Take Turns Writing: "The Perils of Ebo"

POSTED BY: Succatash
UPDATED: Wednesday, September 8, 2004 00:30
VIEWED: 15207
PAGE 1 of 1

SUCCATASH

Thursday, May 27, 2004 3:05 AM

THE PERILS of EBO

(Continued from: http://fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=17&t=4979)

As the group huddled around the card trying to read it and figure out who this Kat person (or thing) was, there was a sudden explosion.

Teela, Tash, and TJ were thrown off away from all of the people with bodies, who landed in a big pile.

The pile of people with bodies lay still for a while, collective tying to catch its breath when the Hippi said slowly, "You, know, while were down here, we might as well have an orgy."

The pile of bodies quicky sepperated.

"Ok," one of the heads in the jar of three said, "Roll call! Curly?"

"Here," answered the bald head.

"Larry?"

"Here," answered, the other head.

"Moe...here, obviosly. because I'm moe. Girl Hippi #1?"

"Here."

"Girl Hippi number 2?"

"Here."

"Bigger guy?"

"Present."

"Ok, good people," Moe said, "Any withstanding injuries?"

There were no takers.

Ebo cocked her head in wonder at the organization of the other gruop.

Girl Hippie #2 noticed Ebo's look and explained, "This sort of thing happens to us all the time. We've sort of formulated a routien for when ever stuff goes wrong."

Ebo raised an eyebrow, "This sort of thing happens to us a lot too."

"Whats your routine?"

"Speak up if your not here!" Ebo shouted then listened for a responce, she didn;t get one. Satisifed she said, "Good. You guys know the drill, If your bleeding, try not to move around too much. I'm not cleaning up the mess."

A voice spoke from the shadows. "Hello, I'm Kat the Destroyer."

SUCCATASH

Thursday, May 27, 2004 3:21 AM

The woman emerged from the shadows. She was dressed like a belly dancer, but she wore dozens of sharp knives up and down her arms and legs.

"Does anyone want to dance?" she asked sweetly.

LINDALE

Thursday, May 27, 2004 3:46 AM

"Sure." said the Hippie, and he and Kat burst into a complicated line dance.

"How are there shadows? I thought we were alone in the desert." said Ebo.

"Well, we are, except for the Holiday Inn across the road here. That casts a pretty big shadow. C'mon, let's talk to this Kat person. Think the Holiday Inn will have a stable for the mustangs?" Teela asked the Big Guy.

"Why not? It's convenient to the plot..."

Sure enough, the nice lady at the front desk found a place for the horses. After thanking her, everyone went over to Kat, who by this time was done dancing.

"So, who are you?" They asked.

"I'm the answer to your problems. Bigger Guy, you need to pop ahead 40 years, right? And Ebo, you're still looking for that pesky tablet, 'less I'm mistaken. Well, first thing's first. Bigger Guy, if you'll follow me-"

"Excuse me!" said 'Tash. "Your name is Kat the Destroyer. Emphasis on the Destroyer. Why are you helping us? and why should we trust you?"

"You guys are fellow evil-doers, at least according to this email I got about Cheney and some alien senators. I'm always willing to help out my collegues, assuming they'll return the favor." Kat replied.

"What-- What do you want?" said Ebo, a bit frightened.

"To be quite honest, the thing I want more than anything else, at this particular time, is some one on one time with the Hippie and his Golf Stick." Kat answered, with a coy smile.

The Hippie nodded, "I'll take this one for the team." and, arm in arm with Kat, he walked over to the inn.

-A while later-

Just as everyone was getting incredibly bored, the Hippie returned with Kat, whose knives were slightly askew.

Now all business, Kat instructed Bigger Guy to follow her. Once out of sight of everyone, she pushed him through a doorway that luckily doubled as a time machine as well as a portal. They stepped out into an airport much like the one Bigger Guy had fought Big Guy in, only more futuristic... and there, looking somewhat the same, somewhat older, was the group he'd left behind only moments ago. Kat gestured, "well, go ahead. You heard the mountain." At which time, Bigger Guy burst into song again.
Puzzled, FutureEbo, who looked exactly like RegularEbo, what with the being a robot, said, "wait a sec, didn't you do that the last time we were here? What's with you and singing?"

Bigger Guy shrugged, and was about to reply when he heard the mountain- "Very well, Your quest is complete."

Kat grabbed him, called to the others, "Nice to see y'all again, but we've gotta run", and walked back through the doorway/time machine/portal. Walking back to RegularEveryone, she said, "Now that that's taken care of, you're still looking for that tablet, right? Here it is, I found it last week while I was cleaning house. Have fun with that."

Excitedly, Ebo looked at the tablet. "So, this is supposed to have the definitive answer to the meaning of life, at least according to the Little People Things, right? hunh. That's interesting."

"What? What does it say?" cried Larry, Moe, and Curly.

