BEST BUFFY QUOTE?

POSTED BY: hellsangel
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 16, 2006 19:31
VIEWED: 40504
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HELLSANGEL

Saturday, April 23, 2005 6:03 PM

What do you think is the best Buffy moment, or quote?

I have to love the bit in season 4 when the scoobies walk in on Giles playing his guitar in the Espresso Pump... CLASSIC!!!!

"In my plan, we are beltless!"

THESOMNAMBULIST

Saturday, April 23, 2005 6:24 PM

Ok I'm having to remember the lines here as I can't recall them exactly but:

-------------------

Anya
I know you like me Xander I've seen you looking at my breasts...

Xander
No offence Anya but when a guy talks to you - he's pretty much looking at your breasts.
--------------------

Or words to that effect. I think it was the penulitimate episode to season three, not sure I'll check up later.

Also in Tabula Rosa when Spike finds out he's English just like Giles and just to check he say's a bunch of 'Enlgishisms' ending in Bollocks! Cracks me up.

The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

EMBERS

Saturday, April 23, 2005 6:39 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by hellsangel:
What do you think is the best Buffy moment, or quote?

it is hard to narrow them down...I love them all.
I love ones involving Willow particularly:
when everyone thought Willow was dead and she comes to the library...

when Spike (S3) is holding Willow hostage and talks about how long it has been since he has had a woman...Willow stands up for herself and states
"There will be no having of me..." LOL

When Riley (S4) wants to start dating Buffy and asks Willow for help, she warns him that if he breaks Buffy's heart she will beat him to death with a shovel...he looks surprised and she adds:
"a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend"

but really, every singe episode is filled with so many funny lines...how can you narrow it down?

DOCTORPAYNE13

Saturday, April 23, 2005 6:52 PM

PRINCIPAL SNYDER:

"There are things I will not tolerate. Students lurking around campus after school. Horrible murders with hearts being removed. Also, smoking."

MANWITHPEZ

Saturday, April 23, 2005 7:13 PM

Buffy: "Tell me why you're here in five words or less."
Spike: (Ticking off with his fingers) "Out. For. A. Walk...Bitch."

I'm not a Spike fan, but the expression on his face for the word Bitch is priceless.

Giles: "When I want your opinion, Spike...well, I'll never want your opinion."

(Of course, this one...)

Xander: "Nothing can defeat the PENIS!"

Faith: "So, you're a werewolf, huh? What's the story on that?"
Buffy: "It's a long..."
Oz: "Got bit."

I have to think about this some more...

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

NORUDDINWAY

Saturday, April 23, 2005 7:29 PM

hands down,from Some Assembly Required:

Buffy or Willow: "So are we hoping to find a body or no body?"

Xander: "Personally, I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold dubloons."

GROUNDED

Saturday, April 23, 2005 8:31 PM

Yeah that's a classic. Another Xander one, quite possibly from the same ep but I can't remember: "For the love of God would somebody scratch my nose?"

ESPRADLEY

Saturday, April 23, 2005 9:04 PM

My favorite that still makes me laugh is from Xander in the S5 Premiere with Count Dracula.

"All right, where is he? Where's the creep who turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?"

THRAWN

Saturday, April 23, 2005 9:29 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by manwithpez:
Buffy: "Tell me why you're here in five words or less."
Spike: (Ticking off with his fingers) "Out. For. A. Walk...Bitch."

There it is. That's the one.

HELLSANGEL

Saturday, April 23, 2005 10:20 PM

Which episode was that again?
Was it early season 5..?
Help!
Also correction for the xander - anya - breasts talk...
Anya - I saw you looking at my breasts
Xander - Anya, no offence, but when a guy looks at your breasts it just means his eyes are open.
I love that bit too lol

"In my plan, we are beltless!"

HELLSANGEL

Saturday, April 23, 2005 10:33 PM

just found it on the web,
No Place Like Home
.......found another funny moment

BUFFY: Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess... you won't kill me? Wooo... the whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so because God knows you need some satisfactionin life besides shagging Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway and ... and you have stupid hair.

"In my plan, we are beltless!"

HELLSANGEL

Saturday, April 23, 2005 10:36 PM

Just found a really good Spike fan site for all us Spike fans!

http://www.bloodyawfulpoet.com/

Some amusing sketches and spike - related quotes!

"In my plan, we are beltless!"

THESOMNAMBULIST

Saturday, April 23, 2005 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by hellsangel:

Also correction for the xander - anya - breasts talk...
Anya - I saw you looking at my breasts
Xander - Anya, no offence, but when a guy looks at your breasts it just means his eyes are open.
I love that bit too lol

That was it. Xander of old... hilarious.

Cheers.
The
Somnambulist

www.cirqus.com

BATMARLOWE

Saturday, April 23, 2005 10:56 PM

It may not the funniest line ever (besides how can you narrow it downs) but SMG's delivery of "Get Out!" When she realizes that Dracula is THE Dracula is perfect.

And just as a side note: I don't think she's every looked more beautiful than she does in that shot.

Also another great delivery: Oz saying "huh" in that Oz way when he wakes up naked in the zoo.

DAG

Saturday, April 23, 2005 11:27 PM

ANNE
Buffy Hey Ken,want to see my impression of Ghandi? "THWACK" Hits him with spiked bat.

Lily Ghandi?

Buffy Well you know, if he was really pissed off.

SIMONWHO

Saturday, April 23, 2005 11:51 PM

I love the way Alyson delivers the line "I'm not a vampire" from Dopplegangland. She's not aggressive, she's slightly affronted, it's just too perfect.

"That is, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother." A line that just comes out of nowhere and sends Giles perfectly into the tree.

The whole "Xander I beg you not to help me" scene. Hey, that's from Dopplegangland too. Lots of good lines there.

WICCANWOLF

Sunday, April 24, 2005 2:06 AM

I've got alot of favorite quotes but the top ones are...(in no specific order)

Willow -When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander - Willow, how can you...? I mean, that's really *bent*. She was... grotesque.
Willow - Still dug her, huh?
Xander - I'm sick. I need help.
Willow - Don't I know it.

Xander - It's a baby. You got to keep it safe and teach it Christian values
Willow - My egg is Jewish
Xander - Then teach it that dreidel song

Willow - You want to protect her?
Xander - Mm-hmm.
Willow - And prove that you're just as good as those rich snotty guys?
Xander - Mm-hmm.
Willow - Maybe catch an orgy?
Xander - If it's on early

What can I say, I love xander/Willow conversation quotes. They are funny, of course these three quotes were just a few of my favs. Trust me...theres more.

