Did You Hear About The Dyslexic, Atheist Insomniac?

POSTED BY: Calhoun
UPDATED: Friday, March 10, 2006 03:03
VIEWED: 24416
PAGE 1 of 1

CALHOUN

Saturday, March 4, 2006 3:04 PM

He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

DAVESHAYNE

Saturday, March 4, 2006 3:41 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

My favorite joke of all time. (Narrowly beating out the one about The Rabbi and the Trids.)

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

DONCOAT

Saturday, March 4, 2006 4:47 PM

Except, to be truly effective, the fellow should be called an Agnostic, not an Atheist. If you accept the most common definition of the terms, an Atheist has no doubts about dog's (non)existence, while an Agnostic does.

Personally, I'm gonna need more evidence that dog exists. I can't accept dog on blind faith alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.

GUENEVER

Saturday, March 4, 2006 7:40 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

That's an old joke! Here's another.

The rabbi and the priest met at the town's annual picnic. Old friends they began their usual banter.
"This ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi "You realy ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but you just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me when you are going to break down and try some."
The rabbi looked at his friend with a big grin and said, "At your wedding."

SIMONWHO

Saturday, March 4, 2006 8:06 PM

I used to be into whipping, necrophilia and beastiality but I had to give it up. I was flogging a dead horse.

THEPISTONENGINE

Saturday, March 4, 2006 8:13 PM

Oh God!

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
I used to be into whipping, necrophilia and beastiality but I had to give it up. I was flogging a dead horse.

Carry the Nuttin'

THEPISTONENGINE

Saturday, March 4, 2006 8:13 PM

Erm, I mean, Oh, Dog!

Quote:
Originally posted by ThePistonEngine:
Oh God!

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
I used to be into whipping, necrophilia and beastiality but I had to give it up. I was flogging a dead horse.

Carry the Nuttin'

Carry the Nuttin'

CALHOUN

Saturday, March 4, 2006 9:37 PM

Quote:
DonCoat wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 06:47
Except, to be truly effective, the fellow should be called an Agnostic, not an Atheist. If you accept the most common definition of the terms, an Atheist has no doubts about dog's (non)existence, while an Agnostic does.

The two words mean very much the same thing. The Atheist believes there is no god. The Agnostic is one who holds that we know only the material world which is really the same thing isnt it?. In any case in think "atheist" fits in the punchline since he lies awake at night questioning his belief that "dog" doesnt exist. Yeah I know its an old one, but its one of my favourites and the word "atheist" has always been the one used when i've heard it from different sources.

THEPISTONENGINE

Saturday, March 4, 2006 9:53 PM

I think, more accurately, the agnostic makes no judgement on whether on not there is a God. So, strictly speaking, in either case, the joke doesn't make too much sense if you dissect it. But it's still funny.

m-w.com says
a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and prob. unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

I'm always hesitant to use dictionary definitions for subjects like this, they tend to be over simplified, but I think it works in this case.

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
Quote:
DonCoat wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 06:47
Except, to be truly effective, the fellow should be called an Agnostic, not an Atheist. If you accept the most common definition of the terms, an Atheist has no doubts about dog's (non)existence, while an Agnostic does.

The two words mean very much the same thing. The Atheist believes there is no god. The Agnostic is one who holds that we know only the material world which is really the same thing isnt it?. In any case in think "atheist" fits in the punchline since he lies awake at night questioning his belief that "dog" doesnt exist. Yeah I know its an old one, but its one of my favourites and the word "atheist" has always been the one used when i've heard it from different sources.

Carry the Nuttin'

CALHOUN

Saturday, March 4, 2006 11:42 PM

Hehe... dog

CHRISPV

Saturday, March 4, 2006 11:56 PM

Personally, I'm fond of...

How many absurdists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Fox!

LEEH

Sunday, March 5, 2006 1:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Guenever:
Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

That's an old joke! Here's another.