SUCCATASH

Thursday, May 27, 2004 4:36 AM

"Does anyone have a bandaid?" asked the Hippie. He had cuts all over his arms and legs. "Never dance with a Destroyer," he muttered. He looked around, "Hey, where's the Bigger Guy? I was going to pull out my ukulele."

EBONEZER

Thursday, May 27, 2004 4:42 AM

Ebo looked at the tablet. In large, block letters it said:

42.

That couldn't be right. Ebo read it again:

42.

"Well son-of-a-bitch!" Ebo shouted, and smashed the tablet.

"What did it say?" Teela asked.

"It said crap. We need to make up a better one for the mountain people."

"But shouldn't we just tell them what it said? It could be important."

"But it had no cinematic meaning. It was borring. Were just going to jazz it up a bit."

Tash looked sideways at Ebo, "Is something wrong? You've been acting entirly to intelligent lately."

"Have I?," Ebo stated.

"Why?"

"Charchter development?"

"Thats not a logical reason. A persons IQ does not flucutate according to the will of the person. Or of the person writing the person. Or according to the will of the person telling the person who's writing the person what the person is supposed to do."

Ebo tillted her head, her eyes glazed over, and she said in a detatched tone, "A what now? I need that in Ebo dummy talk."

Tash bubbled happliy, "I fixed Ebo. She's back to her useless self again."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

SUCCATASH

Thursday, May 27, 2004 5:12 AM

Kat walked over to Ebo and patted her on the rump. "We're going to get along just fine," she said with a smile.

EBONEZER

Thursday, May 27, 2004 5:15 AM

"Ow!" Ebo shouted and hopped away from the knives stuck to Kat. She tripped over the pile of broken tablet pieces and fell sprawling to the ground.

"Ow!" She groaned and looked at the peiced of the tablet, "Who's the dumb loser who put those there?"

Teela sighed, "Yep, she's back to her old self again..."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

SUCCATASH

Thursday, May 27, 2004 5:33 AM

Kat the Destroyer looked flustered and she blushed. "Sorry... but where I come from, that's how we..."how you say... Give Five?"

She began to cry out of embarrassment. The Hippie put his arm around her to be nice.

"Hey!" cried Kat. "You just asked me to marry you, where I come from!"

EBONEZER

Thursday, May 27, 2004 5:36 AM

Ebo grinned, "Oh, its ok. Thats pretty common where i come from too. But those knives are sharp and pointy."

Kat grinned sheepishy and said, "I can be more careful."

"Hey!" Ebo said, "How do you offend someone where you come from? I like subtly offending people."

"Oh, well thats simple," Kat grabbed Ebo around the wrist, "there you have it. Thats very offensive where i come from."

"Hey!" Tash yelled from his jar, "Leggo my Ebo!"

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

SUCCATASH

Thursday, May 27, 2004 5:42 AM

Tash turned back to his private meeting with Teela, Tash Jr. and the other Jar of 3 heads.

The Big Guy and the two Hippie Girls suddenly returned with their arms full of firewood.

TEELABROWN

Thursday, May 27, 2004 9:27 PM

"Firewood?" Teela asked, since she has been MIA for 3 days, and missed something.

"Yeah, probably you mis-read something. Go back and read it." The Big Guy answered.

"Okay. Lesse..." she started reading. Then looked up. "This might take a few minutes, why don't you keep the plot alive?"

"Okay. It says: 'The Big Guy and the two Hippie Girls suddenly returned with their arms full of firewood.'"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Friday, May 28, 2004 12:07 AM

"Where'd you get that firewood from?" asked Moe.

"Oh, it was in the Inn's stable." the Big Guy answered.

"That's handy. Anyone up for s'mores?" Moe said.

Everyone agreed s'mores would be quite tasty. Well, everyone except Ebo, who was trying to come up with a new message for the tablet.

Determined to get some s'more-y goodness, Moe continued, "Where will we get the stuff?"

Kat smiled. "I've got two words for you- Gift. Shop."

EBONEZER

Friday, May 28, 2004 3:13 AM

I'm such a dork. I just spent five minutes staring at that post trying to figure out who the hell this Moe charchter was. *Sigh* I think i need more beer.

----------------------------------------

Ebo looked up from the note book she was looking in, "What stuff?" she asked, wondering if it was edible.

"The stuff," Moe said, waggling his eyebrows, "if you know what i mean."

"I know about the stuff, if you know what i mean," Larry said.

"Me too, if you know what i mean," Hippie girl #2 added.

"I know what the stuff is, if you know what i mean," the Big guy said absently.

"I don'w know what you mean, if you know what i mean," Teela said. Tash whispered something in her ear, "Thats funny, if you know what I mean," Teela giggled.

Ebo glared at the group and stomped off, "I hate you all, if you know what I mean," she mumbled.

"Anybody have any idea what we were just talking about?" Tash asked.

"Nope."

"Not a clue."

"Were we talking?"

