Sunday, July 15, 2007

Ok, so I haven't really had a nice long observant or introspective blog in some time. Things have been kinda piling up in this head of mine and I think it's 'bout time I shoveled it out a bit. Been drowning myself in poetry and the like, but sometimes it's nice to just blab everything in a somewhat open forum so maybe some of you can read this and say "Well, look at that, she does have a deeper soul.". So anyways...

Yesterday was kinda where all my thoughts came to a head. I had a rather tough run-in with Jon's step sis (dubbed the Wicked Bitch of The West). She's young and I guess that is maybe a lil excuse for her behavior, although a very lame one. She's just so self-centered and rude! I've never heard someone so young putting down others with such force and drive. She started to say some things 'bout people who I consider friends, I took a deep breaths. She started to say things 'bout my bro-in-law who I love dearly, I bit so hard on my tongue I swear it was bleeding. Then she said something really nasty to Jon, that's when I started to stand up. Jon grabbed my leg and pinched really hard. I just don't understand how her mother can let her act like that and in public! My mom would have had my ass smacked on the floor before I finished my sentence! If Jon wasn't there I'm pretty sure I would have jumped the table. No one speaks that way 'bout the people I love, especially not some stuck up, training bra wearing whore!

Ok, that was a bit long and angry, but that wasn't the only thing on my mind. Just seems like a lot of people have been shocking me lately. Just the other day after thinking that I had patched up things with my ex-best friend, turns out she's still bashing me behind my back. Some pretty horrible things as well. I mean she was the one that came to me and said she missed me and that this was all silly and that she wanted to work towards being good friends again. I honestly shouldn't be surprised, should have seen it coming. We've done this dance many times before and it just always ends up the same sad way. But when you've had someone in your life since you were kids and were friends with them as long as you can remember, sometimes that hope blinds you to what's right in front of your face. I actually think that's my prob, I hope too much. I've decided I'm done with her. Too many times I've wondered 'what if' and it's all come to nothing. I've wasted too much time letting her hurt me and that's exactly what I've been doing, I've been letting her. It needs to end now, no matter how painful.

So just when I think my whole web of friends has come crashing down (there's more, but I don't got the strength left) I get such a great gift! One of my best buds, Andi, is back from her trip to Italy and we got together today. It was the greatest breath of fresh air I've had in a long time. Not only cause I spent time with her, I do that quite a bit and love every sec of it, but the greatest part is she told me how much she missed me and also how much she appreciated the fact that I kept in touch with her on her trip (honestly, they were only a bunch of text and most of them said "MY HEAD IS NOW A GIANT EGG!!") and that there was no one she'd rather share her time with than me right now. That just made my month! You know how many people have actually said something that honest and loving to me?? 3, believe me, I know. After all the crappy, awful, inconsiderate, unfeeling, numb people I've had to deal with those few words made it all seem like dust.

This was the whole point of this blog, friends don't seem to appreciate each other much, not the way they should. They should tell each other every day how much they mean to each other even if it's as simple as "Do you know how much you make me laugh!". I have friends I've known for ages and I honestly don't even really 'know' them, that's sad to me. I would love to have with my other 'close' friends what I seem to only have with only one or 2. And it doesn't even have to be a total and complete closeness, just a connection. I feel like I have that with a few people, but they could honestly care less. All of us have so much crap going on in our lives and so many people weighing us down, wouldn't it be great to just share more of ourselves with people who prolly wanna do the same with us? Maybe it's just a silly idea floating in a sea of a lot of other crazy ideas, but how short is life to not share it with those who really do mean something to us. You know who those people are, the ones that put a smile on your face just thinking of them. Ok so here's my 2 cents, go now, reach out to those friends you've really been meaning to. What's the worst that could possible happen? They feel the same way back, maybe it even makes their day? Oh how utterly terrible!! lol! Now I can be the complete opposite of this, I know. I'm sure many of you know that too! It's people like those mentioned above that have made wearing my heart on my sleeve a damn curse. Just one on the list of many things that I need to change. I'm not trying to be a big hypocrite here, just sharing what I've wanted to do for so long. What's that saying, "It's better to have loved and been loved and lost than never to have loved at all.". Now go, flee from before me! Ponder away my lovely friends!

Much LOVE, and shininess to the lot of ya!!


Tuesday, July 24, 2007 8:57 AM


Roxy...I feel your pain. I feel it cuz I know it all too well:(

But yeah....just remember that while your friends in RL probably don't "get" you 100% (not most of them, from the sounds of it), we "get" you. We understand and we comprehend. Oh...and we think you're just shiny;)


Monday, July 16, 2007 7:08 AM


Roxy- a big hug to you sweety and know that we love you no matter what. I know how you can keep hoping a friend will not hurt you , but letting go can really help. I wish I could hug you for real and tell you how much I love and appreciate your sassy, spunky, fun attitude and the sweet joyful way you make everyone feel special. You are so smart and kind and full of life and I cannot imagine anyone hurting you !! ( I offer now to bap them for you anytime) HUGS and much love cutie pie

Sunday, July 15, 2007 2:35 PM


Roxy ! I love you,sweetie !
In the short time we've known each other I have truly come to treasure our friendship.
I can't wait 'till we can ge together again !


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