MANWITHPEZ'S BLOG

manwithpez

What I Say as Opposed to What I Think #4,237,101: Back In Snark
Wednesday, June 6, 2007

It's been so long since I've done one of these that I've forgotten how! PSYCHE!!! (as my girlfriend might say, and then wait for me to ridicule her for saying it.) Sometimes, I censor myself on a daily basis. If I didn't, I wouldn't have any friends! And the one's I did have would be pissed all the time. So, to get through the day, I keep it to myself. Here's the latest offering of what goes on inside my head in normal conversation.

(At Work)
Smith: I can't wait to see that new Die Hard. It should be out soon.

WhipThin: The new one?

Me: (No...they're going to rerelease Die Hard 2 every so often like it was a Disney movie. I can see the comparisons to it, and The Little Mermaid) Yeah...the new one.


(At Home)
Me: Why don't we make BLTs tomorrow?

ThatWeirdGirl: Okay.

Me: (Wait! That means I have to make them! Curse my inate mutant ability to produce bacony goodness with the first try everytime!) On second thought, maybe some tuna.


(On The Town)
ThatWeirdGirl: Do you like the sushi?

Me: (Rice, crab, creamcheese. What's not to like? Oh...what's this? Seaweed? Let's try it.) Everything's really good! (Dear God! That last one was awful! I feel as though I've kissed Satan's butthole! Is there a law against spitting sushi in public? Hmmmm...the man with the large knife is waiting for my opinion.) I can't wait to try some more!


(On The Phone)
DaughterLikeMother: Hi Daddy!

Me: I'm back, honey! I'm back from Iraq!

DaughterLikeMother: I didn't really need to know that, Daddy.

Me: (Riiiiight. I don't need to know that you need clothes or money or food. I'm just the damn paterfamilias! I'll get you for this, my pretty!) Well, I thought I'd tell you anyways.


(Involving Electronics)
Me: I can't get video to play in Windows Media Center.

ThatWeirdGirl: I'll take a look at it.

Me: (Sure. I couldn't fix it, so you should have no problems. I know what I'll be working on later.) Okay.
(Later that night)
ThatWeirdGirl: I fixed it!

Me: (Son of a BITCH!) That's great, honey!


There will be more to follow.

COMMENTS

Friday, June 8, 2007 4:52 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Well...'least ThatWeirdGirl didn't say anything about the last moment's inner monologue;)

Still...these blogs have been sorely missed! Any thought of doing ones from your hitch in Iraq? Or is that violating a military NDA?

BEB

Thursday, June 7, 2007 1:20 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL


You said you liked it. Well, you liked the ones wrapped in cucumber. Thhhbt!

Thursday, June 7, 2007 6:29 AM

COSMICFUGITIVE


I have sooooooooo missed these blogs Pez! They're funny as f***. That last one on the list was brilliant.

It's great to have you back amongst the ranks. You've been missed, Sir.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007 7:55 PM

REDHEAD


I'm still laughing. "Satan't butthole!!!"


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