Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB

POSTED BY: ayrad
UPDATED: Friday, February 18, 2011 06:55
VIEWED: 75487
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AYRAD

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 10:35 PM

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303461/board/thread/35197089

***Why did the chicken cross the road?***

Mal: Because the other side of the road was the only place it could live life on its own terms, without being meddled with.

Zoë: Because that’s where the job was, Sir.

Wash: It followed a really hot girl chicken that could kill it with its pinky. Do chickens have pinkies? No? We’ll I don’t know then.

Jayne: The money was better over there. (mutters) Lousy seven percent...

Kaylee: To meet shiny new chickens and see the sights.

Simon: That’s where the Alliance was hiding its sister.

River: To get to the other side.

Inara: It just suddenly, for no apparent reason, decided to pick up and abandon the luxurious life it had on this side of the road. That’s not odd, is it?

Book: It was a pilgrimage. Wracked with guilt over the atrocities it had committed, the chicken decided to devote the remainder of its life to God in a desperate search for redemption. Just a guess.

Jubal: What did you say? Am I a road?

YoSafBrige: Because you were over there, sweetie.

The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is.

--------
Thought it was nice to share...

AB AMORE NON RECEDAM
www.cthomashowell.net

NDRAGE85

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 10:43 PM

they're all good, but the River and the Operative ones are freakin gold.

RKLENSETH

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 10:43 PM

That's pretty good.
Sums up all the charater's personalities.

Oh, and play Cantr II at www.cantr.net.

ASARIAN

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 10:49 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ndrage85:
they're all good, but the River and the Operative ones are freakin gold.

Amen to that! Both ones are astoundingly brilliant!

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

NOVASTARCLOUD

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 10:50 PM

LMAO. Thanks for sharing!

THECOLLECTOR

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 11:08 PM

Now we need to return fire with a

"How many/does *blank* Screw in a lightbulb"

ETHAN

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 11:19 PM

" The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is. "

bahahahahahahahah! I think I have a sig at long last!

CLIOMUSE

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 11:48 PM

And I thought the IMBD board was just full of trolls and Whedon-haters. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. I can visualize the Operative saying that.

MIRAMEL

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 11:51 PM

lol, just great. and yeah, i agree, river/operative in particular, i think, are excellent.

VIOLETRIX

Wednesday, February 1, 2006 11:53 PM

too cute! *sigh* i love my captain.

http://violetrix.blogspot.com
if i ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.

ASARIAN

Thursday, February 2, 2006 5:21 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheCollector:
Now we need to return fire with a

"How many/does *blank* Screw in a lightbulb"

Ok, timidly picking up the ball. :) Although I lack the talent to do one for each character.

How many Reavers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Mal: They will burn it out, rape the socket, then screw the shiny friend to death and leave it hanging from the ceiling. And if it's very very lucky, in that order.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

SAFEAT2ND

Thursday, February 2, 2006 5:52 PM

They forgot one;

Badger: Why would the chicken cross the road when he can get some other blighter to do it for him?

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

SOULOFSERENITY

Thursday, February 2, 2006 6:21 PM

Uh...Safe, doncha mean "Badger"?

______________________

Soul, Security Chief of the Sereni-Tree, Captain of Destiny.

Mantichorus: "So is there a reason they call you 'Soul'?"
Soul (after a long pause): "Yeah. Because I have one."

http://havenofsouls.blogspot.com/

SAFEAT2ND

Thursday, February 2, 2006 6:24 PM

Oops! Honest mistake... right??

I'll fix it.

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

GRIMJACK21502

Thursday, February 2, 2006 6:35 PM

How about this one?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Niska: So by facing the emotional and physical pain of dodging traffic...we would finally meet the real chicken.

We will hold...we hold till Mal gets back.

"And once you're gone, you can never come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black"
-Neil Young

ASARIAN

Thursday, February 2, 2006 6:47 PM

Just thought of another one:

Mingo and Fanty: that's the road, he's the chicken.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

EST120

Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:27 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by GrimJack21502:
How about this one?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Niska: So by facing the emotional and physical pain of dodging traffic...we would finally meet the real chicken.

Atherton: Money changed hands which means I can tell that chicken to do whatever I want.

KNIBBLET

Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:39 PM

Patience: That chicken ain't too bright. Keeps on crossing that road and I damn near own this moon.

