Hey jetflair!

You want honest criticims, eh? Ok...let's see:

1) nbz is right after giving some careful thought. Khiloh is a great character...just a tad unbelieveable for the situation. He can be sympathetic, but he's still Alliance and a prison guard. He would have to have proven himself capable of handling a variety of situations for him to be posted to a POW camp, even one with prisoners who are generally well-behaved. I really think Chapter 31 and onwards will give you a chance to show Khiloh in some less-than-shiny moments;)

2) Give Mal some flaw time. Cuz right now he's got his commander-of-men freak on and that's all good...but I think it would be cool if one of the other guys (especially Wash) can give him some of what he's given them. Especially if Khiloh has to get rowdy on Mal to make a point

3) Posting times. Completely understand when RL gets all nasty and won't let you come out and play. However, if you have any inkling of a possible hiatus...give us a head's up. It will give us time to prepare properly:)

4) Give Wash some manly time, cuz he's a bit too soft right now. He might now be able to take on a squad of purplebellies by himself...but he does have some strength inside of him. He has to after spending the majority of the war in a POW camp.

5) Get into the heads of Grey and Straaker. These guys act they way they do cuz you make them. Maybe give them some background to instigate some sympathy for them. Cuz honestly? I was sorta cheering when Grey and Straaker got a can of whoopass opened on their derrieres in Chapter 29.

6) Always have a proof-reading done before you submit. Even New York Times Bestselling Authors have people who go through their stuff to weed out errors and padding and things. the work you do is mucho shiny...don't let the occasional typographic goof mar the presentation;)

BEB

Loving the story.

However since you want critique, I will oblige.

Khiloh is just too good. he has no real bad habits. Too much of a humanitarian. He may be a little frightened by the whole place but it almost sounds like the browncoats (by extention you, the author) have stockholms syndrome where they are becomeing too attached. Make him more human, less of a humanitarian.

He did not want Mal or others to be brutally murderred. But that does not make him a browncoat in Alliance uniform. give him some backbone. and make him make grey decisions. Not ones forced onto him by others.

and Wash... well he is just too soft. Too unsure of himself. and after demanding Mal explain his recent past, refuses to divulge his own. It's as if he is there to just make Mal look good, but also be like a conscience that can safely ignored when needed. I always saw Wash as a character who knew his weaknesses, but drew strength from them.

Apart from that, going into minute details, or going onto a bigger scale with less minute details... I do not mind either way.

However, I ust say that it became a bit monotone after Mal was transferred to the new section of the PoW camp (this may change as you have indicated at end of chapter the thirtieth...)

and speed the hell up! ;)

OK, all caught up, and all I can say is--keep doing what you're doing!

I like that you're taking the time to expand the little moments, rather than take us quickly through Mal & Wash's prison experience. You're doing an excellent job of making it fit what we know in canon. No, I don't believe that your characterizations are slipping. If anything, I think they're getting better.

Concrit wise, the only thing I can say is please don't take so long between chapters. *g* The story flows much better if read without a lot of time lapse. I just read the last 5-6 chapters one right after the other and it read very smoothly, probably because the action in each chapter takes place immediately after the previous chapter. I think if I had read them as they were posted, I would have had to go back and reread previous chapters to remember what was happening. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. *g*

Oh, and one other thing. I've spotted a few, very few, misspellings along the way. Lead for led, that kind of thing. Nothing major, but you might want to watch that. Throws me right out of the moment. *g*

All-in-all, though, a wonderful story, and you're doing a fantastic job writing it. Can't wait for the next installment!

"I love my captain."

JF,

I'm sorry to say that I'm one of those regulars you mentioned. *hangs head* It's not that I've moved on, I just have gotten side-tracked and haven't read the last few chapters. (I keep hoping you'll continue posting them at LJ, where it's easier to read them. *g*) Anyway, enough excuses. I will catch up today and let you know what I think, but I can't believe that I will be disappointed in any way whatsoever. After all, I'm still enjoying the Andromeda xover. *bg*

"I love my captain."