The rabbi and the priest met at the town's annual picnic. Old friends they began their usual banter.
"This ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi "You realy ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but you just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me when you are going to break down and try some."
The rabbi looked at his friend with a big grin and said, "At your wedding."

Made my day, that one did. . . .

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. . . ."

SIMONWHO

Sunday, March 5, 2006 2:03 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ChrisPV:
Personally, I'm fond of...

How many absurdists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Fish.

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Fox!

A slight varient:

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.

Don't get me started on light bulb jokes...

THEPISTONENGINE

Sunday, March 5, 2006 2:09 AM

You are would make perfect members of the Non-Sequitor Society. And we like Firefly, too.

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

JUSTANOTHERJOKE

Sunday, March 5, 2006 2:42 AM

This joke is not funny once dissected all to hell and back but i must agree with some points. DonCoat is right with the Athiest stead fast belief of nonexistance but an agnostic just doesn't know what to believe and usually doesn't worry about it either way. Either way the joke is still good but now over analyzed and kind of sad

Without rules, chaos. With Chaos, Life

COPILOT

Sunday, March 5, 2006 2:45 AM

Now that I have stopped rolling on the floor laughing my arse off and people are staring at me like I need to be taken to the bug house thank you all for this. I can't stop smiling just wish I had a joke to throw in but I can't think of any right now.

An I carried such a torch

DARKJESTER

Sunday, March 5, 2006 4:21 AM

Here's one good for kids of all ages...

Knock knock
who's there?
interrupting cow
interru..
MOO!!

And 'athiest' is better for a joke than 'agnostic', nine times out of ten. Like "This guy walks into a bar..." is a better start to a joke than "Some guy walks into a bar..." Don't know why, just is.

MAL "You only gotta scare him."
JAYNE "Pain is scary..."

http://www.fireflytalk.com - Big Damn Podcast

KWICKO

Sunday, March 5, 2006 4:21 AM

Q: How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Let's go ride bikes!

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Well, first the lightbulb really has to want to change...

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

AKUKODOGO

Sunday, March 5, 2006 5:25 AM

Why is duck?

Because bicycles don't have rear doors.

(Very 70's I know but it has always stuck with me so there must be some sense to it.)

Noble as a grape

BELOWZERO

Sunday, March 5, 2006 6:46 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by daveshayne:
Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

My favorite joke of all time. (Narrowly beating out the one about The Rabbi and the Trids.)

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

David, just what IS the joke with the rabbi and the trids...?

"Do not go gentle into that good night....
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. . ."
--Dylan Thomas

Though my soul may set in darkness
It will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.

CALHOUN

Sunday, March 5, 2006 7:10 AM

Quote:
JustAnotherJoke wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 16:42
This joke is not funny

Did you invent your name just to respond to my thread? or is it just coincidental?

Care to throw a joke in that you think is better?

--------

A friend of mine had his credit card stolen recently but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

RCAT

Sunday, March 5, 2006 11:24 AM

Dyslexians of the world UNTIE!

and, for the absurdists, here's and old one:

What's the difference between an orange?
Bicycle...because fish don't wear vests.

DAVESHAYNE

Sunday, March 5, 2006 4:55 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BelowZero:
David, just what IS the joke with the rabbi and the trids...?

OK. It's a long one. And it goes something like this.

One day a young Rabbi decided to take a walk in the enchanted forest of the Trids, which he did from time to time as the Trids were kind and friendly people as was the Rabbi and they would laugh and play among the trees.

But on this particular day the Rabbi couldn't find any of his Trid friends out and about the woods and this confused and worried him for Trids were normally quite eager to play and laugh with thim in the forest - they being kind and friendly people. So he walked over to the Trid village and began knocking on doors, peering in windows, and looking under rocks untill finally he found his particular friend Geoff. "Geoff," asked the Rabbi, "Where are all of the Trids today?"

Geoff answered, "We're hiding Rabbi. The giant from the hills has stomped into the forest and if he spots any of us he'll pick us up and kick us into the next forest."