Kat and Moe exchanged a conspiritorial grin, if you know what I mean.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

SUCCATASH

Friday, May 28, 2004 3:48 AM

While Kat flirted with Moe, Tash turned to Tash Jr. and spoke quietly. "Wow, that Kat the Destroyer has a nice outfit."

TEELABROWN

Friday, May 28, 2004 5:54 PM

T.J. (Tash Jr.) let out a low whistle. "How does the outfit stay on her, with all those knives cutting it?"

"By the sheer will of me." Teela muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Tash was still staring at Kat...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Friday, May 28, 2004 10:06 PM

when all of a sudden, Ebo cried, "Eureka! 42."

"What are you on about?" asked Curly?

"Oh, I know what to put on the tablet. It'll be terribly clever."

Kat looked confused, "wait- isn't that what the original one said?"

"What original what?"

"The tablet. That you just broke. It said 42. You said that that was stupid, and you'd think of a better inscription."

"Oh. How bout 54? Cause, really, who needs base 13?"

"Wha...?"

SUCCATASH

Saturday, May 29, 2004 3:05 AM

Ebo looked around and said in a scared voice, "Hole. E. Crap."

TEELABROWN

Saturday, May 29, 2004 3:21 AM

There were two mice standing there.

"Excuse us, you stole our tablet." said one.

"And our answer." said the other.

"What are you talking about?" Ebo asked.

"Well, it's all really quite simple, if you lat me explain." continued the other.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Saturday, May 29, 2004 3:24 AM

"...and thats why we need your brain." The mouse finished.

"My brain?" Ebo said, "Whats wrong with Tash's brain. Or TJ's. Or better yet Larry."

"You're brain is needed to find the question." The mice explained.

"Wait, Time out," Teela said, "The earth is still here. Why don't you just wait untill the computer earth gived you an answer?"

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

EBONEZER

Saturday, May 29, 2004 3:25 AM

"But were looking for a question," one of the mice said slowly, as if speaking to a child.

"The question then, why don't you just wait for the earth to give you that?"

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Saturday, May 29, 2004 3:29 AM

"Wait, it's not the year 2044?"

"Nope, still good ol' 2004." Tash replied.

"Cripe, we need to go to the future. Where's that Bigger Guy? Doesn't he need to go into the future?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Saturday, May 29, 2004 4:17 AM

"Yup. Been there, done that, woulda gotten the t-shirt, but I left my $20 in my other pants. I really wanted that t-shirt tho. it was cool." said the Bigger Guy. "Why don't you ask the Mountain about it?"

SUCCATASH

Saturday, May 29, 2004 4:20 AM

Ebo looked around and said, "Where's my god damn Historian who saves us when we need a plot? Oh yeah, the Hippie killed him."

EBONEZER

Saturday, May 29, 2004 5:05 AM

Ebo glared at the hippie out of the corner of her eyes.

"Didn't the VIP's son or something come along? VIP 2.0 or something?" Teela said.

"Oh yeah!" Ebo said, "Where'd he go to? Helloooo, Mr. 2.0?" She shouted into the air.

A disembodied voice came from the sky, "I'm not here right now. Theres quite the cricket game going on right now. Leave a message and I'll be back with all your plot needs, you know...eventually."

"A wish Zephoid Bebblebrox was here..." Teela sighed.

"Why?"

"No reason, that was more of an obligatory Hitchickers Guide to the Galaxy reference..."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

LINDALE

Saturday, May 29, 2004 2:52 PM

They were sitting around, trying to decide if they should just leave the Ebo as Mighty Chosen One plot thread hanging, when all of a sudden, a portal opened in front of them.

"So... wanna go?" Teela asked the group.

The Hippie shrugged. "Sure. Could be perilous tho..."

"Rock on. I've been wanting some good peril." said Ebo, jumping through the portal.

"I don't want any peril..." said TJ.

"Yeah you do." Tash replied, glancing at Kat.

And with that, everyone jumped into the portal. On the other side they...

TEELABROWN

Saturday, May 29, 2004 7:21 PM

"Good Gorram! It's hideous!" Tash screamed.

"Grotesque!" Teela shouted.

"Oh my God!" yelled Ebo.

And it goes on, so just start filling it in...

They had seen where the VIP 2.0...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Monday, May 31, 2004 6:21 AM

The Big Guy nudged the body of VIP 2.0 with his toe, "Is he dead?"

The hippie pulled out a shovel, "We should burry him."

Ebo snatched the shovel, "Oh no, no burring people unless you're SURE they're dead."

The super jar set itself down next to the VIP's head, "I don't see any blood," Teela said.

"Or guts," Tash added, "or any kind of gore."

The hippie pulled a switchblade out of his pocket, "Should we give him some gore?"

The big guy grabbed the knife, "Maybe you should go sit in the corner."

"How do you tell if someone is dead?" Kat asked, leaning over VIP.

"Maybe if we kicked him..." the Hippie started, already pulling back his leg.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Monday, May 31, 2004 3:48 PM

WHACK. "Oow! That hurts!" The Hippie was holding his leg in pain.

