NAKEDANDARTICULATE'S BLOG

nakedandarticulate

Star Wars episode III Review(spoilers)
Monday, May 23, 2005

WARNING THE FOLLOWING BLOG HAS SPOILERS (do not read until you see the movie) AND IS WRITTEN BY A BIG NERD WHO THINKS HE'S COOL BUT SINCE HE IS WRITING A BLOG ON A KIDDIE SCI-FI FILM HE OBVIOUSLY IS NOT.DO NOT BE TOO HARSH ON HIM,FOR YOU SEE HE IS DYING..........WHENEVER,TECHNICALLY WE ALL ARE GONNA DIE,WHEN? WELL THAT'S WHAT SUCKS ABOUT DEATH.WHAT WAS I SAYING? AH,YES--ENJOY THE GEEK BLOG,MAY THE BLOG BE WITH YOU---SEE? TOTAL NERD WITH BAD PUNS.

Memo to Lucas- Damn you.Why do you continue to hurt me? I feel like I am in an abusive relationship.Everytime you hurt me,I make excuses for you and forgive you once more.This isn't about the special editions(continue to tweak them if you wish--I don't care anymore)this isn't about the first 2 films,this is about the last film.Did you hear me?LAST FILM.You see,everytime I saw the other films,I was dissapointed,but I would always follow it up with"Well the next one has to get better..."well what am I gonna say now?Alright enough whining let me start the review

the first hour----boooorrrring! The space battles--been there done that,you know they are gonna survive there is no danger and it's just not that fun,I kept asking where my x-box controller was.
My biggest beef, was how fast he turned to the dark side. It all happened in a matter of 24 hours. He was about to turn in the emperor
to the Jedi council one moment and 24 hours later, he's mowing down Jedi children and killing dozens. Lucas was heading in the right direction-
the relationship between him and the council, the feeling of betrayal, the isolation, etc. but because he ran out of time it required this
gigantic leap at the end... a leap that simply didn't make sense or at least was understandable.
Oh! and wookies? WASTED! USELESS! POINTLESS!

I didn't as much hate the dialogue between Padme and Anikan,(I swear to god if she calls him "annie" one more time i'm going to throw a copy of the "annie" dvd at Natilie Portmans' head)as much as i was disappointed with its content. It didn't progress their relationship.
It didn't change or evolve toward something- toward anything. Her feelings remained the same the whole way thru- she was in love with him,
believed him and supported him right up until the end. I wanted their conversations to continue to break down as the movie progressed. I wanted his
desperation to save their love to be part of the reason he turned, but it simply wasn't there. None of that happened. a huge missed opportunity.

Yoda is completely wrong- again (He is clearly angry in the movie and anger leads to the dark side). The limp diminutive character (size does
not matter) that is introduced in 'empire' is long lost in these movies. The
hopping, jumping and quick flashy Yoda simply betrays all of what Yoda was teaching Luke in the swamps. whatever happened to the idea that less is
more. Just because Yoda flips the structure of his sentences, doesn't make it more insightful. "turning toward the dark side, Anikan is" is still "Anikan is turning toward the dark side"- that's what we get from the Jedi supreme
master? Lucas seems to use this structure to make up for the lack of writing ability, and he uses this trick way too often- it becomes very
annoying. Remember, some of yoda's best lines aren't structured like that:
"that is why you fail"

Get rid of the ultra silly chase sequences. phantom had the overly long and suspenseless pod race and the silly underwater chase, clones had
the conveyor frogger belt sequence and the jason and Argonauts gladiator fight, and this movie had the most of all three- the opening battle sequence with the distracting robot insects, the lizard chase sequence with grievous
(that was painful), most of all the annoying escape from grievous' ship culminating in the nonsensical landing of his ship. It seemed this
movie had either huge action sequences of quiet moments between two characters-nothing in between.

The light saber duels should be less complicated, not more. The simple duel
between Luke and vader in empire was easy to follow, had dire consequences,was unevenly matched (which seems to be a quality lacking in the morerecent duels) and was thrilling. The spinning sabers, the four sabers of grievous, the endlessly redundant saber sequences but in different locations, the lack of quiet intervals, the moving of objects with the force, etc. It all takes away from the clarity and impact of the duel. Each one of them had a predestined outcome, which would make the duel up until
the outcome the important and suspenseful part, but they were all the same- a repeat of the darth maul duel. It was all the same, over and over...
no innovation.

the whole staging of the vader creation sequence. It didn't work for me... I can't explain it, but it lacked the impact. Think of how kershner handled Hans' freezing and the impact of seeing him at the end. I'm not
asking for that, but in better hands we could have had a great moment.

There are more, but what is so disappointing is how low these movies have sunk. mediocrity has become the norm. this movie only slightly rises
above that and suddenly critics and fans are happy, which is what was so disappointing. I left the movie entertained, but not moved at all.

Think of these great lines: 'the incredibles'- "I'm not strong enough to loose you again", in iron giant- "you don't have to be a gun, you
choose", in x2- "...because we shouldn't have to" or " you are a god among insects, and don't let anyone.. blah, blah". All great movie conjure up emotion thru a combination of great lines and great action. The action in sith was good,
not great, but there were no great line in the whole movie, at all. What was the most memorable line? "riiise"? that's it?
With great power comes great responsibility. Such lost potential. A modest movie that overachieves should be rewarded. A huge movie that misses
the mark and in some ways aims low, should be penalized. May the force be with you.......or not,I really don't care anymore.

Oh and one more thing--i've seen Serenity and all the problems above DO NOT happen in the movie.Joss has done the impossible(apparently judging from movies like ROTS) and that makes HIM mighty.It's such a great and shiny movie!


COMMENTS

Monday, May 23, 2005 4:24 PM

FISHMAN


my feelings exactly. do you think we've been raised to a higher level of expectation by watching firefly? all i kept thinking was "this movie does not make me FEEL" and i left thinking only of sept 30th, when i can see Serenity again. no worries, browncoats- this movie will thrill you.

Monday, May 23, 2005 11:01 AM

THEGREYJEDI


... I feel very alone.

Monday, May 23, 2005 8:14 AM

TRACY


Have not seen it. I will wait for the DVD, like I did with the previous two (and with Ep. 2, it was the first time I had to pause a Star Wars movie I was watching because I was falling asleep. I had to make an effort to stay up through Ep. 1 because my roommate had rented it, but I was bored out of my mind then too...)

Monday, May 23, 2005 7:20 AM

JADEHAND


Yes! I saw Ep III Sunday. I groaned more than I felt anything good during the movie. I did come out of the movie feeling good though. This was of course due to the thought in my head. "Serenity is so going to kick this movies @$$." The FX shots were great, but lacked any emotion what so ever. and the begining clips of dialog might as well have been reduced to "...And now for our next FX shot."
Bored now.
Lucas has done the impossible too....he's made me not care about ever watching 4-6 again. Good on you mate.

Monday, May 23, 2005 5:20 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL


well said


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