Sunday, November 21, 2004

i just had the most insane weekend...i just can't even describe how intense it i'll just say what happened. this is really long, but it's actually kinda an interesting story, if you've got the time...

ok, so i've really liked this guy dave that lives in my house (technically its a dorm, but it's a brownstone house and only 19 people live there) since pretty much the beginning of the school year. a couple weeks into the year it looked like we were gonna hook up, but then he told me how when he's in relationships he always screws them up and he never wants one again, stuff like that. he never specifically said anything about me, so after a while i kinda conviced myself he really only likes me as a friend. we've been good friends since then, although i was never quite sure if he wanted to be friends with me or not just cause he has a wierd personality lol where he likes to make fun of me, act like a jerk, whatever. but sometimes he's really really sweet, and sometimes we would end up just randomly cuddling or hugging or a couple weeks ago i started dating this guy miguel. he's really hot, and at first he seemed really awesome, but we had a date friday night where we went out to eat and then watched a movie at my place, and he just seemed...boring. like, we got along well and stuff, it just wasn't as good as it had at first seemed. also, i kept thinking about dave. dave isn't as tall or big or "hot" as miguel, but there's just something about him that makes him absolutely adorable to me, and hot in his own davelike way:) so after the date i was feeling kinda crappy, like i didn't know if i should keep seeing miguel or not, and also because i was sure nothing was gonna happen with dave and that just made everything with miguel not seem as good. so i stayed up late that night watching monty python movies with dave and some people, and during this i told dave about how i was feeling about miguel (not the parts about dave, lol). he was basically like "are you making out with him? then be happy." so then when the movies were over it was just me and dave and my roommate rachel left. we were all kinda goofing around on the floor (cause it was like 4 am) and dave kinda started getting a little cuddly with me, and i think rachel could see it was different from usual so she kinda slipped out. so then dave asked if i wanted to come down to his room with him cause his roommate was leaving in a few minutes so i did. so we ended up talking about how we've both liked each other for a while and how he was just scared to do anything cause he didnt want to hurt me or ruin our friendship. but we decided we should just go for it, and we just spent the night together (not in a sex way) just being immensely happy. it was really intense, and we actually both said "i love you" (and we both meant it). it felt like we had been together for a really long time, and it just felt perfect and right. it was probably the happiest night of my life, it was just like surreal, like it was too perfect to really be happening. he told me he felt happier than he had felt since high school (he's a sophomore, i'm a freshman). we got up around 2 the next day (although we barely slept at all lol) and he went to see a friend that ws coming in from another college and then he went to battle of the bands. i fell asleep at like 9:30 so i didnt see him at all that night. so then he came to talk to me this morning. he told me that the last thing he wants to do is hurt me, but he has some major emotional problems (mood swings) that he's trying to get off medication for, and he thought he was better but he kinda freaked out yesterday and he realized that he can't be in a relationship right now. it's not about me, and he's not gonna start something with anyone else. i guess this had ruined his past relationships...apparently his exes all hate him, and doesn't want that to happen with us. he also told me i'm his best friend in boston, and if he lost that it would be so i'm not mad at him at all, but needless to say, well, i'm really sad right now. it looks like our friendship is gonna be ok though. we had lunch today and watched some tv, and it was cool cause we're even closer now than we have been. like, i know how he feels about me so it's kind of ok. and i can definitely wait for him...he's worth it. i just really hope this all works out. oh, and it's definitely over with miguel. after this...i really can't be with anyone right now, especially miguel. compared with dave, well, he just doesn't mean anything like that too me. so ya, that was my weekend. basically, i got exactly what i've wanted for the past 3 months and then lost it. but at least now i know where things stand, and i know he feels the same way about me as i do about him...and i wouldn't give up that night for anything, even though it hurts so bad right now.

so that's it, thanks for reading:)


Wednesday, December 1, 2004 5:37 AM


I understand dave oh too well as I was in a pretty similar place for a while (though not a seemingly deep). If he is blaming himself for relationships and predetermining that relationship will be bad, he really can't be what you need right now. He needs to work those things out for himself so he can be happy and then be able to share his happiness with you. Be there for him as a friend, but really do not expect him to be more than that until he works this stuff out.

(The old man is going to shut up now)

Sunday, November 21, 2004 4:18 PM


thanks ebo:) and thanks for reading that whole thing lol!

Sunday, November 21, 2004 4:07 PM


Wow. That IS intense. Good luck with that. Stand by your man and all, sounds like he's gonna need support throught this medication withdrawl thing, so even if he gets all 'grrr,' just shake it off. Although i guess your probably know that, and I don't really know anything about mediation withdrawl... just trying to sound helpful is all...

Anyway, good luck.


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