Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB

POSTED BY: ayrad
UPDATED: Friday, February 18, 2011 06:55
VIEWED: 75487
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ASARIAN

Friday, February 10, 2006 8:40 PM

Okay, one more shiny light bulb to steer us safely through the sky. :)

How many Badgers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in; and the other to badger him about it.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

KSC

Saturday, February 11, 2006 12:28 AM

Heres a different kind of contribution

JRC

Saturday, February 11, 2006 1:36 AM

Niska: You have seen Crow, he likes to stand by the door to say "Cluck!"

Everyone dies alone.

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Saturday, February 11, 2006 5:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Okay, I'm sure there will be better but... (oh and spoilers for Serenity within)

How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

Thanks, my old signature was worn-out.

---------------------------------------------
How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

MISSTRESSAHARA

Saturday, February 11, 2006 10:32 PM

Light Bulb responce:

How many Fux execs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well first they have to mull over it, what kind of lightbulb do the audience want? What color would get the best responce? Do people really want such a strange and eclectic lightbulb that's bright enough to read from and therefore expand ones mind, or should one go with a standard 40% bulb that has a lasting power of only a few weeks but will appeal to 60% of the populous?

Then there's the problem that the eclectic and bright bulb is not a namebrand, despite it's proving to be 100% more effecient from the esoteric though popular namebrands. Though the namebrands as stated have a low light people in general don't seem to care as much so long as it allows them to see the basic shape of their surroundings and not muddle their mind with the possibilities of actually seeing what's in front of them, because then they would have to see what a horrible mess reality really is.

And we must not forget about cost. Yes, the eclectic no name brand is brighter, yes it's stronger, yes it seems to be able to allow people to see better and not become lost in the miasma that is around them, but it's a little costly, not to mention not many people like to be in such bright surroundings. Whereas with the namebrands they can be produced at such a prodigious rate that even though they burn lower and quicker we can replace them so easily that the average person wouldn't even notice it had burned out.

So in conclusion it isn't a matter of personnel and abilities, but cost and effect. We really, therefore, haven't the time to waste on bulbs that burn bright and allow one to see clearly, we're too busy putting out cheap, low burning bulbs that burn out in a matter of weeks. It's how we keep our costs low and our profits high.

Now about that chicken, we're quite interested in that, but can we change the settings from a road to a ballroom? Or better yet we can do a reality program around this chicken. The Surreal Chicken Coop. Dear God that's genius. We're geniuses. Somebody get a grunt to change the lightbulb, we have some writing to do.

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

TENTHCREWMEMBER

Friday, February 17, 2006 3:01 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?:

Nandi: To avail itself of our trade.

Bandit: To get one on one time with the Mrs.

Niska: To get away from getting earful from wife.

Inara: To beat Saffron to the rendevous point...what? You didn't see that coming?

Mal: To rise again.

Jayne: Chicken? Uh...I'll be in my bunk...

Operative: It was love, in point of fact.

Niska goon: Because it's the best thing for everyone, I'm right there with you!

Steggy: To get to a fertile land...one called THIS LAND!
T-Rex: I think we should call it HIS GRAVY!

BWAH!
TCM

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ZOESBACKUP

Friday, February 17, 2006 4:02 PM

Dora Lee (Safe):
And they shall live among the people and you shall know them by their path

THOU SHALT NOT SUFFER A CHICKEN TO CROSS THE ROAD!

nice cover fire
Oh, and I also have a black belt in Smackdown Fu

MADDIEGIRL

Friday, February 17, 2006 8:19 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

River: This chicken is problematic.

The 'Verse lives on.

DAVESHAYNE

Friday, February 17, 2006 8:38 PM

Taking this in a different direction,

Why did the reaver cross the Road?

It's the PAX. The paxilon G36 we added to the air processors....

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

ASARIAN

Friday, February 17, 2006 11:08 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Maddiegirl:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

River: This chicken is problematic.

Haha! Good one! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ASARIAN

Friday, February 17, 2006 11:53 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Wash: A chicken crosses the road in that hat, people know it's not afraid of anything.

Saffron: Everybody crosses everybody else.

Mal: Chicken has an oddness to it. And I ain't just talking about its proficiency crossing roads. The chick knows things.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

MELAM

Thursday, March 2, 2006 8:41 PM

A quick chicken to get us across the road.

Opperative: To make a better road. All of them better roads.

"Putting the Me in Mercinary, Jayne Cobb."

"Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender."

ASARIAN

Thursday, March 2, 2006 9:29 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Melam:

A quick chicken to get us across the road.

Operative: To make a better road. All of them better roads.

That is pretty funny! :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ASARIAN

Thursday, March 2, 2006 9:33 PM

Okay, don't wanna be accused of being chicken myself. :) So, here's a few more.

Chicken: I'm not going to live there. There's no place for me there. What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.

Simon: I thought it was getting better.

Mal: The Alliance wanted to show me reason, they shouldn't have sent a chicken.

The Operative: That is a trap. I offer to take it across the road, you'll play the man of honor and take umbrage; I ask you why it crosses the road, and you'll play the brigand. I have no stomach for games.

River: It isn't safe.
Chicken: For them!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

MATTCOZ

Thursday, March 2, 2006 9:35 PM

Wash: Wacky fun.

Inara: Are there chickens among us?
Kaylee: Yeah, one of them crossed the road.

