "I've been noticing you at this party, and I couldn't think of a way to meet you. I have to go now, and, uh, I just had to say you're the prettiest girl here tonight. Bye."
I turned to walk away and she tapped my shoulder. "My name's Jane."
Talk about COOL!!! (nothing ever came of it, but that's besides the point)
If a guy likes you, he'll FIND a way to tell you!
With ultra-shy guys you can tell because they'll always be looking away from you just as you look at them.
Just striking up a conversation about Serenity out of the blue works too.

Chrisisall, advice to the romance-seekers everywhere

DREAMTROVE

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 12:12 AM

Okay, here's one I actually know the answer to. Actually I know the answer to most question :)

Not Me.

I'm the guy who think Jayne is about as nice as a guy needs to be.

But I do know where they are.

Girl geeks and guy geeks hide out in different areas, for some reason, they never seem to figure this out, and so never run into one another.

Girl tend to take their geeking in one of these venues: reading, chatting, or partying. As a result girls geeks can be found at libraries, bookstores, online forums like this one, and at sci-fi theme conventions which are not gaming cons. Show specific cons are sometimes overwhelmingly female. I went to the La Femme Nikita cons and there were never more than half a dozen guys there.

So that's where the girls are, but that wasn't the question.

WHERE THE BOYS ARE:

Guys gravitate to gaming, and competition. For geek guys, this means that you will find them in a college computer lab, at a college gaming, or at a game store. Here you will find not only nice guys who fit the above qualifications, and appreciate whedon, but these guys will also be highly available as they haven't seen a female in a fortnight.

Now, admittedly, some of these guys will be big fat hairy smelly toads. This is true. However there will be plenty there that are plenty attractive as much as any other venue. I know many gamers with as much charisma as simon or mal, and as few dating options as Jayne, to wit, "I'll be in my bunk."

So, wymyn who seek nice guys, get the to a local gaming crowd. Seek out a LARP group, it has room for plenty of cosplay and is physcially active as to screen out the most degenerate sloths. Then you can go through and date them all one by one, but remember:

Keep only the ones you want, and cancel at any time.

SAFEAT2ND

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 12:13 AM

Mai, nice guys come in all shapes and sizes. Not all nice guys are wimps. As far as I'm concerned, a nice guy is a combination of necessary traits.

#1) Be a gentleman. This doesn't mean you have to open every door, but it wouldn't hurt.
#2) Be romantic. Remember birthdays and Valentines day, but don't over-do it. That just comes across as cheesey.
#3) Know what compromise means. If it's all about you, then you are not a man, you are still a boy.
#4) Self confidence. Stand up for yourself when you are right. This means standing up for your girlfriend/wife too. Even from your buddies. This doesn't mean you have to fight everybody, but if it's unavoidable...

I've been accused of being a "nice guy". Sometimes I don't like the label, other times, I'm flattered, but I never, EVER, go looking for the praise.

So, If I may be considered a nice guy...I hang out at the softball diamonds. But don't take my word for it.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

SERAFIMO

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 1:24 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Here's another: watch Somewhere In Time(Christopher Reeve, Jayne Seymour, 1980) with a guy and see if he cries at the end. Any guy that don't cry- hit the ejector button.

Chrisisserious

Can I add a movie that that? Iron Giant. I'm absolutely serious.
The only time I've ever seen one of my guy friends cry is during that movie.
It's bizarre, but effective.

CHRISISALL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 1:42 PM

Uh huh, I agree. There are many out there, and Iron Giant is definitly one.
The Abyss is another; if a guy isn't moved to tears by what Ed Harris types regarding his wife on the way down the trench, he ain't no kind of romantic (a desirable trait of the so-called 'nice guy').

Chrisisall*snif*

CALLMESERENITY

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 2:00 PM

Hmmm...Mai, in respose to DreamTrove's suggestion about roll playing: we do hang out on the TREE. That's role playing, isn't it?

And I like Safe's suggestions. They are all very true, and are things that most women look for and find attractive.

A guy may be hotter than Sean Maher (is it possible?) but if he's insensitive or unwilling to compromise or treats you poorly, it's never going to work out. And self confidence is a major turn on.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

SAFEAT2ND

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 2:05 PM

Nope, that's collective story telling....

ya ya that's the ticket...

Not role playing...story telling...role playing requires some sort of dice right? RIGHT??

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

SMAUG

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 2:45 PM

No I'm not... I'm a very bad man..

That leaves me out..

Smaug..

CALLMESERENITY

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:01 PM

Dunno if you're a very bad man, but you're definitely a very bad dragon.

Bad Dragon! *shakes finger at Smaug*

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

CALLMESERENITY

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by safeat2nd:
Nope, that's collective story telling....

ya ya that's the ticket...

Not role playing...story telling...role playing requires some sort of dice right? RIGHT??

Yes, I like that. Collective Storytelling.

Having the same troubles coming to grips with your newfound nerd reality that I am?

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

SPINLAND

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:09 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by safeat2nd:
role playing requires some sort of dice right? RIGHT??

You might be confusing "role playing" with "roll playing."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"That's what governments are for, [to] get in a man's way." -- Malcolm Reynolds

CALLMESERENITY

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:21 PM

*rolls eyes at Spinny's bad pun*

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

SMAUG

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:40 PM

Quote:
Dunno if you're a very bad man, but you're definitely a very bad dragon.

Bad Dragon! *shakes finger at Smaug*

LOL..

Yes.. you are probably right..

Smaug valued and protected and cherished his treasure above ALL things.. even more than his own life... to the point of his own death.

You are right... bad dragon!!

But what if he felt this same passion with such an intensity.. but his treasure would be a woman's soul?

Still a bad dragon?

Well.. it can scorch.. I do breath fire..

Smaug..

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 4:22 PM

My Idea of the Real Man, By BlackEyedGurl:

1. Real Men do not say cheesy crap with the intention of getting in your pants. Example: a seemingly nice guy hugs me, and says 'holding you gets me through the week' to which I called FOUL! I then said: Does that work? Does that get you into girls pants? He was stunned, and after a minute said: If I had said something dirty would it have worked? NOT A NICE GUY!

