Male and Female Imponderables - Not for the Faint of Heart

POSTED BY: PhoenixRose
UPDATED: Monday, July 17, 2006 21:53
VIEWED: 19199
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PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 6:40 AM

I know Tristan usually starts these, but he wasn't on and the last one was getting all long so here we are with a new home.

Last thread can be found here: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=22281&m=340565#340565

So I have a question for you mature and reasonable people here.
Hickies: why do so many people have an issue with them?
Many have said they look "trashy" or are given by "slutty" people. I think it's just a sign of healthy passion and enjoying yourself with a partner. Also I like to see one and be reminded of that; makes me feel all warm. In fact, the Kama Sutra talks about "marking" technique in order to remind a parter of you. But now they're considered "unprofessional" and the like. Why? And will this ever be surmounted?

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WHITEFALL

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:17 AM

Ok, as usual I have no experience nor information on the subject, but I'll take a stab...

My guess is, with the industrial workplace invention of things like sexual harassment codes and the like, anything that outwardly makes references to sex is frowned upon. Which is of course rediculous in US society, since sex is advertised in little ways all over the place.

Damn dual nature of society.

Ok, really I have no idea about the subject, just wanted to post.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:20 AM

That's actually a pretty good point.
You actually have a fairly unique perspective. Never having had one yourself, what's your personal stance one them? Do they bother you?

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DTUCK

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:21 AM

I've never really paid any mind when someone had a hicky. I honestly don't see what the big deal is about them.

On a slightly related note, and forgive me if this has been discussed before... do y'all have odd places that you like to be kissed or touched that just make you crazy? (and keep it clean, the usual places don't apply) My ex used to kiss this one spot on the side of my neck, and utilizing that technique, she could, usually very easily, persuade me to do anything she wished. I was powerless against the neckspot. But I had her number... trailing a single finger up and down her spine, ever so gently, was her trigger.

How bout y'all?

__________________________________

The best way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. - Oscar Wilde

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:27 AM

I have.... a lot of those.
Um, tongue behind the ear. Soft sucking bite where my neck joins my shoulder. Kiss on the collarbone. Kiss right under the jawline. Scraching lightly at the base of my skull. Fingers through my hair right over my ear; that spot on my scalp is very sensitive (like most of me...) Fingers up and down my spine, yes indeed. Or gentle stroking across the small of my back. I think thse are the ones that really drive me crazy and make me putty in the hands, though there are others that are only slightly less effective.
And the "usual place" is actually a good thing to steer clear of at first; too sensitive to withstand anything til it's ready.

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CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:34 AM

As far as hickies go, my personal opinion is that seeing a hickey on someone you don't know all that well enters the realm of TMI. I agree with you, PR, that hickies are a part of a healthy sex life, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily want to know that detail about my boss. It's the same as seeing a girl's thong sticking out the top of her pants, IMO. Thongs are great underwear, but seeing a total stranger's thong in a restaurant is really more than I needed to know.

Besides, I've always kind of liked the idea of a hidden hickey. It's like wearing sexy underwear under your normal work clothes -- only you know it's there, and it makes you feel sexy all day.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:39 AM

Hidden hickies are nice. Too bad so many of my favorite areas are fairly visible
I need to find more nice turtle necks. I've only found one that doesn't make me feel like I'm choking.
I don't really mind seeing them on those I don't know that well, though. It gives me hope for the world to know that people have passion and release it in healthy ways. I really do think that if everyone had a healthy sex life the world would be a better place.
I might be a frustrated sex therapist.

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CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:57 AM

Quick, only semi-related story before I log out for the night. Hubby and I went to the beach today, and as we were walking along, me in my bikini, we passed several surfer type guys, probably 19 or 20 years old, going the other direction. *Right* after we passed them, we heard one of them say to the others, "Damn, I need to have sex!" Given the view of my cleavage they had, I took it as quite the compliment, and hubby and I had a nice laugh.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 8:04 AM

I want to get that reaction!

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COPILOT

Sunday, July 16, 2006 9:15 AM

Hey TDuck's in the hoizous! Okay so yeah I'm not very ganster but I wuv my TDuck to death! Sorry i ditched ya earlier honey bunny!

Still don't have my death metal polka!

Due to that time of the month my brests have swollen a bit. So yeah didn't relize untill my friend was looking down my shirt that I was flashing clevage all day! Yipes no wonder we had so much interest! Kidding a little not really.

A little flattering that he said well the view was well worth the effort! He was helping me with a computer issue I forgot what it was.

An I carried such a torch

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 9:43 AM

I recently had something like a half-cup increase, maybe a little less than that. Nothing fits quite right anymore. I think most of it is some weight gain, though. But hey, if they stay that way, I'm ok with that. Maybe. I really like my clothes...

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COPILOT

Sunday, July 16, 2006 10:11 AM

yep the supreme suckage of weight gain! I have to go shopping! I hate shopping! Especially when I'm gaining weight! I feel like such a freak no matter how much my friends tell me I'm still hot!

An I carried such a torch

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 10:15 AM

I love shopping, I just really love my clothes and want them to always fit. Plus there is money issues; I feel like I'm spending money that could and should be spent on other things.
At the moment, though, the only things that really don't fit are jeans and some of my silk shirts. Neither of these things have any give. And bras of course; had to buy some new ones, no getting around that.
I think I still look fine, just want my gorram clothes to fit.

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PIZ

Sunday, July 16, 2006 11:28 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Hickies: why do so many people have an issue with them?
Many have said they look "trashy" or are given by "slutty" people. I think it's just a sign of healthy passion and enjoying yourself with a partner. Also I like to see one and be reminded of that; makes me feel all warm. In fact, the Kama Sutra talks about "marking" technique in order to remind a parter of you. But now they're considered "unprofessional" and the like. Why? And will this ever be surmounted?

Don't like hickies, never have. Didn't like them when I got them. Only ever gave one, and that by accident. Nothing to do with repression or a problem with "healthy passion" or the like - there's nothing repressed about my sexuality. To me they're no different than an open cut or sore. Yukko.

Don't see why dislike of hickies needs to be "surmounted," any more than any other personal preference that causes no harm. No reason anyone else needs to change their preference just because I don't like them. Sure, I'd rather not see them, but I can always just look away.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

MAVOURNEEN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 11:47 AM

Have to go with Piz and CK on this one...but siding slightly with CK.
I personally don't care what two consenting adults do to or with each other, as long as it doesn't involve children or animals - neither of those can consent, and that's key. Hell, sheit on each other. Not my business. Enjoy yourself. Just don't sheit on me.

Hickies fall near this category. I personally don't want to be sucked/bit until I am bruised. If you want to, fine. enjoy. You don't need to advertise it. Cover it up, if it shows. It's TMI for others.

My question is...why are women with strong sex drives viewed differently than women with an "average" drive? Why do men find this both VERY appealing and VERY disturbing? Madonna/Whore complex?

"Have you ever been with a Warrior Woman?"

PIZ

Sunday, July 16, 2006 11:51 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Mavourneen:
My question is...why are women with strong sex drives viewed differently than women with an "average" drive? Why do men find this both VERY appealing and VERY disturbing? Madonna/Whore complex?

