i'm sorry for all of your losses and thank you for sharing your stories with me. they, really and honestly have helped me open my eyes. death and grieving are hard, i know this, and i thank you again and again for letting me know how cruel it can be but that it is also necessary. thank you.

YES! I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY!

On August 27, 2006, a friend of mine named Cassie was shot by her abusive husband because she finally decided to leave him and he was too high on cocaine to just let her go. Unfortunately, she left behind a one year old son who is fortunately living with her sister and brother-in-law. It was absolutely devastating because Cassie didn't deserve to die.

It effected me so much that last fall, I received the lowest grades that semester since I have been in college because I wasn't studying, I would cry at the drop of a hat, and I was constantly skipping class.

To deal with my grief, I saw a grief councilor, and life got easier! It still hurts sometimes, but I don't feel numb any more and I'm moving forward.

I *HIGHLY* RECOMMEND YOU SEEK OUT SOME HELP!!!

My father passed away this February after a long illness with cancer. he lived in Canada and I was working in Korea when he passed and I couldn't get home for the funeral. I cried some but not enough I feel and feel like shit for not going home. I was in a financing difficult situation and couldn't afford the airfare because he died so suddenly and I hadn't planned on going home. He was well as could be expected a week before he died and no one had called to tell me anything was seriouslly wrong until the day before he passed. I didnt even have a chance to call and say anything to him cause he was in a coma after a stroke, caused by the cancer going to his brain. I still can't believe he is gone and will have a good cry when I get home in December. I feel for you and please cry as much as you want. Scream at the moon and let it all out. Its the best way.

Two years ago, my Grandfather died after a very long battle with an unknown at the time illness. I know most people understand that generally you're grandparents pass before you, but this was extra hard for me because my grandparents raised me, and I never had another real father figure in my life. When he got me as an infant, after my Mom telling him to take me because I was "an ugly little bitch" he went out and got a job, after already suffering over 20 heart attacks, just to give me a better life. My Grandma said he got much better and seemed to have a new lease on life and admitedly, his health improved greatly. I went back to my Mom as a 3 year old to care for my infant brother. Years later, when I was 13, I was returned to their care by the Children's aid society after much abuse from my 3rd stepfather which I will not go into here. The night after I was returned the house I lived in with my Mom and brother burned to the ground. The report showed that if I had still been at home, I would not have had a chance to get out and would have died, along with my brother, but we were both saved. Again, my grandfather did everything he could to give me a better life. I was always Grandpas little girl.

When I was 20, I gave birth to a my daughter. I had nowhere to go because my boyfriend left me when he found out I was pregnant. My Grandparents again took me and Amy in. They adored her and gave her all the love a little girl could want. My favorite pictures to this day are of Grandpa and Amy. She's the spitting image of him.

3 years ago, he started to get sick alot. The poor man had about everything wrong with him that a person could have wrong (heart problems, prostate cancer, diabetes, arthritis,angina,asthma,4 lost fingers,1 coma). It got to the point where he was not able to keep anything down. He was put on a feeding tube and run through every test known to man. For over a year he was shipped from hospital to hospital. He came home to our towns hospital for a while. I went up to see him every morning to get him up for a little walk (he was too weak to walk himself) and rub his feet which he loved and let my Grandma get herself up for the day and have something to eat as she wouldn't leave his side.

He finally said he was ready to let go. The rest of the family wouldn't listen to this and kept him alive and suffering for another 6 monthes. The doctors finally said there was nothing more they could do and honoured his and Grandmas wishes and removed the feeding tube. He just wanted to go home and made us promise to take him home.

The morning he came home, he had already lost conciousness. We got him into his bed. He woke up, looked around, smiled, and passed on.

The point of this was not to make you sad, but so you could understand how much he meant to me, and what he went through for us. When he died, I only cried a little. It just wouldn't come out. I felt that numbness you were talking about. To this day, I never got it out and I still feel that numbness when I think of him being gone.

I think maybe we feel this as a natural defense. Maybe it's just too much for us to handle and this is our minds way of helping us cope and not having a break down. I couldn't afford to break down because I had a little girl who lost one of the most important people to her and she needed me to be strong for her.

It's been 2 years now and some of that numbness is still there. It eases a little every day and I can think back at all the happy memories and smile. It does get better when we are ready for it to get better. I even had my Grandfathers ashes at my wedding this summer because he really wanted to be there because he loved my husband for taking such good care of Amy and me (even if she isn't biologically his). I got to honour that wish.

Just keep hanging on. It will get better. Time does heal. Ihope this made some sense, as I'm not to good with words. If it's just a rambling mess I apologize. Thank you for letting me ramble on. It sometimes helps a little to share with someone! My thoughts are with you! Remember; keep flying! You're not alone.

i can't say i understand the numbness, but i feel like i should say something. you'll live and it won't suck always? my thoughts are with you. ;)

I understand more than I ever thought I would.

When I was in 6th grade my next door neighbor and friend along with three other teens were killed in a car crash on the interstate right next to my neighborhood. For four years all I felt was numb and I didn't want to face it because I didn't want to have to say goodbye. I finally went to Jamie's grave my sophmore year and I collapsed. I realized that no matter how hard I tried to make myself numb it didn't work...

I'm praying for you. Just know that it's just a moment of time that will pass but it'll forever impact you and one day you might even see positive out of the tragedy

i hope the site give you the sympathy you deserve.

reading your blog - the deep feelings you display show you are NOT numb. This is a good thing.

Grief is a long term process - try not to believe that what is NOW is ALWAYS.

Individuals absorb and react to grief and loss in many different ways. i hope you find yours.