2. Real Men understand that Real Women (not those gold digging bitches) don't need everything paid for, taken care of, or to be coddled and pampered like a poodle. Real men respect women, and do not attempt to buy them. Real men also do not nooch off of a generous woman, nor do they get all shitty when a woman pays for something. We are generally not looking to support you or put you in the poor-house, its all about the give and take, the equality.

3. Real Men have lives of their own, friends of their own and do not expect a woman to be the center of their universe. Such expectations are impossible to live up to, and very few women really want to be the only thing in your life. We might bitch that you are going out with the guys AGAIN, but secretly we are glad to have a few hours to ourselves to bitch and moan about you on the phone to our friends (in a caring way, not in a I hate him and plan his death way).

4. Real Men are not looking to marry or date their mothers. If I had a nickle for every guy who went after a girl just to have someone to make them food and wash their boxers I would be a rich woman. We are not your mothers, get the fuck over it.

5. Real Men are friends with you first and foremost. They are people who see you as a human being and not as a warm blow up doll. Real Men don't stay for the sex, they stay for the conversation, the sex is just a bonus.

But that's just my view. I don't want a 100% nice guy, cos I can't stand a push-over or someone lacking a spine. I want someone with a pair of balls that can respect me and whom I can respect for making good decisions and being a decent human being. Most "nice" guys are either deceptive, manipulative little fucks who are only playing nice to snag a girl, or are kinda lame. This is not to say all nice guys suck. There are a few left out there who haven't been crushed under the heel of some satanic harpy. But I think those few may be hiding in caves or something, cos they don't seem to come out much.

This is why I have decided to not 'date.' I hate the idea, I'd rather hang and be friends with someone and really get to know them, not under the artificial auspices of a date.

If you can't tell, I've had a lot of run-ins with the pseudo-nice, the ones who bait and switch. So now I barely trust any of you. The minute you seem nice, I get suspicious. But that's me, I'm bitter, with cats. ;) Sadly, it doesn't stop me from liking boys!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

JADEHAND

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 5:18 PM

you know, there are a few guys out there, some probably reading this, thinking the exact same thing about where all the good women are. I don't want a woman who wants to be bought, and I need time for my friends, they've been in my life for 15 years, they will remain important, but not neccessarily take priority. Women I'm interested in are nothing like my mother, and I hope they aren't thinking about daddy when I'm with them. Hanging out with someone as friends is the best way to get to know the real them, not the mask many people wear when they go on dates.
"spine's in tact."
*goes back to cave looking for satanic harpy*

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."

CALLMESERENITY

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 5:34 PM

lol Smaug!

You sound like Early.

Okay:

Blackeyedgirl- bitter and NOT looking for a nice guy. Check.

Jadehand-Nice guy with spine. Check. I can vouch for that. (Both the being nice and the having of the spine. I've seen him IRL, and he is definitely a vertibrate.)

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

SMAUG

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 6:09 PM

Quote:
You sound like Early.

Don't know Early. Does he have claws like spears too?? LOL..

Smaug..

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 8:40 PM

Hey Now! I'm looking for more than a nice guy, I want a good man!

And yes, I may be a little bitter. But that's just cos I live in the middle of no where, and thus have no way to get to the secret island of nice boys or good men!

Bugger!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

BARCLAY

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 9:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Lofwyrr:
I'll tell you where we are. We're driving you home from the bar, drunk, as you cry about the hot guy that 'broke your heart' that night at the bar. We're holding back your hair as you puke. We're sitting at home when you call and say that your date for the night cancelled and can you come over and talk. We're sitting at the bar with you, watching your purse as you go up to the bar or out on the dance floor to hit on the hot guy, trying to get him to buy you drinks. We're waiting for you to realize that we'll treat you well all the time, not just when the hot, or rich, or nice car-having guys are done with you.

We're right in front of you.

Not that I'm bitter or anything

Be wary of rousing the wrath of wizards, for you are flammable and conduct electricity.

You know, I'm not usually into the random threads thing (and don't post all that frequently), but I like to think of myself as an observer of people, and especially relationships, and I think the post I've quoted has got all sorts of smarts to it.

For all interested in a bitter male perspective, visit http://www.intellectualwhores.com which has a wonderful theory. Even if you end up disagreeing with it, it's something to consider. And that's what we're about right?

But I imagine that most of you who are looking for a "nice guy" already have one around. And the fact that he's around, probably means he's interested. You know that whole "When harry Met Sally" thing that men and women can never be friends because if you don't want to have sex with him than he wants to have sex with you? Girls, I've got a news flash, it's absolutely true. Every female friend I have, I would date. Every one who I've had that I've decided it wouldn't be worth dating, I don't talk to any more.

So, when I'm there listening to a female friend talk about her (ex-)boyfriend, I'm taking notes. I'm learning more about her than said boyfriend does. Mainly so that if an opportunity comes up, there I am. And unless the guy is into guys, that's pretty much why guys are friends with girls.

So, where do you go to look for a nice guy? Odds are, you've already got him around. And odds are, he's also willing. You've just got to look around and see him not on the friend ladder, but on the relationship ladder (see link above). The problem isn't of finding guys (it's very easy to say "Why Hasn't a nice guy come along yet?") but rather why haven't you noticed the nice guy who's already there (a lot harder to ask that question). Expand the base of guys you're looking at... heck, for a day, or a week or whatever, size up every guy you meet as potential boyfriend material and see what you come up with (not that you have to act on it), but just to get your thoughts going in that direction.

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

BATMARLOWE

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 10:59 PM

This is sort of a hijack and sort of a pertinent question:

At what point in between "I don't know sir, there's just something I don't like about him" and their wedding did Zoe start to fall in love with Wash?... After he shaved off his moustache, I mean.

I think it when she saw how gifted a pilot he was.

What do you all think?