Never understood the problem about women with strong sex drives. Nothing disturbing about it.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:04 PM

Bruises are different from hickies.
Trust me.
Maybe it's just me, but I've always gotten hickies very easily, and they don't hurt. But I've also been actually bruised by teeth, and that does hurt.
The surmounting I was talking about was them being considered unprofessional and unacceptable. It's like they're some horrible taboo, which I don't think has a lot to do with personal preference.
And I'm sorry if I made it seem like not giving or having hickies meant you were repressed, that was not my intent, only that they could and almost always are an indicator of passion.

I've experienced that attitude towards a woman with a strong drive. Ex of Doom at one point actually said I was both "insatiable" and a "nympho" which I thought was a little unfair.
I think they want it because it means all the sex they can stand; and find it disturbing for the exact same reason. Maybe they worry they can't keep up?
This directed only at those who have this view, of course.

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TRISTAN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:11 PM

Morning, all.
My area apparently had some internet issues yesterday, so I was unable to check the boards or post another thread. Thank you, PR, for doing this while I was unable, but I'll take care of them in the future barring any other internet issues.

I have a mailbox full, so I will be back in a little bit to catch up.

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PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:17 PM

Happy to be of service!
*hands the Imponderables torch back to Tristan*
I was just borrowing it...

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PIZ

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:18 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Ex of Doom at one point actually said I was both "insatiable" and a "nympho" which I thought was a little unfair.

To paraphrase our captain: He's hittin' all the sellin' points!

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:22 PM

Well, I'm not completely insatiable, just more so that most women. But as nymphomania actually means compulsively having sex with basically anyone who is willing as a way to satisfy some kind of addiction that really leaves only emptiness... I don't think that was fair. 'Course, most people don't know what it means, they just throw the word around, so I didn't get mad at him for it.
But yeah, I thought it was a selling point, too!
Really, though, I think he was convinced he couldn't keep up with me.

Well, he couldn't...

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MAGDALENA

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:29 PM

Hickies... I immediately think high school and first boyfirend and experimenting without going 'too far' and hickies resulting which leads to some disgusted looks from teachers and some stern words from parents... not the pinacle of 'sexual experience for me!!

On the places list - definitely the neck towards the back near my shoulder...oooooh..
*shivers at the mere memory with longing*

inside my knee & just below and above my knee... mmmmmmmm

just above the inside of my wrist... aaaah

Also - I am celebate by choice at the moment but not sexually repressed - as you might note! Just wanting to be a little thoughtful before inviting someone to enter "the temple" again (and that sounds repressed doesn't it?)and enjoying some BDH fantasies in the mean-time ...ooops, sorry TMI? (or not enough??)?

Yeah - definitely shaking my 'nice' image here!! See what this 'imponderable' thread-ing does to you??

Love, as always - Magdalena x x

P.S. - yes, bruises are different and if someone is bruising you and telling you it's a hickie... think carefully about that someone!!

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:35 PM

That doesn't sound repressed at all, darling! It sounds both wise and smart. Your body is a temple and deserves fine, fine treatment Don't let anyone say different.
Neck towards the back near my shoulder... I think we have a common weakness. Or very close.
And yes the boy who bruised me (quite badly) and said it was "just a hickie"... Well, he was long ago and far away.

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TRISTAN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:58 PM

PR, no problem at all! Glad to see the thread is of such interest that it can be carried on without me here! And you don't really need a torch...just go Phoenix-like!

Now, to the Imponderables:

Hickies. I do enjoy them, but they harken back to high school days where they were used as "territorial" markings...usually in a highly visible place, such as the neck. Nowadays, it's tough to explain them away; especially if one deals with the public on a daily basis. I like the hidden ones.

DTuck, I am with you on the neck as a sensitive kissing spot. Sends shivers down me spine, it does!

Cleavage is good...

Mavourneen, I think a woman with a healthy sex drive is wonderful! Time for a bit of a soapbox speech...excuse me for a moment.
I have neevr liked the fact that men have the unspoken right to sleep with as many females as they want and only be labeled "stud", while if a woman does the same, she is labeled "slut" or "loose". Humans, as I have said before, generally have a healthy sex drive. We can "mate" year-round, and do so. But the double-standard sucks. Of the women I dated, I enjoyed the company of those that had experience...and enjoyed getting the experience...over the repressed, "sex is bad"-type women. I still think there is a line that should not be crossed, like sleeping with people just to get notches in your belt, but I fully believe that both males and females shuold be able to enjoy themselves sexually without having to be labeled by society.
Ok, stepping off the box now. Thanks for listening!

PR, following the above train-of-thought, I am at an age now where I can't "keep up" like I used to. A woman with a very healthy sex drive would kill me...as my wife is doing ,but I try my best to keep up. A woman with a healthier sex drive than I does not scare me away, I just worry that I won't be man enough for long enough to satisfy her.

Magdalena, hi there! Not sure if you have been here before...if so, welcome back; if not, welcome! Even us married folk have BDH fantasies at times. And there are very few things in this thread that are TMI!

Alright, I think that has me caught up...sorry about the long post, but being denied the internet gave me withdrawals!

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PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 2:06 PM

Indeed. As I said before, I think when we were talking about the "lawn care", enjoying yourself in no way should be construed as "slutty" and also notches on the belt are bad and so are double standards.
That's kinda funny "Can't Hold us Down" just popped up on my music playlist. It talks about that very thing.
And no worries; your post wasn't near as long as mine tend to be when I play catchup

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KENOBIUS

Sunday, July 16, 2006 2:39 PM

Ah, nothing I love more than waking up and talking about hickies, magic spots, and sluts.

Actually, I've never given/received a hickie, so you luck out on not hearing my opinion on this one.

Magic spots - There is a few spots that register a little hotter than others, but it's been awhile so things might have changed. Again, I'm pretty useless to the topic.

And as for sluts verses normal folk just enjoying life; I think everyone is entitled to have whatever kind of sex drive they want. Some can't get enough while others are pleased with a little something here or there. You start to cross over to the darkside when you use it to get something you want. That's what makes a slutty person in my book. I knew a few ladies in high school that would sleep with you just for kicks and not for anything else. I'm addicted to sex just as much as the next guy, but that's a bit ridiculous.

http://tinyurl.com/ekv6z

PENGUIN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 2:49 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by magdalena:Hic
On the places list - definitely the neck towards the back near my shoulder...oooooh..
*shivers at the mere memory with longing*

inside my knee & just below and above my knee... mmmmmmmm

just above the inside of my wrist... aaaah

Also - I am celebate by choice at the moment but not sexually repressed - as you might note! Just wanting to be a little thoughtful before inviting someone to enter "the temple" again (and that sounds repressed doesn't it?)and enjoying some BDH fantasies in the mean-time ...ooops, sorry TMI? (or not enough??)

*considers becoming a high priest...*

SERYN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:04 PM

Hickies - as with so many things, i've no moral objections to them (i've only ever seen them as some ridiculous teen thing which is usually done with as much passion as writing 'toni and kev 4 eva' on bus shelters is i.e, as a marking exercise) but if someone finds it passionate then whatever floats their boat. But i just think they are so incredibly ugly. Exactly like a bruise or other wound. To my mind no one would want something that looked like that on them. I mean things like tattoos can have some meaning to them, or some style and artistry, a deliberate bruise is just bleh. And seeing them on people only induces mild revulsion.

but like i said, what ever floats the boat.

