monty python

POSTED BY: Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown
UPDATED: Friday, June 30, 2006 15:16
VIEWED: 20907
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GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 2:32 AM

*with a scottish accent*

well, that's very interesting, because I am, in fact, made entirely of wood

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

TURNIPYODOUR

Saturday, June 24, 2006 9:31 AM

Made of entirely wood? If he weighed the same as a duck, he must be a witch! Burn him!

BROOKLYNBROWNCOAT

Saturday, June 24, 2006 9:32 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by TurnipyOdour:
Made of entirely wood? If he weighed the same as a duck, he must be a witch! Burn him!

no, club him

http://pages.sbcglobal.net/bryanbaskin/clubbing.html

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 9:49 AM

well, that's very interesting, because I am now, in fact, made entirely of tin

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

SWEETSERENDIPITY

Saturday, June 24, 2006 1:50 PM

Deb

http://serendipityagain.com/

MERC2K

Saturday, June 24, 2006 3:18 PM

"Tschaikowsky. Was he the tortured soul who poured out his immortal longings into dignified passages of stately music, or was he just an old poof who wrote tunes? "

ZZETTA13

Saturday, June 24, 2006 3:26 PM

"..and one day this will be all yours."

"What Father, the curtains?"

Z

PENGUIN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 3:31 PM

She has...huge tracts of land...

DAVESHAYNE

Saturday, June 24, 2006 3:48 PM

I'm on a cycling tour of north cornwall.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

PENGUIN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 4:00 PM

Philosophers song

Immanual Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene' Descartes was a drunken fart
"I drink, therefore I am"

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed

CHRISTHECYNIC

Saturday, June 24, 2006 4:15 PM

So this is totally unrelated but who remembers the line, "I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, 'I drank what?'"

SAFEAT2ND

Saturday, June 24, 2006 4:20 PM

But I didn't eat the tuna...

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

BROWNCOATSANDINISTA

Saturday, June 24, 2006 5:51 PM

On the other hand, let's not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place.

If anyone gets nosy...Shoot em.
Shoot em sir?
Politely.

AMYEL

Saturday, June 24, 2006 6:31 PM

Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

DAVESHAYNE

Saturday, June 24, 2006 6:34 PM

Ev-er-y sperm is sa-cred.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Saturday, June 24, 2006 6:45 PM

*Sung by vikings* SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAMMITY SPAM, WONDERFUL SPAM!

Its just an ordinary rabbit, isn't it?

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!

oh, I could do this allll day.

Damn you Fox! Damn you to Hades!!
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

SAFEAT2ND

Saturday, June 24, 2006 6:52 PM

Grim Reaper: Shut up! Shut up you American. You always talk, you Americans, you talk and you talk and say 'Let me tell you something' and 'I just wanna say this', Well you're dead now, so shut up.

Geoffrey: Now look here. You barge in here, quite uninvited, break glasses and then announce quite casually that we're all dead. Well I would remind you that you are a guest in this house and...

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

KELLYOFLUTHIEN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 6:53 PM

I have three sets of Python icons on my livejournal if anyone is interested:

http://hobbitseeker.livejournal.com/57527.html <-- Mostly Holy Grail, 1 Meaning of Life
Teaser:

http://hobbitseeker.livejournal.com/57698.html <-- Holy Grail, Brian and Flying Circus
Teaser:

And, my favourite set:

http://hobbitseeker.livejournal.com/68710.html <-- Python animated song lyrics, including the Lumberjack Song, Philosophers Song, Sit On My Face, Always Look On The Bright Side of Life, and Every Sperm is Sacred.
Teaser:

If you end up using one, please leave a comment, credit me in your siggy, and please don't hotlink. :)

This post brought to you by

Johann Gambolputty de von

Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-

dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-

ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-

spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-

nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-

gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher

von Hautkopft of Ulm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love my Captain

Check out my Big Damn FF Icons at http://www.livejournal.com/community/bigdamnfficons/

BROWNCOATSANDINISTA

Saturday, June 24, 2006 7:12 PM

Møøsë Bítës Cån Bë Vërÿ Nåstï.