"So, is he a robot?" Ebo asked.

"No, he's just stone dead." Teela laughed.

*cricket*

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

SUCCATASH

Tuesday, June 1, 2004 4:26 AM

The Hippie Girls spoke up. "Are we still here?"

LINDALE

Wednesday, June 2, 2004 1:54 AM

"Think so..." said the Hippie.

And at that exact moment, a giant dinner roll fell from the sky and squashed the Bigger Guy.

Tash and Teela shared a glance, both thinking "Told 'em so..."

TEELABROWN

Wednesday, June 2, 2004 3:47 AM

"Hey! Food!" an anonymous voice says.

Everyone featsed.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Thursday, June 3, 2004 4:41 AM

"Wow," Ebo said, between a mouthfull of food, "That bigger guy sure does take a beating. He will not have died in vain."

"I'm not dead yet,"

"They you will not have been mortally wounded in vain."

"I think i might pull through."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Thursday, June 3, 2004 3:02 PM

Someone above them made a giant gesture with his hand, and down below...

"Argh!"

"What?"

"They're trying to kill me again!"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Friday, June 4, 2004 4:03 AM

"Who?"

"The guys up there. Look!"

So they did. And they saw...

EBONEZER

Friday, June 4, 2004 5:17 AM

"Wow! It's incredible!" Teela gasped,

"Amazing!"

"Fantastic!"

"I've never seen anything like it in my life!"

"Nifty!"

A large stone tablet was dropped from the sky onto the ground next to them.

"Whats this?" kat asked.

"A large stone tablet," said a voice from the sky.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

SUCCATASH

Friday, June 4, 2004 6:08 AM

"Hey, someone is up there in the clouds talking to us," said Tash. He looked at Teela and grinned.

Teela smiled in return and said, "Let's go see who's talking, Tash." They ignited their Super Jar Jet Packs and flew high into the sky and disappeared.

TEELABROWN

Friday, June 4, 2004 12:03 PM

Up, up, up, past the Russel Hotel...

And they went on for a while. Finally, it seemed when they couldn't go any farther, a humongous gold gate appeared.

"What's that?" asked Tash.

"Gates of Heaven?" Teela wondered.

"Let's go see." T.J. said.

And they slowley approached the gates...
_____
Okay, who can ID the first line of this post?

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Friday, June 4, 2004 11:18 PM

at the gates, they peered in to see none other than Adam Baldwin poking Joss and Jain, a script supervisor, on the shoulder, then taking a picture.

Tash turned to Teela, "ahh, I see we've found heaven."

-----
[if you guys don't wanna go there, what with real people and all, no big. :) I'll just edit this post and change it. And yeah, no clue what the Russel Hotel thing is referencing]

TEELABROWN

Saturday, June 5, 2004 9:32 PM

From the Journey to the Heavyside Lair, from Cats. Yeah, I'm whacked up.
____________
"So, does that mean we're dead?" asked Teela.

"Let's ask someone. Hey! That one guy!" Tash exclaimed.

"St. Peter?"

"Whatever. Peter! Are we dead?"

"Names?" a man asked.

"Tash, T.J., and Teela." T.J. said.

"Says here that..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Saturday, June 5, 2004 11:42 PM

"Well, Hmmm..." St. Peter said, staring at the computer database in front of him, "This is most unusual..."

"What? Is it?" Teela asked.

"Well..." St. Peter said very carefully, "You seem to have reached your maximum sin limit."

"Which means..."

"You have gone over your maximum sin minutes."

"Our what now?"

"Sin minutes, we got the idea from cell phone companies. At the begening of your life, you are givin a certain amout of minutes that you are allowed to sin. If you go over these minutes, you must pay."

"Only me and Tash and TJ have?"

Suddenly Ebo and Kat appeared on the cloud.

"They have too," said St. Peter, "You have all sined due to your involvement in the defacing of a tablet, the killing of some midgets from amother dimention, theft, and for some reason jumping through portals is very, very sinful, as is quoting Douglas Adams."

"But Kat hasn't been with us that long," Tash pointed out.

St. Peter glaired at Kat, "No she hasn't, but she has quite the record."

"Are you talking about the noodle incident?" Kat asked defensivly, "Because I had nothing to do with that."

"What about the Hippie?" TJ asked, "He was with us through all that."

"The Hippie has done a number of good deeds, that balance out the bad."

"Good deeds? The Hippie?" Teela was taken aback.

"He has a lot of sex," St. Peter shrugged.

"Isn't sex sinful?"

"He uses the missionary position. Its been sponsored by the chruch for over 2,000 years."

"So, whats our punishment?" Tash asked carefully.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Monday, June 7, 2004 12:30 PM

"Well, we could do group punishment, or individual. Your pick." St. Peter said.

"Which one will be worse?" T.J. asked carefully.