IAMSPACECASE

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 11:06 PM

What is the definition of a nice guy, every woman here has a diffirent definition. Every woman that I knew always considered me a nice guy, until I married. It just takes getting married to find a woman that doesn't think you are nice. It was a good change, but our marriage only lasted four years. Most women loved to hang out with me and loved one night stands, but I was always told I was too nice for more than that. Most people still consider me a nice guy, everyone but my ex-wife and her family, but I am more cynical now. One girl holds my heart now and she is six and I'll be paying child support for her until she is eighteen, she is the apple of my eye. Where does this perfect nice guy hide, in your pantie drawer and he runs on batteries? I read this post and beleive it was a little too cynical, I beleive that this world is a wonderful place, but it is up to us to make it so. For those of you that still beleive in love and relationships wonderful, I envy you the experience, you obviously have never had one. Just kidding, I just haven't found the right woman yet and that makes me cynical. I have a couple of women that are interested in me, please allow me a little ego, one of them comented to me that she hates my ex-wife because she has ruined me for other women. Having been a nice guy for several years, I have found that most women have the Romance Novel Syndrome, they look for guys that they can change, they don't want a nice guy, I was always told I was boring because I was nice. I am a geek and always will be. I learned to be exciting, and bad, because that was what woman wanted, now I'm just myself, pretty boring. Life is too short to be anything but yourself, and I really don't give a damn what woman think of me anymore. That geek hanging out at the local gaming shop is just a diamond in the rough. No matter what any guy tells you he really wants to get in your pants and at least three times a week, unless he's gay of course. Most guys want more also, but most of the time a man's thoughts are on the continuation of the species. The thing about the guy at the local gaming shop is most of experience is in "his bunk", but this actually will probablly make him better, because he cares more, and eventually will have more experience. I can only speak from personal experience. When he breaks your heart you can return to your pantie drawer until you recover and are ready to play the great game again.

THATWEIRDGIRL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 11:41 PM

hmm...gifted pilot..yes, I could see that.

I know I'm a sucker for talent...intellectual and artistic being the more attractive talents to me...but musical, physical, techie, literary, they all have their appeal.

btw...ladder theory kinda makes sense

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

LIGHTMEDARK

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 1:45 AM

Quote:

YORG wrote

Nice guys are so boring, predictable, wimpy and have low self-esteem.

The majority of us, yes, probably...but I think boring is all in the perspective.

Quote:

CALLMESERENITY wrote

The problem is that sometimes we don't know a guy likes us. If he doesn't make a move, how are we to know?

This has always more or less baffled me. Why, especially in this time of "equality," must men make the move? It's ridiculous.

I have to admit that I'm cynical and bitter. I will admit I'm too "nice," though. I adhere to my own code of ethics, perhaps too strictly.

To me there is no such thing as a casual relationship (barring the beginning, of course). Casual sex bothers me to the nth degree (how is it, then, that I like the character of Inara?) When in a relationship I'm the most affectionate guy, but until then I might seem cold. I've only kissed three women (and been with only the two).

I was out with my cousin the other night, and I ended up talking to this one girl for most of it. I saw her again a few days later and we hung out for a while. She started hugging on me and the like, and when I agreed with her on something she said I was only saying it because I wanted to get in her pants. I told her, believe it or not, no. She said she'd heard that about me from people.

Hey, if nothing else at least the person I really am is being recognized by people.

I've told people before that, as much as I enjoy sex, I would really rather there was no such thing. It's a complication.

Ok, I've rambled and said some really random impertinent things...I know i could continue for some time. That wouldn't be fair to the poor souls who happen upon my post, though ;D

/me listens to Remembering Never - "Serenading This Dead Horse"

oddly appropriate for this post, ha

[edit]Just followed that intellectual whore thing...yeah that's me. I have lots of girl "friends" that use me in such a way. I especially love it when they say they wish that men like me were even a little common and why can't they find someone like me, when they know well that I'm with no one. I always feel like yelling "hey, i'm right here, y'know?" Ok continued rant mode must end...haha
[/edit]

---
inch towards daylight

MAI

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 5:40 AM

You mean to tell me the secret hidey hole is on the tree? Yea, I can see that... I guess its true you never see what's right in front of you. There are some definite nice tree folk men.

*Vows to spend a lot more time getting to know the nice tree folk men*

I agree hottness has nothing to do with niceness. Self confidence, and also on the top of that list is sense of humor (the ability to act silly at any given moment is very attractive)oh and a bit of nerdiness is nice too.

Quote:
A guy may be hotter than Sean Maher (is it possible?)

No, it's completely impossible

MAI

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 5:48 AM

Quote:
But that's me, I'm bitter, with cats. ;) Sadly, it doesn't stop me from liking boys!

Same here. I feel your pain. That's the whole point of the thread, we shouldn't have to give up and we should find someone who just fits. Its not easy, but it will be worth all the trouble once we find him.

(Whoa. That was me being very optimistic, someone write it down cause it might not happen again.)

LIGHTMEDARK

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:16 AM

duly noted and recorded ;D

---
inch towards daylight

THUNDAR

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:56 AM

Quote:
This is not to say all nice guys suck. There are a few left out there who haven't been crushed under the heel of some satanic harpy. But I think those few may be hiding in caves or something, cos they don't seem to come out much.

*Hears a commotion outside the cave*

TUDYKRAWKS

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 8:02 AM

well i've had the evil harpie thing happen to me, but apparently i'm still "nice" that's what i keep getting told. most women i know say i look like the bad boy, but am actually the nice guy. i'm in no way trying to boast so i'm sorry if it came off that way.

"mine is an evil laugh"

SOUPCATCHER

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 8:51 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Here's another: watch Somewhere In Time(Christopher Reeve, Jayne Seymour, 1980) with a guy and see if he cries at the end. Any guy that don't cry- hit the ejector button.

Chrisisserious

That reminds me of a story...

When I was in elementary I spent the night at a friend's house. His mother sat us down the next morning and put Somewhere in Time on while we ate breakfast (knowing what I know about the family, it was probably on Beta). Kind of confusing for a nine year old but it did lead to a crush on Jane Seymour that has lasted to this day and an appreciation for Rachmaninoff. Oh, and a compelling desire to rent the movie every so often. I wonder if it's too late to put on the soundtrack? Where's my headphones...

THESOMNAMBULIST

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 10:30 AM

mai wrote:

Quote:
Same here. I feel your pain. That's the whole point of the thread, we shouldn't have to give up and we should find someone who just fits. Its not easy, but it will be worth all the trouble once we find him.

(Whoa. That was me being very optimistic, someone write it down cause it might not happen again.)

Hi Mai :)

Well I like your appraoch to the whole situation. It is tough and it is so much easier to go brutal on the world and decide to give up on it all.... and I must say for my part I had pretty much resigned myself to this fact....