If anyone gets nosy...Shoot em.
Shoot em sir?
Politely.

EMBERS

Saturday, June 24, 2006 7:21 PM

very cool!

check out Eric Idle's 'Galaxy Song':
http://www.care2.com/ecards/build/1/6043
and of course from 'Holy Grail':

DAVESHAYNE

Saturday, June 24, 2006 7:45 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by KellyofLuthien:
Johann Gambolputty de von

Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-

dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-

ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-

spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-

nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-

gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher

von Hautkopft of Ulm.

Considered by many to be the greatest name in classical music.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

HAZE

Saturday, June 24, 2006 8:02 PM

Its the Bishop!

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

KWICKO

Saturday, June 24, 2006 8:05 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by christhecynic:
So this is totally unrelated but who remembers the line, "I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, 'I drank what?'"

Darlington Recruiter:
You are Chris Knight, aren't you?
Chris Knight:
I hope so. I'm wearing his underwear.

THIS... is a FORMER PARROT!

A baby seal walks into a club...

DAVESHAYNE

Saturday, June 24, 2006 10:50 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Haze:
Its the Bishop!

We was... too late.

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

SHINYYUKARI

Saturday, June 24, 2006 11:16 PM

We're Knights of the Round Table,
We dance when ere we're able,
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot,
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot.
We're Knights of the Round Table,
Our shows are formidable, But many times, we're given rhymes
That are quite unsingable.
We're Opera mad in Camelot,
We sing from the diaphragma looooooot.
In war we're tough and able,
Quite indefatigable,
Between our quests we sequin vests,
And impersonate Clark Gable.
It's a busy life in Camelot,
I have to push the pram a lot.

"Well next time you be the bait!"~Andy Hurley
"Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere."~Wash
Browncoats are the coolest fans I've ever seen.

SERYN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 11:32 PM

Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspendies and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

He cuts down trees, he wears high heels Suspendies?? and a .... a Bra????
What's this? Wants to be a girlie? Oh, My! And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!

o.0 WHAT! is your favorite colour...?

MORWEN112

Saturday, June 24, 2006 11:40 PM

Oh intercourse the penguin!!

Oh..I want to fly an aeroplane. Pardon me, I'm off to play the grand piano.

This is an ex-parrot!

-No, it looks like Raymond Luxuryyacht, but it's pronounce Throat Wabler Mangrove.

-You're a very silly man and I'm not going to interview you.

Mine is an evil sugar high laugh! Bwahahahaha!

Morwen

PENGUIN

Saturday, June 24, 2006 11:56 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Morwen112:
Oh intercourse the penguin!!

Excuse me??

SHINYYUKARI

Sunday, June 25, 2006 12:16 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by seryn:

o.0 WHAT! is your favorite colour...?

Blue! No, yellow!

"Well next time you be the bait!"~Andy Hurley
"Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere."~Wash
Browncoats are the coolest fans I've ever seen.

SIMONWHO

Sunday, June 25, 2006 12:26 AM

Dear Sir,

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about this thread. It appears to be composed entirely of either direct quotes or variations of line from the popular Monty Python series.

Yours sincerely,

Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Mrs)

UNSARDONIC

Sunday, June 25, 2006 4:29 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by safeat2nd:
But I didn't eat the tuna...

Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny

well...

...feel free to not "eat the tuna"...

I - for my part - didn't eat the "salmon mousse."

don't eat the salmon mousse "or you friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat" and laugh as you drive your Volvo® to Heaven®.