Now the Rabbi had never heard of such a thing but as Trids had never lied to him in the past and since he did hear a stomping noise in the distance he quickly looked for a place to hide. Which wasn't easy as The Rabbi was a good two hands taller than the tallest Trid and most of the hiding places in town were decidedly Trid sized.

And so the Rabbi wound up cowering behind a Lilac bush (the best cover he could find) as the giant came stomping into town occasionally pushing aside a tree or a rock or a tiny trid cottage to pick up a Trid and punt it into the next forest. Slowly the giant made it's way closer and closer to the Rabbi cowering behind the lilac bush.

But all of his hiding was to no avail as the giant could plainly see the Rabbi behind the bush and the giant walked over to the Rabbi and said, "Hello, young Rabbi. What are you doing in the forest of the Trids today."

The Rabbi, rather startled at the civility of the question, answered, "Taking a walk to see my friends the Trids which you are busily launching into the next forest with your foot. By the way why haven't you picked me up and kick me away yet like you have the others?"

The giant laughed and said, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

GUENEVER

Sunday, March 5, 2006 6:47 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by LeeH:

Made my day, that one did. . . .

"Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. . . ."

Crikes... people actually take me seriously?? That's a first. And kind of nice. People never take me seriously.

-GA

THEPISTONENGINE

Sunday, March 5, 2006 6:51 PM

*groan*
these are all AWFUL! keep them coming. :-)

Quote:
Originally posted by daveshayne:
Quote:
Originally posted by BelowZero:
David, just what IS the joke with the rabbi and the trids...?

OK. It's a long one. And it goes something like this.

One day a young Rabbi decided to take a walk in the enchanted forest of the Trids, which he did from time to time as the Trids were kind and friendly people as was the Rabbi and they would laugh and play among the trees.

But on this particular day the Rabbi couldn't find any of his Trid friends out and about the woods and this confused and worried him for Trids were normally quite eager to play and laugh with thim in the forest - they being kind and friendly people. So he walked over to the Trid village and began knocking on doors, peering in windows, and looking under rocks untill finally he found his particular friend Geoff. "Geoff," asked the Rabbi, "Where are all of the Trids today?"

Geoff answered, "We're hiding Rabbi. The giant from the hills has stomped into the forest and if he spots any of us he'll pick us up and kick us into the next forest."

Now the Rabbi had never heard of such a thing but as Trids had never lied to him in the past and since he did hear a stomping noise in the distance he quickly looked for a place to hide. Which wasn't easy as The Rabbi was a good two hands taller than the tallest Trid and most of the hiding places in town were decidedly Trid sized.

And so the Rabbi wound up cowering behind a Lilac bush (the best cover he could find) as the giant came stomping into town occasionally pushing aside a tree or a rock or a tiny trid cottage to pick up a Trid and punt it into the next forest. Slowly the giant made it's way closer and closer to the Rabbi cowering behind the lilac bush.

But all of his hiding was to no avail as the giant could plainly see the Rabbi behind the bush and the giant walked over to the Rabbi and said, "Hello, young Rabbi. What are you doing in the forest of the Trids today."

The Rabbi, rather startled at the civility of the question, answered, "Taking a walk to see my friends the Trids which you are busily launching into the next forest with your foot. By the way why haven't you picked me up and kick me away yet like you have the others?"

The giant laughed and said, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids."

David

"A lot of people are asking me, you know, what exactly is Firefly? It's a tv show you morons!" - Joss Whedon

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

13

Sunday, March 5, 2006 8:04 PM

Never heard either of those jokes before, no joke. MY favorite joke has got to be the one with fruits and gibbons...you know the one I mean...

I think a little chaos is in order.

PAINE

Sunday, March 5, 2006 8:13 PM

The best bad joke ever:

Two bass drums and a cymbal fall of a cliff.