However, were it not that I've viewed all my past failings with a great deal of humour and slapstick I'd maybe have gone completely nutts! Hey I may even be so now, how would I know?... When you find yourself being dumped because your girlfriend says:
"Why don't you get angry??!!! I can't stand it that your so nice all the time!!!" while sobbing her eyes out... It does cloud your judgement some. Leaves you very few places to go. Except maybe the cuckoo house or the world of 'care free' and 'hide it under the carpet' type humour.... I could go on but really... when it's presented in list form it looks less funny.... more....like I've been walking around with a bullseye on my head.

Thing is though believe it or not all this happens for a reason, at least it has for me, for without it all; the slapstick, the ridicule,the endless having the girl you care about crying on your sholder about the guy she cares about, not caring about her, but that she slept with him anyway because because because KABOOM!!! There went my heart!!BTW!!! Don't worry I'll clean that up later when you've gone!! In fact I wont be needing it again anyway so yeah go ahead tread all over it, on your way out, it wont matter....

Without all of this. I wouldn't have met the person I'm with now....and I'm kinda glad for that.

Of course I had to travel 10870 miles to Australia to find her, but find her I did, and it's all down to nothing more than serendipity!

That's all anything is down to. Sheer blind luck! Nothing more, there's no skill, no fashioning of circumstances, or creative praying, no voodoo, or witchcraft, no conjuring of the heavenly spririts or clever 'understanding of the opposite sex' or a particular attitude to adopt when talking to the opposite sex.

No

Just luck.

..And we are all entitled to a little of that from time to time.

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

XEROGRAVITY

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 12:04 PM

This is a brilliant thread. Clever.

Cut's right down the core of every male who posts here (cept for maybe me). Mai, you a psychologist?

Ain't takin the bait.

I side with Mal ~ whores full of feminine wiles, the whole damned lot of them.

XG

No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.

MAI

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 12:12 PM

yep that's me brilliant as can be. nope not a psychologist, but i wanna be when I grow up. i knew i'd put those 5 years of school to good use at some point and this must be it!

Quote:
whores full of feminine wiles, the whole damned lot of them.

but that's why you love us so much!

EMBERS

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 1:17 PM

This IS an interesting thread...it is a lot of fun to read and witness the eternal battle of the sexes...
It is hard: nice guys suffer because so many girls want a 'bad boy'... but see, that is because they are all wanting to date the High School cheerleader, they aren't looking for nice girls

Of course I always thought 'Somewhere In Time' sucks big time, so I guess that makes me not so much a nice girl...huh?

Anyway what I really want to respond to
(my favorite hijack)

Quote:
Originally posted by batmarlowe:
This is sort of a hijack and sort of a pertinent question:

At what point in between "I don't know sir, there's just something I don't like about him" and their wedding did Zoe start to fall in love with Wash?... After he shaved off his moustache, I mean.

I think it when she saw how gifted a pilot he was.

What do you all think?

Yeah, over at Universal's board they had a writing competition: to write Zoe & Wash's wedding vows.
And I mentioned this very point:
I think Wash fell in love at first sight, that Zoe was the reason he joined the crew of Serenity in the first place.
And Zoe wasn't sure about this guy (probably uncomfortable because she could tell he was attracted to her) until she saw him fly...
those sensative and steady hands,
of course she needed him to tear her clothes off of her (just as she did in the pilot episode of 'Firefly')...so she made him shave off the stupid mustache,
because even Zoe can't resist trying to make some changes in her man (hey, she didn't complain about the dinosaurs or Hawaiian shirts!)
LOL

So advice to the young (this mostly works for young women): propinquity is your friend!
Most guys (nice or bad) are looking for a girl they can talk to AND make love to....
So if you like a guy, become his friend.
Do stuff with him, gaming, movies, whatever....
sooner or later he'll feel romantic (how often to young guys think about sex in any given hour?)
THEN be available....
it totally worked for me.......

Advice to men: you know a girl/woman you would like to get closer to, but don't know how?
Sometime when you are together just lightly rub the middle of her back (nothing sexual, just friendly like)
if she jumps and pulls away then cool it, she isn't ready,
BUT if she leans in toward you, then go for it,
she really likes you.

Just random advice from an old one.

**********************************************
watch the R. Tam Session vids: http://www.hittarivertam.nu/
and buy the 'Serenity' comics published by Dark Horse!

THESOMNAMBULIST

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 1:34 PM

Embers wrote:

Quote:
Sometime when you are together just lightly rub the middle of her back (nothing sexual, just friendly like)
if she jumps and pulls away then cool it, she isn't ready,
BUT if she leans in toward you, then go for it,
she really likes you.

....er what like if she does a kind of shudder?... is that bad?...is it? coz i get that alot...

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

EMBERS

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 1:57 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheSomnambulist:
Embers wrote:

Quote:
Sometime when you are together just lightly rub the middle of her back (nothing sexual, just friendly like)
if she jumps and pulls away then cool it, she isn't ready,
BUT if she leans in toward you, then go for it,
she really likes you.

....er what like if she does a kind of shudder?... is that bad?...is it? coz i get that alot...

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

LOL
okay her response is hard to understand...then just slowly take things further,
rub her back up to the base of her neck...
gently massaging the nap of the neck
(this is an erogenous zone BTW)
could be that shudder was a pleasure response,
if so it should get more obvious.
OTOH if the shudder was more of the revulsion kind
(which can't be true!)
then she will make it clear that the whole neck rubbing thing is inappropriate.

I've been thinking about writing a book on the subject.

**********************************************
watch the R. Tam Session vids: http://www.hittarivertam.nu/
and buy the 'Serenity' comics published by Dark Horse!

STATIC

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 2:18 PM

Okay...

time for me to weigh in.

I think the whole 'nice guy' thing is an illusion. Yes, there are nice guys...there are 'bad boys'...and some women like one, some women like the other and some women like both or neither.

It isn't about whether or not the guy is a 'nice guy' or a 'bad boy'...it's about chemistry.

Chemistry has to click on several levels, in my opinion.

