Lester--

The fact that Marcus's penis didn't drive you into a frenzy of arousal doesn't mean you're not gay, it just means you're not into Marcus.

Gay men are not aroused by ALL penises, just as straight men aren't aroused by ALL breasts/legs/whatever.

And whether you're gay, straight or bi is no one's business but yours, and may change over the years. You might want to check out the Kinsey scale, which rates people on a sliding scale from exclusively gay to exclusively het.

I've always felt that the only reason anyone could have for caring about YOUR sexual preference is how it would affect their chances of getting you into bed with them. You might mention that to anyone who enquires, like the preacher who apparently has convinced you that God cares.

I suspect God is a little more worried about your shoplifting habit, which is definitely WRONG.

Why don't you want to be gay? Most gays I've known (and that's a very large number) have FAR MORE sex than most straights.

And i know the curcumstance wasn't romantic, but it made me shudder and feel...kinda grossed out by it.

Look, i just...being gay goes against what little faith in god i have. I couldn't do it, because i knew it was wrong. If you want to be gay, that's alright. It's your buisness, just as long as you don't go throwing it in everyones face. Just be cool about it.

OK...so what have i learned from this experiance?
1. I'm an asshole(which i already kinda knew)
2. I shouldn't steal.
3.If i am going to steal, i should steal the good stuff(which is a lot harder to get, by the way.)
4. That Browncoats come in all shapes and sizes. Thank you for your opinions.

A couple I know have been together for about 5 years. They met, fell absolutely in love and have wanted children for a long time.
They're expecting a baby in January.
They're gay. Actually, they're lesbians.

So Canton, you don't have to be straight to be a "breeder".
: )

And if you ARE gay...so what?!
It's no one's business who you love.
The big question isn't if you're gay.
It's are you an asshole.
Good people are good people.
Assholes come in all stripes.
Good gay person: Ellen DeGeneres.
Bad gay person: Ken (I hate myself)Melman, head of the RNC. Yeah. Self-hating asshat.

And the circumstances you described weren't exactly...um...romantic.
So, you still might be gay.
Or not.
Like I said, who the hell cares?
: )

Ok so you stole vodka (I would've went for the whisky but that's just me), eh not a good thing to do but it's no hate crime either (so don't beat yourself up over it).

And glad you're on the breeder team. Go Team!

I am so glad. It's like a really purple wieght has been lifted off my shoulders. I really didn't want to be gay, i just had to fight it. To bad it took me helping another guy pee to destroy the enemy. Ha! and they say it's genetic!

Well, the matter is you figured out a big life choice...the path is clearer now. Next, you can work on the not stealing thing. Good job!

I'm glad you figured out that you're not gay. Though that's got to be the weirdest way of figuring that out I've ever heard.

Stealing is very wrong. You should feel bad about it.

Other than that, your story was very amusing and I'm glad you're having fun and enjoying life.