Buffy loves Angel. He loves her. And I love Ho Ho's - Joss Whedon
"I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there, we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party!" -- Xander

BIKISDAD

Sunday, April 24, 2005 2:28 AM

From "Surprise". Willow in that funny purple hat when she shyly asks Oz to Buffy's surprise party. As she walks away, she says "I said 'date'". I don't think anybody ever was cuter than Alyson in that shot.

Apathy on the Rise. No One Cares.

KISSTHELIBRARIAN

Sunday, April 24, 2005 6:31 AM

Well one of the funniest quotes has to be from Something Blue from season 4. The beginning scene when Spike is chained up in the bathtub and Buffy is feeding him blood (by the by, from the novelty mug which I stole my user name from). They're talking about Spike's chip and Buffy and Spike are sparring like siblings. Giles calls him impotent, which Buffy grins at and calls him flacid. Spike warns her to watch it, and she says condescendingly, "Giles, help! He's gonna SCOLD me."

Pretty much anything in that scene and in that episode is hilarious (Spike watching Passions, Giles and the "lick me" line...). If you haven't seen it I highly recommend doing so.

More for all of us B/S shippers. I'd have to say the most rewarding and fulfilling Buffy Spike scene comes in Chosen. I'm talking about the basement scene where Buffy gives him the amulet. I think I watched that scene 20 times when I had the DVD. First of all, it's funny - drawing of Angel on the punching bag/"He wears lifts you know", "So where's talk, dark and forehead?", "the pretty necklace your sweetie bear gave you." And of course the moment when Buffy gives Spike the amulet. "Angel said the amulet was meant to be worn by a champion." Spike looks down, more than a little dissapointed. Without a word, Buffy puts the amulet in his hand. The music is perfect, I love the close up shot with nothing but black in the background. And the perfect follow up line: "Been called a lot of things in my time." Oh, how wonderful. And then when Buffy says Faith has her room, Spike kicks her out saying he's got his pride and that she's "got Angel breath", and then of course he tells her he was bluffing. She says oh thank god and they chuckle. "Truth is I don't know what I would have done if you'd have gone up those stairs." And then she gently touches his face. I LOVE IT. This scene has everything. Definitely my favorite Buffy Spike scene.

On that note I think I'm gonna start a new thread about our favorite Buffy Spike moments because I'm sure others will disagree with me.

"Vampires of the world, BEware." - Buffybot

FALLENANGEL

Sunday, April 24, 2005 6:32 AM

My favorite Spike one (well, I have many)is from School Hard.

SPIKE: "I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed on a flower person and I spent the next six hours wacthing my hand move."
he raises his hand in front of him back and forth. Made me laugh so much.

My favorite Xnader quotes is from Innocence.
CORDELIA: "Well, does guns make you wanna have sex?"

XANDER: "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex"

Don't ask me why but that always stuck with me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."- Lao Tzo

KISSTHELIBRARIAN

Sunday, April 24, 2005 6:53 AM

Oh oh, I just thought on one of THE funniest moments in Buffy. In season five's Intervention, when Buffy and Giles are in the desert and he's explaining the guiding spell to her. He has to jump in and out of the circle then shake his magic gourd (and no, that's not a euphemism). Buffy jokes that, "I know this ritual! The ancient shamans were next called upon to do the hokey-pokey and turn themselves around." Giles sighs and begins as Buffy watches. He takes one big leap into the circle, then leaps back out, then shakes the gourd slowly (while looking away embarrassed). They look at each other, and Buffy says "And that's what it's all about." It's so hilarious. Just the way she says it is brilliant. Not laughing or anything, just with this pathetic tone. Oh it's genius.

Another B/G moment. Gotta love the opening of the Magic Box in No Place Like Home, when Giles is dressed up in the wizard's costume. He looks like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia. Buffy just stares at him, and it's this long uncomfortable stare between the two of them, before Giles finally looks away and takes off the hat without even a word being said. Hilarious.

"Vampires of the world, BEware." - Buffybot

AERELORN

Sunday, April 24, 2005 7:01 AM

Gotta love the appearance of the Buffybot in Intervention:

Xander: Hey, I know this one...they're BOTH Buffy!

Buffy(incredibly pissed): No, she's a robot.

STARBERRYGIRL

Sunday, April 24, 2005 8:16 AM

One of my favorites is also from "Innocence" in season 2 when Willow is in the van with Oz (forgive the quote butchery):

Willow: We didn't have cable, so we had to make our own fun.

I find myself quoting her often as I justify my own quirks!

ECGORDON

Sunday, April 24, 2005 10:39 PM

I've only seen Buffy through season 4, and one of the funniest Xander quotes comes from the final ep of that year, "Restless."

Dream Xander talking to Oz about Willow and Tara:

"Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell...and then I do a spell by myself."

wo men ren ran zai fei xing.

KISSTHELIBRARIAN

Sunday, April 24, 2005 11:39 PM

Another good one from Restless is when Xander is talking to Snyder in the Apocolypse Now scene. After Snyder has said some pretty heavy stuff, Xander replies with, "I'm getting a cramp."

I also love the fake vampire at the carnival that Buffy is throwing stakes at. "I am a vampire. I am a vampire. Ah, you staked me."

I love that episode. Lots of the funny and lots of the serious symbolism.

"Vampires of the world, BEware." - Buffybot

STARLIGHTWONDER

Monday, April 25, 2005 12:44 AM

I think the best quote is:
Spike: "We like to talk big, vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Struttin' around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got dog racing, Manchester United, and you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals on legs."

But then you have such priceless lines such as:
Spike: "Out. For. A. Walk... Bitch."

And who could forget:
Drusilla: "What a wonderful house you have my sweet William. It smells of Daffodils, and Vicera..."

And of course:
Anya: "He snores."
Xander: "She wheezes."
Anya: "Say housework and he freezes."
Xander: "She eats these sleazy cheeses that I can't describe."
Anya: "I talk, he breezes."
Xander: "She doesn't know what pleases."
Anya: "His penis got diseases from a Chumash Tribe!"

ANFA

Monday, April 25, 2005 2:58 AM

Oh my Gosh - just saw Intervention again this week.

When Anya and Xander catch Spike and the Buffybot in the graveyard.

Heavy breathing.
Buffybot (riding Spike): Oh Spike, you are the big bad!

Hi-larious. Is there any episode that doesn't have excellent dialogue? Joss is the master, and the writers are genius!

" We're just too pretty for God to let us die."

JADEHAND

Monday, April 25, 2005 4:41 AM

-Reptile Boy
Xander-" One day I'll have money, prestige, and power. And on that day, they'll still have more."