There has to be intellectual chemistry. You can't enjoy a relationship with someone you can't enjoy a conversation with. This isn't to say, "He has to be as smart as you." It just means that he shouldn't respond to all of your statements with a blank stare. Sometimes intellectual chemistry means that they love to learn the things you know, or share the things you don't know that they do. It doesn't mean that if you like 'The Learning Channel' that you can't love someone who watches "Laguna Beach" religiously. Mahealani LOVES "Sex in the City" and I HATE it.

There has to be SEXUAL chemistry. No, I'm not talking about actually HAVING SEX(Kudos to those who wait), I'm talking about being in a relationship with someone who excites a desire within you, and you excite a desire within them, whether you do anything about it or not. What one person finds to be very attractive physically/sexually, may not be all that hot to someone else, and that's fine. But if they don't excite YOU, then it's not going to work as anything other than friendship. All you nice guys out there who watch the purse, who hold the hair, who sit on the phone for long hours while they bitch about the abusive ass who just broke their heart? That is probably what isn't 'clicking' with you and your female friend that you've been carrying a torch with for way too long.

Besides...'nice guy' and 'bad boy' are too restrictive. Let's use me as an example.

Bad Boy Qualities:

1. Rock and Roller (in a succesful band and everything)
2. Drill Instructor/Soldier Type, all hard-bitten, cynical and steely-eyed.
3. General scoundrel/rake...I love to be 'charming' at any woman in my presence. I love to make them sigh and giggle and swoon.

Ask about half the folks that know me and they'll tell you I'm a 'bad boy'.

Nice Guy Qualities:
1. I work with kids, and they are my life.
2. I never refuse any friend (and most strangers) any sort of favor or help if it is within my power.
3. I treat women in my life like queens, nay, goddesses...with respect and love and admiration.

Ask about half the people who know me, and they'll tell you I'm a 'nice guy'.

The whole thing is completely subjective. You need to look at CHEMISTRY.

http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com

THESOMNAMBULIST

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 2:30 PM

Embers wrote:

Quote:
LOL
okay her response is hard to understand...then just slowly take things further,
rub her back up to the base of her neck...
gently massaging the nap of the neck

...should we get a room at this point...coz...it's getting kinda steamy!!!

Quote:
(this is an erogenous zone BTW)
could be that shudder was a pleasure response,
if so it should get more obvious.

..wha? bells n lights and an orchestral score..

Quote:
OTOH if the shudder was more of the revulsion kind

Ah!! Bingo!!! There it is.... Figures!

Quote:
(which can't be true!)

"Hi Embers, good of you to come. Welcome to my world!!!"

Quote:
then she will make it clear that the whole neck rubbing thing is inappropriate.

will there be diagrams? Semiphores, sock puppets?

Quote:
I've been thinking about writing a book on the subject.

Good idea. There should be a book on this stuff. I'm sure there was, thousands and thousands of years ago.... Well not a book as such more like a cave painting.....

"Take club in favoured hand."
"Then"
"With a swinging motion, hit cranium of desired female subject"
"Then"
"Take back to cave"

job done.

The
Somnambulist

"Me... I'm just a hapless egg on whom the fates have mocked to bare, the dire and comical extremities of mishap."

www.cirqus.com

CALLMESERENITY

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 2:42 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by LightMeDark:
Quote:

Quote:

CALLMESERENITY wrote

The problem is that sometimes we don't know a guy likes us. If he doesn't make a move, how are we to know?

This has always more or less baffled me. Why, especially in this time of "equality," must men make the move? It's ridiculous.

Well, I am quite an old fashioned girl. I'm not looking for equality, per say. I find that idea ridiculous. Men and women are wired in completely different ways. We think and respond in complete different ways. And this includes how we respond in our relationships.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

SAFEAT2ND

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 2:55 PM

Static. Brilliantly said!

Mutual respect is a big thing. There is no such thing as opposites when the chemistry and respect are there. My wife could be considered an introvert and I'm an extrovert, yet here we are 13yrs later, still going strong.

Getting past the external trappings is hard. There are guys on my Softball team that are labeled "bad boys" due to their appearance, shaved head, goatee etc.. that are some of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet.

I heard somewhere the key was to watch a guys eyes when he laughs. If the laughter shows in his eyes, he's genuine.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 3:39 PM

First of all Static: You are a Genius!! Talk about hitting the nail on the head!

Call Me Serenity: I'm with you kinda on this.

Here's how it is: I am a ballsy, brazen, pretty, loud mouthed girl. The way I see it is this, if you don't have the guts to ask me out, or even just talk to me (just talking to me is mostly enough, cos you had the guts to take the risk, to take the chance), then you probably don't have the guts/balls to deal with me. I know I'm not simple, I'm complicated, but I'm not demanding and I don't pick fights or any of that lame-ass girl crap, but I'm a handful.

I am by no means a traditionalist, but I've got terrible taste. Of the last 3 that I picked, one was a 35 yr. old janitor (I was barely 25) with rock and roll dreams, daddy issues, and was scared to touch me, also the man was incapable of getting mad at me which just pissed me off even more. One was 2 years older than me, and lied about everything from the first minute I met him, he's now in prison for molesting children and drugs! Then there was the one who was my age, but had no ambition, wanted to be a DJ, and who constantly borrowed money and asked for rides everywhere, oh yeah he also claimed to 'love me' within 1 month of us meeting. Regardless in the last 5 years my longest relationship is 2 months, and that's the only relationship, cos I know that I'll pick badly again, I always do!

So yeah, I prefer to let them pick me. It seems to work better. But boys are scaredy cats (and I hang out with boys which is probably intimidating).

Then again right now I'm pining away for a close friend who if you asked me is perfect (and who I basically told 'I want you exactly the way you are, flaws and all, I don't want to fix you or change you or turn you into someone you are not, I want you just the way you are), but when I asked that we be an exclusive thing he freaked out and offered to sacrifice our physical relationship (cos we have one) so that our friendship can remain. Which I think is scaredy cat talk. I asked him why he thought my friendship would disappear if we were 'together' (I don't use words like dating), he had no answer except to compare me to all the stupid harpies that he'd been with before. Something to the effect of: "I don't talk to any of them any more, I don't want to stop talking to you." I don't know why some men think that a girlfriend and a girl friend can't be the same person. Was there some lesson on this when they pulled you guys away for the puberty talk?