Mal: You hold, you hold 'til the chicken gets back.

Simon: I can't keep track of the chicken when it's not crossing the road.

River: It's just a chicken, it doesn't mean what you think.

Mr. Universe: Can't stop the chicken.

HoB: So, you saw the chicken? *kills you*

Early: That's no chicken.

Chicken: No power in the 'verse can stop me.

This side of the road: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

RESE

Thursday, March 2, 2006 10:32 PM

Ok, jadehand, it's official. I just peed my pants! Thanks!

JADEHAND

Thursday, March 2, 2006 11:57 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by rese:
Ok, jadehand, it's official. I just peed my pants! Thanks!

Ummmm......
You're welcome?

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"He's seen too much of life And there's no going back.
The loneliness calls him, And the edge which must be sharpened,
He's losing it. And he knows.
But there's a fighter in his mind and his body's tough
The years have been unkind, but kind enough." -Ocean Cloud (Marbles) -Marillion

DAKCOBB

Friday, March 3, 2006 3:16 AM

Forget what you think you know. Forget what the Farmer told you when tossed you feed at night. Forget the lies of our Gallus domesticus poultry governments!

Behind this curtain lies the very secret they don't want you to peck at. The most astounding avian find in the history of Chickanity.

Proof Of alien gizzardy life. Yes, go ahead and laugh, sir, but what you see on the other side of the road will change your life forever!

It will haunt your dreams and harrow -- YES -- your very feathers.

----
Turns out this is my kind of a party!

ASARIAN

Friday, March 3, 2006 3:46 AM

For chickens to laugh at:

Simon (to River): I would be there right now.

River: Sad little king of a sad little road.

Early (to Simon): The plan is to take your sister, get the reward, which is substantial.

Mal: Ah, the pitter patter of tiny chicken feet in huge combat boots.

Chicken: Is there any way I can get out of this with honor and dignity?

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

MATTCOZ

Saturday, March 4, 2006 12:22 AM

One more to keep it going:

River: They didn't want the chicken here, but she couldn't make herself leave, so she crossed. Crossed the road.

BELUGASMOM

Saturday, March 4, 2006 4:53 AM

You people are TFFW (too funny for words). You damn near made me pee my pants!! I had to go--bad--but I couldn't stop reading.

Life is short, brutal, and unpredictable. EAT DESSERT FIRST.

OURMRSWASHBURNE

Friday, April 7, 2006 9:45 PM

You guys are awesome, I'm loving the replies. I'll never look at a chicken - or a lightbulb the same way again...

Here's my two platinums worth, should you want it:

River: Please God make me a chicken!

"Whoa. Good chicken."

Jayne: The chicken will be in my bunk.

Zoe: Sir, I'd like you to take the chicken please ; I need this man to tear all my clothes off.

River: Jayne is a chicken's name.

Kaylee: I love my chicken.

Mal: Jayne? You want to tell me why there's a statue of a chicken standin' here, lookin' like I owe him somethin'?

Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market chickens.
and
Mine is an evil chicken! Now die!

Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has chickens."

Villager: "That is a chicken."
Mal: "Yeah, but its our chicken..."

Jayne: (remarking on the unappetizing meal Simon's made for himself) "Smells like chicken."

Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of chickens."

Monty: I SHAVED MY CHICKEN FOR YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!

River: This chicken is troublesome.

Regarding lightbulbs:

How Many Mals does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to really WANT to change, or it'll get sucked into an engine.

How Many Zoes does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'll just check with the Captain.

How Many Shepherd Books does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One to know the old bulb, and one to go back and look at it again after River's changed it for him.

How Many Jaynes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to screw in the nearest roundish bulb shaped object in the dark, and the whole crew to clear up the mess afterwards when they find it was actually a grenade...

How Many Rivers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two by Two, with lights of blue.

How Many Simons does it take to change a lightbulb?
One - and he's not sure whether he should do it, but he really wants to, but that might be because it's the only lightbulb available....

How Many Washs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change it, and one to marvel about how changing a lightbulb is almost like science fiction...

How Many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
(no. I just can't improve on the "one to say it's shiny" joke previously. Sorry! I love that one.)

How Many Inaras does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb, and seventeen to change into many different glamorous outfits WHILE changing the bulb. With extra jewllery. And one to bathe the bulb lovingly with a sponge in soft focus.

How Many Niskas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - one to slowly and painfully remove it from its socket, and the other to finally see th real lightbulb.

Sorry

_______________________________________
I'll be in Wash's bunk.
Hiding from Zoe. And from chickens.

SAB39

Sunday, April 9, 2006 1:41 AM

(Posted this one in another thread but this seems to be The Place for it)

Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Barge into her shuttle uninvited.

And back on the subject of lightbulbs...

Q: How many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But not if it's a Capasun 48 lightbulb, they fall right out of the socket.

Q: How many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but if the lightbulb's run on batteries, you may have to wait a while...

Gorram it, I thought of some chicken ones too before bed last night, but they've completely vanished out of my head now...

ASARIAN

Monday, April 17, 2006 11:15 PM

Okay, just a quick one to resurrect this thread:

How many Niskas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But he'll make it last as long as possible. Days, if he can.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

DONCOAT

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 1:38 AM

Book: I don't care if you make it across the road or not. So where does that leave you?