-Lie to me
Buffy: "Does it ever get easy?" *slays Vampire*
Giles: "You mean life?"
Buffy: "Yeah, does it get easy?"
Giles: "What do you want me to say?"
Buffy: "Lie to me."
Giles: "Yes, it's terrilbly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. And we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after."
Buffy: "Liar."

Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live

CAPTAINCDC

Monday, April 25, 2005 8:36 PM

"I'm drowning in footwear."

---------------------------------------

The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason!

DOCTORPAYNE13

Monday, April 25, 2005 9:29 PM

Oh, I don't think anyone mentioned the Buffybot quotes!

"Willow, youre recently gay!"

and

"Hello Anya, how is your money?"

KISSTHELIBRARIAN

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 8:18 AM

One of the funniest moments is in Seeing Red, an episode that is very NOT funny, when Andrew reveals his jet pack, warns Buffy "the game's not over", then takes off and flies right up into the ceiling of the overhang. I die laughing everytime to the point of tears. It's even funnier the second, third, tenth time.

"Vampires of the world, BEware." - Buffybot

CALHOUN

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 12:43 PM

There are classic, funny lines in just about every episode so its hard to remember them all but something that stands out as funny to me is in I think season 7 with Nathan Fillion as Caleb..

Old Fortune teller woman: The end is near!

Caleb: Snaps old womans neck..Oh i'm sorry, I didnt hear on account of her neck snapping. Did she say the end is near? or the end is here?

CALLMEATH

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 1:40 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ecgordon:

"Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell...and then I do a spell by myself."

I nearly passed out from laughing when I saw this one. Literally, I saw black dots. Laughed pretty hard seeing it here, too. One of the best.

It's not the best line, and its not originally from Buffy, but I love Andrew's "THAT'LL DO PIG!!". I use it all the time.

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

MANWITHPEZ

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 1:54 PM

Ahhh...

Who can forget the Shiver Me Timbers game that Anya and Xander were going to play later on Halloween...or, Anya's description of a "Charlie's Angel". Actually, if I hadn't forgotten them, I would quote them line for line...Like this one:

Xander: Right, you can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...
[the page he is reading from bursts into flame. Xander looks at it in shock, then slams it shut to put out the flames]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books.

OR

Larry: This is our year, I'm telling you. Best football season ever. I'm so in shape, I'm a rock. It's all about egg whites. If we can focus, keep discipline, and not have quite so many mysterious deaths, Sunnydale is gonna *rule!*

OR:

Buffy: We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.
Anya: Willow's a demon?

OR:

Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: No. Because you're very, very old and it's gross.

OR:

Giles: We'll get our memory back, and it will all be right as rain.
Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy boy accent. You Englishmen are always so... bloody hell.
[Counting on his fingers]
Spike: Sodding, blimey, shaggin, knickers, bollocks. Oh, God. I'm English.
Giles: Welcome to the nancy boy tribe.

Okay, I guess you can see that I've been going to IMDB to find my quotes...nothing wrong with that...But, the main category is BEST quote, and its going to take me a little time to find it...For me, it will probably be Xander or Giles, but that's me...

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

COSMICFUGITIVE

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 2:03 PM

From "Bad Girls":

FAITH: (Looking at Wes) "New Watcher?"
BUFFY & GILES: (Disappointed). "New Watcher."
FAITH: "Screw that."

and...

"The Witch"

XANDER: "I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away."

- Cos.

DIETCOKE

Tuesday, April 26, 2005 3:01 PM

One of the funniest scene I remember is when Giles comes back to help Buffy defeat bad Willow. Buffy is telling Giles everything that has happen since he left, and finishes by saying: "And I'm sleeping with Spike." The look of utter shock and confusion on Giles face and the deadly silence...They he bursts into laughter and attempts to apologies that it really isn't funny, and then he can't stop laughing....and the scene goes on and on until Buffy starts laughing too and adding even more horrors to the story.

It the first time that I have ever laughed WITH characters who are laughing! Makes me smile.

KISSTHELIBRARIAN

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 3:01 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by CALLMEATH:

It's not the best line, and its not originally from Buffy, but I love Andrew's "THAT'LL DO PIG!!". I use it all the time.

Oh my god I forgot about that. Warren instructs him to kill the pig in order to use it's blood to open the seal. After psyching himself up, Andrew leaps towards the pig screaming, "That'll do Pig!"

Thank God for Andrew, you know? He really brought us so many laughs in season 7. Just hilarious...I guess he was the official comic relief of season 7. Anya, Anya/Xander was season 5. I guess Spike provided a lot of that in season 4. Xander and Willow shared the earlier years. Maybe that's one reason why season 6 seemed so dark, who was the comic relief? We actually didn't see a whole lot of Anya and Xander comedy in this season.

"Vampires of the world, BEware." - Buffybot

CALLMEATH

Saturday, April 30, 2005 3:14 AM

Ah, Andrew. Easily my favorite minor character on Buffy. Clem is a distant second, but he's still great.

Hmm...maybe I should start a thread about favorite minor characters. Nah, too lazy.

"I like to think of myself as more of a 'guest-age'."

"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"

HOWDYROCKERBABY1

Saturday, April 30, 2005 6:47 PM

Well season 7 STORYTELLER is definately one of my favorite episodes of Buffy history and has tons of great lines:

Andrew:
"He's gonna buy me a burrow!"

"Get out of my brain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And when the hellmouth is mentioned at some other point...it quickly cuts to Andrew down in the basement who silently furrows his brow and points at his drawing of the hellmouth.

and just a few that made me laugh from imdb:

Xander: Right, you can't just go 'librum incendere' and expect...
[the page he is reading from bursts into flame. Xander looks at it in shock, then slams it shut to put out the flames]
Giles: Xander, don't speak Latin in front of the books

Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... Some of that made sense.

Spike: Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey.
Riley: Because you are.
Spike: Well... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never gonna be able to hold onto her.

Willow: Happy hunting.
Buffy: Wish me monsters.

Willow: Did you find out anything about the scythe?
Buffy: It slices, dices, and makes julienne preacher.
Giles: Caleb?
Willow: All right!
Anya: He had that coming.
Xander: Hey, party in my eye socket, and everyone's invited. Sometimes I shouldn't say words.

Xander: [Upon finding Spike trying to stake himself] We've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Willow: Xander.
Xander: What? He wants to die, I wanna help...
Willow: It's ooky. We know him. We can't just let him poof himself.
Spike: Oh, but you can. You know I'd drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance.

