ZIL'S BLOG

zil

lesson learned: honesty NOT best policy
Friday, June 25, 2004

I was in boston all day again today. poked and prodded. here and there. and ya know what? dude! thats what, a big resounding DUDE!

I was in with the food police (dietition) and she was like, "why can't you test like you're sposed to?" "why can't you eat like you're sposed to?" "why why why?" and i kind of ho hummed for a bit and she pressed and I was like, "well its hard to be concerned with testing when you don't even have motivation to get out of bed and when you'd rather hurt yourself then breathe." she looked at with her mouth wide open and was like, "I'll be right baaaack"

long story short they tried to put me away again. seems different rules apply to people who need to be mentally stable or else they wont take care of this little thing, like life threatening diabetes, and then they'll die. tricksy.

they shipped me over to the mental health ward to be evaluated. rock and or roll. the crazies circled around the new meat like starving wolve at the feed. I talked openly with the shrinker... told her things that I haven't opened up about with ANYONE before. she wanted me to go into the hospital too, but she said she'd leave it up to me. in or out patient. I choose out, but for a minute I actually thought about it. for a minute I was real with myself. I can't trust myself sometimes. what I hear isn't always whats said. what i see isn't always whats there. and whats in my head would make the bravest person wet themselves. and its all mine. for a minute I almost decided to go away.

I'll be a Spring Harbor out patient though. spring harbor, they make it sound like a fairy land. sunshine and rainbows, just hold on or they'll take you.

*sigh* paranoia.

COMMENTS

Saturday, June 26, 2004 5:02 AM

BETHYB


Hang in there, it can get better.

Been in, been out. Better now.


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