Niska: I think we will meet the real chicken now, hmmm?

Inara: You're a big chicken. You can take it. Just cross the road.

Mal (seeing a small explosion of feathers): What was that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

SAB39

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 12:48 PM

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It got stupid. The money was too good. But then the road threatened to dump it out the airlock and it repented...

DEEPGIRL187

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 1:13 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Knibblet:
How do I say this without being ... mean?

C Thomas Howell? What, if anything, appeals to anyone about C. Thomas Howell? He was the only drawback to "Kindred". To see the rest of the show, I had to suffer through his utter vacuum of personality.

How do I say this without being mean?

Last time I checked, all of the actors did a good job. What show were you watching?

At last.
We can retire and give up
this life of crime.

AURAPTOR

Tuesday, April 18, 2006 4:36 PM

That's awesome! Every one is perfect....

People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy. - Joss

" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "

BROWNCOATJAX

Wednesday, June 7, 2006 3:53 AM

these are great!!!

i know the post hasn't been added to for a while but i had to add mine ;)

Wash - Were i unwed, i would take you in a chickenly fashion..

"Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing Oh right, that would be me. Back to work...."

MALSTOLEMYHEART

Wednesday, June 7, 2006 5:25 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Mal: Chicken's a might whimsical in the brainpan
or alternately: You can't take the chicken from me

I really can't beat most of the ones already posted (laughed so hard I cried) but just to keep this thread alive...

Mal: And Kaylee, what the hell’s goin’ on in the engine room? Were there chickens? Some terrifying space chickens maybe got loose?

Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your chicken being missing.

Zoe: Can I have your chicken?
Mal: No.
Zoe: If you die, can I have your chicken?
Mal: Yes.

River: It's chickens.

Mal: If your hand touches chicken, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

Mal: You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like chicken, I am a mystery

Jayne: All I got was that dumb-ass stick that sounds like it's raining. How come you got a chicken?

Kaylee: It looks like it was made with, you know... longing. Made by a person really longed to see a chicken.

Simon: You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I re-attatched a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her chicken after me. I got a chicken. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Chickens is nice.

Mal: One of you is gonna fall and die. And I'm not cleaning it up.

ZZETTA13

Wednesday, June 7, 2006 2:49 PM

LMAO, these are great!!

Can't breath, had mudders milk coming out my nose.

Z

SAVEWASH

Thursday, June 8, 2006 1:17 AM

These are great! I'm not worthy to contribute, but I'll give it a try.

Simon: My God, you're like a trained chicken, without the training.

Chicken: I'll go. Just stop describing me.

Mal: That's what governments are for: get in a chicken's way.

Jayne: If wishes were chickens, we'd all be eatin' ... chicken?

Wash: We got to go to the crappy town where I cross the road.

Kaylee: The whole point of crossing is that it ain't appropriate.

Okay, I give up. This thread is worth a bump, though.

"We need to keep our heads so we can ... keep our heads."

FUTUREMRSFILLION

Thursday, June 8, 2006 1:30 AM

those were good! Shiny!

I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"

VELOXI

Thursday, June 8, 2006 5:25 AM

HAHAHA! That was fantaaaastic. Thanks for sharing that! :)

SPACEBEE

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:34 AM

These are great! So funny I had tears streaming down my face!
I finally decided to register so I could reply. Here goes:

Mal: You crossed my road, chicken. And that's a fact.

Sir Warrick Harrow: I think the chicken is a psychotic low-life.

Zoe: This is something the chicken has to do for itself.

Badger (to chicken): This is my gorram road, and I don't like the way you look down on me. I'm above you. Better than. Mammalian, see?

Marco (Out of Gas): Chicken? You're going to talk to us about chickens now?

Zoe (over PA): This is Zoe, I need ALL chickens on this side of the road.

YoSafBridge: Chicken, Peaches ... come back to this side of the road. You know how I can make you feel ...

Wash: Thought I might cross this road, me and the chicken.
Chicken: The chicken standing right here telling you that's not gonna happen?

Zoe: More'n a week, completely cut off, with the chicken entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to crossing the road and such, 'cause, what're you gonna do?

Sheriff Bourne (to chicken): It was indicated to you that there was an opening on the other side of the road?

Chicken (in Badger's accent): Sure, I crossed the road, more'n once. But it don't seem likely I'd tell you why, now do it?

Mal (to Bester): Get your prairie chicken off my road!

Kaylee: That's my chicken. That's my good chicken.

Zoe: He's a psycho you know, the chicken.
Mal: Wouldn't be the first chicken to cross the road, nor the last. Do you think that's a commentary on chickens?

Kaylee: Chickens' just got walkings, and they talk to me.

Zoe: Is that the chicken? Is that really it? Wash, pinch me, I must be dreaming!

Or how about, from Serenity outtakes:
Mal: Because it was a TRAAAP!!

That's all from me!

----
You wanna fly? F***ing fly! I'll be in my bunk!

ASARIAN

Tuesday, January 30, 2007 7:13 PM

*bump* So, why did the chicken cross the road? ...

So as never to be under the wheel of nobody ever again.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ASARIAN

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 5:24 AM

Harken: Seems odd you would joke about a road you were on the wrong side of.
Chicken: May have been the other side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

Oh c'mon, guys, pitch in. :) Chicken jokes are fun.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

DECAF

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 7:35 AM

Jayne: "Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you runnin' afoul of his blushin' psychotic chicken. It figures out who you are, it'll cross the road 'fore you can say... 'don't cross that road, chicken'."