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/ Big Damn Shindigity Good Time
http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

AURAPTOR

Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:50 PM

I love that ! Thanks

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

NIRVANA

Thursday, February 2, 2006 7:59 PM

Sweet!
Hilarious and very clever.

KNIBBLET

Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ayrad:
[ www.cthomashowell.net

How do I say this without being ... mean?

C Thomas Howell? What, if anything, appeals to anyone about C. Thomas Howell? He was the only drawback to "Kindred". To see the rest of the show, I had to suffer through his utter vacuum of personality.

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/ Big Damn Shindigity Good Time
http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

SIMONWHO

Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:14 PM

Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working in the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

ASARIAN

Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:19 PM

GRIMJACK21502

Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:47 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Pardon my french but that is F'n awesome!

Love Inara's and Mal's!

We will hold...we hold till Mal gets back.

"And once you're gone, you can never come back
When you're out of the blue and into the black"
-Neil Young

ARCLIGHT

Thursday, February 2, 2006 8:53 PM

Boss Higgins: to retrieve 60,000 stolen by Jayne Cobb

FRANKIE

Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:00 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working in the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

freaking hilarious. i read them aloud and got some laughs. i like the Zoe one. :)

_______________________________________

this is the captain. we have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode.

ASARIAN

Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:13 PM

Absolute last call. :)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "What this marriage needs is one less light bulb."

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
"What did I tell you about changing bulbs in my shuttle?"

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
It just takes one to screw her.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You cannot change a light bulb, it changes you."

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But the boy spent his entire fortune developing the contacts to infiltrate the place.

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends. "How much ammo do we have left?"

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
"My light bulb don't crash. If she crashes, you crashed her."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
One ... if she crashed it.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
There is only one River.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

CAPTAINSHINY

Thursday, February 2, 2006 9:54 PM

more chickens.

Wash: To escape being mistaken for a gosling and juggled.

River: To remember it was a chicken
OR
I swallowed a chicken.

Niska: Reputation.

"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

ASARIAN

Thursday, February 2, 2006 10:05 PM

Quote:

River: To remember it was a chicken

Ohh, nice!

Quote:

Niska: Reputation.

And that's not half-bad, either.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

DERANGEDMILK

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:01 PM

That makes me happy.
Thanks for sharing!!!
-e

"Storms getting worse."
"We'll pass through it soon enough."