UNSARDONIC

Sunday, June 25, 2006 4:37 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by embers:
very cool!

check out Eric Idle's 'Galaxy Song':
http://www.care2.com/ecards/build/1/6043
and of course from 'Holy Grail':

Have you tried Eric's "FCC Song"? Here ya go - download THIS:

http://www.pythonline.com/plugs/idle/index.shtml

"SCRUB IT!! SCRUB YOUR VAGINAL JUICES OFF OF LOUIS B. MAYER'S FLOOR!! SCRUB THEM SO I CAN SIGN... MY... CONTRACT.... !!!" ..."or you friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat"

UNSARDONIC

Sunday, June 25, 2006 4:42 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Kwicko:
Quote:
Originally posted by christhecynic:
THIS... is a FORMER PARROT!

Jeez... you guys really need help with your Python quotes. Here ya go, (Ahem and to wit:)

"THIS... is an EX PAR-RR-RROT!"... is what it originally was...

...I mean, if ya hadn't nailed me to the perch, I'd be six feet under, pushin' up the daisies...

...push up the daisies "or your friends will think you're stupid, inbred stacks of meat"

NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME

UNSARDONIC

Sunday, June 25, 2006 4:52 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Dear Sir,

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about this thread. It appears to be composed entirely of either direct quotes or variations of line from the popular Monty Python series.

Yours sincerely,

Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Mrs)

"Right... well... that's the sort of blinkered Philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads, not caring a Tinker's Cuss about the struggling artist - you EXCREMENT! You WHINING, HYPOCRITICAL TOADIES WITH YOUR 'TONY JACKLIN' GOLF CLUBS AND YOUR BLEEDING MASONIC® HANDSHAKES!... You wouldn't let ME join, would you(?), y' Black-ballin' Bastards! Well I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you got down on your lousy, purulent knees and... BEGGED me!!"

...beg me... "or your friends will think you're a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

SIMONWHO

Sunday, June 25, 2006 12:41 PM

Thank you. Yes, thank you, that will be all.

SATIRE!

And now for something completely different.

HAZE

Sunday, June 25, 2006 2:43 PM

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

PENGUIN

Sunday, June 25, 2006 2:53 PM

"There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito."

HAZE

Sunday, June 25, 2006 2:55 PM

He's that most dangerous of animals, a clever sheep.

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

SERYN

Sunday, June 25, 2006 3:50 PM

aye that rabbits got a vicious streak a mile wide...

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

HAZE

Sunday, June 25, 2006 4:21 PM

Hitler: My dog has no nose.

Crowd: How does it smell?

Hitler: Awful!

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

REAVERINA1985RIVIERA

Sunday, June 25, 2006 5:12 PM

Camelot!

Camelot!

Camelot!

...it's only a model.

shhh!

---------------------------------------------
How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

EMMARIGBY

Sunday, June 25, 2006 5:48 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by ReaverInA1985Riviera:
Camelot!

Camelot!

Camelot!

...it's only a model.

shhh!

---------------------------------------------
How many Jaynes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to try to put it in and another to find a bigger hammer.

Let's not go to Camelot. 'Tis a silly place!

REGINAROADIE

Sunday, June 25, 2006 6:09 PM

(imagine John Cleese in drag going up and down a theatre aisle with a dead bird on a snack tray)

Albatross!!! Get Your Albatross here!!! Albatross!!!

What's that?

It's a bleeding bird, you want one?

(this is why I'll never have Mall call river lil albatross in any future fanfics, since this is what I think of when I hear the word)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"There's only one "Return" ok, and it ain't "of the King", it's "of the Jedi."

"Maybe we should start calling your friend 'Padme' because he loves 'Mannequin Skywalker' so much, Right? (imitating robot) Danger...danger...my name is Anakin...my shitty acting is ruining saga."

Excerpt of internet teaser for CLERKS 2.

EMMARIGBY

Sunday, June 25, 2006 6:59 PM

Yep, I also think of that scene whenever albatrosses are mentioned.

Nice to see so many Python fans on the board! We should get together and fling a cow!

