GORAMMAN'S BLOG

GoramMan

Chapter 4 of Spinning Out + out takes + teasers
Saturday, March 15, 2008

And yet again I apollogize for being late with something.

http://www.fireflyfans.net/bluesun.aspx?bid=19942

Chapter 4 of Spinning Out was posted 4 days ago. I really like how it turned out. At first I wasn't sure if people would respond to the premise of River and Kaylee using their skin as bait but people didn't seem to object. Then it dawned on me. It was done before on episode 11, "Trash." Mal ended up sitting on that rock butt naked according to his plan. Which by the by, don't you think Inara could have brought his pants with her after recovering the shuttle from Yo-Saff-Bridge? But then maybe that was according to his plan as well.

I'm still waiting for a response to my plea for help on formating that link within the story. It looks kinda junky as is and I really wanted to pull that off.

I promised to share some of the rejected ideas for this chapter but really there was just one worth mentioning. In the story River lays an ambush for some desert bandits that want to take Serenity. She does this by sitting outside in Serenity's shade with Kaylee, with both of them being nearly naked. Naked enough for sex starved criminals to approach them and not suspect a trap too much. One of the props besides their bodies they use is a couple pitchers of ice water and lemonade.

The lemonade serves as a sort of joke throughout the story in the version that was posted. But I orginally wrote an entire page more about the lemonade. At the end of the gun battle when River is walking back to Serenity and surveying the carnage she sees the table on which the drinks were sitting and the lemonade are completely intact and undisturbed. This doesn't make sense to her so she begins to doubt that the gunbattle was actually real. She thinks even more about it and starts to fear those corpses around her aren't who she thinks they are. In order to anchor her mind back into reality she decides to sneak up on the lemonade with Vera at the ready and take a huge swig of it. She practically drowns herself with it because she's so happy it's real. But then she finds Kaylee had watched the whole thing. So now Kaylee knew River wasn't convinced of her own grip on reality.

I deleted it in full because Mal's reaction to the whole situation conveyed the message of "River can't be trusted" well enough and it was another page of text added to 25 pages of text. I also had a very intimate Kaylee/Simon scene to get through. So it got the ax. I'm just curious if anybody thought I should have kept it in after reading that rough description.

Now for the teasers... I have three.

1. Return of the chin wig!
2. Someone is going to die! You might not miss them much but the crew of Serenity will.
3. A sickeningly brutal hand to hand fight is in the works. I'm not too sure who will be in it yet. The obvious choice is, of course, River but I try not to be too obvious. My hopes for this scene is that some poor person out there literally throws up on their computer after reading it. If this happens to you please PM me about it. A picture would be great too.

These things might happen next chapter or they might happen in a later story. Ya just don't know. By the way, I've got about 4,300 words written for chapter 5 and they are all keepers. I've taken some time to really step into the characters in this chapter. Also the this is the one with the orginial character, Dedrick Collins, I've been plugging. So despite the fact that it's more than half completed don't hold your breath for it. I'm going to take my time on it.

Well thank you all for reading and please keep commenting.

P.S. A loyal reader and commentor named wytchcroft is in the hospital. There is a blog entry under her name about it. It would be a really nice thing to wish her well there.

COMMENTS

Saturday, March 15, 2008 7:36 PM

TANKOBITE


Nice insight; that scene sounded great, but you're call to cut it serves good enough. Keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to it, mate.


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