Harrow: "You didn't have to run over that chicken."
Mal: "Yeah, I know, it was just funny."

Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about crossing the road?"
Chicken: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."

heh... some of my favorite quotes so I had to toss 'em in

_________________________________
"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just."
- Abraham Lincoln

ASARIAN

Wednesday, January 31, 2007 8:16 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Decaf:

Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about crossing the road?"
Chicken: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."

Hahaha! Brilliant. :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

FLORALBUNNY

Thursday, February 1, 2007 5:33 AM

The chicken was made to go across the road so
Joss could change the shooting axis for the
second half of the fight without having the
audience lose track of where everybody was.

Many thanks to whoever resurrected this thread.
I really needed the laughs this evening.

bun
~Bastards singed my chicken~

HERA7

Thursday, February 1, 2007 6:23 PM

Chickenstown

Kaylee: "The whole point of crossing the road is that it ain't appropiate"

Book: "Go on. I'm a Shepherd after all. Should be able to keep my eye on a cluck of one."

Mal: "The management here don't take so kind to sightseein'. Which is why we'll be posing as buyers. And there isn't a one of us looks more the part than the good chicken.
The pretty fits, the soft wings, definitely a prime egg layer, and lily-white and feathered all over."

Mal: "You want to tell me how come there's a chicken of your's here, starin' at me like I owe him somethin'?"

Simon: "This must be what crossing the road feels like."

Simon: "No... This must be what crossing the road feels like..."

Wash: "We gotta go to the crappy road where I'm the chicken..."

Inara: "Sir, the Road Crossing Ceremony is a ritual with centuries of tradition behind it. There are reasons for the way we do things."

Simon: "You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I re-attatched a chicken's leg. Her whole leg. She named her egg after me. I got a
egg. He drops a box of money, he gets a road."

Stitch: "I just spent the last four years sitting on the side of the road and you're sirrin' me?"

Hera7

Mechanic & Cook
"So thats where that bolt went to."

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 1:28 AM

Wash: Little chicken just gets more colorful by the moment. What will it do next?

Early: Is it still a road when it's empty?

River: The chicken body can be squished of blood in 0.6 seconds, given adequate road travel.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 2:24 AM

Ok, one more for the, erm, road. :)

Saffron: You're asking yourself, if I've got the security codes, why didn't I just cross the road myself?

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

YINYANG

Friday, February 2, 2007 3:02 AM

Has this one been done already?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Mal: Because it is so... very... pretty.

Or, alternately -

Mal: Because it is so... very... pretty. It is just too pretty for God to let it fly.

Great job, everybody!

Rules: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=22892
Voting: http://www.wunschliste.de/index.pl?vote&r=09

FIDDLESTIX

Friday, February 2, 2007 4:44 AM

River: They weren't chickens on this side. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they cross the road and remember what they are.

Joss: A lot of people are asking me, you know, why exactly is a chicken crossing a road? It's a joke you morons!

Joss: I truly believe that in years to come, people will look back and say, "That was a chicken that crossed a road." Yessir. I truly do.

Joss: People love a happy ending, so every episode I will explain once again that...I don't like people, and then Mal will shoot someone, someone we like...and their chicken.

"I truly believe that in years to come, people will look back and say, 'That was a show that was on TV.' Yessir. I truly do." --Joss

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 4:58 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Fiddlestix:

Joss: A lot of people are asking me, you know, why exactly is a chicken crossing a road? It's a joke you morons!

Joss: I truly believe that in years to come, people will look back and say, "That was a chicken that crossed a road." Yessir. I truly do.

Joss: People love a happy ending, so every episode I will explain once again that...I don't like people, and then Mal will shoot someone, someone we like...and their chicken.

LOL. :) Love these Joss paraphrases.

Joss on what he learned on Firefly: "Don't tell the chicken you're going to cross the road for seven years when you're not. That was a big one."

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

FLORALBUNNY

Friday, February 2, 2007 5:10 AM

The chicken crossed the road in order to
scare David Boreanaz out of wanting to
play Malcolm Reynolds, thus giving a
crucial opportunity to Nathan Fillion to
play the Captain.

(Ref. commentary over "Serenity" pilot
episode)

bun
~Bastards singed my turtle~
~We aim to exponentiate~

WHIMSICALNBRAINPAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 5:20 AM

ROTFLMAO! Thank you so much for sharing this Ayrad!

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." http://whimsicalnbrainpan.blogspot.com/

BR0WNCOATRISING

Friday, February 2, 2007 5:33 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by dog13000:

River: Two by Two, Beaks of Blue..

okay, i just filled my hysterical-laughter quota for the next 3 or 4 months. at least.

i'm thinkin' we'll rise again.

DOG13000

Friday, February 2, 2007 5:43 AM

Couldn't you have waited ONE more day to quote me?!?!

Then it would have been exactly one year. *sigh*

-----
"Someone Ever Tries to Kill You, You Try and Kill Em' Right Back"
-----
Very Shiny: www.fireflystore.spreadshirt.net
Even Shinier (Is that even a word? It is now...): www.reversedrive.com
AIM: dog13000 YSN: reverse_drive2g
E-Mail: louis@reversedrive.com

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 6:32 AM

Road: I take no pleasure in the thought, but it will die weeping if it crosses me.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 6:45 AM

Chicken: Because they called me chicken!