Spike: Something's happening to me. I can't stop thinking about you. And if that means turning my back on the whole evil...
Buffy: You don't know what you mean. You don't know what feelings are.
Spike: I damn well do. I lie awake every night...
Buffy: You sleep during the day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
MAL: This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on and find your own.
SAFFRON: You can't just leave me here, on this
lifeless piece of crap moon...
MAL: Sure I can.
SAFFRON: I'll die.
MAL: Well, as a courtesy, you might start
getting busy on that, cause all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.

SPACECOWGIRL

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 12:28 AM

OK...The episode Hush was not too funny. But when they can't talk and Giles has his projector thing set up & it says they (the gentlemen) need 7, and Willow, trying to indicate "hearts", points at her chest and Xander mouths "Boobies??"
Also in the same scene, Buffy trying to mime staking, and the rest look at her incredulously, thinking she's making a very obscene gesture.
Very funny misunderstandings.

SPACECOWGIRL

Tuesday, May 31, 2005 12:28 AM

I also thought Cordy was really funny in the episode where Buffy could read minds. Everything Cordelia thought came right out of her mouth. That was so typical of her. It was a brilliant move.

BECSTHEBEAST

Sunday, June 5, 2005 9:31 AM

most perfect moment - for dialogue, delivery and the way it was shot and edited

Buffy: Hi. How've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead
Amy: Oh

and from who are you which i watched yesterday a line i'd forgotten
Giles: Damn it, man, we have to get inside! Our, um, uh... our families are in there! Our, um, mothers, and tiny, tiny babies!

Giles trying to lie - the emphasis is on the 'tiny'

'forgive my rudeness. i cannot abide useless people'

HEB

Sunday, June 5, 2005 12:49 PM

"Giles: Damn it, man, we have to get inside! Our, um, uh... our families are in there! Our, um, mothers, and tiny, tiny babies! "

That cheered me up. Thank you!

Now I think of it Giles did have some of the best deliveries of lines in the whole of Buffy:

'We ate cookie dough and talked about boys'

His delivery of that was just awesome.

And paraphrasing here:

'of course I also encourage you to question authority.' Appears round door: 'except in this case where I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong'

Giles are you drunk:

'quite a bit actually'

...................
Well, my sister's a ship... we had a
complicated childhood
.................
I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.

LIZANNE

Monday, June 6, 2005 4:12 PM

There are two scenes which never fail to make me laugh.

1)Just after Wesley arrives and demands Buffy find an amulet. The line is "When Giles sends me on a mission he always says 'Please'. And afterwards I get a cookie." The line would be nothing without the way Buffy says "cookie".

2)When Willow is supposed to be a Vampire and they're all bemoaning her fate when she walks in the Library. Xander grabs a cross.. runs up to her and shoves the cross in her face. When it doesn't have the reaction he expects, Xander looks at it quizzically... shakes it like it's broken, then shoves it back in her face again. I die laughing every time.

Heh

Liz

KAYLEE4SIMON

Monday, June 6, 2005 10:12 PM

Buffy: Fire bad, tree pretty.

Keep shiny!

HELL'S KITTEN

Monday, June 6, 2005 11:16 PM

Can't say this is "the best," but it's the one quote that I can't seem to forget:

Bored now.
- Willow

无党派人士

AIRYLLI

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 12:49 AM

the gift (5.22):

"the slayer's a robot! did anybody else know the slayer was a robot?"

and

"yes, we will defend it with his very life."

"who's whatting how with huh?"

hee. oh, there are just too many.

MALICIOUS

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 1:33 AM

Some of my favorites:

Season 4, Spike (Hostile 17), hiding behind Xander, meeting Riley at the burned up high school when Riley thinks Spike looks familiar, "Oh, no, I'm just a friend of Xander's here." In that HORRIBLE fake American accent.

Xander (to Angel and Cordelia), in season 2 the Halloween when everyone turned into their costumes, "You! Take the princess and check the back of the house. Catwoman, you're with me." And Giles to Willow, who was dressed as a ghost, but had a Cordy-like outfit on underneath, "Umm, the ghost of what, exactly?"

In season 3 Doppelganland, just after Wes saves Cordeila from Vampire Willow and Cordy taps him on the shoulder. Wes's reaction just cracks me up.

In season 4 when Ethan turns Giles into a demon and Giles gets out of the car Spike is driving just to chase Maggie. Too freakin' funny. Also when he goes to Xander's basement and Giles thinks he speaking just fine but all Xander could hear was gibberish.

In season 4 when Willow's wishes come true and Buffy and Spike plan their wedding. Too many funny lines in that ep to even count. The scoobies are fighting and Spike says, "This is the crack team that foils my every plan?"

WAY tooooo many funnies in this series and Angel. Joss deserves a special place in funny heaven.

Mal-licious

"Let's go be bad guys."

TRAVIS

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 1:34 AM

Best last words

Tara: "Your shirt"

BATMARLOWE

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 5:16 AM

"Bored now." May not be the best but it's the most chilling. Two simple words that end up one of the most significant lines of the entire series.

SIGMANUNKI

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 7:12 AM

It eats you, starting with your bottom.

----
"Canada being mad at you is like Mr. Rogers throwing a brick through your window." -Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

SHINY

Tuesday, June 7, 2005 2:52 PM

Willow (to Angel, re: Buffy): And YOU! You're going to live forever and you don't have time for a cup of coffee!?!?!!?!

Jayne, your mouth is talkin. Might want to look into that.

RANDOMWORDS

Wednesday, June 8, 2005 8:57 PM

S2, Lie To Me:
Wilow: Does it really stick out?
Xander: Does what really stick out?
Willow: A sore thumb. I mean, have you ever looked at a thumb and gone 'wow, that baby is sore'
Xander: You have too many thoughts.

And from the same episode, when Angel says that none of the people know anything about vampires, how they act or even the way they dress, then a guy walks past wearing the exact same clothes as Angel.

S6, As You Were (the one where Riley comes back):

Buffy: My hat has a cow.

and

Riley: Got some big stories to tell to you. If we ever get half a second.
Buffy: Didja die?
Riley: No.
Buffy: I'm gonna win. (the little pleased look on her face is priceless)

More S2, from What's My Line Part 2, Buffy's defence of her death in front of Kendra:

Kendra: She died?
Buffy: Just a little...

S5, The Real Me is one of my favourite episodes, perhaps because it has Harmony being her airhead self for half the ep. Favourite quotes:

Buffy: How bored were you last year?
Giles: I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

(they're playing 'Game of Life')
Anya: Oh crap. Look at this! Now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage...
Xander: That meand you're winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?
(this may have been the root of Anya's love of money - it's all Xander's fault!)