:pause:

*buh-dum-ksh!*

13

Sunday, March 5, 2006 8:18 PM

best bad joke ever: tie between House of Wax remake and Jackie Gleason.

BAM!

(or, if you prefer, POW right in the kisser!)

I think a little chaos is in order.

TEALCANDTRIP

Monday, March 6, 2006 1:58 AM

For me it's a tie...

What do you get when you give a snake viagra? A baseball bat

and...

What did Pippin do when he got drunk? He began to feel merry.

"I also hear that there's something called Firefly, which is either a canceled science-fiction television show or a new religion, I'm not clear on that. Either way, prayers for the resurrection are involved." – Lore Sjoberg

PAINE

Monday, March 6, 2006 4:55 AM

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting coefficient of friction.

Interrupting coeff-MU!

They'll let anyone use a modem these days, won't they?-jms

THEPISTONENGINE

Monday, March 6, 2006 5:07 AM

Ok, is there a pun in there I don't get? I know about friction, hell I'm still in Physics and Dynamics.
But I just don't get the joke.

Quote:
Originally posted by Paine:
Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting coefficient of friction.

Interrupting coeff-MU!

They'll let anyone use a modem these days, won't they?-jms

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

PAINE

Monday, March 6, 2006 5:10 AM

It's a parody of the old "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke.

THEPISTONENGINE

Monday, March 6, 2006 5:26 AM

Ahha, I get it. I didn't realize it was the original dude who was supposed to say MU.
Thanks

Quote:
Originally posted by Paine:
It's a parody of the old "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke.

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

ASARIAN

Monday, March 6, 2006 3:46 PM

I'm terrible at remembering jokes, even though I love jokes (that, in itself, is perhaps nature's ultimate joke on me). Anyway, here's a lame one I thought of a few weeks ago:

Two psychics, let's call them River and Anonymous, meet each on the street.

R: "I can read your mind!"
A: "So can I!"
R: *softly smiling* ... "I know."

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

MAL4PREZ

Monday, March 6, 2006 4:03 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Paine:
The best bad joke ever:

Two bass drums and a cymbal fall of a cliff.

:pause:

*buh-dum-ksh!*

This is KILLING me, good one!

What happens when you spray viagra on George Bush?

He gets a little bit taller.

Ask Dr. Science ... he knows more than you do.
"I have a Master's degree ... in science!"

MARK

Monday, March 6, 2006 4:59 PM

Three men go into a pub...

I say three, it could be five or six...

Round it up, call it ten.

Ok, so, ten blokes go into a pub...

But lets not be picky or excluding.

Twenty men go into a pub, maybe even thirty or fourty...

The population of a small town in Scotland...

I say Scotland, it could be Wales...

Could even be a large town in Wales...

Ok, the population of Peterborough...

Plus Cambridge and Huntingdon...

Ok, ok, ok... The whole of London goes into the pub...

I say London, it could be New York...

Ok, Deli...

Maybe Luxembourg, it's only a toddler after all...

So Luxembourg... Plus Switzerland... Plus France and Germany go into a pub...

Why be elitist... The whole of Western Europe...

Plus Asia...

Plus America...

Ok... The entire population of the Earth goes into the pub.

The First guy gets the bar and says "I'll get the first round in."

What an idiot.

Twelve spheres of unendurable brightness spalled the velvety blackness of space.
The silence on Lester Tourville's flag bridge was absolute
And then the spell was broken as Shannon Foraker looked up from her console from where she had just sent a seemingly innocent command to the main computers of State Security's finest Superdreadnoughts.
"Oops." She said.

THEPISTONENGINE

Monday, March 6, 2006 5:13 PM

That was funny, mark!

The last part, I mean.

"Twelve spheres of unendurable brightness spalled the velvety blackness of space.
The silence on Lester Tourville's flag bridge was absolute
And then the spell was broken as Shannon Foraker looked up from her console from where she had just sent a seemingly innocent command to the main computers of State Security's finest Superdreadnoughts.
"Oops." She said."