Harken: You crossed the road in the war.
Chicken: Crossed a lot of roads in the war.
Harken: And your husband?
Chicken: Cross him sometimes, too.

Chicken: You have no idea. And you never will. A chicken doesn't cross and tell.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

FASTMOVER

Friday, February 2, 2007 7:02 AM

Niska: This chicken, it doesn't lay the eggs.

Mal: I'm sure it was a very bad chicken.

Niska: My wife's pet, I'm getting mouthful at dinner, there's no avoiding that.

OR

Niska: Because the chicken has reputation, wanted no more gossip, and the road is solid.

Lame, I know. ;)

I am evil, I am sly, and if you get eaten no one will cry.

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 7:07 AM

Chicken: Cuz Saffron told me: "All you gotta do to be a rich chick, hon, is get over it."

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ASARIAN

Friday, February 2, 2007 7:28 AM

Ok, last one for today. :)

Chicken: Sometimes I think I crossed the road just so I could see what the hell everyone was joking about.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

BR0WNCOATRISING

Friday, February 2, 2007 4:44 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by dog13000:
Couldn't you have waited ONE more day to quote me?!?!

Then it would have been exactly one year. *sigh*

But it was all funny...and articulate!

---------------------------
thanks for the reenactment, sir.

FISKMASEN

Friday, February 2, 2007 5:20 PM

I'm not worthy, still, will try.

Mal: Okay. She won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon. But she is solid. Road like this, you can cross 'til the day you die.
Zoe: 'Cause it's a deathtrap.

"My cartridge fell out of my gun..." - Nathan Fillion

ASARIAN

Friday, October 19, 2007 1:33 PM

I'm thinking many new folks haven't seen this hilarious thread yet. So, lemme bump it a mite. So, why did the chicken cross the road?

Chicken: All of you! You think I crossed that dangerous road? A road people use?! Well, there ain't chickens like that. There's just chicken folks like me.

Wash: No. Actually, I was wondering... WHAT'S IT DOING ON THE ROAD?

Chicken: First rule of battle, little one: don't ever let them know where you are!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

ADAMWANKENOBI

Friday, October 19, 2007 2:48 PM

Badger: Not my concern, love.

Niska: It wished to avoid... torture.

BULLET0IN0THE0BRAINPAN0SQUISH

Friday, October 19, 2007 2:57 PM

this thread is so shiny! I might have to change my innards because this one is too damaged from laughing so much!

ok, contributing:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because Jayne asked it "You wanna go little chicken?"

And Wash was on the other side of the road with a candlelight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I don't know what I'm saying. I never know what I'm saying.... -River Tam, Serenity (2005)

THEQUICKBROWNFOX

Friday, October 19, 2007 2:58 PM

Unbelievably funny!
Wash: Can we vote on the whole crossing the road thing?

From one thing, learn ten thousand things.

THEQUICKBROWNFOX

Friday, October 19, 2007 2:58 PM

Unbelievably funny!
Wash: Can we vote on the whole crossing the road thing?

From one thing, learn ten thousand things.

PACHELBEL

Friday, October 19, 2007 3:06 PM

Book: I don't give half a hump why it crossed the road.

Mal: Every chicken crosses alone.

Jayne: Chicken's a mind-readin' genius, but it still can't figure out how to eat a ice planet.

Reaver: Humans ... they taste like chicken.

NEWBROWNCOAT

Friday, October 19, 2007 4:15 PM

Saffron : It was the night of their betrothal and she was to open herself to her hubby-chicken on the other side of the road, as the furrow to the plough.

CRAZYMOONBRAIN

Friday, October 19, 2007 4:26 PM

Awesome response Mr. Cannon in D :) I LOVE the different character's answers.

I maybe crazy, but I can still kill you with my brain.....

SIMONIZED

Friday, October 19, 2007 5:42 PM

I thought this one was obvious. Maybe that's why no one posted it:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Joss: to get the Big Damn Movie deal!

or

Joss: to get away from the FOX!

THEQUICKBROWNFOX

Friday, October 19, 2007 11:11 PM

Sorry for the double post earlier (keyboards actin' up). I just love this thread so...
Chicken looking at Nandi: Am i gettin' any prettier?
Nandi: No, cross the road.
Wash watching chicken cross the road: Oh God! Oh God!
Chicken after reading all the replies: This must be what going mad feels like.

From one thing, learn ten thousand things.

GORRAMGROUPIE

Friday, October 19, 2007 11:33 PM

JAYNE: Ten percent of chicken is -- let me do the math here -- chicken into egg, carry the --

ASARIAN

Saturday, October 20, 2007 12:31 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Wash: Cross the-- Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when you're about to die!

Chicken: You all gonna be here when I get to the other side?

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

RIVERFLAN

Saturday, October 20, 2007 1:05 AM

Chicken quotes:

River- She understands. She doesn't comprehend
*afte being told not to touch Jayne's chickens.

Mal- All right everyone, we're having a little problem with our main crossing sequence so we might have a little heat and then... fry.

Wash- Every man there go back inside or we will pluck a new feather from this little chicken.