Spots - between my shoulder blades, just underneath them, and up and down to my hair an

oh what the hell, my back. Also known of people having huge sensitive spots just under their butt cheeks and in the crease where leg meets pelvis.

Emma - I hate to say it, but she should in no way go on that holiday, as an older mum, the child is already more at risk from congenital defects, so theres no way she wants to go upping the risk factor. the babies health isn't worth it.
Does she not have holiday insurance? she wouldn't get all of the cash back, but mine i think gives you 80% or something like that, enough to get herself a decent holiday to a none tropical disease ridden country. Then they can plan the mega trip to where ever it was when they sucessfully get the kid to 18 and still living(and off their hands!)
If they don't, enjoy your trip sweetie, and to pay her back (somewhat) buy her a week or two in a health spa/retreat thing.

Music - eternal Tori Amos fan, no one will ever replace her. All the others are so varied that i could be listing things forever.

New imponderable. who is off limits to you as in would you date your best friends brother etc (apart from married people and under 16's if you ain't of course)

I've just always maintained this 'no one you work with, no one related to a close friend etc' rule, and i'm wondering if thats not harshly limiting myself. (mind you, i broke the rule once and got badly burned, so...)

Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by seryn:
Also known of people having huge sensitive spots just under their butt cheeks and in the crease where leg meets pelvis.

Yep. Really all the way around my hip socket. Those can't really be casually accessed in public, though...

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KENOBIUS

Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:19 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by seryn:

New imponderable. who is off limits to you as in would you date your best friends brother etc (apart from married people and under 16's if you ain't of course)

I dated my friend's sister for a long time and nothing bad came out if. Well, that relationship did end kinda badly, but it wasn't because of that.

I'm at a point where the age difference is still a little weird to me and the community, so I try to date (heh) as close to my age as possible.

Aside from being already in a relationship and the risk of going to jail, I tend to leave the window open. If love blossoms, it blossoms. Can't stop the sig- er, feelings. Anyone of my friends should be mature enough to handle it. OH! And co-workers is really off limits cause the only female at work is my manager!

http://tinyurl.com/ekv6z

PIZ

Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:24 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Kenobius:
I knew a few ladies in high school that would sleep with you just for kicks and not for anything else. I'm addicted to sex just as much as the next guy, but that's a bit ridiculous.

That raises a ponderable: What do you think of casual sex?

"Casual sex" here means "engaging in sex with someone you're not in a relationship with." (That doesn't mean cheating, but that you're not in a relationship with anyone at the time, including the person you have sex with.)

I have no problem with it on principle. There can be instances where it's a bad decision, but I don't think that's always (or even mostly) the case. For me, if both parties are honest and are just seeking enjoyment of each other with no ulterior motives or hidden issues, there's nothing wrong with it.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:30 PM

Yeah, I can't do casual. That whole "body is a temple" thing? I meant that. Worship isn't casual. If I don't love and trust someone and they don't love and trust me... I kind of feel sick trying to do anything with them. I'm glad I started to pay attention to that before going all the way. That would have been bad.

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PENGUIN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 3:39 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Yeah, I can't do casual. That whole "body is a temple" thing? I meant that. Worship isn't casual. If I don't love and trust someone and they don't love and trust me...

Amen...

Perfect way of putting it...

ELOISA

Sunday, July 16, 2006 4:33 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Piz:
That raises a ponderable: What do you think of casual sex?

I don't see it as a minus mark on anyone I know if they have it. Way to go them, if they're happy with it. Having had a negative experience, I'm not incredibly OK with doing it myself, though. Kind of like skydiving in that respect.

EMMARIGBY

Sunday, July 16, 2006 5:15 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by seryn:

Emma - I hate to say it, but she should in no way go on that holiday, as an older mum, the child is already more at risk from congenital defects, so theres no way she wants to go upping the risk factor. the babies health isn't worth it.
Does she not have holiday insurance? she wouldn't get all of the cash back, but mine i think gives you 80% or something like that, enough to get herself a decent holiday to a none tropical disease ridden country. Then they can plan the mega trip to where ever it was when they sucessfully get the kid to 18 and still living(and off their hands!)
If they don't, enjoy your trip sweetie, and to pay her back (somewhat) buy her a week or two in a health spa/retreat thing.

You know, she has just phoned me and told me that she has decided not to risk it. Since her holiday insurance won't accept pregnancy as a valid reason for cancelling.... I'm getting the holiday of a lifetime! I still can't believe it! It sounds out of this world. Two weeks in Madagasca, most of it with my own personal jungle guide and private plane and snorkel equiptment for the coral reefs! Oh wow! It's in 3 weeks, 4 days after my work deadline so I'm gonna be a little... INSANE for a while! I have to get all my jabs! I've told my friend that I am in a position to pay him back with interest for all the help he's given me with my project (if he can get his passport renewed in time!) and he's a bit gobsmacked!
I'll never be able to pay her back, ever! If she ever needs a kidney she can have mine. Hell she can have both! I'm literally shaking with excitement. It's all like a beautiful dream!

Sorry not to be commenting on all the wonderful imponderables of hickeys and love spots etc, I'm a bit overexcited at the moment! I'll come back later when I've calmed down.

___________________

Hissssssssss!

BLACKSHAMROCK5

Sunday, July 16, 2006 5:30 PM

I don't think that there is anything wrong with hickeys,if noone in the party minds them then knock yourself out. I have encountered people who think that they show complete disrespect for the person who gets the hickey which is their opinion I guess.

On the love spots, anywhere near the ears neck region I'm complete jello.

I know that there is no way I would be able to have casual sex with anyone at anytime, but if both people know what they are getting themselves into then go have fun.

Shamrock

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 6:04 PM

Disrespect?
*clears throat*
TMI warning...

How exactly is giving me massively pleasurable orgasms disrespectful?

K, I know not everyone works that way. But I do. I would be pissed at anyone who didn't work my neck/shoulders/collarbones for all they were worth!

Moving on...
Emma, congrats! I can't wait to hear about your treks through the jungle! I'm glad this whole situation seems to be working out well; your sis gets her baby, you get a fabulous holiday, and she gets a kidney if she ever needs one!

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TRISTAN

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:03 PM

Body as a temple...hmm. I can see that. My body is a temple to Dionysus (or Bacchus, if you prefer).

Emma, I missed posting this earlier, but congratulations! Auntie Em, eh?

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WHITEFALL

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:08 PM

Sorry about your question, Rose, I forgot to say I was off to sleep when I last posted.

Having read the other posts and thus found some more background info...... I'm sorta split. I must admit, I'm of the opinion that if I were to see a hicky I would probably say, 'what happened are you ok?' to the embarassment of everyone involved. And if I recognized it beforehand, well... it does come off as a way of showing off, inspiring all the folks who see it to make their own opinions about what happened... I think i'd prefer to not see them.