And finally, again from S2 (some excellent stuff in that season), Ted:

Buffy: People are perfectly happy getting along, then vampires come and they run around and they kill people, they take over your whole house and make these stupid little mini pizzas, and everyone's like 'oh look, a mini pizza' but I'm telling you-!

SHINYSEVEN

Thursday, June 9, 2005 12:40 AM

I can't remember which episode, but when Xander is told that Cordelia is coming along on a Scoobie mission: "Throw in a little rectal surgery and it's my BEST DAY EVER!"

and when Spike holds Boba Fett hostage to get the Trio to build the Buffybot for him.

RANDOMWORDS

Thursday, June 9, 2005 9:47 AM

I found all the planning on how to kill the Mayor in Graduation Day Part 2 very amusing. Particularly Cordy -

Cordelia: That's it! We'll attack him with germs!
Buffy: Great. We'll corner him and you can sneeze on him.
Cordelia: No, we'll get a box with the Ebola virus and ... it doesn't even have to be real, we can just get a box that says Ebola on it and... uhm (snaps her fingers) chase him. (Oz frowns and no one else says anything) ...with the box...

Then of course the immortal Fear Itself. Many hilarious lines.

Willow: Brutus - Caesar? Betrayal, trusted friend? (with banana) Back-stabby?

Giles: Look, look! It's alive! See - how he shakes...

Willow: I'm Joan of Arc. I figured we had a lot in common, seeing as how - I was almost burned at the stake, and plus she had that close relationship with God.
Xander: And you are?
(Oz opens his jacket to reveal 'God' nametag)
Xander: Of course. I wish I’d thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could have been God.
Oz: Blasphemer.

Xander: Who's a little fear demon?
Giles: Xander, don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why, can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just - tacky.

Xander: That's your scary costume?
Anya: Bunnies frighten me.

Giles: Oh bloody hell. The inscription!
(I love how this sounds like it's going to be something bad that they hadn't counted on)
Buffy: What's the matter?
Giles: I should have translated the Gaelic inscription under the illustration of Gachnar.
Buffy: What's it say?
Giles: 'Actual size.'

(Man, I have a lot of quotes all stored up!)
Gotta love Faith as well, escpecially when she switches with Buffy. Eliza Dushku's very good at being exactly like Buffy when she talks to Giles (Faith here is Buffy in Faith's body) -

Faith: I'm not Faith.
Giles: Really? Because the resemblance is striking.

Faith: Stop inching. You were inching!
Giles: Look, I know what you're going to say -
Faith: I'm Buffy.
Giles: All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy.

Faith: I don't have time for bondage fun.

Faith: Ask me a question, ask me anything.
Giles: Who's president?
Faith: we're checking for Buffy, not a concussion.

Faith: You have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid, life-style wise, it's not like you're a slacker type, but - Oh, oh! When I had psychic power I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. What? Do you want me to continue?
Giles: Actually I beg you to stop.
Faith: What's a stevedore?

Too many quotes not enough time.

ALIASWEDONTNEEDNOSTININALIAS

Saturday, June 11, 2005 1:16 AM

From "The Yoko Factor"

Willow: Look, I'm not the one being judgmental here. I'll leave that territory to you and Buffy.

Buffy: Judgmental? If I was anymore open-minded about the choices you two make my whole brain would fall out!

CHRISISALL

Saturday, June 11, 2005 1:31 AM

From S1:
Is this outfit dated?
Carbon dated.

It floored me Chrisisall

KATYDID

Tuesday, June 28, 2005 11:59 PM

I think my favorite randomness was:

Yes! And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penquins in Gaum!- Buffy

I am not a human being having a spiritual experience,
I am a spiritual being having a human experience.

BATMARLOWE

Thursday, June 30, 2005 5:24 PM

From "Smashed"

Buffy (to Amy): How've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Maybe not the best, but it's up there.

DAELUS

Friday, July 8, 2005 9:07 PM

Xander: "Hey, look everyone! Giles has a television! He's shallow, like us!"

Spike: "Who you gonna call?... God, that phrase is never going to be useable again, is it?"

Spike: "Randy Giles? Why not just call me horny Giles, or desperate for a shag Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you."

"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."

ZEEK

Friday, July 8, 2005 11:14 PM

I liked when they saw willow as a vampire and regular willow comes in the library and they all hug her.

She says something like, "y'all didn't happen to do a whole bunch of drugs did ya?"

PIFFLE101

Friday, July 8, 2005 11:36 PM

I love those all..
But b/c of my SN...i would have to say
Everytime willow or Spike said Piffle...lol

I dont wear underwear...You know that...I mean!?!

BLOODYAWFULPOET

Monday, July 18, 2005 1:54 AM

There was a scene towards the end of "I Only Have Eyes For You" where Buffy and Angel become possessed. I thought that scene was really sad, but there's one part that's just hilarious.

Buffy screams "Bitch!" at Angel and he runs off like a sissy. ;)

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

SMITH

Wednesday, August 3, 2005 6:09 AM

I know I'm a little late weighing in on this, and originally I would have said the "in my plan we are beltless" line, or Giles singing "Xander don't bleed on my couch I've just had it steam cleaned", but I was re-watching Season 7 yesterday, and came across a line I'd missed the first time around:
DAWN: "I don't just leave my crossbow lying around willy nilly. At least not since Miss Kitty Fantastico."
So THAT'S what happened to Miss Kitty...!

Jimmy Bond: You can't shoot me! I have a very low threshold of death. My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.

KWICKO

Friday, October 14, 2005 6:50 AM

If I can only have ONE favorite line from Buffy, it would have to be Spike saying to Giles (in "Bargaining", Season 7): "'What's the matter, Watcher? Your whole life flash before your eyes? 'Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea...' "

There were so many great smartass lines that it's hard to choose just one, but that one had me rolling.

MINIME

Monday, October 17, 2005 12:18 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Shiny:
Willow (to Angel, re: Buffy): And YOU! You're going to live forever and you don't have time for a cup of coffee!?!?!!?!

Jayne, your mouth is talkin. Might want to look into that.

One of my favourites.

Also, from Season 2, Ep 1 (When she was bad):
Snyder: That girl is trouble. I can just smell it. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.

KWICKO

Monday, October 17, 2005 10:01 PM

I don't remember which season or episode it was in, but there was a flashback scene where Spike and Drusilla (and maybe Angelus and Darla) were escaping Europe. They were at the docks, and Drusilla was feeding on a sailor. She looked up with that not-all-there smile of hers and said, "Ooooh... I can hear the ocean." Something about it just cracked me up - like she's holding a seashell up to her ear, only she's draining the blood out of a sailor instead. :)

ENGINEANGEL

Monday, October 17, 2005 10:31 PM

All of these are awesome!!! My favorites are any with Oz in them!!! But especially:

Oz: I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually. It's interesting.
Willow: Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.
Oz: Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone. Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
Willow: Oh. I can't.
Oz: Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable.

