QUICKSAND'S BLOG

Quicksand

Reasons You Should Fear "Serenity"
Monday, April 26, 2004

We're all very optimistic and excited about "Serenity," coming not-soon-enough to a Theater Near Us. But I'd like to be the lone voice of cynicism and point of the Top 5 Things that could ROYALLY screw up this movie, and hope the appropriate people see this before shooting begins.

5) If the movie opens within 8 weeks of Star Wars, in either direction. Don't do it. I know, I know, the Star Wars Prequels have been losing steam, particularly because they suck, but EIII is a DIRECT prequel to "A New Hope," it's the last one Lucas will ever make, the SW DVD Box Set comes out around the same time, and we ALL will go just on the off chance Jar Jar will die a horrible, screaming death. Plus, we don't want the public to confuse two Space Movies.

4) If Sarah Michelle Gellar is in this. We all love her, but thanks to The WB, "Buffy" is forever lumped in the same group with crap like "Charmed" and "I Know What Dawson's 7th Scream Was About Last Summer." Not by me, but by people we'll be recommending the movie to between now and '05.

3) Product Tie-Ins. Yeah, the show is in the future, but the Evil of the Studio is subtle. Maybe it's a catch-phrase, maybe it's a two-bit hack actor who will be on a sitcom the next fall. Remember when Jennifer Garner was in "Catch Me if You Can" for no reason? That's what I'm talkin' bout... no matter how hot she is.

2) The soundtrack. Slightly-under-the-radar bands on "Buffy" was cool, but I swear to god, if any member of Nickelback appears within 50 feet of this movie, I will murder people. Let Joss handle it, keep Studio out of it.

1) The Marketing Campaign. This has been done before, and badly: If you never watched X-Files or Star Trek, did those posters and TV spots make you want to see the movie? Of COURSE they didn't. Joss can break some new ground, if he doesn't get sucked down the "Alien: Resurrection" hole again.

We love you Joss, and like any loved one, we fear for your safety. Be cool.


\ o /
------------(Qs)

COMMENTS

Sunday, July 11, 2004 1:38 PM

QUICKSAND


We can't edit replies, so please mentally edit the correctly spelled "Jar Jar," and "Alderaan" into my last post. Word.

Sunday, July 11, 2004 1:38 PM

QUICKSAND


And wouldn't that be the ultimate Full Circle, gmajor?

Personally, as long as Jarjar dies, it's a good movie in my book. If he doesn't, well... do what I do, watch "A New Hope" again, and pretend Jarjar is on Alderann when the Death Star blows it up. Woo-hoo!!

Sunday, July 11, 2004 5:23 AM

GMAJOR


I have a strong feeling that Episode III is going to suck just as badly as I and II.

This could work in Serenity's favour, since people pissed off at the SW disaster will flock to a good, clever, low budget, SF movie with a good story...

...kind of like Star Wars was in 1977.

Saturday, May 8, 2004 8:30 AM

QUICKSAND


No big-name actors, I grant you. But I still predict the cast will feature at least ONE big-name actor (well, big-ER) so the studio can put him/her in the TV ads.

I mean, just putting "From the writer of 'Buffy' and 'Alien: Resurrection'" on the poster won't cut it, for the execs. How DO you get newbies to watch... other than all of us, here, who are gettin' the word out?

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 8:35 PM

QUICKSAND


__A jewel in the rough, indeed. I seem to recall a little movie called "Wayne's World" opened during a February. If it's good, people will go see it-- no matter when it opens. Studios do not know this.

__I have not heard any such rumor that Gellar would be in "Serenity." I did not mean to start one. I just know Joss likes to recycle his actors. And I'm worried the studio will try to pull stunt casting. I am also, however, incredibly cynical.

__2005 is spot-on for 'Serenity,' especially since we haven't had a good year for movies in a while. We're due. Everything this year? Sucks. In fact, the last good year was 1994. That's a long time.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 7:21 AM

POPEBOB


Well iff all the big stuff is coming out in '05 may haps they should take thier time and do '06 it would be worth the wait IMO.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 3:30 PM

QUICKSAND


Imagine that; the rare good point.

I hear what you're saying, Anon, but it's still a multi-million dollar behemoth any way you slice it. Movies don't open within 3 weeks of Harry Potter, not because those movies are in any way creative or interesting, but because they make Mad $$$.

Anyway, Serenity should stay 6 weeks away from EpIII, minimum. I'm just sayin'.

Monday, April 26, 2004 8:25 PM

QUICKSAND


I'd also like to complain that FFN doesn't let us edit our comments, should we happen to typo. Bastards.

Monday, April 26, 2004 8:24 PM

QUICKSAND


I hate to the bringer of bad tidings, but the news is already a week old that Lucas & Spielberg have shelved "Indy 4" for the time being. Spielberg is finishing up "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks, and will start work on a movie about the 1972 Munich Olympics kidnappings, due for 2005, while Lucas is hard at work on Star Wars. So we'll all have to wait a while longer.

Meanwhile, I'm not optimistic about Batman. I dug "Memento" and all, but Christopher Nolan tried a real "Hollywood" movie with Insomnia, and just dropped the ball.

But that's just me. Time will tell.

Monday, April 26, 2004 3:54 PM

EBONEZER


Serenity is set to come out in the summer of '05 isn't it? If so, I think Star Wars will be one smal part of its worries. Theres a new Batman movie coming out then AND a new Indiana Jones (so excited about that one!) I hate to be negitive but i think you may have a point.

Monday, April 26, 2004 9:17 AM

QUICKSAND


I paid $8.00 for "Attack of the Clones" in 2002.

Watching Yoda lay the smack down was worth exactly %7.50.

So I'll chance it.

Monday, April 26, 2004 6:14 AM

JEBBYPAL


I don't know about the theory that star wars will do well in the box office just cause it's the last one -- I know a lot of die hard fans who are sick of losing 8 bucks to a piece of go-se just because of the name. And more than just them are revolted by the actor playing anakin. I think almost of all of us can imagine what Lucas will write for the movie and it will be a hell of a lot less interesting than Whedon's creations!

Monday, April 26, 2004 3:25 AM

TEELABROWN


All very good points, Qs. But I'll be optomistic, and hope for good. But Star Wars coming out around the same time, that will affect it in someway.


POST YOUR COMMENTS

You must log in to post comments.