However, I stand by my previous post that, in american society there is this rediculous dualism, that on every webpage, on every street corner and advertisement, sex is in some way advertised, and folk, myself included, have grown so insensitive other humans that we dont want to know how their actual sexual lives are like, but we put up with these imaginary ones from the media.

Go figure.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

COPILOT

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:12 PM

An I carried such a torch

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:17 PM

Sigh, must catch up again:
Hickies: never had one.

Off limits: Anyone that I knew someone close to me really liked, whether I did or not. My ex-best friend did that to me, with the first guy that I really, really liked. I wasn't so much bothered about him, it was just that she was the only person that knew, and she blatantly went behind my back to ask him out. When I found out, she said: "Do you mind?"
I seriously could have killed her then. Where is a passing reaver ship when you need one?

Casual sex: again, never experienced that! I am definately waiting for someone special. I am not wasting my first time on any old random guy.

Eagles may soar, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

COPILOT

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:36 PM

Okay one more question this one for everyone
What is the number of sexual partners at which you decided a person is too experineced (dirty)?
And is the number the same for both males and females?

An I carried such a torch

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 16, 2006 7:40 PM

Copilot? Honey?
*holds copilot gently by the shoulders*
I want you to listen to me. Please don't take anything I say as condemning or patronizing or anything negative, and don't think that I'm saying you have to take my advice; of course you don't. But I'm speaking as someone who, despite never having met you in the flesh, cares about your well-being in every respect.
OK, first, I am very glad you don't let guilt get to you. This is good.
But I worry about you a little, honey. I'm not sure you do respect yourself as much as you should. I know that you do, just not as much as you maybe should. You need to take care of yourself, you know. The little drug-binge you had a few days ago had us all really worried about you; I was wondering if you would even come back. And I worry that you seem to have some co-dependant tendancies.
I'm glad you love sex, this is also good. But you've said before that you have trouble achieving climax and only have with your FSO. All I'm saying is that there might be a reason for that. You, much like me, might need a real connection to someone before you can really do that. It's something to think about. You obviously know what you get yourself in to having casual sex, and I'm not going to say that's bad, but consider that you might have better sex if it wasn't casual.
Ok? So I'm done now, take it or leave it. It is always your choice.

*edit* no I have never faked.
I think the "too many" line might be somewhere in the range of 20.
And I really need to get some sleep.

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DANCINGNEKO

Sunday, July 16, 2006 11:56 PM

*deep breath here*

Hi, everyone. Posting newbie (yes, delurking, finally) here...Decided that sitting around following the postings isn't enough so...*waves to everyone*

One thing (this is completely from concern -- no judgement nor condemnnations made here): *reaches hand to touch Co-pilot's hand* Sweetie, I agree with PhoenixRose -- there are people here who have never met you in r.l. and are worried about you and what we know about you. (Yes, I include myself, seeing people do activities that seem to be on the self-destruct path is a scary thing.) Pleasureable activities are one thing, binges and extremes are another. Adrenaline "highs," in my expereince are great, but the crashing "lows" are usually beyond painful. Again, this is from my experiences (both direct and from the work I do).

...and to answer your questions (yes, I'm answering it as two questions -- you'll see why in a bit). For adults, I don't think there's such a thing as "too experienced" -- it's a matter of how comfortable you are with the number of partners you have.
As for the "dirty" -- My opinon is that if anyone finds themselves asking this question, it's time to seriously consider taking some time off and focus on satisfying those emotional needs in other ways -- be it doing arts, crafts, exercising, -- something that you can look at and feel even better about yourself for doing.

Sorry for the 'heavy' and slightly long post. I'll be back in a bit to answer some of the other questions later. *waves*

COPILOT

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:00 AM

Hi! Yippie new person!

An I carried such a torch

TEACHDAIRE

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:08 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by copilot:
Okay one more question this one for everyone
What is the number of sexual partners at which you decided a person is too experineced (dirty)?
And is the number the same for both males and females?

An I carried such a torch

Personally, I don't think it matters. So what if your new squeeze has had none, one or a hundred pervious partners? As long as they're faithfull during your relationship with them, no harm, no foul.

KENOBIUS

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:58 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Body as a temple...hmm. I can see that. My body is a temple to Dionysus (or Bacchus, if you prefer).

Haha, I so got that. Sorry, we use to make jokes like that in Mythology class. Very nostalgic.

http://tinyurl.com/ekv6z

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 17, 2006 3:31 AM

This is not the post you're looking for.

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 17, 2006 3:31 AM

I should expand on my "too many" answer now that I'm up again.
At my age, I think that 20 would be a bit much because it would basically mean there was never devotion in the past. For me that's rather key. Someone who had too many partners would make me wonder if I was another notch.

Hi, Dancingneko! This is for you!

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SERYN

Monday, July 17, 2006 7:20 AM

I'm not sure about that one, there really is no magic number (apart from 3 of course, but maybe some people want substantially more than that

personally, looking back, i've had to many, id love to set the dial back and erase all but 2 of them (and if that possible, maybe add one that never quite happened ) so i guess its not the number thats acceptable, but the quality of them.

quality over quantity any day.

and Copilot, listen to the dancing guy! (hello DancingEko!) he knows what he it talking about, its time to pause and take stock before you do something that damages you permanently.

ah, its all going to blow up today isn't it? folk back in work n all. oh well, could someone post a summary maybe?

EMMARIGBY

Monday, July 17, 2006 7:41 AM

There's no point in regreting anything. I just view it all as a learning experience. And if you learn that you shouldn't do that (or them) again then, hey, at least you've learnt something! The only regrets I've had is about things (and people) I've not done!

By the way, have I mentioned yet this morning I'm going to see the lemurs? Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Gosh!

___________________
Hissssssssss!

DANCINGNEKO

Monday, July 17, 2006 7:46 AM

Hi again.

Hickies: I work with teens, so usually seeing a hickey at work means I’m dealing with a teen that’s too near the borderline for sexually active than they are ready to be (translation: I work at a school). Adults at my workplace are “role models” for the students so having a hickey in a visible location is seen as “unprofessional” and a “no-no.”

Spots that drive me crazy: The one that comes to mind is the inside of my wrists. Gently scraping teeth *just so* sends all kinds of shivers.

Female sex drive: I have no idea…I place it under “he’s gotta make something up so he can feel secure” heading.

Off limits: For me, ex’s of friends, sibling’s ex’s, siblings of friends, co-workers. Have a relationship in a friendly manner – "maybe" to "yes", but date? Nope, don’t need the drama.

Casual sex: If it works for you, (i.e. you can have sex with someone just for sex and retain the relationship you had before) fine. It doesn’t work for me.

PhoenixRose: That's so cute! (and I don't have to translate! *double whee*!) Once I figure out how to add it to my signature, that's where she's going *cough* Thank you.

[Edit: Had to clean up a sentence. *bah*]
[Edit II: Found a spilling error. Good thing I don't teach English.]

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 17, 2006 9:38 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Dancingneko:
PhoenixRose: That's so cute! (and I don't have to translate! *double whee*!) Once I figure out how to add it to my signature, that's where she's going

Had a feeling you might like that. For image posting tips, go here: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=5&t=22105

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MAGDALENA

Monday, July 17, 2006 10:18 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:

*considers becoming a high priest...*

Oooooh Penguin! Now I'm blushing agin!!