AND

OZ: **eating animal cookies** Oh, look, a monkey. And he has a little hat and little pants.
Willow: Yeah, I see.
OZ: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, "Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity." And you know, the monkey's just, "I mock you with my monkey pants!" And then there's a big coup in the zoo.

...and that's where i got my e-mail address from.

keep flyin'
EngineAngel

GO SEE THE MOVIE SERENITY!!! IN THEATERS NOW!!!

KWICKO

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 5:15 AM

Yeah, any scene with Oz in it can be counted on for some good quips. He's one of the main things that got me hooked on BtVS in the first place. He's not my favorite actor or anything, but I liked him in the Austin Powers flicks, and when I first saw a Buffy episode, there was Seth Green. It got my interest ("Hey - I never knew he was in this show!"), so I watched... and then of course I got hooked.

Not really a "favorite line" per se, but there's another little thing that Joss does from time to time that I always got a kick out of: One character would ask another what happened, and they'd reply, "It's kind of a long story." To which the first character would say, "You did this, they did that, and here we are... Is that about it?" And the reply would come, "... Well, not that long..." It seemed to be a little bit of Joss thumbing his nose at a TV cliché, the old "it's a long story" ruse to get out of recapping events.

Seriously, though - there's so much witty writing and dialog between characters in Buffy, Angel, and Firefly that it's damn hard to try to have just ONE favorite quote.

LUCKYSHADOW

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 5:04 PM

During the thanksgiving episode S4, when Spike is tied to a chair and says: "A bear! You made a bear! Undo it undo it!"

Also in S4, the whole teaser for "The Initiative," when Riley, Forrest, and Graham are watching Buffy in the cafeteria.

F: Is she hot or is she hot?
R: She's Buffy.
F: Ooh, I like that--that's girl's so hot, she's buffy.

RONAN

Friday, October 21, 2005 6:18 PM

Just watched this in the last week. Season 7.

Andrew mis-translating 'from beneath you it devours'.

His translation:

"It will eat you starting with your bottom"

Classic...

PHI

Friday, October 21, 2005 7:16 PM

What a trip down memory lane!

There are thousands but one I don't think I've seen here (and have very rarely ever seen) is from Gingerbread when Cordy is trying to revive Giles -

'I swear, one of these days you're going to wake up in a coma'

I love that heartbeat of silence before he turns to look at her. Certainly not the best ever but it always made me smile. Please pardon the paraphrasing.

CANTTAKESKY

Friday, October 21, 2005 7:42 PM

Small moment but it cracked me up. (Quotation not exact.)

Principal Wood: It might just surprise you.
Faith: How?
Principal Wood: You DO know the meaning of the word?

Still makes me laugh out loud every time I think about it.

Can't Take My Gorram Sky

LUCKYSHADOW

Saturday, October 22, 2005 3:48 AM

from S5 episode "Crush" when Buffy finds out that Spike is in love with her:

B: But you're a vampire.
S: Angel was a vampire.
B: Angel was good.
S: And I can be too.
B: Why, because of that chip in your head? That's just holding you back. You're like a serial killer in prison.
S: Women marry them all the time!

DREAMTROVE

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 1:08 AM

This show was killer lines on end for a hundred and some hours. This makes the task impossible. Like Favorite Xander line from season 3 or something, anything that would narrow it somehow.

Anyway, I was always partial to the line in dead man's party where rupert is in the car after getting out to see if the guy he's hit is okay, and of course he's not, because he's night of the living dead, and he gets back in the car and sees his keys on the road and says:

"Good show, giles!"

Maybe this would be best if narrowed to a particular episode because just from that ep I can think of several others:

"Do you like my mask? It raises the dead. Stupid git."

And

C:"What's that?"
O:"Gile's cat"
C:"Why don't you just cat a real pet like some normal person"

or something like that

"Hootinannny: A whole lot of hoot and just a little bit of nanny"

Actually, I picked another ep. completely at random, it was "when she was bad" and checked all the killer lines in that show, and nine of them were already registered domain names.

This show, Buffy, has a lot of good lines in it.

Some more of my faves from dead man's party:

W: We dusted nine out of ten.
O: Six out of ten.
W: Six out of ten.

"Cordelia, Get out of my shoes."

"You know, I wanted Forest Pine or April Fresh, but Mom wanted Dead Cat."

J: It cheers up the room.
B: It's angry at the room, Mom. It wants the
room to suffer.

I'm sure there are lots of others I missed just from this ep. You could feel a thread with every ep.

Not the body. No funny lines in that one. But most eps, prolly.

LUCKYSHADOW

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 9:59 PM

Some favorites from S7:

This is a butcher shop, Neo. We don't sell toothpaste.

Maybe it's another musical. A much crappier musical.

Giles: As I suspected, ice cream is a universal language.
Chou-Ahn:(in chinese) Like many from Asia, I'm lactose intolerant. I'm very uncomfortable.
Buffy:(through her teeth while smiling and nodding enthusiastically)What'd she say?
Giles:She's grateful to be in the land of plenty.

LUCKYSHADOW

Friday, October 28, 2005 5:12 PM

Principal Wood: Maybe you don't have to be so blunt about the losing of the necks bit.
Anya: No, let the girl speak the truth. We're all on death's door, repeatedly ringing the doorbell like maniacal girl scouts trying to make quota.

CAPTRULZ

Sunday, October 30, 2005 10:23 AM

actually Shinyseven, Spike holds Boba Fette hostage so that Warren will look at his chip to find out if anything is wrong with it.

The Buffybot episode was when Warren was on his own and about to leave to go back to collage and Spike kinda imposes himself on him to make the buffybot. no hostage taking just good all intimidation at work

One of my favourite quotes would be Spike/Buffy from s6 (can't remember which ep number,title or exact words but)

Spike: Hang on, are we having a conversion?
Buffy: No! No. well maybe

CONEJITA7

Tuesday, November 1, 2005 12:40 AM

I love it when Spike can't bite Willow and she get all insecure and says oh "i get it i am not the kind of girl vamps like to bite you know its like your like a sister to me or oh your such a good friend.

JOSSISAGOD

Tuesday, November 1, 2005 1:56 AM

one of my favorite quotes is this one from "Fear itself" :
Xander: Who's the little fear demon? Come on, who's the little fear demon?
Giles: Don't taunt the fear demon.
Xander: Why? Can he hurt me?
Giles: No, it's just... tacky.

brings a smile to my face at the worst possible moments!