UNREGISTEREDCOMPANION

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:04 PM

You all are so damn funny! Thanks for the laugh :D

~~~~~
"Funny and sexy. You have no idea. And you never will."

CAPTAINSHINY

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:09 PM

-And what does that make us?
-Big damn comedians, sir.
-Aint we just?

-Stay Shiny
"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

OOKAMIKAWAHARA

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:11 PM

Nicely, Done everyone I got one hell of a laugh out of the diff posts.

Alright heres my take on the chicken
Cause the mudd wrestlen event to win the heart of capt was on the other side--- Damn I still
haven't gotten the winnings from that match either. urrr making a call to my bookie.

or another one, cause the Alliance friendly bar on U-Day was across the road and the Chicken was might thirsty!!!!

enjoy everyone. mata, Ookami yori

I ain't disagreen, I only wanted another drink!!!

CAPTAINSHINY

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:15 PM

-Looks like we've got ourselves a chicken crossing the road. what does that make it?
-A big damn pedestrian sir.

"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

ASARIAN

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:33 PM

And yet more chickens. :)

The Fruity Oaty Bar: To let it blow its mind.

Oh, and this one:

Mr. Universe: Because everything goes somewhere, and the chicken goes everywhere.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

CAPTAINSHINY

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:47 PM

haha brilliant

"The people who made the show, and the people who saw the show, which is roughly the same number of people, fell in love with it, a little bit too much to let it go, too much to lay down arms when when the battle looked pretty much lost. In Hollywood, people like that are called unrealistic, quixotic, obsessive... In my world, they're called Browncoats."
-Joss Whedon

JAYSONAYCH

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:49 PM

Tracey (from "The Message"): Because it was trying to smuggle enhanced chicken gizzards.

JADEHAND

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:54 PM

GABRIEL TAM: I don't care why it crossed the road, but if it does it again I am NOT going after it.

PDCHARLES

Thursday, February 2, 2006 11:57 PM

Blue Glove (from Ariel): So... you spoke to the chicken?

Chicken: bock bock

*the chicken didn't make it*

You guys are freakin' hillarious.

U gonna be smart here Riva?!?!

TINFOIL

Friday, February 3, 2006 12:00 AM

Woman at desk of Alliance hospital: If the chicken doesn't make it, take it to the morgue.

Doctor in Alliance hospital: Look at this badge; what does it say? It says "Doctor". The chicken does what I tell it to do.

Monty: What do you mean that's not my chicken?

Tracey: When the chicken can't run it crawls, and when it can't crawl...when you can't do that... You find someone to carry your chicken across the road.

SAMEERTIA

Friday, February 3, 2006 12:07 AM

Thanks guys. You have no idea how badly I needed a good laugh today! :D

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 1:04 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SameErtia:
Thanks guys. You have no idea how badly I needed a good laugh today! :D

Yeah. I had a heck of a good time today here. :) Laughing is so healthy! Too bad this board can't make a thread "sticky". Now it just scrolls off the list within minutes (unless, of course, I cleverly bump it, like so, lol).

I guess the most fulfiling part of this board for me really is, that I am exactly among that which I think FireFly is all about: family.

Yeppers; in a 'verse where everyone is equally insane, you're normal. :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

THECOLLECTOR

Friday, February 3, 2006 6:14 AM

Alliance: Offical Statement "The Alliance denies any reports of said chicken crossing a road. Said chicken has never existed, and said road is not pedestrian safe"

TEALCANDTRIP

Friday, February 3, 2006 6:30 AM

How many crewmembers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. Kaylee to identify the broken bulb and tell the other how to replace it... and Mal to sit around in the dark room till some passerby comes by with the new bulb.

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 6:53 AM

Chickens galore. :)

Jayne: Don't make no sense.
Mal: It ain't about you, Jayne; it's about what it needs.

Dr. Mathias: It's madness.

Inara: Because it's a believer. It's intelligent, methodical, and devout in its belief that crossing the road is the right thing to do.

Teacher: because this side of the road could no longer sustain its numbers, they were so many.

I'm fine. I'm giddy. :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

BARCLAY

Friday, February 3, 2006 7:47 AM

More chickens

Dobson: I don't care. You don't think I'll shoot a chicken?

Sherrif at Paredeso (Train Job): Don't much know why the chicken would want to cross to this side of the road.

Crow: You keep your chicken.

Ruby (Safe):

Elder Gommen (Our Mrs. Reynolds): The chicken is our gift to you.

Stitch: You lock me up in a hot box for four years and now you're handing me a chicken?

Rance Burgess: The chicken is mine!

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

JACQUI