As the constant 'chick friend' (most of my friends are male), I want to offer the other view of these situations: While you nice guys sit out there and listen to the laments (of some girls, not all of us), I get to listen to this: She tried to suck out my soul, she wanted me to change, she wanted me to do this and stop doing that and blah blah blah. To which I offer, wow, she sucked, good thing that's over. Then I hear, I wish I could find a girl who wanted me just the way I am, I'm not perfect, but shit no one is. To which I die inside because I am that girl and I am sitting right in front of their face and it's like I've been delegated to 'buddy' status so I can't ever be looked at as some sort of potential. I mean we collectively lament, and it's pretty clear that I am not that girl, to which I always get, I wish there were more like you out there. Or I'd marry you if we weren't such good friends. Then they turn around and date another soul sucking pretty little thing harpy bitch, and I get left to pick it all up when she goes insane and turns into the soul vaccuum.

So yeah, it sucks on both ends.

I've also been dumped because I made a man feel like I didn't need him. Well, generally I don't need a man. I can take care of myself, I don't want your money, or to boss you around, or for you to fix stuff or buy me things or so any of that stupid demanding crap, I don't really need you for that, what I need is a partner in crime, a confidant someone who will be there to laugh with me and who will be there when I need them and who I can be there

CALLMESERENITY

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 5:36 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
We still live in a society where it's okay to be a single man, but if you are nearing 30 and unmarried, you are looked at as strange. This isn't so true in places like New York, or Chicago or LA, but 95% of this country aren't those places. It's hard to keep fighting.

Yep. that's me right there. Apparently I'm going to expire at 30 if I don't get married and start reproducing. Just ask my parents.

You know, being single doesn't bother me 99% of the time. I'm too busy working and trying to pay off my large medical bills so I can go back to school to worry about dating.

But it'd just be nice to have the option, you know?

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 5:46 PM

I think my mother actually thinks that if I'm not married by 30 that I may in reality be a closeted lesbian, or worse, destined for spinsterhood. I'm an only child so my mother is especially keen on getting me a ring and a husband. My dad could care less, he just wants me happy.

So my mother offers me advise like: wear a shorter skirt, or put on some lipstick. She thinks lipstick alone has the power to draw in a husband. As if it were some magical lasso that men can't resist. She tells me things like, when you go to the grocery store, put on some lipstick, you never know when you could run into 'the one.'

She cracks me up! I mostly don't mind being 'single' myself, but i think that may be cos I'm so used to it at this point that I don't know if I could really deal with someone else 24/7! ROFL!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

PSYCHICRIVER

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 5:48 PM

So, how goes the hunt?

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"
"I swallowed a bug."

MAI

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:14 PM

Ok, so you're all right about one thing "nice" guy just doesn't cover it.

It should be the hunt for:the one that fits, the one that you know is for you, the ultra communciative, intelligent, compromisin', not afraid to stand up for himself (or anyone else he loves in a friendly manner or more), open minded, well-rounded, never wanna let you go,( but not suffocate you every single second of the day either), humble, hilarious, sensitive (but not a pushover),sometimes a bit nerd like, doesn't care what you're doing as long as you're doing it together,happens to love firefly (ok, that last ones not really a must just my attempt to make the thread relevant and would be a very humongo bonus), etc, etc, etc... SEE I'M NOT ASKING FOR MUCH.

But nice was much easier to fit into the title box.

STATIC

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:20 PM

I hate to sound like a bastard by bringing sex into this...but hey, I AM a bastard.

Of course, it's pronounced bah-stahd...upper-class English accent-like. (Eddie Izzard, anyone?)

I have never seen you or met you...so I may be WAY off the mark here... but once again...

Intellectual chemistry makes for great friends.

Sexual chemistry makes for great one-night-stands.

The combination makes for legendary lovers.

Whatever it is, I guess something doesn't 'click' sexually with these guys.

http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com

LIGHTMEDARK

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:24 PM

Yeah, the first thing my mother asks about a girl (usually) is does she want kids? I always tell her, y'know things are going great but we really didn't get to that on the first date, mom. Yeah, I'm (kinda) an only child, and she wants nothing more than grandbabies, haha.

She usually asks the age, too...I tend to like women older than myself (i'm 23, last gf is 30), oh, and I tend to like the ballsy brazen type. That only ever gets me into trouble, though. My mother actually would ask me periodically if I was gay or not because I never had a girlfriend until I was 21. I love my mom to death, but it's kind of damaging to be asked that.

I agree on the equality thing, which is why I put it in quotes earlier. Men and women are just too different for illusions of such. I'm still frustrated with the whole first move thing, anyways. That's probably why my only two relationships that have gone past a couple dates were started by the woman pursuing me instead of the other way around. It's attractive.

I have to mention on the intellectual whore front, perhaps I'm not typical. I don't just go along with what my girl friends say all the time and do nothing but comfort them. I tend to be very opinionated on certain things (aren't we all?) and have no problem telling them what I think about what they are doing or what they should do. I've found that it helps them more to open their eyes (or at least not be the passive shoulder to cry on) than to blindly console. It's easier to be this way having been in no relationship for the better part of a year, though. Things are much clearer this way ;)

But why then do they keep coming back if I'm not the typical shoulder to cry on? I'm often told that I make people feel instantly at ease and utterly comfortable. People tell me they feel like they can trust me implicitly (and they can). Maybe the honest (and often harsh) opinions and advice are actually more appreciated than the everything's ok attitude. It's not to say that I'm gruff and grating, I'm actually more or less gentle...but I say what I think.

---
inch towards daylight

STATIC

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:28 PM

Mai...you're not asking for too much. You're never asking for too much if you're asking for the one who's right for you.

This is what I used to tell folks I was looking for in a woman.

She must be a classy, intelligent, sophisticated, well-read, biker chick. It's not so important that she knows alot about everything, but that she's passionate about what she IS into, and is willing to experiment and experience everything the world has to offer.

She has to have a favorite pair of jeans that she swears she'll never part with. She doesn't have to have a supermodel body, but what she DOES have needs to be well taken of. I can't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves well enough to do self-maintenance.