SAVEWASH

Sunday, June 25, 2006 7:10 PM

The Larch

PENGUIN

Sunday, June 25, 2006 7:13 PM

http://www.bestgamecity.com/modules.php?name=GaM&file=details&gid=41

EMMARIGBY

Sunday, June 25, 2006 7:16 PM

I know I've posted it elsewhere but I just love this pic!

RMMC

Monday, June 26, 2006 3:05 AM

Yes...yes...yes...yes, yes......yes.....yes....yes....yes....size nine....yes...yes...

*****
RMMC

KAREL

Monday, June 26, 2006 5:44 AM

DINSDALE!

--Karel.

P.S.: Has anybody seen my pet hedgehog?
P.P.S.: Python has influenced yet another generation of unsuspecting youth.

"Wonderous is our great blue ship that sails around the mighty sun and joy to everyone that rides along." -- Jeff Lynne, Electric Light Orchestra.

MISSTRESSAHARA

Monday, June 26, 2006 9:53 AM

And now picture one The Larch... The Larch.

And now picture one The Larch...

And now picture one The Larch...

And now picture one The Larch...

Bring out your dead *bong* Bring out your dead.

I never wanted to be a barber y'know, I always wanted to be... a lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree as they float down the rivers of British Columbia. The mighty Redwood, The Larch, the mighty Scotch Pine. With my best girl by my side we'd sing.... sing.... sing......

If I'm a bitch, then life just got interesting

EMMARIGBY

Monday, June 26, 2006 10:05 AM

Some of you might know how much of a fan I am of crossovers!

I have many more little gifs I shall be entertaining you with but I shall be leaving you now with this disturbing image!

RHODRI

Monday, June 26, 2006 12:13 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by BrowncoatSandinista:
Møøsë Bítës Cån Bë Vërÿ Nåstï.

If anyone gets nosy...Shoot em.
Shoot em sir?
Politely.

A Moose once bit my sister!

EMMARIGBY

Monday, June 26, 2006 1:26 PM

Was it from the Camaaaaaarrrrgh?

FUTUREMRSFILLION

Monday, June 26, 2006 1:31 PM

is that a Penquin on your telly?

RALEIGHBROWNCOAT

Monday, June 26, 2006 1:34 PM

"And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

SWEETSERENDIPITY

Monday, June 26, 2006 1:48 PM

Well, I object to all this sex on the television! I mean, I keep falling off!

I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

Deb

http://serendipityagain.com/

EMMARIGBY

Monday, June 26, 2006 1:52 PM

More Holy Grail moments! (Because I'm too bored to work!)

HAZE

Monday, June 26, 2006 4:49 PM

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

RMMC

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:42 AM

It's Bicycle Repairman! We're saved!

Next we have number four, "Crunchy Frog." Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in here?

And Oliver has run himself over! What a great twit!

Large moose on the left
half side of the screen
in the third scene from
the end, given a thorough
grounding in Latin,
French and "O" level
Geography by: Bo Benn

****
RMMC

Antler care by: Liv Thatchr

PENGUIN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 12:49 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Haze:

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

Priceless! lol

UNSARDONIC

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 3:43 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Thank you. Yes, thank you, that will be all.

SATIRE!

And now for something completely different.

Oh SOD the abatoir... what I'd really like is to join the ...{Freebrowncoats}... I'm sorry, I was a bit on edge just then but... if you could put in a good word for me, I promise, I'd just sit quietly in the back and not get in anyone's way.

Damn it's great to goof in pythonese with people who understand the argot

Thanks! it's clear you're not "a stupid, inbred stack of meat."

MISBEHAVEN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:01 AM

I like Chinese. I like Chinese. They only come up to your knees, yet their always friendly and their ready to please...

Morbid and creepifying I got no problem with, so long as you do it quiet like.

MALBADLATIN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:32 AM

We used the last of the power packs just to keep the hair driers going.

EMMARIGBY

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 8:59 AM

(My Father is in fact John Cleese's double, personality wise. Can you imagine how embarrasing that is growing up?!)

ZOID

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 9:59 AM

Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, malodorous pervert!!!