Friday, February 3, 2006 11:41 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Barclay:

Ruby (Safe):

OMG. I laughed so hard at that, you have no idea!

Teee heee heee.

*~*~*
"He's hurting a woman, he really *is* a bad guy... and I wouldn't call him a gentleman."
- Kyle, 9, watching 'Serenity'.

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 12:22 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jacqui:
Quote:
Originally posted by Barclay:

Ruby (Safe):

OMG. I laughed so hard at that, you have no idea!

Hahaha! I just now 'got' the joke myself. :) As far as I'm concerned, this one is on-par with the original River line. So very very clever!

EDIT:

Come to think of it, this has got to be the most brilliant line in the history of writing. No Shakespeare, no Jane Austen, no nobody, has ever said such a funny thing in literally zero words! :)

Priceless; absolutely priceless!

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

ARCLIGHT

Friday, February 3, 2006 1:03 PM

LoveBot: (slowly waves as chicken crosses road)

BARCLAY

Friday, February 3, 2006 1:19 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:

Come to think of it, this has got to be the most brilliant line in the history of writing. No Shakespeare, no Jane Austen, no nobody, has ever said such a funny thing in literally zero words!

Priceless; absolutely priceless!

Just thought I'd single that out. And put it on my resumé

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 1:43 PM

And, finally, a word from our plucky hero himself:

Chicken: Go HWONG-TONG! :)

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

KNIBBLET

Friday, February 3, 2006 2:06 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Barclay:
Ruby (Safe):

YOU OWE ME A KEYBOARD !!!

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/ Big Damn Shindigity Good Time
http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

ANDRE83

Friday, February 3, 2006 2:27 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Niska:If it didnt its only gossip, and chicken, not so solid

River: .......we'll have to call it early quantum physics phenomenon.

Jayne: its in congress?

Simon: eh...I....i'm not......you.....oh.....a....sh.....k....

Inara: Words cannot describe it. Its like an ocean of light.

Jayne: All those years of preacher training, getting knocked out by one bounty hunter
Book: Oh, dont get me wrong. I gave him a hell of a fight
Jayne: Epic i'm guessing

ROBYN12

Friday, February 3, 2006 3:10 PM

Excellent but you forgot Badger's reply...

Big Damn Netherflan
http://browncoats.ma.cx/

OLAFSOLSTRAND

Friday, February 3, 2006 3:33 PM

The trubadur of Canton:

"Now, here is what seperates chickens
From commonfolk like you and I!
Chick stood up to that toad
He crossed over the road
To get to the other side!"

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 4:06 PM

Young River: This whole conclusion is fallacious.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

PSYCHICRIVER

Friday, February 3, 2006 4:41 PM

LOL that's great!

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"
"I swallowed a bug."

STEVETHEPIRATE

Friday, February 3, 2006 4:54 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

CROW: There is no chicken.

----------------------------------------------
"MY APOCALYPTIC TENOR HAS NOT BEEN DISPELLED!" - T-Rex ( www.qwantz.com)

LEXIGEEK

Friday, February 3, 2006 7:16 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by TheCollector:
Now we need to return fire with a

"How many/does *blank* Screw in a lightbulb"

How many Josses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. He gets a beautiful young girl to do it with her super powers.

--
"Everyone needs something to keep them going. Mal has his ship. Zoe has her integrity. Jayne has Vera. And I've got you guys." Joss Whedon on his fans

JAYRO

Friday, February 3, 2006 7:36 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Barclay:
More chickens

Ruby (Safe):

LMAO. That's freakin' genius!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Alliance ads: Because crossing the road is MANDATORY.

Magistrate Higgins: My son's out there... I pray to God, losing his chicken.

Reaver: Anyone got any spicy zinger sauce?

-------------------

"This chicken could get pretty interesting."
"Define interesting."
"Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?"

JRC

Friday, February 3, 2006 9:18 PM

One chicken to another:
"Did a gorram feather just fly off my butt???!!!"

Everyone dies alone.

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 9:22 PM

Chicken revisited:

Wash: Chicken's come home to roost.

Chicken: This is a good death.

Operative: I'm impressed that he would cross the road himself, and that he would make it this far, in that outfit.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

DOG13000

Friday, February 3, 2006 9:31 PM

Taste like Chickens:

Mal: Well, they tell ya, never laugh at a Chicken Crossing a Road, but it is on occasion hilarious.

Kaylee: Up until the chicken, it was a real nice party.

Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market chickens.

River: He's lost... lost in the woods.

Wash: Look at that grace! He's like a leaf on the wi-(car!)

River: Two by Two, Beaks of Blue..

"Someone Tries to Kill You, You Try and Kill Em' Right Back"

ASARIAN

