College bound woes
Wednesday, October 18, 2006

#1 has had a stressful 2 years. Truthfully he has had a stressful 10 years. You see that is when he first understood what it was to be gay. He lived with what he thought was his secret until about 6 months ago. He then finally admitted it to me. The most painful thing I have ever experienced in my ENTIRE life was the look of relief on his face when he realized that I didn't care. No not that I didnt care, but that it was ok. He was him and I love him. No questions. Unconditionally. Forever and ever amen. More than all the stars the nights sky could show us and all that.

How hard it must be to live with a secret you think is so horrible that your mother will not love you anymore.

He is a changed person. But he still struggles. Add to all that the fact that his dad is a useless carbon based life form, and the fact that we live in a tiny rural town, surrounded by tiny rural town in the buckle of the bible belt.

Taking all this in to consideration I am not really surprised that he doesn't feel ready for college. He had wanted to be a Vet his whole life, up until the last year or so. He now has no idea what he wants to do. I feel his pain as I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. If indeed I ever do.

All this is the long story way of saying that he has decided to withdraw from college this semester. I am not happy. I am afraid that what he thinks is a "year off" will turn into a lifetime of struggling to get by as I do. But then I remember what a remarkable kid he is. I remember that he has grown up to honor WHO he is. He loves his family, he respects his gramma. He loves animals. I have faith in him. And then of course we could just become the stereotypical gay man living with his mom and 5 cats. I would'nt mind. He and #2 are my most favorite people in the world. Maybe we could get gramma to move in too.

Love to my boys.


Saturday, October 21, 2006 8:03 PM


Hugs to you and #1, FMF. You're a great mom! And take MsG's advice and pre-enroll him so he does get there eventually. More hugs for all of you.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 3:23 PM


Wow...I can't imagine having to live like that, as my mom and I are quite close to each other. That and my dad's a pain a lot of the time, he's nothing like your ex. Thank god:D

And I am happy to here he's come out, at least to you and his close family (I presume his siblings know now). Though I can understand the pain and confusion he's going through right now after making such a declaration if you're from a Bible Belt town. I grew up in a town that's very white, very conservative and probably not that open to homosexuality. Or at least that's how I perceive things, anyway.

Still...please express my feelings of support and hope to #1. I am going through a rough patch at school myself due to personal issues and I want him to know that he's not alone, even if our personal reasons differ:)


Wednesday, October 18, 2006 7:50 AM


FMF- have him sign up for classes next fall. Most colleges will let you pre-register. Then he can have his semester off and still have the deadline of going back. I'm glad he was able to tell you and got such love an acceptance( though I'd expect nothing else from you) and sadly I'd suggest he avoid telling the slime mold of an ex until a nicely opportune moment like-he's been told by the doctor to avoid all strain or he'll die" 'cause if memory serves the wretched worm of evil is military and as a general rule ( no offense) they're less comfortable with homosexuality and I SERIOUSLY doubt the puss fill weasel has any tact at all and will mishandle the situation in his usual horrendous fashion. HUGS and HUGS to #1 too..oh and I know some really cute single guys if he's planning any ski vacations to Utah. Really sweet funny artist who just turned 20( former student) who is currently single

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 5:59 AM


As a son who has many things I can't share with my mother I feel for #1. You're a great mother for accepting such a thing. Hugs to FMF from grateful sons.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 5:06 AM


FMF, do you know anyone - older AND trusted implicitly - who is gay?

This EXACT same thing happened to someone in my husband's family, living in rural Kansas. Gay son felt isolated and alone. A close friend of the mother's (also gay) felt bad for son and chaperoned him for a 24 hour trip to St Louis. Mother was skeptical but trusted her friend. For the first time, her son saw gay people together - in a nightclub, out on the streets, and his whole outlook changed.
He realized it is ok to be gay, and he just happens to live in an area with few of them- and that won't be forever. Maybe your son just needs to see the positive side of his life, not the negative.
I don't know if this helps, but seeing people living their lives openly gay might be what he needs.


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