Mal- Did the chicken fall off my ship for no apparent reason? I told Kaylee to check the oven, and she said it would bake for another two weeks!

Kaylee- That was six monthes ago Cap'n, the wings are all burnt.

Zoe- River, honey... The chicken's putting away its feathers now...

Mal- And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic chicken community.

Wash- Oh my god! What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing?... Oh right, that would be the chicken. CHICKEN! Back to work!

Mal- And don't cross any more roads; just stay on the corner of No and Where.

Simon- I'm very sorry if River tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed flock of chickens.

Mal-String up those chickens & tie them to the nose of the ship. Put the rooster front & center, he's our friend, we should honour him. Kaylee, go find that chick taking a dirt nap with baby Jesus, we need a hood ornament. Jayne! Try not to steal too much of their wings!

Nadi- If they've got guns or brains at all.
Inara- They've got chickens.

*Jayne- Sure wish we had some CHICKENS right about now, don't you think?!

*Mal- Dear Buddah: Please bring me a pony, a plastic rocket, and a chicken.

~~*~~*~~*~~
Lightbulb quotes:

River- They weren't lightbulbs inside the box. Now they see ceilings and remember what they are.

Mal- Yeah, but it's our lightbulb, so screw it the hell down!

River- A light bulb can be drained of electricity in 8.6 seconds, gven adequate conductors.

Zoe- Captain'll come up with a lightbulb.

River- The lightbulb's broken. Doesn't make sense.

Mal- Dear Buddah, please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket, and a ligtbulb.

River- So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution thoery with Thomas Edison's's creation of the lightbulb.

Simon- I can't keep track of her when she's NOT incorporeally possessing a lightbulb.

Mal- Wash, we got some local light happin'... a grand entrance would not go amiss..