CAPTRULZ

Wednesday, November 2, 2005 12:02 AM

I agree. Definately one of the funniest quotes. Also like insecure Willow in s4 when Spike can't bite her because of the chip:

W - "lets wait half and hour and try again"
S - "Gotta beta idea....(launches at Willow).....ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!"

LUCKYSHADOW

Wednesday, November 2, 2005 10:38 PM

This one makes me laugh out loud every time:

Dawn: Xander, drive faster.
Xander: I can't.
Dawn: I could drive faster, and I can't drive,
Anya: She's right. You're like a snail. A snail who's driving a car really slowly.

KELLYOFLUTHIEN

Friday, November 4, 2005 4:28 AM

This is a hard question! I've narrowed it down to three...well, three that I like right now:

Anya: [singing]"Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes/They got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses/And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?/Bunnies, Bunnies it must be Bunnies!

...or maybe midgets."

And, of course my friends and I always walk around saying

[Buffy] "Beer bad. Boy smell nice. Beer foamy."

But, to get serious for a moment, of of the lines that always stuck with me was:

Buffy: "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."

I love my Captain :)

RMMC

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 4:23 AM

Best quote? Oh, man where to start?

In no particular order:

"Welcome to the Hellmouth Petting Zoo." --Buffy, 'DMP'

"I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you." -- Buffy, 'PG'

"You open that door and these students will eat you alive."
"You heard about Principal Flutie, right?" Principal Robin Wood & Buffy, 'BY'

"It was like the Heimlich, with stripes." -- Willow 'TP'

"I'm suddenly going to grow this demon part, and we don't even know what it is. It could be claws, or scales... what?"
"Was it a boy demon?" -- Buffy & Willow, 'ES'

"You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?" -- Buffy, 'WML2'

"Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?"
"Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet." -- Drusilla & Spike, 'Halloween'

"She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?" -- Willow, ibid

And if it weren't so late, there's be more. Scary innit?

"Bullet in the brainpan. Squish."

CUB

Tuesday, November 8, 2005 4:59 AM

Most underrated Buffy quote ever... Angel in season 2, explaining why he doesn't want his soul back:

"No thanks. Been there, done that. Deja vu just ain't what it used to be."

---

"If wishes were horses, we'd all be eatin' steak."

CHRISP

Thursday, December 15, 2005 12:53 AM

I don't remember which ep or season, but...

Willow walks into the library everyone is silent and looking serious and says jokingly: "Sheesh, who died?"

The gang turn to look at her in a shocked way. She stops and says sorrowfully:
"Oh god! Who died?"

I thought that was brilliant.

MISBEHAVIN

Sunday, December 25, 2005 7:01 PM

I only just started watching Buffy, having been lured in by Firefly and Serenity. I would encourage any others who are just starting out to watch at least as far as the 8th or 10th episodes before starting to form an opinion. That's how far I've gotten and I'm really starting to enjoy the writing and humor. Here are some of my favorite lines and situations, all from "The Puppet Show":

Principle: "There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed, and also smoking."

The Principle, certain he knows the root cause behind a man's gruesome demise, says "that's the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten." He goes on to list the strange occurences at the school, which include "spontaneous cheerleader combustion" and adds that he "can't put up with that."

Cordelia: "It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was, like, my best friend."
Xander: "Emily"

STAKETHELURK

Sunday, December 25, 2005 11:24 PM

Quote:
I would encourage any others who are just starting out to watch at least as far as the 8th or 10th episodes before starting to form an opinion. That's how far I've gotten and I'm really starting to enjoy the writing and humor.

It only gets better, Misbehavin

As for quotes, Principal Snyder's always fun, but one of my all-time favorites is a Xander line from the (deservedly) underappreciated episode "Beer Bad" from Season Four:

"Well, excuse me, Mr. I-spent-the-60s-in-an-electric-Kool-Aid-funky-Satan-groove."

I just love its convolutedness, and the way it's delivered all at once.

CAT1620RD

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 9:29 PM

Okay here is my top ten-

1. Willow: I wish Buffy was here
Buffy: I'm here
Willow: I wish for a million dollars!
everyone stares at her
Willow: just checking
"Triangle"

2. Vampire lacky: does this sweater make me look fat?
Sunday: No the fact that your fat makes you look fat, that sweater just makes you look purple
"The Freshman"

3. Willow: That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
"When She Was Bad"

4. Buffy: I kill your kind.
Spike: And I bite yours. So how come I don't wanna bite you? And why am I fightin' other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. I'm a vampire with a soul.
Buffy: A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?
"Tabula Rasa"

5. Wesley: Buffy, you will go to the Gleave's family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet.
Buffy: I will?
Wesley: Are you not used to being given orders?
Buffy: Whenever Giles sends m on a mission, he always says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie.
"Bad Girls"

6. Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
"School Hard"

7. Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard, and the engine fell out of my car. And that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement, and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this earth.
"The Freshman"

8. Xander: And was there a lesson in all of this? What have we learned about beer?
Buffy: Foamy!
Xander: Good. Just so that's clear.
"Beer Bad"

9. Xander: Hey, how goes the slaying?
Buffy: I killed something in a convent last night.
Xander: In any other room, a frightening declaration. Here, a welcome distraction. Tell us all about the killing, Buff.
Buffy: Pretty standard. Vampire staking. But I met a nun and she let me try on her wimple.
Xander: Okay, now we're back to frightening.
"triangle" okay basically every line in Triangle is high-larious!

10. Anya: Here's something you should know about vengeance demons: We don't group with the "sorry." We prefer "Oh, God, please stop hitting me with my own rib bones."
Willow: Go on. Say whatever you want. Rib bones and so forth. I-I deserve it.
Anya: Then you won't mind? Well, then, that's no fun.
"Same Time, Same Place"

and I also enjoy but can't remember the whole animal cracker french monkey wearing pants making the hippo jealous discussion between Oz and Willow.
and just because It always makes me laugh

Jonathan: I need you to hold hands.
Andrew: With each other?
Warren: Well, you know what homophobia really means about you, don't you?
"life Serial"
and everything involving the magick bone

My name is Maximus Aurillies, father to a murdered duck, husband to a murdered scarecrow, and I will have my breakfast either today or tommorrow.

SCYTHE404

Friday, December 30, 2005 8:29 PM

Everything from Fool for Love.

Dawn: Sorry to interrupt the sex-capades.