AND you've made my day!!

PR - I think we're very alike too! I often find something I really enjoy in your posts! Thanks!

Also Tristan - this is my first ever foray into the imponderables threads! If I'd known it would be so much fun I'd have done it ages ago!! Thank you all for the warm welcome! (especially Penguin!!)

Lovin' you - Magdalena x x

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 17, 2006 10:43 AM

Magdalena
Yes, much fun usually. We must do this more often

So here's one: What is everyone's personal definition of "high maintenance"?
I've always thought of it as someone who was kinda pricey; expected to have a lot of money spent on them. But I think almost everyone has a slightly different view on it.

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MAGDALENA

Monday, July 17, 2006 11:07 AM

Emma! Hey those Lemurs - they like to "move it, move it!!" Congratulations on all those plans - I'm so happy for you and your sister! BTW my nieces/nephews call me Auntie Em/Emmi!!

Seryn - dated a close friends brother for 7 months and when he decided it was over he burned me good and proper!! It was very disrupting to my entire social life and afterwards my friend confessed that she was never really comfortable with me dating him!! Also, yes, my only regrets are missed opportunities (usually because of lacking in self confidence...or was that you who mentioned this Emma??)

Shamrock - I wouldn't give a hickie if I wasn't sure that the recipient was OK with it so I would take it amiss if they gave me one without some prior undertanding. I guess I'm understanding the 'disrespectful' aspect, but not that I have anything personally against them as a rule.

Whitefall - sex is all over the media here (Australia) too - to the point that some people think you're a freak if you tell them you're celebate and some of my close friends don't mention they're virgins for the same reason. I'm just enjoying not putting that expectation on myself or anyone else at the moment. (& my fantasy life is thriving!)

SmartBDB - Yay! You are so right - your first time only happens once and you never forget it! There's nothing dumb about you Honey!

CoPilot - I wouldn't know, numbers wise, but I say "here here" to everything Phoenix Rose says. I did once have a one-night-stand and I now know that casual sex is definitely not satisfying for me - I need to connect on an emotional/trust level to really enjoy it ... and, yes, that means climaxing! I have so quickly fallen in love with all the wonderful people in this here 'Verse (we're all kindred spirits of a kind, after all!) that I already care about you as a friend, and taking control of your choices means making sure they work for you and nobody else! I guess I'm saying there's no judgment if you genuinely get the most you can through casual sex, but please take the time to find out if it is the most!

DancingNeko - also "here here" to all of it!!

Wow - I do love this part of the 'Verse - I love the connections - thanks for takin' the time to care for and explore each others positions... er I mean - points of view! You all ROCK!!

Lovin' you - Magdalena x x

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 11:48 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
What is everyone's personal definition of "high maintenance"?
I've always thought of it as someone who was kinda pricey; expected to have a lot of money
spent on them. But I think almost everyone has a slightly different view on it.

I never thought that it was about money, although money is a tool that high-maintenance people
often use to get what they're after. What they're after is attention. They want the relationship to
center on them and them alone, at all times and in all respects. If it doesn't then they think
something's wrong, that the other person in the relationship isn't keeping up their end.

Could be they're trying to fill some void inside them, but I've never stayed with a
high-maintenance woman long enough to figure it out. It's not worth figuring out - if you're with
someone like that, just get out.

***NOTE: I say "high-maintenance woman," but that's only because I'm not at all sly so I've
never had a romantic relationship with a man. Men can be high-maintenance too, no doubt.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

SPACEANJL

Monday, July 17, 2006 11:52 AM

PR, if my body is a temple, then it is one to the strange and squid-like gods of the elder times

Definitely neck and shoulders, and that bit of the wrist...Women have a lot more sensitive spots than men, aren't we lucky?

Emma - go lemurs! You gonna eat one of them darlin' li'l suckers? (I remember the bambi thing on a previous post - you can go for the 'cutest meal' award)

I'm a fan of secret hickies myself.

High maintenance -what Piz said. It's all about the ego, baby.

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:01 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SpaceAnJL:
High maintenance -what Piz said. It's all about the ego, baby.

Just one note on this: It's not quite all about the ego. Healthy egos don't seek what the
high-maintenance person is after. There's a right and a wrong way to "look out for #1."

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

SPACEANJL

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:10 PM

Never said it was a healthy thing. Some people have an ego that seems to be a separate entity. I posted something a while ago about some of the folk I get in at work, who make a real deal about how their food is prepped, etc. (NOT genuine allergies or intolerance, just fussy.) That's high maintenance.

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:22 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SpaceAnJL:
If my body is a temple, then it is one to the strange and squid-like gods of the elder times

You mean like Davey Jones?

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MAGDALENA

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:27 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:

So here's one: What is everyone's personal definition of "high maintenance"?
I've always thought of it as someone who was kinda pricey; expected to have a lot of money spent on them. But I think almost everyone has a slightly different view on it.

Mwaah! Phoenix rose!!

I think of 'high maintenance' as someone who demands more than they give. You end up supressing some of yourself in the relationship in order to 'keep the other person happy' so to speak. You are constantly being careful to say the right things - do the right things - call at the right time - care for their feelings and insecurities to the point that you are lost in putting the other one first! Usually they are the ones who vanish at the first hint that you might actually need a little real support from them too!!

After years of reasoning my way through these relationships (my turn will come - it never does!: I'm always there for you so you'll be there for me - they never are!!!) I identify them for what they are and avoid them like the plague - no matter how popular the friend is, or how sexy 'he' might be (or how jealous everyone is of your 'relationship' with him!!)

Phew - I need to lie down!! - Magdalena x x

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:28 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SpaceAnJL:
Never said it was a healthy thing. Some people have an ego that seems to be
a separate entity.

True. It's just that so many people think that "ego" is a bad word, that having an ego at all makes one a
self-centered prick. I only wanted to make the point that that's not the case.

Quote:
Originally posted by SpaceAnJL:
I posted something a while ago about some of the folk I get in at work, who make a
real deal about how their food is prepped, etc. (NOT genuine allergies or intolerance,
just fussy.) That's high maintenance.

Absolutely.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

SPACEANJL

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:29 PM

More H P Lovecraft...still haven't seen POTC II. Waah!

Imponderable - matters of taste, again. Food, drink, music, books - all seem to have a gender bias. I like graphic novels, but this doesn't seem to be acceptable in a...woman of mature years. (I'm the same age as Mal - it isn't a bad thing.) Pints versus half-pints, or even beer versus alcopops? Has anyone else ever had the 'you shouldn't be (whatever) because you're a (insert gender here)'?

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:37 PM

Morning, all!
'Tis the dreaded Monday...hope everyone had a good weekend!

Welcome to the new posters! Glad you could join us.

Not sure there was too much posted I didn't answer...I'll get some coffee and re-read the thread to be sure.

See y'all in a bit!