M: Look, I came here for an Argument, I'm not going to just stand...!!

Q: OH... Oh, I'm sorry, but this is Abuse...

Herpetologically,

zoid

P.S.
Ev'rybody sing!:
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Riding through the glen!
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
With his band of men!
Steals from the poor,
Gives to the rich,
...
Stupid bitch...
_________________________________________________

"I aim to misbehave." -Capt. Mal Reynolds, Serenity, a.k.a. 'the BDBOF'

SIMONWHO

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 11:43 AM

The Spanish Inquisition!

(Nobody expected that).

SWEETSERENDIPITY

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:06 PM

Deb

http://serendipityagain.com/

SIXSHOOTER

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:31 PM

HE'S NOT THE MESSIAH, HE'S A VERY NAUGHTY BOY!!

EMMARIGBY

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:45 PM

In honour of our dear Penguin:

And could we have the next contender, please? Ha ha ha... Good evening, madam, and your name is?
Mrs. Scum: Yes, yes!
Michael Miles: And what's your name?
Mrs. Scum: I go to church regularly.
Michael Miles: Jolly good, I see, and which prize do you have particular eyes on this evening?
Mrs. Scum: I'd like the blow on the head.
Michael Miles: The blow on the head.
Mrs. Scum: Just there.
[pats her head]
Michael Miles: Jolly good. Well, your first question for the blow on the head this evening is - what great opponent of Cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychological phenomena to physical states?
Mrs. Scum: I don't know that!
Michael Miles: Well, have a guess.
Mrs. Scum: Henri Bergson?
Michael Miles: Is the correct answer!
Mrs. Scum: Ooh, that was lucky. I never even heard of him.
Michael Miles: Jolly good.
Mrs. Scum: I don't like darkies!
Michael Miles: Ha ha ha! Who does! And now your second question for the blow on the head is - what is the main food that penguins eat?
Mrs. Scum: Pork luncheon meat?
Michael Miles: No.
Mrs. Scum: [thinks] Spam?
Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat? Penguins.
Mrs. Scum: Penguins?
Michael Miles: Yes.
Mrs. Scum: I 'ate penguins!
[Mrs. Scum is trying to guess what penguins eat in the pursuit of the grand prize, the blow on the head]
Michael Miles: No, no, no.
Mrs. Scum: They eat themselves!
Michael Miles: No, no, what do *penguins* eat?
Mrs. Scum: Horses! Armchairs! Objects!
Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat?
Mrs. Scum: Oh, penguins!
Michael Miles: Penguins.
Mrs. Scum: Cannelloni.
Michael Miles: No.
Mrs. Scum: Lasagna, moussaka, lobster thermidor, escalopes de veau a l'estragon avec endives gratineed with cheese!
Michael Miles: No, no, no, no. I'll give you a clue.
[mimes a fish swimming]
Mrs. Scum: Ah! Brian Close!
BBC Announcer: We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating.

LVS2READ

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 1:51 PM

Seems all my favorites have already been quoted (Dinsdale, The Penguin, Dennis Moore, The Dead Parrot, etc. etc.), so I'll just add this:

Oh, no! Not the comfy chair!

"I love my captain."

EMMARIGBY

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:05 PM

Toastmaster: Gentlemen, pray silence for the President of the Royal Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things.
Sir William: Thank you, gentlemen. The year has been a good one for the society. This year, our members have put more things on top of other things than ever before. But I should warn you, this is no time for complacency. No, there are still many things, and I cannot emphasize this too strongly, *not on top of other things.* I myself, on my way here, saw a thing that was not on top of another thing in any way.
[cries of "shame!']
Sir William: Shame indeed. But we must not allow ourselves to become too despondent. For we must never forget that if there was not one thing that was not on top of another thing, our society would be nothing more than a meaningless body of men that had gathered together for no good purpose. But we flourish. This year our Australasian members and the various organisations affiliated to our Australasian branches put no fewer than twenty-two things on top of other things.
[applause]
Sir William: Well done all of you. But there is one cloud on the horizon. In this last year our Staffordshire branch has not succeeded in putting one thing on top of another.
[more cries of "shame!]
Sir William: Therefore I call upon our Staffordshire delegate to explain this weird behaviour.
Cutler: [timidly] Er, Cutler, Staffordshire. Um... well... Mr Chairman, it's just that most of the members in Staffordshire feel... the whole thing's a bit... silly.
[cries of outrage]
Sir William: Silly? SILLY?
[pauses and thinks]
Sir William: Silly! I suppose it is, a bit. What have we been doing wasting our lives with all this nonsense? Right, meeting adjourned for ever.