Xander: What's with the hand move? Does that like mean something?
Willow: It's code. I think it breaks down to 'choo-choo'.
Anya: It means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Willow: Ask.
Xander: Hey, Riley! What's the [hand gesture] all about?
Riley: It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.
Xander: See, now he's all mean and sarcastic.
Willow: That's because you were doing all the yelling, Mr. Stealthy-Pants.

Spike: What did you want, eh? A quick demo? A blow-for-blow description you can map out and memorize? It's not about the moves, love. And since I agreed to your little proposition, we can do this my way. Wings.
Buffy: What?
Spike: Spicy buffalo wings. Order me up a plate. I'm feelin' peckish.

Buffy: You got off on it.
Spike: Well, yeah. I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind reckon you've done?
Buffy: Not enough.
Spike: And we just keep coming. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the enemies of Hell besides and all we need is for one of us- just one- sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: One... good... day.

Spike: And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second- that happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.

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XENOPROBE

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:31 PM

I love the "Death is your art" speech so much that I made it into a peice of framed art that hangs on my bedroom wall!

Here are just a few of a myriad choices for stellar Buffy quotes:

Snyder: Whoa Summers! You drive like a spaz!

Andrew: I think Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar and beat Sean Connery over the head with it!
(and later in the same ep...)
Johnathan: She's coming!
Warren or Andrew (can't remember): Quick Johnathan... grab your magic bone!

Pretty much all of Life Serial is golden.. Buffy drinking and making that revulsion noise each time she takes a swig.

Xander: Who? What? Who?
Giles: Three excellent questions.

or

Giles: Stop - whatever you're doing. You smell like Fruit Roll-ups.

Andrew: Can I have a cool refreshing Zima?
Buffy: Enough already with the Zima!

Andrew: Where have you been? This funnel cake is kicking my ass!

Spike: I'm drowning in footwear!

Buffybot: That'll put marzipan in your pie-plate bingo!

Dawn: Anchovies, anchovies, you're so delicious. I love you more than all the other fishes.

Spike: You're like Tony Robbins ... if he was a big scary Frankenstein looking ... You're exactly like Tony Robbins.

Spike: Is everyone here very stoned?

Spike: Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. (the accompanying hand gestures solidify this as a fave moment of mine)

Buffy: Dawn's in trouble. Must be Tuesday.

Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

Xander: Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way.

Xander: Rhymes with ... 'blinvisible'?

Ok- I am taking up waaaaaay too much space here... I could possible go on to quote the entire series- it's all *that* good!!!

~*~*~*~*~

Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng. Shiny.

MILFORD

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 7:57 PM

I know I'm WAAAYY late on this, but does anyone remember the line Xander has on the Dracula episode? It's after he's already been recruited by Dracula and they're talking about how to stop him at Giles' apartment. Xander then says something to the effect of: "Something something about the Dark Master...." Suddenly, after realizing what he said he quickly adds: "-bater." Easily the funniest thing I've ever heard on TV.

If anyone has a better telling of this scene, let me know, I know I've totally butchered it.

Remember, that but for one trifling exception, the entire universe is made up of others.- Oliver Wendall Holmes

XENOPROBE

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 8:14 PM

XANDER: (sitting on a stool eating the donut) Like any of that's enough to fight the dark master.

(Everyone gives him a strange look. )

XANDER: ...bator.

~...then after more exposition...~

XANDER: See! Buffy didn't feel it. I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the unholy prince.

(Everyone gives him a strange look.)

XANDER: ...bator.

Personally I thought your description was a-ok but I thought I'd reply with the full quote - I'm like that :)

I also loved Xander's bit near the end:

XANDER: (back to talking normally) Where is he?? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?
BUFFY: He's gone.
XANDER: Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!

Superb!

Oh and to add yet another brilliant scene to the lengthy post I already penned...

The sequence in Dead Things as the music begins (Bush's Out of This World) and we see Buffy approach Spike's lair; Spike 'feels' her and places his hand to his door, low at first then traces it up to where her hand is resting on the opposite side. This is such a sensual and intimate moment...

So much excellence!

~*~*~*~*~

Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng. Shiny.

MILFORD

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 8:17 PM

Muchas gracias Xenoprobe! That's just what I needed.

Remember, that but for one trifling exception, the entire universe is made up of others.- Oliver Wendall Holmes

XENOPROBE

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 8:56 PM

Just because this is how I'm feeling today:

I've been having a bad bad day.
C'mon won't you put that pad away?
I'm asking you please no!
It isn't right - it isn't fair!
There was no parking anywhere.
I think that hydrant wasn't there.
Why can't you let it go?
I think I've paid more than my share.
I'm just a poor girl, don't you care?
Hey, I'm not wearing underwear.

Just another fabulous quote/moment :)

Shiny

~*~*~*~*~

Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng. Shiny.

KRIMSON

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 10:25 PM

I think Spike had some of the best lines.

There was one episode where Spike having the chip in his head so he was pretty much resigned in playing the reluctant hero. I can't remember the circumstances or the quote exactly but there was some dire emergency that only the scoobies could save the day while Buffy was unavailable.

Spike: "Now are you all sure you really want to do this? This mission is going to be very dangerous and I don't like any of you.. and..
wait a minute, those are two really good reasons."

And then he just walks away. That really just cracked me up.

LILKAYLEE29

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 11:45 PM

This is one from season 4 that sticks out in my mind...

Spike: Passions is on!!! and Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it I'll.......!

Giles: You'll do what...lick me to death!!!!! Funny, now especially concidering that Passions is now being shown on SciFi Channel of all things!!!

Here's more:

Xander: Nothing says "Thank You" like money in the waistband.... (or something like that)

Guy at Buffy's party: You sure have some weird friends.

Xander: News from the file marked, DUH!!!!

Giles mocking Joyce: Do you like my mask, isn't it pretty, it raises the dead!!! Americans!!!

Anya: I'm 1,120 years old, just give me a frickin' beer!!!

Spike: You made a Bear!!
Buffy: I didn't mean too!
Spike: Undo it, Undo it!!

Oz: I mock you with my Monkeypants!!!

MASTERCHIEF

Sunday, February 26, 2006 8:07 PM

Best quote ever has to be...

"I know you'll never love me, I know that I'm a monster but you treat me like a man"

Why won't Buffy just love him!? Give the poor guy a break!

MERROVINGIAN

Thursday, March 2, 2006 10:36 PM

Fire bad. Tree Pretty.

SIROSIS

Friday, March 3, 2006 11:45 PM

randomly selected...

from S7:
potential slayer: "it's an evil wine cellar."
spike: "yeah, like 'falcon crest'."

OMG!!!! i had to stop the dvd i laughed for so long and missed the whole rest of the scene.

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