______________________________________

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:42 PM

Yeah, I knew who you were talking about, I was just almost weirded out by how much Davey Jones resembled Cthulu.
Anyway, so, I asked about 'high maintenance' because I like a lot of attention; cuddling and petting and hand-holding, usually. And regular aknowlegments of my existance when I go somewhere with someone. I also give a lot of attention, though, have often felt that I might give too much of myself at times. I guess I just want the same kind of attention I give. I'm pretty sure that's how it is, anyway. I do get a little insecure if I'm not getting enough attention. For a long time Ex of Doom would call me on a regular basis, miss me, and be decently affectionate when he saw me. When that stopped is when we really started having problems. I tried to work through them and he didn't. He also said he felt "smothered" a few times throughout our relationship.
I'll stop babbling now.

Told I shouldn't be something because? Yeah, I've had a few people tell me I shouldn't be sober because I'm Irish. Can't think of anything where someone said I shouldn't be a certain way because I'm female, though.

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PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:42 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
You mean like Davey Jones?

Hey! As a closet Monkees fan, I have to take umbrage at that remark.

OK, I've taken the umbrage.

*gives it back...* Put that in the fridge where it belongs.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 12:53 PM

Coffee good.

SpaceAnJL, forgive my rudeness; I did not answer your query.
Yes, I have been told I shouldn't sew, cook, clean, and have a good eye for design (fashion and home) because I am a male. My response is "pah!"

Monkees...I was lucky enough to see their 1986 tour with The Grass Roots and a few other bands, but minus Mikey Dolenz. Much fun!

______________________________________

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:01 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:

Anyway, so, I asked about 'high maintenance' because I like a lot of attention;
cuddling and petting and hand-holding, usually. And regular aknowlegments of my
existance when I go somewhere with someone. I also give a lot of attention, though,
have often felt that I might give too much of myself at times. I guess I just want
the same kind of attention I give. I'm pretty sure that's how it is, anyway. I do
get a little insecure if I'm not getting enough attention. For a long time Ex of Doom
would call me on a regular basis, miss me, and be decently affectionate when he saw me.
When that stopped is when we really started having problems. I tried to work
through them and he didn't. He also said he felt "smothered" a few times throughout
our relationship.

"Maintenance" is relative. What's too much for one could be just right for someone else. What
you describe doesn't of necessity make you high maintenance, just uncomfortable for
someone who doesn't match your level of attention giving/getting. It sounds within the range of
"normal" to me.

That said, I personally am uncomfortable with a lot of that sort of attention in either
direction. I'll call "needy" and "smothered" at what some would consider pretty low levels,
preferring subtle to overt, and private to public.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

MAGDALENA

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:04 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Told I shouldn't be something because? Yeah, I've had a few people tell me I shouldn't be sober because I'm Irish. Can't think of anything where someone said I shouldn't be a certain way because I'm female, though.

Hey - I've been told that I'm a freak coz I drink Vodka neat (no ice, nothin') and that I should be drunk ... just because I can hold my drinks! - I am usually told this by some guy who is pissed (yeah - that means something different in Australia too, your version of 'pissed' is 'pissed off' over here) on beer and slurring their words and breathing beer breath on me!

I'm goin' to my bunk now 'coz I gotta get up in the mornin'! Night y'all! Lovin' You! - Magdalena x x x

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:06 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Monkees...I was lucky enough to see their 1986 tour with The Grass Roots and a few
other bands, but minus Mikey Dolenz. Much fun!

I saw them on the same tour! But it was Mike Nesmith who wasn't with them at the show I saw - I thought Mickey was along for the whole thing. They had just released an album with Davy, Peter, and Mickey, but no Mike, and those three were doing the tour. Mike did take the stage with them for one or two shows (in L.A., I think), but that was all.

OK, TMI about my Monkees fan status...

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

MAL4PREZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:07 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SpaceAnJL:
Has anyone else ever had the 'you shouldn't be (whatever) because you're a (insert gender here)'?

I have the perfect one!

I used to play pick-up hockey at this scanky old rink in Boston. I was the only woman, so all the guys changed in the locker room and I put on my gear in the rink. (No actual nudity was involved

) So, a group of ice dancers practiced before we got the ice, and one time this little old lady skated over to where I was sitting. She had blue eye makeup, a sparkley pink sweater, and those shiny stretchy fabric boot things over her skates. (I'm not making this up) and she said - "A nice girl like you ought to be ice dancing."

Several years later, while drinking beer in the locker room with the guys (after skating), the zamboni guy came in to grab a brew and then threw a fit, saying I couldn't be in there because I might get raped. I'd been skating with these guys for 6 years, and it was completely awful that he said that. They stood up for me, thank goodness!

Oh - and it's good to be back! I may never catch up on all imponderables I missed.

Except that - I've never had a hickey, and I'd be wicked uncomfortable if I had an obvious one. And I hate turtlenecks. Hidden hickey would be just fine.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:16 PM

Piz, thank you for clearing that up...I always got those two mixed up...it was Nesmith that wasn't there. Hey, in my defense, it was 20 years ago...but, no, that won't work. You remembered it correctly...I'll have to come up with another excuse.

______________________________________

DAYVE

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:55 PM

Good Morning All,

Noticed some new names (to me) while scrolling down this long list of imponderables - Welcome - and by way of introduction, Hi, I'm Dayve and i'm an imponderableaholic.... but in a good way...

topics...

hickies... whatever happens in the throes of passion is usually unavoidable in my view.... but in a good way....

casual sex... i'll admit to a few one night stands - it happens - practice safe sex and enjoy... i have no qualms about it...

gender specific taboos - this leads to a subject that i have long wondered about, that is, human conditioning - i have come to believe that humans are subject to their environment - we learn early on what constitutes acceptable behavior - we're 'conditioned' by parents, teachers, peers and other outside influences to behave in a manner acceptable to society - i have 'conditioned' myself to challange this theroy - and have, on ocasion, rebeled against those who represent established authority figures and have sought to live life on my own terms.... but in a good way....

"endeavor to persevere..." Chief Dan George as Lone Waite, Indian chief

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 1:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Dayve:

gender specific taboos - this leads to a subject that i have long wondered about,
that is, human conditioning - i have come to believe that humans are subject
to their environment - we learn early on what constitutes acceptable behavior -
we're 'conditioned' by parents, teachers, peers and other outside influences to
behave in a manner acceptable to society - i have 'conditioned' myself to
challange this theroy - and have, on ocasion, rebeled against those who represent
established authority figures and have sought to live life on my own terms.... but
in a good way....

What about volition? Isn't that what is meant by conditioning oneself?

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

PENGUIN

Monday, July 17, 2006 2:03 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by mal4prez:
So, a group of ice dancers practiced before we got the ice, and one time this little old lady skated over to where I was sitting. She had blue eye makeup, a sparkley pink sweater, and those shiny stretchy fabric boot things over her skates. (I'm not making this up) and she said - "A nice girl like you ought to be ice dancing.

You should have checked her into the boards!