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

GRIZWALD

Monday, March 6, 2006 5:20 PM

Quote:
I'm terrible at remembering jokes

Oh, me too, which is why I love these threads. All the jokes are new to me.

And if I reread the thread again next week, they'll be new all over again.

GIXXER

Monday, March 6, 2006 6:25 PM

What's a minor third?

Two Soprano saxes in unison.

I was hoping it might actually be funny written down. Damn...

SERENITYSHADOW

Monday, March 6, 2006 8:32 PM

Has any one ever heard of the Earl Joke? Nothing to do with the t.v. show. I need a transcription.

SerenityShadow

"We're in space! How did she get here!?"

BROWNCOATSRISEAGAIN

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 2:00 AM

A King suspected one of his Counts was plotting to overthrow him. He had the Count thrown in the dungeon and tortured. Even so, the Count wouldn't give up the rest of his co-conspirators.

The king enraged stormed down to the dungeon with the executioner right behind him.

"Talk!", he commanded but the Count just spat at him.

"Off with his head!", he said to the executioner.

The guards struggled to put the Count onto the chopping block. The executioner raised his mighty axe for the killing blow...

"Wait, I'll talk!" whimpered the Count. Too late, the axe had done its duty.

Furious, the king turned to the executioner and exclaimed.....

"How many times have I told you not to hatchet your Counts before they chicken!!!!!"

Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the veal!

Encore? Very well.

A baby seal walks in to club....

Andrew
www.browncoatsriseagain.com

ROCKETJOCK

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 2:19 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

Almost, but not quite. The proper quote is:

"Lysdexics of the world, Untie! You have nothing to choose but your lanes!" (Marl Karx)

Ya gots to get it wrong right.

"Hermanos! The Devil is building a Robot! Andale!" -- Numero Cinco

THEPISTONENGINE

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 5:15 AM

If my roommates weren't asleep I would have fallen out of my chair laughing hysterically.

Quote:
Originally posted by RocketJock:
Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:

Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!

Almost, but not quite. The proper quote is:

"Lysdexics of the world, Untie! You have nothing to choose but your lanes!" (Marl Karx)

Ya gots to get it wrong right.

"Hermanos! The Devil is building a Robot! Andale!" -- Numero Cinco

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

MELAM

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 9:29 AM

Two prostitues are crossing the street. The first turns to the other and says, "No soap, radio."

I am also fond of the Golf Ball joke.

--------

"Putting the Me in Mercinary, Jayne Cobb."

"Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender."

ZOID

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 10:39 AM

Did'ja hear the one about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil...

One woman with a certain hair color notices another woman of the same certain hair color walking on the opposite river bank from herself. She yells, "Hey! How can I get to the other side?"

The other woman replies, "Duh! You're already on the other side!"

Anonymously,

(Name Withheld To Protect Family From Reprisals)
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity, a.k.a. 'the BDBOF'

JAYRO

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 11:22 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Mark:
Three men go into a pub...

I say three, it could be five or six...

Round it up, call it ten.

Ok, so, ten blokes go into a pub...

But lets not be picky or excluding.

Twenty men go into a pub, maybe even thirty or fourty...

The population of a small town in Scotland...

I say Scotland, it could be Wales...

Could even be a large town in Wales...

Ok, the population of Peterborough...

Plus Cambridge and Huntingdon...

Ok, ok, ok... The whole of London goes into the pub...

I say London, it could be New York...

Ok, Deli...

Maybe Luxembourg, it's only a toddler after all...

So Luxembourg... Plus Switzerland... Plus France and Germany go into a pub...

Why be elitist... The whole of Western Europe...

Plus Asia...

Plus America...

Ok... The entire population of the Earth goes into the pub.

The First guy gets the bar and says "I'll get the first round in."

What an idiot.

Nice.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshipper? Sold his soul to Santa.

---------------------

"Shiny. Let's be bad guys."