"Well, it would vary. Tash and Ebo would get the most, if I'm reading this right, Teela second..."

"Teela hardly did anything."

"She's plagarized numerous times."

"What about the Tom Lehrer song Lobachevsky?" Teela said.

"We'll get back to that. Anyway, Kat is most likely tied with Teela..."

"Hey, didn't Kat do missionary sex?"

"Yes, but not enough. To continue, T.J. would be, wait a second...have you had a previous name?"

"Perhaps..." T.J. said slowley.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 3:29 AM

"Now that you have found me out, I will confess. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You... erm... found out my true identity. (yeah, that's it), prepare to die!" said TJ.

"Yeah, suuuuuuuuuure." said Ebo.

SUCCATASH

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 4:16 AM

Suddenly, an army of demons wearing brown coats swooped in and stole the whole gang. St. Peter was left behind. He was wounded, but alive.

EBONEZER

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 4:23 AM

Suddenly Yosarrian poped into Teelas brain, "Um, Teela. Just a thought. Is it possible to kill St. Peter?"

"I dunno."

"It doesn't seem like it would be."

"I guess thats why hes wounded, but alive."

"But he shouldn't even be able to get wounded."

"Its not like he's God."

"But he's under the protection of God. Or he should be anyway."

Teela looked around at the demons carring them away, "I think we have bigger things to worry about here."

"No, but I think-"

"Go away, Yossarian."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 12:38 PM

"No. See, there's this whole heirarchy thing or something-" Yossarian continued.

"Shut up." Teela thought.

"But-"

"Just shut up. I'm trying to do something, I'm not sure."

Teela turns to T.J., who now is Inigo. "So, why didn't you just say your name?"

"Eh. Did't feel like it."

"Okay then."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Thursday, June 10, 2004 3:38 AM

"Hey!" Kat demamded of the little demonic thing (LTD) that was carring her through the air, "Where are you taking us?"

She got no response.

In anger she swiped at the thing and one of her, I'm going to say hundreds, of knives hit the LTD, causing it to drop her.

She fell a long, long, long, long way before a pair of LTDs grabbed her out of the sky and carred her back to the others. She decided that maybe that wasn't the best way to go about getting information, and hung placidly in the LTDs arms.

Noticing the LTDs browncoats Teela was struck with an idea, she said something in chinnese to the LTD that was carring her, and soon they had struck up a conversation.

Ebo looked on with interest, then got bored and stole a knife from kat and entertained herself by throwing it up in the air and catching it. Hours, an many band-aid later, Teela finsished her conversation with the LTD.

"What'd it say?" Ebo asked.

"That they were taking us someplace safe."

"And?"

"Thats it."

"You talked with it for that long, and thats all it told you?"

Teela nodded.

"Ok," Ebo said, easily accepting it, and went back to her knife tossing.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Thursday, June 10, 2004 1:11 PM

"Hey! Let's think of safe places! We could play 20 questions!" Tash said. "Is it a cave?"

The LTD shook its head.

"How about a house?" said T. I. J. (Tash Inigo Jr.)

The LTD shurged.

"Like a house. Um, a shack?" Ebo said.

The LTD shook its head.

"A house boat?" Kat said.

It said something in Chinese.

"Um, he wants to know where the house boat would be located." Teela translated.

"In the water!" Kat said.

Teela said that, and it shook its head.

"This leaves one option..." Teela said.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Thursday, June 10, 2004 8:35 PM

"Ooo oo! I know!" Ebo said, waiving her arm around madly, "Its were going to a blimp!"

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Thursday, June 10, 2004 8:47 PM

The LTD said something.

"You have the basic idea. It's a Zeppelin, made in America." Teela translated.

"Zeppelins in America? I thought Zeppelin was a German country." Ebo replied.

"They partnered up with Goodyear. Trust me, I'd rather have an American Zeppelin than German."

"Why? Do you have something against Germany?" Tash asked.

"No, just the Americans used helium, not hydrogen to power theirs. Helium doesn't explode on you. Just pray we ain't goin' into a storm..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Thursday, June 10, 2004 9:04 PM

They flew for a long time before coming to an 'inconspicuios' blimp-er, zepplin.

Tash tilted his head back to stare at it, he cocked his head and said slowly, "Are you sure nobodys going to notice it?" Painted in large, red, block letters on the side of the blimp was 'SEE THE BDM APRIL 22, 2005! A GRAND ENTRANCE WOULDN NOT GO AMISS'

The LDT nodded and said something, which Teela translated, "Nobody ever noticed firefly when it was on TV, they look right past it now."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

LINDALE

Friday, June 11, 2004 4:39 AM

with assistance from Teela, who translated, Ebo asked the LDT, "Firefly? How do you know about FF?"

"Well, we were originally hired by the Blue Hands at FOX to keep FF from being a success. Course, then we saw it, and moral objections sprang up... but now we're Browncoats for life!"

"But... but why would anyone wanna bring down FF?"