SIXSHOOTER

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:18 PM

Right! I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill... and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah!"

But you try and tell the young people today that and they won't believe ya!

EMMARIGBY

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 2:55 PM

This quote seems particularly appropriate for here:

BBC Voiceover: And now, a plea for sanity by the Reverend Arthur Belling.
Rev. Arthur Belling: [Cut to studio. A vicar sitting facing camera. He has an axe in his head] You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity. You can start in small ways with ping-pong ball eyes and a funny voice and then you can paint half of your body red and the other half green and then you can jump up and down in a bowl of treacle going 'squawk, squawk, squawk... ' And then you can go 'Neurhhh! Neurhh!' and then you can roll around on the floor going 'pting pting pting'...
[he rolls around on the floor]

___________________
Hissssssssss!

SAHARA

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 3:34 PM

You must spank us, every one!

Naughty, naughty Zoot!

And now, for something completely different...

Blackbird fly into the light of the dark, black night.

LYSANDER

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:11 PM

She turned me into a newt.

A newt?

I...I.. got better.

Simon: What if he(Mal) tells you to kill me?
Zoe: (without hesitation) I kill you.

PENGUIN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:21 PM

Second Bruce: New-Bruce, are you a Poofter?

Fourth Bruce: Are you a Poofter?

Michael: No!

Fourth Bruce: No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One!

Everybruce: No Poofters!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching. Rule Three?

Everybruce: No Poofters!!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking. Rule Five,

Everybruce: No Poofters!

Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO ... Rule Six. Rule Seven,

Everybruce: No Poofters!!

Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.

SAHARA

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:26 PM

I have a sudden craving for a giant blanc mange and tennis, I don't know why.

Hmmmmmm...

In Wales?

Blackbird fly into the light of the dark, black night.

HAZE

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 4:50 PM

Right men, confuse the cat!

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:37 PM

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

[The Inquisition exits]

Chapman: I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.

[The cardinals burst in]

Ximinez: NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!

Damn you Fox! Damn you to Hades!!
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:39 PM

(Cut to a critic. Superimposed caption: 'GAVIN MILLARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR')

Art Critic: Some people have made the mistake of seeing Shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people like me, who talk loudly in restaurants, see this as a deliberate ambiguity, a plea for understanding in a mechanized world. The points are frozen, the beast is dead. What is the difference? What indeed is the point? The point is frozen, the beast is late out of Paddington. The point is taken. If La Fontaine's elk would spurn Tom Jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our oesophagus, the guard's van our left lung, the cattle truck our shins, the first-class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck and the level crossing an electric elk called Simon. The clarity is devastating. But where is the ambiguity? It's over there in a box. Shunt is saying the 8.15 from Gillingham when in reality he means the 8.13 from Gillingham. The train is the same only the time is altered. Ecce homo, ergo elk. La Fontaine knew his sister and knew her bloody well. The point is taken, the beast is moulting, the fluff gets up your nose. The illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion and the ambiguity is the only truth. But is the truth, as Hitchcock observes, in the box? No there isn't room, the ambiguity has put on weight. The point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at Swindon, Chabrol stops at nothing, I'm having treatment and La Fontaine can get knotted.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

EMMARIGBY

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 5:39 PM

Vet: I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.