River- Little bulb, big room... Many bulbs.
~~~*~~*~~*~~~

That's all I could think of. Hope the list isn't too long, and that it's funny. The bottom two chicken quotes, with the stars? Those I thought were fairly obvious. Sorry if I repeated quotes.

And, I'm going to paraphase a really good joke a little:

How many Jaynes does it take to put in a lightbulb?
Two: One to try to put it in, one to find a bigger gun, and Kaylee to put it in right

@)~*~*~*$~*~*~*)~(*~*~*~$*~*~*~(@
Remember to vote!
http://www.richlabonte.net/tvvote/index.html
$)~*~*)~(*~*~($
My favorite quotes:

SUZFROMOZ

Saturday, October 20, 2007 7:13 AM

Very funny guys

www.solarflarecreations.com.au

My Blog http://suzanne-catching-up.blogspot.com/

ASARIAN

Saturday, October 20, 2007 8:30 AM

Ok, so why did the chicken cross the road?

Teacher: We're not telling chickens to cross the road... we're just trying to show them how.

Road: Haven't you crossed me enough?

River: Little chicken, big road. Many cars.

Mal: Tactics, woman!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

THEQUICKBROWNFOX

Saturday, October 20, 2007 11:54 AM

Love it so much i almost peed my pants! Haha! :)

From one thing, learn ten thousand things.

BULLET0IN0THE0BRAINPAN0SQUISH

Monday, October 22, 2007 8:12 AM

everybody needs a laugh.^^ Let's bump this up!^^

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I don't know what I'm saying. I never know what I'm saying.... -River Tam, Serenity (2005)

THEQUICKBROWNFOX

Monday, October 22, 2007 3:54 PM

Love this so i'm bumping. ;)

From one thing, learn ten thousand things.

SPACEANJL

Saturday, August 2, 2008 1:21 PM

*Bumping* Because this is hi-larious.

Chicken humour...

Zoe stalks quietly towards the kitchen cupboard. None of them are exactly house-proud, you might say, but there is definitely a distressing Smell. Either some of the more elderly stores have finally attained sentience, or...

“Gaah!” Spitting noise. “Isnae proper grub.”

“Deep-fry it an’ cover it wi’ curry sauce, man.”

She flings open the door. There is a moment of confusion, then a blur of movement.

The last piece of fresh food they have, a chicken, pauses in its progress towards the door.

“Er...cluck?” It tries, hopefully.

All the things she ever thought to see in the ‘Verse, herself chasing a (plucked) chicken down the corridor ain’t even on the list.

(source: Feegles on a Firefly)

DONCOAT

Monday, August 4, 2008 9:21 PM

** Why did the chicken cross the road? **

Dr. Caron: It was the Pax.

Simon: Eta Kooram Nah Smech!

River (watching the chicken): It's all right. It's all right. (Runs toward the road) My turn!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm pointin' right at it!

RALLEM

Monday, August 4, 2008 10:00 PM

Very good. Now for my answer
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Because that's where the fun is...

http://swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

JAYNESMANE

Monday, August 4, 2008 11:23 PM

Hah! Wow! I love things like this. Was this a forum game or was it just something someone posted? Either way I'll have to try something like this for some of my other favorite shows.

Thanks for posting. Got a good laugh out of me.

---
http://www.freewebs.com/optics233/index.htm - my website - learn how to make money online filling out surveys.

ASARIAN

Thursday, March 5, 2009 8:18 PM

I'm thinking this thread is too pretty for God to let it die! :) So, why did the chicken cross the road? Here's a few more (hey, I'm trying! It gets kinda hard after so many good entries here).

NISKA: I think many people know the chicken. Many know he crossed the road. They must know what happens after that.

JAYNE: Was it gold?

DORALEE: Life sometimes takes you places you weren't expectin' to go.

CHICKEN: What road?
KAYLEE: I'm pointin' right at it!

ECHO: Did it sleepwalk again?

FOX EXEC: Because we cancelled its side of the road.

BOOK: "Chicken" is a purely figurative title, you know.

OPERATIVE: Pride.

RIVER: Because it's there.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

JEWELSTAITEFAN

Friday, March 6, 2009 8:54 AM

Chicken:

Lt Womack: Wearin' lighter fluid ain't no reason to run from my lighter. Maybe it's afraid? Chicken - get it?

Jubal Early: That's no chicken. Is it really a road, if crossed perpendicular? Does it grapple? Yep, here I am.

Tracey: Transporting amped up contraband. It's not my fault, chicken sneakin' across so I couldn't hear it. But I got it's beans.

Hands of Blue: We didn't travel across the Verse to inquire about a chicken.

Commander Harken: Same old story, blaming everything on Reavers. Not a chick, adult chicken.

Inara: Perhaps that is where it most needs to be.

River: Little filament, big voltage. Didn't know it was light unitl it went out. On off on off, never broken until now, end of life.

Screw in a light bulb:

Reaver: Grrr. Argh. ZZZZZAAT!

River: Jubal, you can come inside here with me to grapple, screw in the light bulb. You can have me.

Kaylee: Can't. Once it's dark, can't move.

Bester: Just me and this prairie harpie. But it'll take a week, waiting for the transducer to make the bulb work.

Wash: I screwed in a light bulb, many times. Well, just once. OK, I watched somebody change a light bulb. Alright, they just broke it, really.

River: Rooster went crazy, killing all the chickens, this one got away, now her voice went away too. 4,236 pebbles on the road on this crossing, slow enough to count. Feathers are ruffled.

SHINYGOODGUY

Friday, March 6, 2009 9:03 AM

I'm really feeling these:

River: To get to the other side.

Jubal: What did you say? Am I a road?

The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is.

Brilliant! LMAO!
----------------------------------------------

Allow me:

Monty: To get away from that devil woman!

Jayne: I have a question...Why would the chicken cross the road?

Jubal: Because she knew it was best to come with ol' Early.

Eh, kinda weak.....

SGG

Tawabawho?

ANOTHERSKY

Saturday, March 7, 2009 7:46 AM

Quote:

How many Josses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. He gets a beautiful young girl to do it with her super powers.

...that come with her feet. Couldn't resist. ha.

More why chicken psychology, since we've devolved to quotes-out-of-context:

Mal: I can NOT know that!
Inara: It fell, jus' fell, that's all. Just fell across the road, hurt its head like Wash.
Wash: Just to see the stars.
Zoe: First rule of battle, little one: never let them know where you are.
Jayne: Six men came to kill it one time.
Kaylee: Fell right outta the sky.
Simon: It was a code.
River: Skipped off home early.
Book: I'm still collating data.

Gotta think of one single speaking part in the verse we ain't covered yet...anybody do the nurse in Safe? Probably...

Going for a ride.

Another Sky

ANOTHERSKY

Saturday, March 7, 2009 7:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by asarian:
Ok, so why did the chicken cross the road?

Teacher: We're not telling chickens to cross the road... we're just trying to show them how.

Road: Haven't you crossed me enough?

River: Little chicken, big road. Many cars.

Mal: Tactics, woman!

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

Awesome. This gets better and better.

Going for a ride.

another sky

RALLEM

Saturday, March 7, 2009 9:01 AM

[quote=Ayrad]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0303461/board/thread/35197089

***Why did the chicken cross the road?***

Mal: Because the other side of the road was the only place it could live life on its own terms, without being meddled with.