She has to be perfectly comfortable in a sequined, fitted evening gown for a night at the opera, and she also has to be adventurous enough to lean over during Turandot's opening aria and whisper to me that she is wearing my favorite thigh-highs and no panties. And then change into those favorite jeans in the car after the opera while we're on our way to have a few beers at the local biker bar.

She has to recognize that foreplay starts with "Hi, how are you?" and that it can last for hours, days, weeks or MONTHS."

Noone's standards are too high if it's what they want to be happy.

http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com

CALLMESERENITY

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:35 PM

What are you saying, Static?

You met Mai at the NCBDMPP, remember? Gunshot Kaylee? I have pictures as proof.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

STATIC

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:43 PM

Oh...sorry...wasn't specific.

My 'never met you' comment was to Blackeyedgirl.

Sorry.

http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com

MAI

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 6:48 PM

Serenity, shhh! Don't you remember it was my invisible gunshot Kaylee outfit? Nobody could see me!

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 7:42 PM

Update aforementioned boy just shredded what we had over the 'friendship' thing. Buddy status has been returned. Go me.

So if any nice or decent or anything guys wanna come out of the cave and console me, I promise I'll pine after you until you shut me down... ;(

BTW: Just to prove I am not a horrific beastie: Okay there was a link to a photo here, but it just keeps trying to show a photo!

I think we should start a Whedon/Firefly Dating service. Maybe that would work...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

MAI

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 7:47 PM

Quote:
I think we should start a Whedon/Firefly Dating service. Maybe that would work...

Now that's a brilliant plan!

CALLMESERENITY

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 8:59 PM

Oye! A dating service???

BlackeyedGirl(tee hee, just realized the initials of BlackEyedGirl spell BEG )How does a picture prove you're not a horrific beastie? Just cuz you may not look like one...

oh, and try posting a link with a space before the .jpg or whatever at the end. Then we can copy, paste, delete space and see picture.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

THATWEIRDGIRL

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 10:30 PM

Did someone say Dating Service?

You know who has a lot of nice-geeky-sci-fi-witty-guy traffic to her site? i do. Maybe we could set up some kind of personals thing for the lovelies here....a way for nice gals to meet nice guys.

*will look into this*

And Mai? The tree is full of incredibly wonderful nice guys. There's not a one i wouldn't ask out on a date if I were in the situation to ask someone out on a date. Radom is another good thread for great men.

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

QUEENOFTHENORTH

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 10:59 PM

This is fascinating. Anyway....

The queen is looking for her king and would like to know where he's hiding out. If anyone knows, I will pay them money (LOL).

And as for that "he's probably already in your life" thing: I have NO men in my life, nice or otherwise, that aren't closely related to me or really out of the age range. This is my problem and how sad my love life is. Sigh. I'm going to go be depressed now and work my aggression out at the gym.