"You mean... you don't know? About... the Big Bad? The original, the one, the only Big Bad?"

"Who's that? Who is he?"

"Who said it was a he?"

TEELABROWN

Friday, June 11, 2004 12:52 PM

"So it's a she?" Tash asked.

"Well..." The LDT

"It's neither?" Kat asked.

"It's more of a lot of shes. It's an evil sect of nuns. The Big Bad is..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

TEELABROWN

Monday, June 14, 2004 2:48 AM

"Is..." Tash said.

"The suspense is killing me!" Ebo said.

"Really?" The LDT asked.

"Just an expression." Ebo replied.

"Oh. Anyway, the Big Bad is..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Monday, June 14, 2004 2:57 AM

"The Sisters of St. Mary Quilting Club."

SUCCATASH

Monday, June 14, 2004 3:35 AM

Tash spoke seriously. "Yes, it's true. Ebo must battle the Evil Nuns."

"AGGGGGGHhhhhhhhhh!" everyone screamed in fear.

TEELABROWN

Monday, June 14, 2004 2:47 PM

Ebo stopped screaming. "Wait, how evil are the Evil Nuns?"

The LDT shreiked "Do you force me to tell you?" (Teela had been automatically translating.)

"Well, not some much as force, just asking." Ebo said.

"Oh." The LDT muttereed something in Chinese, and Teela decided not to translate it.

"Well," continued the LDT, "The are so evil that..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Thursday, June 17, 2004 2:58 AM

The LDT was cut off.

"Let me guess- they're so evil they're... evil?" said Inigo.

"You don't understand. All they care about is-"

"evil?"

"Well... yes...."

"They're evil. We get it. Can we move on?"

"O...k..."

======
Yes, I stole that from Amends, and yes, I know this, but hey, there's a reason Joss is Joss. He's just. that. good. Besides, I couldn't think of anything anyways. *tag*

SUCCATASH

Thursday, June 17, 2004 3:14 AM

A cloud of smoke suddenly formed out of nowhere. When the dust settled, before them stood an Evil Nun.

"He he he!" cried the Evil Nun. "You kiddies are screwed, we will kill you all! He he hehe!" The evil nun cackled and then disappeared into thin air.

LINDALE

Thursday, June 17, 2004 3:19 AM

"Woah. The Nun swore. Didn't know they did that. Man. She must be pretty hardcore evil." said Inigo.

"Yes, yes she is." said the LDT.

"So, how do we kill her?" asked Ebo. "Do we have to kill her?"

SUCCATASH

Thursday, June 17, 2004 3:25 AM

Suddenly the cloud of smoke came back. Winds blew furiously and the air shimmered. When the dust settled, everyone opened their eyes.

Ebo was gone. Only her clothes remained, crumpled on the ground.

Tash spoke somberly. "Ebo has been stolen through some evil nun portal. And she's naked. Or dead."

Teela added helpfully, "She could be naked AND dead."

TEELABROWN

Friday, June 18, 2004 2:15 PM

"If she disappeared in a cloud of smoke, we could follow her." The Big Guy said.

"You're with us?" Teela asked.

"I thought so."

"Okay, carry on."

"Thank you. So we make our own cloud of smoke. Anyone got a match?"

A chorus of no's greeted him.

"Um, this could take a while..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

SUCCATASH

Sunday, June 20, 2004 5:40 AM

Meanwhile, in another dimension, Ebo ran happily along the beach, naked as a Jaybird.

Her old memory was gone, she only could think of her Master's orders: "Count the sand."

So, Ebo danced and ran and counted the sand.

TEELABROWN

Wednesday, June 23, 2004 11:28 PM

"One billion grains...one billion one grains...one billion two grains..." Ebo happily counted.

Meanwhile...

"So, all we have to do is rip a hole in the space-time continum, the very fabric holding all of ours lives together?" Teela asked.

"Uhh, yeah." the Big Guy said.

"Why didn't you say so? You were goin'g on about smoke and all..."

"The point is..." Tash said.

"Yes., the point. My friend has a machine that will do that. Now, will he lend it to me?" Teela said.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

LINDALE

Friday, June 25, 2004 4:38 AM

After a bit, they made it to Teela's friend's place.

"OK, this is the place" said Teela.

"Great, let's go get it from him." Tash replied.

"Well, there's a slight problem..."

"Teela, why is there a problem?" Tash asked.

"We really don't want to be having a problem." TJ continued.

"Can we pretend there isn't a problem?" added Kat.

Teela paused. "It's just that... I really don't wanna go talk to him."

"And why would that be?"

"We're kinda- ex."

"This is your ex? Your 'friend' with the machine is your ex?"

"Well, ex-friend, not ex, but yeah, it didn't end that well..."

"What happened?"

TEELABROWN

Saturday, June 26, 2004 4:07 AM

Weird, the guy who was my tiny bit of inspiration is my best bud.
______________
"Well, we got into a big discussion about which is better, Windows or Mac."