MSG

Monday, July 17, 2006 2:06 PM

Hey all morning:) I will be bopping in and out as I have a horrendous amount of stuff to do today:(

Hickeys- can't have em don't care if others do ( I bruise super easily and no matter how gentle it'll end up looking like I was struck by a baseball bat)

Casual sex- Not had it myself, but I hear it can be fun as long as both parties have respect for each other and are just having a good time:)

Number- mine mini my husband's not so mini...but like someone said before doesn't count it's what he does now:)

High Maintainence- I am and I know I am ( my definition would be someone who knows what they want and has high expectation of getting it combined with spending some reasonably substantial amount of time/money/effort on grooming kinds of things. I get manicures and pedicures, dress up lots, own a great deal of jewlery ( real thing as I hate that icky pretend stuff and if you're going to blow $50 + you should get something real not "costume" )so I'd say I am high maintainence, but worth it:)

EDIT- Emma congradulations on the vacation and on being an auntie!!!

Dancing- hey always good to welcome another teacher ( I teach junior high what do you teach?)

must say I admit to really loving the Monkees:)
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

DEEPGIRL187

Monday, July 17, 2006 2:08 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:
Quote:
Originally posted by mal4prez:
So, a group of ice dancers practiced before we got the ice, and one time this little old lady skated over to where I was sitting. She had blue eye makeup, a sparkley pink sweater, and those shiny stretchy fabric boot things over her skates. (I'm not making this up) and she said - "A nice girl like you ought to be ice dancing.

Quote:
You should have checked her into the boards! ]

Now, now, Penguin. We'll have mercy on the old lady. The other guy, though, he should've gotten checked. And maybe hit with a hockey stick a few times for good measure.

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"These words are all I have so I'll write them."

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MAL4PREZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 2:14 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by deepgirl187:
Now, now, Penguin. We'll have mercy on the old lady. The other guy, though, he should've gotten checked. And maybe hit with a hockey stick a few times for good measure.

That was totally my thought! The little old lady was cute and harmless. But the zamboni guy only raised a stink on the nights when we happened to see me in my sportsbra. (It happened twice) What a creep.

High maintenance: I can only think of When Harry met Sally. Sally defines high maintenance! (Is thhis not when the term came into play? It was the source of it for me.)

I definitely have my druthers about the food and froofy coffees I buy, but if I don't get my way I don't freak or get mad. So that's high maintenance without being nutty.

-----------------------------------------------
I'm the president. I don't need to listen.

PIZ

Monday, July 17, 2006 2:14 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
High Maintainence- I am and I know I am ( my definition would be someone
who knows what they want and has high expectation of getting it

Ah, but here's the question: who do you expect to get you what you want?

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

RUGBUG

Monday, July 17, 2006 3:07 PM

Mornin' all! Why do weekends have to end?

I missed a lot but of the few things I can remember:

Tristan from the last thread: The 7 Seconds did a punk version of 99 Red Balloons that is really good. Don't know if that's the one you were referencing, but....

I was once a Monkees fan. I had a huge crush on Davey Jones (although for the life of me I couldn't figure out the squid reference. Yes, Davey's old and wrinkly now, but? I haven't seen the new Pirates yet, but I'm sure I will get the reference once I do). I did get the chance to meet Davey. His daughter (Talia) ended up leasing a barnmate's horse and they would be at the same horse shows back when I was a teen.

Hickeys: I'm not a fan of visible ones.

High maintenance. I don't like high maintenance SO's and not really fond of HM friends. The effort required to keep them happy is just too much. But, I define HM as someone who has the all-about-me attitude. Energy suckers, if you will. It has little to do with how long it takes you to get ready or if you enjoy pampering.

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 3:20 PM

RugBug, morning!
Yes, 7 Seconds...that's the one. The singer actually goes into German for one of the verses. Good song, that one.
The squid reference is to Davey Jones as in "Locker"...POTCII movie.

I missed the high maintenance question, too...gorram it, my attention is not up to par yet!

I do not like HM people. At all. Let me clarify that...those that require others' attention or otherwise. If you yourself are HM, and don't cause problems to other people, I have no problem with that. But someone who claims 100% of the attention to their own needs 100% of the time? No, thank you. I don't mind the ocassional bouts of an SO becoming high maintenance (bad time of the month, really bad week, etc), because I am ocassionally high maintenance. But those that think the world, or a relationship, revolves around them are too full of themselves to interest me.

Oh, completely off any topic we have discussed, and I am sure most of you know this...Discovery landed without any problems after a successful mission. They're home!

______________________________________

MSG

Monday, July 17, 2006 3:28 PM

Piz- I expect me to get what I want for myself...'cause otherwise I'd just be a bitch!

Ok if we define high maintainence as someone who always wants their own way and is whiny and nasty about getting it then I am not...

I would just say that I am really picky about myself and how I take care of myself and it does take me about an hour if I am getting dressed...if it's just yoga pants and a pony tail then 30 min:)

Yea for Discovery and nice to have them safely home again:)!

Ma4prez- I understand completely we occasionally had that problem when someone who didn't understand came backstage during costume changes..in ballet you do not have time to go all the way down to a dressing room, strip completely, and change into a whole new 8-10 piece costume and then run back up and onstage in under 2 min...so you change right there and no one cares who sees what..but we've had a few patrons come backstage and do the same " it's disgusting and immoral etc...freak fit" I say you just mow that guy down with his own zamboni

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

NVGHOSTRIDER

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:02 PM

Mornin' all. Not alot to say. Went to a coworkers wedding. Miserable. Lots of eye candy, just not on the mood for any BS.

On a brighter note: My sister is officially in Mexico. Not really sure how to proceed.

Sill waiting for Ms. Whatever to return my call this weekend. Gotta get her out of my system. Realized that she poisioned me somehow.

Gotta do payroll. bE BACK EVENTUALLY.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:13 PM

Morning, NVG!
Um, Mexico...I am guessing this is a bad thing.
Sorry to hear about the wedding...wish it had turned out better.

We'll be here when you get back.

______________________________________

MSG

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:15 PM

Hey NV darlin- ok so Mexico hmmm? as for the wedding so just not in the mood for eye candy? Wow Ms. Stupid really did poison you:( HUGS Bappin hand still on stand-by and as a friend once said" when a man stands back and lets women fight it is with the cherished hope that clothes will be ripped off along the way."

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:18 PM

OK, people, I'm gonna tell you now that the first half of this post is going to be ranting. Sorry in advance, but this really made me mad.

Right. *Deep breath* At the beginning of this year, I had this really great geography teacher, and he was a really good teacher, but he left, and now we half this young one that never does any work, like he just gets us to copy out of textbooks, and he tries to be pally with us, and we're all like: um, no and I've talked to a couple of the other girls in my class and they agree too, sometimes we get the feeling he is trying to flirt with us *shudder*. Anywho, we did this he-uge geography project as part of our coursework, and we just got the rough drafts back today, and everything that I have missed out or done wrong: he has done for me, he even included research! no some people may say that this is good, but I resent it. he walks us through everything, like we're idiots when we're actually the top set, and he tells us exactly what is going to be on every test. Yeah, I want to get a good mark, but I would like to do it by myself, thank you very much, and if he gives me all the answers, then that is clearly not the best that I can do, and it won't be a real mark and wont reflect my true abilities, and that just makes me so mad, because I want to well because I can, not by cheating.
Ok, I'm done now.

On a lighter note, we had a sex education today at school, which was pointless, because I have learnt far more from this board than from today. Just kidding. They showed us a slideshow of diseased genetalia, and my god, It has practically put me off sex for life!

