CHAZZER'S BLOG

Chazzer

Another Saturday Night In.
Saturday, September 1, 2007

You know what's ridiculous?

I'm nineteen. I'm a student. And so far, on this three-month-long summer holiday, I've gone out twice. And once was when I was in Blackpool.

I mean, I'm sure my liver is thanking. My always pitiful and rapidly depleting social skills? Not so much.

The thing is, I've always had loads of friends. You know, a big group of mates. Ever since I was a kid. And there are problems that come with that, you know, you don't get half the closeness and double the back stabbing.

But towards the end of sixth form, I made the decision to stick by my friend and effectively sacrificed the group as a whole. I mean, I'm not complaining. Lynsey is like a sister to me, and not to get all teenagery-bitch-fest on you, but 'friends' who are willing to get with their friends boyfriends are not 'friends' worth keeping.

Still, a year on and I'm feeling the effects. I've got plenty of friends at uni. I've even got plenty of friends here at home, Lynsey for a start, then one friend who went to a different school, one who was in a different group at school, one who hangs out with her work mates more, a couple of guy mates who hate going out. Which is great individually, but not so great if you want to go out and party.

I'm not missing out on much, really. I have enough friends, I'm not greedy. I just miss belonging to a group. Having a bunch of people you can rely on to go out with.

I guess it bothers me all the more because around the same time as the Great Friend Shedding, my long term boyfriend broke up with me. I'm totally over him now, but my self confidence (virtually non existant to start with) took a knock, and in the year - okay more - since, I just haven't had the chance to get back out there. I FEEL really pathetic, sitting here on my laptop while my entire family are all out with their friends. Yep, even my mum.

It's just that now, when I do meet new people, guys or girls, I get this overwhelming urge to run away. It feels like if I don't do something soon, I'm gonna be trapped in this cycle. I mean, you need to KNOW people to MEET people.

*Sigh*

This wasn't meant to be a soul-pouring blog, it just kinda happened. Feels better to get it out though. Don't feel you have to rely, anyone.

I'm back to uni tommorow, and I'm gonna force myself to be positive. New year, new start.

And I should hurry up before I become a reinstated virgin, lmao.

Yeah, pretend I didn't say that.

Ah, it's good to share.

xx

COMMENTS

Sunday, September 2, 2007 8:18 AM

CRYSTALKEI


ya know, i had a great big group of friends in college and now, we hardly talk. of course, we all moved and are in different parts of the continent. But, i know what you mean about not having a group. it sucks when you aren't part of a larger entity. but, hey, life goes on right?

just think, classes will start soon and then you won't have time to mope. :D


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