P.S. Firefly dating service probably good idea.

~~~~
You won't be needing this.

*rips heart out, throws it in garbage*

MAI

Thursday, October 27, 2005 6:35 AM

TWG, I know the tree guys are exceptionally great when it comes to the niceness factor. (and even sweeter IRL, but dont let 'em know I said that I don't want it to go to their heads). The problem being they live in the tree (ie very far from me )and are'nt exactly accessible IRL. Which is why the whole invent a portal to get to the nice guys thing kinda started. I need an IRL nice guy too.

CALLMESERENITY

Thursday, October 27, 2005 1:19 PM

Yes, this whole thread started because we had a chatroom discussion about the lack of accessible nice guys in our respective areas so we decided to go on a road trip to go find them and then it was discovered that they may mostly be hiding out in Sweden so we needed a portal to get there (portals are quicker than flying) but first we needed someone to invent a portal, which meant we needed money to hire inventors which meant we needed an investor. Or two.

So the problem isn't really finding the nice guys (I know many) it's getting to them.

BTW, anyone seeing 10 Things I Hate About You? "What's an investor?" "A person with money who's stupid."

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Thursday, October 27, 2005 3:41 PM

CallMeSerenity:

Sweden? Shit! That makes so much sense! It's probably a cave in Sweden. Gorram it, if only we had a friend with a private jet to take us there. Cos even if we don't find them we could head to Amsterdam and look at (and be creeped out by) boy whores! Who I also wonder if serve women folk.

Why don't we know more physicists? Damnit!!

Maybe we should call the dating service "The Portal". Yeah that would work...

I think you guys hit the nail on the head when you said 'accessible' guys, cos that's the real trouble, they aren't accessible!!

-BEG (which is something I am prepared to do, hehe)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

CYBERSNARK

Thursday, October 27, 2005 6:43 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
I think we should start a Whedon/Firefly Dating service. Maybe that would work...

"It insults me that people take my work seriously. I just wanted to meet chicks." --Joss Whedon

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

LFO

Thursday, October 27, 2005 10:06 PM

I've been lurking here for a few weeks (since my girlfriend got me to see this sci-fi movie at the theatre that her choir director recommended...and then told me it was based on a show as the credits rolled ;)

This thread is the most interesting I think I've ever seen online, so I finally bothered to register in the interest of keeping it active.

I'd like to quote a post I read here yesterday, but I can't find it with quick visual scan, so I'll paraphrase:
"'Nice' guys are friends with girls b/c they're hoping it will eventually lead to dating"

I've done that - I did that for two years, being more of a nice guy than I naturally am (though I think I'm still in that category), but I don't think it's fair to generalize it. I've been in a relationship for over two years now, and I'm quite happy in it. Two of my closest friends are still my friend-girls, whom I was friends with during the unhappy, overly-nice guy period. I think that, under different circumstances, I would have been happy to give dating either of them a chance (good friends and good partners share a lot of traits), but that's certainly never been my motive for friendship.

LIGHTMEDARK

Thursday, October 27, 2005 10:49 PM

Quote:
BlackEyedGirl wrote:
I think you guys hit the nail on the head when you said 'accessible' guys, cos that's the real trouble, they aren't accessible!!

Yes, I am rather inaccessible, it's like I have a firewall around me and I'm blocking all the wrong ports ;D coupled with a faulty i/o system

---
inch towards daylight

MAI

Friday, October 28, 2005 5:05 AM

Well its nice to know that some are lucky enough to get the nice guys. I have to agree, friends first then worry about what comes next.

XEROGRAVITY

Friday, October 28, 2005 2:30 PM

Alright damnit. I said I wouldn't take the bait but this discussion is aggravating. I'll tell you the truth of what men are thinking. This is what we want in a woman...

FIRST:

You have to have the body and good looks of a Heather Locklear, but the heart and general virtuosity of Mother Teresa. We need you to be honest, loyal, and damn-near as devoted as a good horse or dog. However, you also gotta be gorgeous. Can't envision a lifetime of wakin up next to a buttugly woman. Slap some makeup on that face for christ's sake. Or at least have the good sense to dim the lights (or get us drunk) if you get nekkid.

SECOND:

You have to laugh at our cheesy jokes (but not mock our shortcomings). You also have to have Einsteinian brainpower, but just don't be smarter than us. If you are, be smart enough to pretend you aren't.

THIRD:

Learn to hunt. Learn to fish. Learn to tear apart an engine (automobile, boat, or otherwise), learn fierce loyalty (for better or worse, till death do you part). Do those things and mankind will put you on a pedestal. Any man who eats meat but condemns hunting and fishing is a hipocrite. Vegetarians get a free pass on this one. Any man who is afraid to get a lil grease on his fingers... well, u figure it out.

FINALLY:

Don't forget... all men love a warrior woman unless she resembles a vikinglike shebeast akin to Rosie O'Donnell. Or the equally hideous monstrosities Barbara Streisand, Condoleeza Rice, Madeleine Albright, etc. Could go on and on. Lot of women out their being touted as icons of what men desire. Popular hollywood culture may hold them up as some ideal of beautiful women, but to we men (most of us) they are nothing more than shrieking physically grotesque man-haters. Our Ideal is the Valkyrie. Strong, beautiful, proud. Loyal to a fault.

Sorry... the sensitive pony-tail guy who can manhandle a barroom full of bikers defending your honor only exists in Steven Seagal films.

That's my view.

XG

No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.

XEROGRAVITY

Friday, October 28, 2005 2:38 PM

PS ~ for Christ's sake learn to cook too... most woman can't cook period. Nothing is more disgusting to a man then a TV dinner woman. Hell, that's why most men are becoming gourmet chefs in their own right.

ARAWAEN

Friday, October 28, 2005 3:36 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mai:

I agree hottness has nothing to do with niceness. Self confidence, and also on the top of that list is sense of humor (the ability to act silly at any given moment is very attractive)oh and a bit of nerdiness is nice too.

Quote:
A guy may be hotter than Sean Maher (is it possible?)

No, it's completely impossible

This is why the nice guy thing is a red herring. Nice is not the same thing as having qualities you like. This is why nice guys get bitter all these women saying they can't find nice guys are really saying they can't find guys with qualities they want.

A nice guy treats people nicely, not just the woman in question, but all people. His level of self-confidence, sense of humor, attractiveness, etc. are all independent traits.

I subscribe to the passage from the Music Man (substituting woman for man and eliminating the Iowa requirement of course).

ALL I WANT IS A PLAIN MAN, ALL I WANT IS A MODEST MAN
A QUIET MAN, A GENTLE MAN, A STRAIGHT FORWARD AND HONEST MAN
TO SIT WITH ME IN A COTTAGE SOMEWHERE IN THE STATE OF IOWA
AND I WOULD LIKE HIM TO BE MORE INTERESTED IN ME THAN HE IS IN HIMSELF AN MORE INTERESTED IN US THAN IN ME. AND IF OCCASIONALLY HE'D PONDER, WHAT MAKES SHAKESPEARE AND BEETHOVEN GREAT. HIM I COULD LOVE TILL I DIE, HIM I COULD LOVE TILL I DIE.

Knowledge is sorrow; they who know the most
Must mourn the deepest o'er the fatal truth,
The Tree of Knowledge is not that of Life.
-- Byron

LFO

Friday, October 28, 2005 7:45 PM

I think the following slice from Much Ado About Nothing has a place on this thread:

BEATRICE
Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the
world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a
corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!

DON PEDRO
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE
I would rather have one of your father's getting.
Hath your grace ne'er a brother like you? Your
father got excellent husbands, if a maid could come by them.

DON PEDRO
Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE
No, my lord, unless I might have another for
working-days: your grace is too costly to wear
every day. But, I beseech your grace, pardon me: I
was born to speak all mirth and no matter.

If nothing else, the problem is an old one. But, hey, its got a happy ending! And I, for one, strongly object to trying to get people married off by 30.

CALLMESERENITY

Friday, October 28, 2005 8:22 PM

Thank you LFO, for the laugh!!

Maybe we can switch the topic now to all the nice fff.net guys we know and how great they are. There are so many...

(feeling magnanimous today.)

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

CALLMESERENITY

Friday, October 28, 2005 8:23 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by XeroGravity:
PS ~ for Christ's sake learn to cook too... most woman can't cook period. Nothing is more disgusting to a man then a TV dinner woman. Hell, that's why most men are becoming gourmet chefs in their own right.

XG-I'm a Valkyrie. And I'm a great cook. 'Course, I might just as well kill you as kiss you. It's a gamble with us warrior women.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

SAFEAT2ND

Friday, October 28, 2005 8:33 PM

I would imagine some are easy to kill than others.

Like...I don't know...maybe the ones than need a woman to cook for them, clean for them, and to do their laundry, while they sit around, scratch their bellies and watch sports on TV. They are soft indeed.

I would rather play sports than watch them, and my wife is not my trophy nor my slave.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

CALLMESERENITY

Friday, October 28, 2005 9:03 PM

See? That's why you are NICE.

Pefect example.

'Cept, technically, being married, you don't count.

But you're still nice.

Serenity, First Officer of Destiny

I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/

LIGHTMEDARK

Friday, October 28, 2005 9:18 PM

Ha, it seems I'm always the one to clean and cook, etc. (though I still don't know how to cook much aside from the basics). Maybe it's my luck. Where are the nice girls ;D

/me runs off in search of a portal

---
inch towards daylight

MAI

Saturday, October 29, 2005 1:00 AM

Quote:
Where are the nice girls ;D

*jumps up and down and flails hands crazily*

OVER HERE!!!! I'm nice. (or at least try my bestest to be nice-ish)

Also I know lots a nice girls who reside in a tree not too far from this thread.

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