"What about Linux, heard that's better than both." Ebo said.

"Yeah...Well, let's see if I can convince him to let me borrow the machine..."

They knocked, the door opened, and they saw...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

TEELABROWN

Saturday, June 26, 2004 4:23 AM

Leaving on vacation for about 3 weeks, starting Sunday. So I can't post as often. Oh well.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

TEELABROWN

Wednesday, July 21, 2004 1:38 PM

...rows and rows of monkeys on typewriters.

"What's with the monkeys?" asked Tash.

"Um, well, like me and a couple friends, he's a humongus fan of Hitchhiker's Guide." Teela said.

"So..." another voice said.

"When Ford and Arthur are picked up by The Heart of Gold, the improbability is amazingly high, two to the power of 276,709 to one agaisnt."

"And..." someone else commented.

"There's something that asks if you had an infinite mumber of monkeys in an infinite number of typewriters, they'd sooner or later make a script for Hamlet."

"Ah. I see. How geeky is your friend?" Tash asked.

"Um, shall we see? It should be around here somewhere..."

"So, do we steal it if he won't lend it to us?" TJ asked.

"Yeah, about that. I don't know where it is, you see."

"You were on of his good friends, and you don't know where it is?!" the Big Guy asked in astonishment.

"Yeah, it's complicated."

And they kept on walking.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Saturday, August 28, 2004 5:08 AM

Wait, hold the phone, can we get a re-cap of who's a head, and who's a body, and whats goin on? I haven't been by in a while, although i get the idea it hasn't been updated in a while...but it shouldn't die, I'm always so very amused by these things. I could just read the thing i guess, but that sounds like work...

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Saturday, August 28, 2004 1:08 PM

It'd probably be easier to read it. You know how involved and confusing these things can get.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Saturday, August 28, 2004 5:05 PM

Ok, I think i got it now.
---------------------------------

Ebo finished counting the sand, and suddenly, her masters new orders poped into her head, "Read this," and a small, leather bound bible appeared in front of her.

Causiosly, Ebo picked it up.

"Ahhh! It burns!" she shreiked and threw the bible back into the sand.

"Read it!" her master said via the voice in her head, "Read it! Read it!" The bible started floating and advancing toward Ebo. Ebo turned and ran, and the bible floated after her.

~Mienwhile, back at Teelas Ex's house~

The group (now reduced to Teela, Tash, TJ, and Kat, Right?), continued down the long halway.

"Should be behind one of these doors," Teela said.

"I would like to take a moment to point out that there are quite alot of doors," Tash said, looking at the hundreds of doors linning the hallway.

"Well, start opening," Teela said, pulling open the nearest to find a room full of gummi bears.

The next room yeiled a single cell phone on a gold podeum.

The next a large creature with tentacles making valentine cards.

The next had behives.

The next had strippers. "ooo, lets stay here a minute," Tash said.

"No," Teela said, "We gotta find the maciene and save Ebo."

"But...strippers..." Tash whinned.

"No."

"Couldn't we bring one with us?"

"No."

The next room was full of money. "Hey! This is better then the strippers!" Tash exclaimed.

"You can't have any of this either."

"Why not?"

"It's not yours, besides, where are you gonna put it? Its not like you have pockets."

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Sunday, August 29, 2004 11:19 PM

"Last door, this has got to be it," T.J. said.

"Okay then. Kat, if you please."

Kat opened the door.

What they saw was...

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Sunday, August 29, 2004 11:43 PM

...the machiene.

"I don't get it," kat mumbled, "Why all that buildup do find the maciene."

Teela shrugged, or would if she had...that is to say...that...um..

Suddenly the authors thought procees was inturupted by a loud banging sound, followed by a string of curses.

Kat took a defensive posistion, "What was that."

Teela rolled her eyes, "That would be my ex, Sam."

A short man in glasses stepped out from behind the maciene, covered in grease. He peered through the thick lenses at them, "who are you?"

"Uh...Hi Sam."

"Teela? Teela is that you?"

"Uh...yeah. Hi."

He moved to hug her, but soon realized something was ammis. "Teela, what happened to your body? You're beautiful, beautiful body..."

"Uh...well, um, Tash do you remember?"

"Sea monster?" Tash suggested.

"Sounds good. Sea monster stole it."

"Well we must take action! We must punish the one who took your beautiful, curving body, from you."

Kat leaned in and whispered in Teela's ear, "Somehow, i get the idea that he didn't date you for your brains."

--------------------------

back on the beach, ebo still ran from the word of god.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Monday, August 30, 2004 2:05 AM

This is getting odd. I have a friend named Sam. Well, a co-worker where I volunteer named Sam. We sometimes talk about science. That's about it.
_______
"Um, yeah about that, you see, uh, nevermind. It's ahrd to explain. Uh, Sam, hi. We need to borrow your space-time continum machine." Teela said.

"But Teela, you beautiful-" Sam tried to explain.

