STEAMER'S BLOG

Steamer

You wanna meet the real me now?
Tuesday, August 29, 2006

It wasn't going to last. I might have known it wasn't going to last. Didn't really expect that it would. Hoped that it might lead someplace special, but the realist in me kept nattering that there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell it would ever lead me to what I wanted most. Another person. Someone to share with. Happiness, sadness, joy, grief, everything that faces us human beings today. How many of us face it alone? Too many. What happens to people who stand alone to face every rutting thing life has to throw at them? Don't know. But I'm going to find out. I'm a patient man, that's one thing that 27 years of rejection will do for you. They'll also turn you into the person you truly are. Realism, patience, understanding, heart; these are all things that I show to everyone. They make me who I am to everyone else. There aren't any who see who I really am. You could count on one hand the people who have seen the bereaved, hardened and outcast soul that lies beneath. You know what they say about looking for love in all the wrong places? Well, times like this compel me to ask, is there a right place to look for it? Is there any place to look for it? Sure the hell doesn't feel like it. Sure the hell feels like the one thing that I really need is the one thing that I'm never going to have. Why? Because whatever I appear to be, I am what I am and I've yet to meet a body in this 'verse who wants to accept that. Guy like me, does he ever get loved? Or does he just go through his whole damn life being expected to change who he is just to suit everybody else's mood? I ain't with that. I'm fed up with having to be the one who has to change and I'm fed up with being rejected because of the kind of guy I am and I'm fed up with being brushed aside because everyone else is too gorram busy thinking about themselves. But if that's how life's going to be, might as well learn to live with it, just like every other crock of shit I've had to put up with. This was fated to happen, it might as well happen two days before my birthday. I might as well be left to wonder if I'm ever going to be loved for who and what I am and if I'm ever going to matter two-thirds of a turd to anyone. Till that happens – won't be getting my hopes up at that – stay on the move, that's the key. Who knows? Maybe I'll run across some kind of light to shed on this black hole where my heart used to be.

COMMENTS

Saturday, September 2, 2006 12:19 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Wow....that some deep stuff there, Steamer:(

I am gonna have to guess that a relationship imploded and that the world looks mighty bleak. I just have 4 words for you: I am with ya:D

Just keep soldiering on....Darwinian laws will weed out the unworthy and lead you to what you deserve. Besides...it's fun when they come back, slinging platitudes and apologizes and you get to brush them off. Karma's interesting like that;)

BEB


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