I reckon HM is needing to have attention all the time, and constantly having to be in the limelight, and if they're not, then they have to steal it off someone else. They have to have what they want all the time. I don't get it, every once in a while is ok, but I couldnot deal with being the centre of attention all the time, I am a very anti-social person. Both my parents are very anti-social, so I am doublly so

Eagles may soar, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

MSG

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:24 PM

Smartbutdumb- HUGS sorry for the lousy teacher. I always feel frustrated when someone has a lousy teacher since I am a teacher...If he's flirting with you I'd say something to an administrator! Hang in there we aren't all bad:)

ok now I have to go get my husband's car's oil changed not really happy about that as I have already done a ton today, but deep breath:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:25 PM

SBDB, boy, sounds like you are not having fun in class. Sorry to hear that...we need to warm up the engine for patronizing teachers? (Absolutely no threat is intended for the teachers amongst us {msg et. al}, just for this idiot).

Also, glad we could help with the education part...just hope it was in a good way!

______________________________________

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:28 PM

Mock if you want, but what does SO mean? I have been trying to figure out for ages, but to no avail. Symphony Orchestra? Silence Of (the lambs)? Sailors Only?

Eagles may soar, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

DEEPGIRL187

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:42 PM

SBDB, you might consider speaking with the administrators at your school. It sounds like the teacher in question has really started to impede on your learning. How can any student learn if everything is done for them?

On the other hand, it may be possible that because of the teacher's age, he thinks it more important to make friends rather than teach. In any case, it might be time for someone higher up to intervene.

**************************************************

"These words are all I have so I'll write them."

NVGHOSTRIDER

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:46 PM

Its okay SBDB, we're all a little squishy in the brainpan. Significant Other.

Yes folks, Mexico. She ran to her boyfriends side and is not dealing with the problems at hand. May return with ten new American citizens.

Felt very out of place. Though, I did show up very over dressed and Shiny. Had to run home and change into what is called my "preacher" shirt. I guess better over dressed than underdressed.

And yes MSG, that is the benefit to chick fights.

"Better dead and cool
Than alive and uncool."

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Monday, July 17, 2006 4:53 PM

MSG: If it gets any worse, then believe me, I will!
Tristan: I am now so very corrupted

Eagles may soar, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Monday, July 17, 2006 5:04 PM

It may just be that I am having a blonde day, but I am guessing that by ten new citizens you mean kids...? Mexico eh? ole!
It is always better to face up to your problems, because if you run away, they'll grow, and grow, and then catch up with you!

Here's an imponderable: do you get along better with members of the same sex, or the opposite?

Eagles may soar, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 5:07 PM

NVG, I am sure you overwhelmed the other wedding goers with the sexiness that is NVGhostrider. Probably a good thing you did change...probably saved several people from collapsing due to uncontrollable emotions! :bigrin:

SBDB...um...we deny everything!

______________________________________

EMMARIGBY

Monday, July 17, 2006 5:20 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:

EDIT- Emma congradulations on the vacation and on being an auntie!!!

Thanks! I appreciate yur kind thoughts!

I'm reading the imponderables guys, but too busy to reply to them all yet. I'll get back to you in a few days!

___________________
"I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they fly past!" Douglas Adams

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Monday, July 17, 2006 5:33 PM

I'm not sure I agree with the general definition of high maintenance as being a spoiled, self-centered attention seeker. I tend to call those women brats, spoiled, princesses, etc. (And when it's a guy, either a jerk or a queen, depending on his orientation. ) Spoiled brat and/or drama queen are a good all around titles for that sort of behavior, I think.

I tend to think of a high maintenance person being like a high maintenance car. It isn't that the *car* is looking for attention, it's just that things go wrong with it, it needs things fixed often, and it needs to be babied in order to run as well as other cars do naturally. Some people don't have the time or patience for that sort of car, but some people *love* to take an old car and restore it and baby it. Having a '67 Mustang fixed up and shiny is worth the high maintenance time to some people.

I'm high maintenance in that way. I don't demand attention, especially not in public. I'm horribly embarrassed when I *do* have to make a deal out of something. Living with a chronic illness means that sometimes I have to leave from a party early, or go find a quiet corner, or whatever. I try to do that with as little fanfare as possible, but I've found that telling the host quietly that I'm not feeling well means that they don't think I snubbed them by leaving early.

I don't take that long to get ready (though my husband might disagree on that front, lol), I dress up maybe twice a year, and I just got my nails done for the very first time last month, when I was in a friends wedding (her gift to us bridesmaids). I tend to wear the same set of jewelry every day, with jeans and a tshirt, and I'm only passingly interested in what other people think of how I look. I think you can be girly without being high maintenance, and you can be high maintenance without being especially girly. I just happen to not be all that girly.

But I do require a lot of maintenance. I like attention and snuggling, etc, and I've said before that both hubby and I spoil each other. We're both the sort of people who prefer to be in the same room together as often as possible, and we have a trouble understanding couples who talk about having time or space away from their mate. In addition to that, my health puts a lot of limits on my activities, and means that I have to travel with quite a bit of equipment. I'm on five different prescriptions, walk with a cane when the pain is bad, and generally can't do much after a certain time of night. Activities like hiking or paintball are right out. Even driving for too long can be an issue.

I realize I'm high maintenance, but outside of my marriage, I try to draw as little attention to it as possible. And between hubby and I, I try to be honest about my needs, honest about how I'm feeling, and do as much for myself as I can.

As far as the "you shouldn't be X because you're a woman," hell yes, all the time. The story of my life. Apparently, I shouldn't have my career, much less an interest in this industry, simply because I have boobs.

And as such, I get along much better with members of the opposite sex. The only women I've ever been able to make friends with (in real life, anyway) are those who are in the same industry I am. Like I've said before: I'm Kaylee in Shindig, talking to the guys about engines.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

TRISTAN

Monday, July 17, 2006 5:57 PM

Afternoon, CK!
My wife is like you are...and by default, Kaylee. She spends time talking to the mechanics where she works over the female coworkers. Kinda funny, she says she has very few female friends...claims they are too "catty" and caught up in themselves sometimes.

______________________________________

SMARTBUTDUMBBLONDE

Monday, July 17, 2006 6:08 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Tristan:
Kinda funny, she says she has very few female friends...claims they are too "catty" and caught up in themselves sometimes.

______________________________________

she's right. If I had had to go to an all girls school, I think I would have died. I cannot be doing with the whole behind the back bitching thing, although I don't have much against gossip. There is a fine very fine line between bitching and gossip. Gossip is sharing the maybe facts, bitching is adding your derogatory opinion. Also, boys tend to get my sense of humour better than girls, but maybe thats just me.

Eagles may soar, but ferrets don't get sucked into jet engines.
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Monday, July 17, 2006 6:08 PM

Yep, too catty, and I can never quite figure out what they spend their free time doing (when they aren't complaining about how much their boyfriends/husbands play video games at least, lol). I end up with very little to talk about with them, and I'm not very good at reading body language in women, so it's all kinds of uncomfortable.

I've found kindred spirits in women who feel the same as I do, who have interests similar to mine, but we still rarely talk about the usual girl-talk things.

And computers are my machine of choice.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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