BLACKCOLLARBROWNCOAT

Tuesday, March 7, 2006 8:46 PM

The real problem with that joke is that I doubt dyslexia affects your thoughts. It's a visual problem, and therefore should not screw up your thoughts. Noone (unless there were extreme circumstances) could get the concept of a god confused with a dog (not an Atheist, and not even a Christian)

"Spirituality is just one more way to distract yourself from who you really are."- George Carlin

CALHOUN

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 1:35 AM

Quote:
Mark wrote:
Monday, March 06, 2006 06:59

Twelve spheres of unendurable brightness spalled the velvety blackness of space.
The silence on Lester Tourville's flag bridge was absolute
And then the spell was broken as Shannon Foraker looked up from her console from where she had just sent a seemingly innocent command to the main computers of State Security's finest Superdreadnoughts.
"Oops." She said.

I know the names Lester Tourville and Shannon Foraker.. but cant quite place where from..

CALHOUN

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 1:38 AM

Quote:
Melam wrote:
Monday, March 06, 2006 23:29
Two prostitues are crossing the street. The first turns to the other and says, "No soap, radio."

I dont get it.. am I thick? :)

CALHOUN

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 1:39 AM

Quote:
zoid wrote:
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 00:39
Did'ja hear the one about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil...

One woman with a certain hair color notices another woman of the same certain hair color walking on the opposite river bank from herself. She yells, "Hey! How can I get to the other side?"

The other woman replies, "Duh! You're already on the other side!"

Muahahahha, love'em!

MELAM

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 4:24 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
Quote:
Melam wrote:
Monday, March 06, 2006 23:29
Two prostitues are crossing the street. The first turns to the other and says, "No soap, radio."

I dont get it.. am I thick? :)

Ah, see, that's the thing. You aren't suposed to get it. Nonhumor and such.

"Putting the Me in Mercinary, Jayne Cobb."

"Joss, what is the future of television? What will we watch? And how will we watch it? Surely you must know, for you are wise, and slender."

TEALCANDTRIP

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 4:49 AM

Gandhi use to walk around all the time with no shoes on, so his feet were really tough. He also frequently went on hunger strikes, which made him weak and, as normal, as caused bad breath. However, it is also said because of his hunger strikes, he also had visions.

So: Gandhi was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

"I also hear that there's something called Firefly, which is either a canceled science-fiction television show or a new religion, I'm not clear on that. Either way, prayers for the resurrection are involved." – Lore Sjoberg

CALHOUN

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 5:24 AM

Hehehehe... Gandhi

CALHOUN

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 5:31 AM

Quote:
Calhoun wrote:
Tuesday, March 07, 2006 15:35
Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark wrote:
Monday, March 06, 2006 06:59

Twelve spheres of unendurable brightness spalled the velvety blackness of space.
The silence on Lester Tourville's flag bridge was absolute
And then the spell was broken as Shannon Foraker looked up from her console from where she had just sent a seemingly innocent command to the main computers of State Security's finest Superdreadnoughts.
"Oops." She said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know the names Lester Tourville and Shannon Foraker.. but cant quite place where from..

Aha! Of Course! My favourite book series of ALL TIME! Honor Harrington

I should have picked that much sooner....

DRUIDESS

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 6:49 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by tealcandtrip:
Gandhi use to walk around all the time with no shoes on, so his feet were really tough. He also frequently went on hunger strikes, which made him weak and, as normal, as caused bad breath. However, it is also said because of his hunger strikes, he also had visions.

So: Gandhi was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

you are so my hero

"The world's divided into two groups, panda's and alligator boys."

DRUIDESS

Wednesday, March 8, 2006 6:50 AM

Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have ducked.

Why did the kindergartener cross the playground? to get to the other slide.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He won't come anyway.

"The world's divided into two groups, panda's and alligator boys."

MALICIOUS

Thursday, March 9, 2006 2:11 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
One woman with a certain hair color notices another woman of the same certain hair color walking on the opposite river bank from herself. She yells, "Hey! How can I get to the other side?"