Zoë: Because that’s where the job was, Sir.

Wash: It followed a really hot girl chicken that could kill it with its pinky. Do chickens have pinkies? No? We’ll I don’t know then.

Jayne: The money was better over there. (mutters) Lousy seven percent...

Kaylee: To meet shiny new chickens and see the sights.

Simon: That’s where the Alliance was hiding its sister.

River: To get to the other side.

Inara: It just suddenly, for no apparent reason, decided to pick up and abandon the luxurious life it had on this side of the road. That’s not odd, is it?

Book: It was a pilgrimage. Wracked with guilt over the atrocities it had committed, the chicken decided to devote the remainder of its life to God in a desperate search for redemption. Just a guess.

Jubal: What did you say? Am I a road?

YoSafBrige: Because you were over there, sweetie.

The Operative: The chicken’s motivations are not my concern. Getting it across the road is.

--------
Thought it was nice to share...

AB AMORE NON RECEDAM
www.cthomashowell.net

Badger: 'Cause this is my gorram side of the road.

If somebody else said this line or something similar I missed it. The originals were all great except the Yosafbridge. The Yosafbridge quote was good, but I think it could be better, only I am not sure how.

Yosafbridge: To get a better hand of cards.

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

RALLEM

Saturday, March 7, 2009 12:16 PM

Mal: Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant.

Zoe: So the Reavers wouldn't rape it to death, eat its flesh, and then sew its flesh into their clothing.

Wash: To find out if there really was another side or if it were just a myth.

Jayne: Maybe for a reward.

Kaylee: Figures, first time on the Core, and where does it go? To the other side of the road. Couldn't it have gone shoppin' at the Tri-plex, or... Ooh! Synchronizers!

Simon: To get further away from the alliance with its sister as possible.

River: To look out after her brother.

Inara: Maybe because so few sides of the road are a mystery.

Yosafbrige: Maybe because its cards were better over there.

Badger :'Cause this is my gorram side of the road.

Book: Because it's not where you go, but rather how you get there.

Jubal: If there ain's no chicken crossing is it still a road? Don't seem right, does it?

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

BADGERSVERYFINEHAT

Saturday, March 7, 2009 3:25 PM

Ah poultry based humour, fantastic. one of the best threads i've ever seen on here.

Chicken: Am I a chicken? I dont think of myself as a chicken. I might as well though - I have a mighty cluck.

ASARIAN

Saturday, March 7, 2009 4:22 PM

Okay, a few more for the, erm, road. :)

MAL (to River): Do you know why the chicken crossed the road? Well, I suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say...

MAL: Half of walking history is crossing the road.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

RALLEM

Saturday, March 7, 2009 9:56 PM

Nice Asarian.

Mal: I had no cause to stop it.

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

BADGERSVERYFINEHAT

Saturday, March 7, 2009 11:54 PM

Fanty/Mingo: Do you know that chicken?
Mal: I surely dont.

Mal: We're comin down to empty that vault.
Guard: You have to show me your authorisation chicken.
CLUCK-CLUCK-CLUCK-CLUCK-CLUCK-CLUCK-CLUCK
Guard: .....OK

Jayne: Boy sure would be nice if we had some chickens, dont ya think?!?!?!?!

Tracey: This chicken aint worth it, not our lives.

Simon: This may come as a shock but i'm not that good at talkin to chickens.

RALLEM

Sunday, March 8, 2009 1:10 AM

Mr. Universe: You can't stop the chicken.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: [leading the Reaver fleet straight into the Alliance's, and caught in the middle, trying to get to Mr. Universe] The chicken's come home to roost.

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

ASARIAN

Sunday, March 8, 2009 1:11 AM

Keep 'em coming, Rallem. :)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

EARLY: If the chicken crosses the road, is not the side it came from the other side?

CHICKEN: I thought maybe you could use a gun hand?

BOOK: To reach the end of the line.

SAFFRON: You're assuming crossing the road is the point.

JAYNE: That there, exactly the kind of diversion we could've used.

CHICKEN: I'm not on the road. I'm in the road. I am the road. ...Chicken's gone.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

RALLEM

Sunday, March 8, 2009 1:17 AM

Very good Asarian, and I especially liked your Saffron answer.

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

RALLEM

Sunday, March 8, 2009 1:44 AM

Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears he got to the other side just in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose that makes him?"

Zoe: "Big damn hero, sir."

Mal: "Ain't he just!"

River: "We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way a chicken can cross the road."

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

CUDA77

Sunday, March 8, 2009 12:50 PM

Mal: Y'all were watching I take it?

Kaylee: Yes...

Mal: Did you see it cross?

Kaylee: No.

Mal: TRAP!

And one lightbulb one:

-How many Kaylee's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two, one to replace the broken one, one because now the first can't get back down.

RALLEM

Sunday, March 8, 2009 2:50 PM

Jayne: 'Cause it wanted to dress itself up and get taken out somewhere fun.

http://www.swyzzlestyx.com/index.html

ASARIAN

Saturday, October 24, 2009 11:51 PM

A new installment in the neverending thread; Dollhouse style, tonight! So, why did the chicken cross the road?

CHICKEN: Did I cross the road?
TOPHER: For a little while.

TOPHER: You see a chicken cross the road, the first thing you gotta ask is 'Is it running to something or is it running from something?' The answer is always both.

ADELLE: Everything you want, everything you need, she will cross. Honestly, and completely.

ECHO: The chicken is crossing your road. Do you know what that means? It means God brought it there. He has a message for you. That message is... MOVE YOUR ASS!

DR. SAUNDERS: Its entire existence was constructed by a sociopath in a sweater vest, what do you suggest it do?

DOMINIC: Don't think of them as chickens, think of them as pets.

ROAD: There is no me. I'm just a container.

DOMINIC: You crossed a good road, ma'am.
CHICKEN: I crossed a bad road very well. There's a distinction.
DOMINIC: Of course.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

FLORALBUNNY

Sunday, October 25, 2009 11:27 PM

LOL asarian.
It crossed the road in order to be its best

bun

ASARIAN

Monday, October 26, 2009 12:17 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by FloralBunny:
LOL asarian.
It crossed the road in order to be its best

Thx for joining in. :) Here's a few more:

TANGO: Because that's where the pancakes are.

VICTOR: Chicken, chi-frea-ckin! I'll keep saying it, it's fun to say... chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken.

ECHO: It wants to do everything. Is that so much to ask?

TOPHER: The crossing instinct is the purest - it's too strong for a normal wipe.

BOYD: What happened to the last chicken that crossed the road?
DR. SAUNDERS: You're standing in him.

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

PEULSAR5

Monday, October 26, 2009 4:35 AM

Angel: It crossed the road to protect Buffy.

Spike: It crossed the road to protect Buffy.

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