Friday, February 3, 2006 10:02 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:
And, finally, a word from our plucky hero himself:

Chicken: Go HWONG-TONG! :)

Operative: He isn't the plucky hero. That road is not the grand arena.
Inara: And that's not chicken.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

EIRE

Saturday, February 4, 2006 12:38 AM

River: That's not a chicken.
Zoe: Sir, I think we need to lock her in the closet again...
Jayne: Should I get the grenades?
Mal: That is clearly a chicken and there will be no big bangs when all we have to is wait for the gorram chicken to get across...
Kaylee: Should we be helping the chicken?
Wash: Do we care? I mean, are we caring about the chicken *look from River*--er--clearly debatable moving object?
Simon: River, I am 100% positive, statistically speaking, that it's a chicken.
River: There is no such thing as being 100% accurate in statistics. The highest level of power in statistics is p>.01.
Jayne: We're on....a different level?
Wash: Why are we caring so much about a chicken?
Mal: This is my gorram ship and we are not going to stand here for a gorram hour debating over a gorram chicken! Look! It's already on the other side of the road! Are we shiny??
Badger: *BANG* Not anymore it isn't.
River: ....that wasn't a chicken....

One day I will be like River...one day far, far, far from now...and maybe in a different dimension...with cats...

GUTTERBALL

Saturday, February 4, 2006 12:58 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Jayro:
Magistrate Higgins: My son's out there... I pray to God, losing his chicken.

Oh, God! *falls over laughing* That one caught me SO by surprise! Priceless!

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

CAPNZOE

Saturday, February 4, 2006 2:24 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Washs does it take to change a light bulb?
One but he dies three quarters of the way through so that you are genuinely afraid for the other characters when they change the bulb.

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

How many Books does it take to change a light bulb?
"You know, God said 'Let there be light' but I think true change has to come from within."

How many Kaylees does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to say "Shiny!"

How many Simons does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to clean the new bulb, another to change the bulb and a final one to worry about River having eaten the old bulb in the first place.

How many Inaras does it take to change a light bulb?
None, she's used to working in the dark.

How many Mals does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and another to tease Inara about it being red.

How many Rivers does it take to change a light bulb?
"I ate a bulb."

How many Zoes does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Brilliant. The one about Inara is a personal fave. *grovels at feet* You're just plain brilliant!!!

You paid money for this sir? On purpose?

FIREFLOOZYSUZIE

Saturday, February 4, 2006 5:01 PM

MATT!! We miss you. Are you going to Serenity 3?
How's your life? Are you rich and famous yet?
We're off to California in a couple of weeks and I'm wondering how you liked YOUR trip there??

Oh, and to contribute to ongoing chicken discussion:

Zoe: The chicken didn't look careful. Got hit by a mule. She's torn up plenty, but she'll fly true...

KEVAR

Saturday, February 4, 2006 5:24 PM

The browncoats: Our gorram chicken got hit by a FOX news truck and didn't MAKE it to the other side of the road.

ZIPPLY

Saturday, February 4, 2006 5:51 PM

www.cantstopthechicken.com

SABRE

Saturday, February 4, 2006 8:18 PM

Quote:
Operative: He isn't the plucky hero. That road is not the grand arena.
Inara: And that's not chicken.

Operative: He isn't the clucky hero. That road is not the grand arena.
Inara: And that's not a chicken.

"Jayne! Try not to steal too much of their shit!"

CYBERSNARK

Saturday, February 4, 2006 8:28 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by dog13000:
Wash: Look at that grace! He's like a leaf on the wi-(car!)

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

ASARIAN

Saturday, February 4, 2006 9:24 PM

Just keep walking, chicken-man! ...

Mal: Advice from an old tracker. You want to find someone, cross the road.

Chicken: Been off the road for a spell. Like to walk it a while.

Book: When I talk about the road, why do you always assume I'm talking about God?

River: ... Squish!

Book: How it got there is the worthier part.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

FIREFLOOZYSUZIE

Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:18 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:

Just keep walking, chicken-man! ...

Mal: Advice from an old tracker. You want to find someone, cross the road.

Chicken: Been off the road for a spell. Like to walk it a while.

Book: When I talk about the road, why do you always assume I'm talking about God?

River: ... Squish!

Book: How it got there is the worthier part.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

OH TOO FUNNY. Someday I want to be a comic genius like you.

GIXXER

Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:57 AM

Chicken / road?

You have no idea. And you never will.

It'd been wanting to cross the road from the moment it showed you its guns.