The other woman replies, "Duh! You're already on the other side!"

Ahem! And WHAT hair color might THAT be?

Hmmmmmmm?

Mal-licious

I'm going to add cursing and the hurling about of things to my repertoire.

DAVEC5

Thursday, March 9, 2006 2:56 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Calhoun:
He would lie awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

dog is my co-pilot......

...and we all shine on...

ZOID

Thursday, March 9, 2006 6:48 AM

Mmmm-Ahhh!-Lishus queried of Her servant:

Quote:
Ahem! And WHAT hair color might THAT be?

Hmmmmmmm?

*zoid looks about nervously for someone else to cast blame upon*

Uh... The devil made me do it?

Adoringly,

zoid

P.S.
How've ya been, beautiful? I haven't seen you hereabouts in a looooong while, and have missed hearing (okay, 'reading') your voice. We probably just haunt different threads, or something...
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity, a.k.a. 'the BDBOF'

CALHOUN

Thursday, March 9, 2006 9:00 AM

Quote:
Calhoun wrote:
Saturday, March 04, 2006 21:10

A friend of mine had his credit card stolen recently but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Posted this way back early on in the thread, no one commented, could be it went un-noticed. Or am I the only one thinks it funny? :)

THEPISTONENGINE

Thursday, March 9, 2006 11:50 AM

No. It's funny, I didn't see it before.

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

GOTKAYLEE

Thursday, March 9, 2006 12:11 PM

Okay I'm going to jump in here with one, because it's late and I just can't help it.
Let me preface this by saying that I am in fact blonde, and I still think blonde jokes are hilarious. So please don't judge me too harshly.
This is one of my favorites:
There is a brunette woman jumping back and forth on the railroad tracks chanting "16, 16, 16, 16..." when a blonde woman walks up and asks her what she's doing.
The brunette doesn't answer, she just continues to jump back and forth chanting "16, 16, 16, 16..."
After watching her for a moment, the blonde decides to join in and starts jumping back and forth on the tracks.
Not long after, the train comes by. The brunette jumps out of the way and the train hits the blonde.
After the train passes, the brunette returns to jumping on the tracks and starts chanting "17, 17, 17, 17..."

Horrible, yes, I know. And yet.

"They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!"

ASARIAN

Thursday, March 9, 2006 3:16 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by gotkaylee:

Okay I'm going to jump in here with one, because it's late and I just can't help it.
Let me preface this by saying that I am in fact blonde, and I still think blonde jokes are hilarious. So please don't judge me too harshly...

Blondes and trains, uh? :) Here's one I recall:

A blonde is sitting in a moving train. Suddenly her cell phone rings. Confused she picks up: "I can't believe you could find me here!" :)

--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam

THEPISTONENGINE

Thursday, March 9, 2006 4:55 PM

Two guys walk into a bar. One fell forward and one fell backwards. What happened?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The bar was waist high and the second guy was a midget.

_____________
Carry the Nuttin'

ZOID

Thursday, March 9, 2006 6:48 PM

Why did the conjoined ('Siamese') twins go to Britain?

So the other one could drive for a change...

(NB: Reflexively, it works if you're British, too.)

Shamefully,

(Name Withheld To Protect Family From Reprisals)

P.S.
re: A thief, a credit card and a wife

Calhoun: Some things are too spookily true to be funny. Thanks for making us married men consider taking the 'dirt nap', once again.
_________________________________________________

"Honey? You should see all the money I saved you today. Come help me get the boxes out of the car." -My darling wife, from her series of personal lectures, which I refer to as, On Microeconomics and Personal Finance...

MILFORD

Friday, March 10, 2006 3:03 AM

All you guys are killing me with these jikes. I have one.

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and pour in a bag of frozen vegetables. Then, when the polar bear stops to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole. If you read it outloud it's much better.

Leaning into the wind that used to carry me-Stavesacre