-------------

Rustic Shepherd: It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet.

___________________
Hissssssssss!

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 7:57 PM

you're no fun anymore

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 9:04 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Dear Sir,

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about this thread. It appears to be composed entirely of either direct quotes or variations of line from the popular Monty Python series.

Yours sincerely,

Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Mrs)

LOL!!!!

also, I would like to point out that the BALPA spokesman who made an earlier complaint about aironautical inacuracies was himself wearing a captain's hat, while he only had leutenant's stripes on the sleeves of his jacket

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

WHOOPS

Tuesday, June 27, 2006 9:29 PM

SOLDIER #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: We found them.
SOLDIER #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
SOLDIER #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
SOLDIER #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
SOLDIER #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
ARTHUR: Please!
SOLDIER #1: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
SOLDIER #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah.
SOLDIER #1: So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?

Sorry about it being long just love that bit just because of John Cleese mind
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Love. You can do all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air you
don't love, she'll shake you off sure as a turnin' of worlds. Love keeps her in
the air when she oughtta fall down. Tells you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens.
Makes her a home." Mal

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 12:50 AM

call the unexploded scotsman disposal squad!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

ZOID

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 1:01 AM

Whoops wrote, in part:

Quote:
SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?

Sorry about it being long just love that bit just because of John Cleese mind

...which is oddly apropos, given some Browncoats' penchant for arguing the ins and outs (no overt Terry Pratchett reference intended) of gravity drives and terraforming...

And now for something... well... you know...

Man: (whistles a bit, then) Hello. I would like to buy a fish licence, please.
Postal Clerk: A what?
Man: A licence for my pet fish, Eric.
Postal Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?
Man: No, no, no! My fish's name is Eric. Eric fish. He's an halibut.
Postal Clerk: What?
Man: He is an halibut.
Postal Clerk: You've got a pet halibut?
Man: Yes, I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.
Postal Clerk: You must be a loony.
Man: I am not a loony. Why should I be tarred with the epithet 'loony', merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabarro has a pet prawn called Simon - you wouldn't call him a loony! Furthermore Dawn Pathorpe, the lady showjumper, had a clam called Stafford, after the late chancellor. Alan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an 'addock! So if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche de temps perdu' a loony, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
Postal Clerk: All right, all right, all right. A licence?
Man: Yes!
Postal Clerk: For a fish.
Man: Yes!
Postal Clerk: You *are* a loony.
Man: Look, it's a bleeding pet, isn't it? I've got a licence for me pet dog Eric, I've got a licence for me pet cat Eric.
Postal Clerk: You don't need a licence for your cat.
Man: I bleedin' well do and I've got one! Can't be caught out there!
Postal Clerk: There is no such thing as a bloody Cat Licence.
Man: Yes, there is.
Postal Clerk: No there isn't.
Man: Is!
Postal Clerk: Isn't!
Man: I've bleedin' got one, look! What's that then?
Postal Clerk: This is a dog licence with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in, in crayon.
Man: Man didn't have the right form.
Postal Clerk: What man?
Man: The man from the cat detector van.
Postal Clerk: The loony detector van, you mean.
Man: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
Postal Clerk: What cat detector van?
Man: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.
Postal Clerk: Housinge?
Man: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant. I never seen so many bleedin' aerials. The man said their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards, and Eric being such a happy cat was a piece of cake.
Postal Clerk: How much did you pay for this?
Man: Sixty quid and eight for the fruit-bat.
Postal Clerk: What fruit-bat?
Man: Eric the fruit-bat.
Postal Clerk: Are all your pets called Eric?
Man: There's nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.
Postal Clerk: No he didn't.
Man: Did!
Postal Clerk: Didn't!
Man: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
Postal Clerk: Oh all right.
Man: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish licence?
Postal Clerk: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
Man: In that case give me a bee licence.
Postal Clerk: A licence for your pet bee.
Man: Correct.
Postal Clerk: Called Eric? Eric the bee?
Man: No.
Postal Clerk: No?
Man: No, Eric the half bee. He had an accident.
Postal Clerk: You're off your chump.
Man: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or even to deny the semi-existence of my little chum E

MERC2K

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:42 AM

This is only slightly related, but I found this clip of Peter Cook and John Cleese performing Interesting Facts on the "Secret Policeman's Ball" (charity performances for Amnesty International). It's always been a favourite:

MERC2K

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 2:43 AM

(Sorry, double post)

RHODRI

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:19 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by sahara:
You must spank us, every one!