There was some kind of hot cheese over there.

So is it still a road after it's been crossed? Does the road, the thing, have purpose? Or does the chicken -- what's the word?

Hell, I don't know. If I'd wanted to know that, I'da gone to school.

G

Imbue

FIREFLOOZYSUZIE

Sunday, February 5, 2006 2:07 AM

Why did the prairie chicken cross the road?

They had boy whores! How thoughtful.

ASARIAN

Sunday, February 5, 2006 8:38 AM

Some chicken feed:

Pupil: chickens aren't real.

River: Ask her!

Simon: Eta kuram na smekh!

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

CANTONHEROINE

Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:58 AM

Okay, this is officially the funniest thread in FFF.net history... I am seriously CRYING from lauging so hard.
Thank you. I needed that.

-----
"Now somethin' about that is just downright unsettlin'."

IAMJACKSUSERNAME

Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:03 PM

Love asarian's teacher, Operative/Inara, and chicken.

Mal: No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the chickens. Understand? You ever see chickens stampede when they got no place to run?

River: They weren't chickens this side. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the road, and they remember what they are.
--
I am Jack's username
Mulder: How many chickens have to cross the road before you will believe?!

ASARIAN

Sunday, February 5, 2006 1:24 PM

What's with these chickens? They never lie down! :)

Joss: To get to the Easter egg on the other side.

Mal: They tell you never to hit the road, but it's on occasion hilarious.

Chicken: My turn!

Inara: It's a mutually beneficial business arrangement. The chicken crosses the road, which allows it to expand its client base, and the road finds that having a chicken cross opens doors to certain jokes that might otherwise be closed to it.

"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

ZIPPLY

Sunday, February 5, 2006 2:04 PM

(Road, speaking to Chicken on their wedding night):

"I swell to think of you on me."

SHINYSEVEN2

Sunday, February 5, 2006 4:46 PM

I'm not worthy, but...

MAL: Kaylee, get the chicken. We need a hood ornament.

And...number of Fox execs it takes to change a lightbulb: none, they canceled the socket.

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Sunday, February 5, 2006 6:29 PM

Nandi: Because it intended to sin, and needed to make a long, slow confession.

Reaver: Grrr Argle Burgle Grr!!! alternately: Because it wanted to sew the skins of other chickens into it's own.

Joss: Because he crossed the road less traveled on, and they cancelled his frikkin' show!!!

Two By Two with Hands of Blue: ::zaps chicken with pen that causes chicken to bleed to death::

Dobson: Because it waved everything to the Alliance, including how many nosehairs you have.

Sir Warrick Harrow: Because it wanted a fancy sash.

These are so much fun!!!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluralofapocalypse.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

DOG13000

Sunday, February 5, 2006 8:27 PM

Joss: Will I ever tell the Chicken's Backstory? You'll just have to wait and see...

(...even though the show is cancelled, and I don't know exactly what your waiting for...)

Wash: (repeat) Look at that grace! He's like a leaf on the wi-(car!)

"Someone Tries to Kill You, You Try and Kill Em' Right Back"

GUTTERBALL

Sunday, February 5, 2006 9:26 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:
Inara: It's a mutually beneficial business arrangement. The chicken crosses the road, which allows it to expand its client base, and the road finds that having a chicken cross opens doors to certain jokes that might otherwise be closed to it.

HA! That was priceless!

Personally, I am of the opinion that the chicken crossed the road because Jayne tried to eat it, Mal and Zoe inundated it with war stories, Wash threatened it with a plastic T-rex, Kaylee wanted to hug it to death, Inara told her she chose it very carefully from a long list of prospective chickens, Simon couldn't think of anything more flattering to say than that it was the only fresh food on the ship, Book tried to explain to it why only two chickens were allowed on Noah's ark, and River told it she could turn it into a crispy-fried dinner with her brain.

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

SAMEERTIA

Sunday, February 5, 2006 10:17 PM

Omigod, this thread is priceless.

Joss must just think we're sick puppies, but since he's the one who brought the chicken to the party in the first place, he can't blame us!

BURNANDBOIL

Sunday, February 5, 2006 10:53 PM

This thread is so funny, I'm so glad I clicked on it!

GRAYALBATROSS

Sunday, February 5, 2006 11:41 PM

Hwaaa ha hhaaaa!
; (Rolls on ground laughing uncontrollably) SHINY, Shiny, shiny,...

The Seedak Comend you, Hom-dichons, all around!
And also Lord Garfunkle the Hamster King sends his personal approval.
Let me try

Simon: I don't know... I'll have to run some tests first

River: (runs and catches the chicken, stares at it) Contradictions, false logistics... it doesn't make sense.

Mal: Was it space monkeys? It was maybe running from some terrifying space monkeys that got loose?

Jayne: You dumbass hogs, the only people crossing the road are us on this boat!