"Yes, yes, we all got that. Now, can we borrow your Flux Capacitator?" Teela cut in.

"Flux what now?"

"You never were good with names, or referenes. Your Space-Time Continum device."

"Sure, sure, why not. Are we going back to before-"

"No. Just no. We're trying to rescue a friend."

"Yes, our friend Ebonezer vanished in some smoke, if i remember correctly." The Big Guy spoke up.

"You're still here?" Kat asked.

"Yes, I've just been quiet."

"Wow. Well, anyway."

While this side conversation was happening, Sam was looking at his machine forlornly. "I don't know if I can help you."

"What?! You know you can! I know you can!" Teela looked shocked and suspicious.

"Not necessarily, you see, I've never tried this machine out with smoke-related disappearences."

"You-you-God!-okay. You can make up your own insult. So, why was it not tested on smoke?"

"It's a very funny story, and it started when-"

Tash leaned towards T.J. and said "I think we're going into flashback mode..."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Tuesday, August 31, 2004 2:13 AM

The landscape of the lab around them became all wavy, as Sam began speaking, "It was the summer of 2003, and all my buddies from the Star Trek Socity of Futuristic Science, Technology and Shoes. We were having a pancake breakfast on the beach to celibrate the unveiling of my new maciene..."

The landscape came into focus again, reveiling a long string of tables, mostly empty, and a large something with a big red cloth drapped over it.

A slightly older looking Sam stood in front of it.

("That was before the face lift" Sam whispered to Teela, "Do you like me now?"

"Sure..." Teela mumbled.)

Old/young Sam was talking, "...which in theory, should turn old socks into bannanas. Any questions?"

There were none.

"Good, And so, gentelmen, i reveal to you-will someone please stop that screaming?"

They looked over to see a girl, stark naked, running from a book.

"No, no, I was wrong," Tash said, "This is better then the stippers AND the money. Can we keep her?"

"And thats why it never got tested," Sam said, and the wavinss broght them back to the lab. "My peers were too distracted by her to take any notice of my invention. A curse on their children. It should work though. We'll just use a flash of light instead of a poof of smoke. All we need is the co-ordanenets to where you're freind is."

"Now were the hell are we gonna find those," Tash asked.

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Thursday, September 2, 2004 3:13 AM

"Well, usuallly you map out the space-time continum, then do a lot research. It takes, oh, aroud a centruy to do." Sam told Tash.

"We have, um, not a lot of time." Tash said.

All of a sudden, grains of sand appeared through a cloud of smoke in the form of coördinates which read:

"EBO IS AT 4224 LANE, RUNNING TOWARDS 4225 DRIVE."

The smoke disappeared along with the sand.

"Well, that was interesting." said the Big Guy.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 2:06 AM

Oh crap is it my turn?

I'm loosing interest, my heart just isn't in it anymore.

I think we need to do one about the crew of Serenity - pre Mal and Company. (he bought it used remember?)

Crazy fun.

Also, i've been talking to Tash and he's completly lost, and his (slightly stoned) input is always interesting. (ok, so he's really stoned, but thats not the point)
--------------------------

Anyhoo...

"Cool!" Tash said, getting into the maciene, "I've always wanted to do this."

The rest crammed into the small space with him.

"You know what we could do while we're in here?"

"No tash!"

The macine starting whirring and buzzing and soon they foun themselves at the co-orandanents.

"Well, were here, but where's Ebo?"

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 2:52 AM

Yeah, that happens. Loosing interest.
_________
"Maybe that screaming figure can help us." The Big Guy said. "Excuse me! Excuse me!"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 3:45 AM

crap, its my turn again. Damn you and your puctuality!
------------------------------------------
The screaming figure wasn't listing. It was too busy screaming.

"Well what the hell?"

They turned around and saw....

-----
(he he, notice me not doing any actuall story. Lets just give up. Tash is gonna make us a new one)

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.

TEELABROWN

Tuesday, September 7, 2004 10:25 PM

Alrighty, here's a very quick ending.
_________
Tash. Well, a form of Tash. With a body. He comes up and says to the crew.

"Time to end this."

"What?" siad Sam. "But I've just been introduced in this story. Well, in appearence, I mean. I've been mentioned for a while."

"Yeah, there's lots to do!" Kat said.

"Sorry, but it's going to slow. Too slow. Nothing much more to say."

"Darn. So, how do we end?" Teela asked.

"Ask Ebo. Not screaming Ebo, the person over there."
____
I'm evil, aren't I?

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2 plus 2 make 4. If that is granted, all else follows"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of the delete key.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Wednesday, September 8, 2004 12:30 AM

Suddenly and Inexplicably the world exploded, and Ebo's Perils didn't seem like such a big deal anymore.

Not that anyone was around to care anymore...

The End!

=----------------

Sigh..i get all teary eyed over a happy ending...

-----------------------------------

Four out of five dentists reccomend calling Ebo a girl.