Naughty, naughty Zoot!

And now, for something completely different...

Blackbird fly into the light of the dark, black night.

Poor Galahad - Lancelot must be gay!

RHODRI

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:21 AM

What have the Romans ever done for us?

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:47 AM

they invented the forum

BURMA!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

TURNIPYODOUR

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:06 AM

And the aqueduct.

EMMARIGBY

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:38 AM

TV Presenter: And now a precision display of bad temper.
[soldiers all yell in unison]
Soldiers: My goodness me! I am in a bad temper today, two three! Damn damn, two three! I am vexed and ratty, two three! And hopping mad!
[soldiers stamp feet on ground angrily]
TV Presenter: And now, the men of the Second Armored Division with their famous close order swanning about.
Sergeant: Squad... *Camp* it *up*!
[soldiers all chant in unison while mincing]
Soldiers: Ooh, get her! Whoops, I've got your number ducky, you couldn't afford me dear, two three. I'll scratch your eyes out! Don't come the Brigadier bit with us, dear, we all know where you've been, you military fairy. Two, three, one, two, three, four, five, six.

___________________
Hissssssssss!

ODDNESS2HER

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:01 PM

The BBC would like to apologize for the constant repetition in this show. The BBC would like to apologize for the constant repetition in this show.

KAREL

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:19 PM

Zoid sighting!

*sets trap box with a copy of the 16 Tons DVD collection as bait*

--Karel.

"Wonderous is our great blue ship that sails around the mighty sun and joy to everyone that rides along." -- Jeff Lynne, Electric Light Orchestra.

RMMC

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 8:34 PM

the whole problem with these senile deliquents lies in their complete rejection of values of contemporary society. They've seen their chldren grow up and become accountants, stockbrokers and even sociologists, and begin to wonder if it is all really...aarrgh!

Oh well we sometimes feel we're to blame for what our gran's become. I mean she used to be happy here until she, she started on the crochet.

Crochet?

Yeah. Now she can't do without it. Twenty balls of wool a day, sometimes. If she can't get the wool she gets violent. What can we do about it?

******
RMMC

Executive Producer
John Goldstone & "Ralph" The Wonder Llama

HAZE

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 9:42 PM

Voice Over: Mr Neutron! The most dangerous and terrifying man in the world! The man with the strength of an army! The wisdom of all the scholars in history! The man who had the power to destroy the world. Mr Neutron no one knows what strange and distant planet he came from, or where he was going to! Wherever he went, terror and destruction were sure to follow.

--------------------------------------------------
Who do you suppose is in there?

DAVESHAYNE

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:21 PM

Did somebody say matress to Mr. Lambert?

David

"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de

RMMC

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:25 PM

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

******
RMMC

Producer
Mark Forstater

Assisted by
Earl J. Llama
Mike Q. Llama III
Sy Llama
Merle Z. Llama IX

OOKAMIKAWAHARA

Wednesday, June 28, 2006 10:47 PM

A Monty Python thread and I've missed the mayhem till now ----- shame
Well to make up for it ..... I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquistion.... Jarring chord "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion !!!!" I do so look forward to being tortured on the comfy chair

Oh the next daring adventure of our Shiny BDH is Llama rustlen, need to gather 12,000 for the Monty Python party I do believe. Wait wait don't sack me yet, we've only just started the zany fun here llamas and gentleman err I mean......

mata, Ookami yori

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