Zoe: Does the chicken have a problem with its brain being missing?!! (Crossing the road is totally dangerous for a chicken)

Wash:It was trying to reach This Land.

Kaylee: How do you know it didn't just want to see the other side? Sometimes chickens have feelings you know. And I am referring here to chickens.

Inara: I know this chicken. He has this warped sense of honor... He thinks he's this tough, hardened chicken, and he can be unrelenting, but...

Book: I don't care what crosses the road... Just cross the road!

***
When in doubt, consult the hamster.

Also, I can kill you with my brain

JADEHAND

Monday, February 6, 2006 12:19 AM

MURPHY:

Why Mrs. Chicken, what a vision you
are in those fine feathers. Must have
taken a dozen hens a dozen days
just to get you into that get-up.
'Course your daddy tells me it takes
the space of a Col. Sanders wink to
get you out of 'em again.

JADEHAND

Tuesday, February 7, 2006 2:09 AM

MUFFINMANISTHESKIES

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 4:50 AM

Nestor (the original mechanic): Hmm...I've never been called a chicken before. Shiny!

Mal: Well I seem to remember the chicken actually crossed the road. Yes I have heard a joke before. Don't faint.

MUFFINMANISTHESKIES

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 4:50 AM

Nestor (the original mechanic): Hmm...I've never been called a chicken before. Shiny!

Mal: Well I seem to remember the chicken actually crossed the road. Yes I have heard a joke before. Don't faint.

ASARIAN

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 7:13 AM

Okay, this chicken's clearly running on its last legs. :) You gotta pitch in here, guys.

Inara: Should I start with the part where it's stranded in the middle, or the part where it has no clothes?

Mal: Chickens always do. That's what makes em special.

River: ... He looks better in red.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam.

JADEHAND

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 2:51 PM

ENSIGN
It's a carrier, blew out a few months
back. No survivors, but it was only
run by a skeleton chicken anyway.

CAPTAIN
Damn shame. No point in checking for
Chickens...?

MAN
You going on a trip, Chicken? Need
safe passage? We're cheap, we're
cheap and clean, The BRUTUS is the
best ship in the 'verse. What's your
des, chicken, we're hitting the other side of the road--

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"He's seen too much of life And there's no going back.
The loneliness calls him, And the edge which must be sharpened,
He's losing it. And he knows.
But there's a fighter in his mind and his body's tough
The years have been unkind, but kind enough." -Ocean Cloud (Marbles) -Marillion

DECKROID

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 4:13 PM

Stitch: You keep me locked up in a box for four years then have the nerve to ask me about a chicken?!?

Used Road Salesman: Now, this here side of the road... you fix her up nice and you'll be crossing her until the day you die.

Well Dressed Man: Listen, Chicken, I came down here to make sure you crossed the road, not to get chopped up by the Canton Cars and left to bleed in the street!

Fess: I sent an override to the crossing signal. Lifted the Do Not Walk for the chicken.

JPSTARGAZER

Wednesday, February 8, 2006 9:43 PM

Mal: If that chicken crosses the road, I guarantee you'll see something new.

Girl at party: The other side of the road was better last year.
Chicken: Why, what was there last year?
Girl: Standards.

Tracey: You just murdered the chicken.
Mal: No son, it murdered itself.

Mal to chicken: You wanna cross the road?
Chicken: Yeah.
Mal: Well...you can't.

And now for the light bulb jokes:

How many Badgers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, but only after bargaining with the second one, who happens to have his hands on a couple...light bulbs.

"All I got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth...the rest is up to you"
--Bono

GUTTERBALL

Thursday, February 9, 2006 4:26 AM

Jayne: *all choked up* Ya'll crossed a road...on account'a me?

Wash: What this marriage needs...is one less CHICKEN. Right now, it's kinda crowded.

River: No chicken in the 'Verse can stop me.

Jubal Early: You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this chicken is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport, yet by far the most troublesome.

Ranse Burgess: *evil, satisfied smirk* The chicken...is mine.

________________________________________

Please remember that the 9:30 show is completely different from the 7:30 show. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

AMYLISAI

Thursday, February 9, 2006 4:44 AM

Your Reaver lightbulb post made me laugh out loud--rare. No I'm not stalking you, apparently I read the same posts as you tonight. And you have a great sense of humor. This note is my random act of kindness for the day :)
Thanks again!

Amylisai

AMYLISAI

Thursday, February 9, 2006 4:50 AM

Thank you for your lightbulb list, SimonWho! It made me laugh with glee. Totally awesome!

Amylisai

AMYLISAI

Thursday, February 9, 2006 5:07 AM

ok zipply, the wedding night one just about killed me. It's a good thing I went to college so's that I got hooked on Firefly and understand dirty jokes too. All the effort was worth it haha

Amylisai

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