It was a Spider. by divinemissm

DIVINEMISSM'S BLOG

divinemissm

It was a Spider.
Sunday, November 23, 2008

A few nights ago I woke up with a sore on the side of my leg that I thought I had just scratched the shit out of during the night in my sleep. Oh no, SO Oh no, I was wrong.

I fell heavily asleep tonight content and happy from celebrating my brothers engagement and by that I mean completely shit faced, in fact I still am a little drunk as I write this.
Waking up at 2am I desperately needed some water so I jumped out of bed as I do off the end because my bed just jams in my room and the walls are practically on the sides, and got a drink. Falling back into bed (because it’s easer) I began to tidy up my sheets and obviously rustled ‘Russ’ (That’s what I named him) awake because he started spidering about. Russ was a huntsman about the size of a bottle cap. I think he was a huntsman, I didn’t really ask. After realising I was now shaking from fear and not the alcohol left in my system I bolted from my room. Then I thought in my slightly drunk state that I didn’t want to wake anyone else to come get rid of a spider (because that would seem pathetic) and would have to do it myself.
I grabbed the largest shoe I owned and proceeded to death stare Russ for about 10 minutes. I don’t know what was wrong with me but I couldn’t kill him. Not out of fear, mostly because I didn’t want to. He didn’t deserve to die just because he ended up in a bed with me. I could justify killing a few people if that was the case. I had to get him off my bed and outside so I could get back in my bed and go to sleep.
I went back to the kitchen turning every light on as I went because clearly there was the possibility of hundreds of spiders waiting for the attack and found a container with a lid. Back hovering around the base of my bed I placed the container over Russ and held it down so he couldn’t squeeze under the edges and again call his friends and attack me.
This was good, there was now a barrier between my bed buddy and me but I could hear him scurrying around the edges under the container which I really didn’t like. With one hand still on the container I reached for my cd player and turned on whatever cd was in there and boosted the volume just enough to cover the noise but not loud enough to wake the house. If they were to come in now I would look quite stupid drunkenly holding a container over a spider playing music at 2.30 in the morning with no pants on muttering to myself to gain the strength to save Russ rather than Squish him.
Not knowing how to now get Russ off my bed I remembered how my dad use to get huntsman spiders out the house when I was younger. The very few times he didn’t just kill them. I placed the heaviest object in reach (My shoes from earlier) on the container to go find a piece of paper which I would then slide under the container to lift Russ off my bed and save myself and hopefully my dignity. Although if I wanted to do that I wouldn’t write about it. Anyway, with Russ in his new temporary home I lifted him to certain freedom and walked outside, placed the container on the ground. After actually counting to 3, because this would help the situation, I removed the container and ran (jumped, skipped, freaked out a little whatever) back to the house.

Deciding I didn’t need the piece of paper anymore I’ve left It outside and am now back in my freshly searched through bed, with pants on, defrosting and trying to get this experience out of my system so I can fall back asleep. I know the odds of another spider in my bed are slim but that little voice in the back of my head that resembles one of my brothers at the moment keeps saying ‘What about the mutant eggs it layed?’ Or ‘What if he gets back in?’
I don’t think I have ever been more awake or sober at; well it’s now 3.28 in the morning. Being a grown up is hard.

COMMENTS

Monday, November 24, 2008 2:16 AM

DIVINEMISSM

I'm glad you enjoyed my sleepless night lol....and yeah i knew about the 7 spiders thing i just try not to think about it...

My Dad thought it strange when he woke in the morning and went for his walk (as he does) and found a random piece of paper in the back yard. I didn't bring it in with me, the spider wouldn't get off!!!

Sunday, November 23, 2008 10:02 PM

ANOTHERSKY

Just don't be like River and swallow it.
ha ha, kidding. Really.

Although technically, the scope of 'bug' limits itself to non-arachnids.

And according to 'them scientists out there', we actually swallow something like an average of 7 spiders/insects per year in our sleep.
Sleep tight, now. :)

I moved to a new place and found out one of the unlisted features was spider confetti--they come from out of nowhere rapelling from the ceiling. It's creeped me out so much it's starting to piss me off. I feel very sympathetic towards you at the moment.

Sunday, November 23, 2008 10:31 AM

MSA

WOW you are officially my hero!!! I could never ever be so brave.

Sunday, November 23, 2008 7:04 AM

SAVEWASH

Oh, my gosh! What a story! I'm like you: deathly afraid of spiders but not ready to kill them just because they happen to cross my path. You were heroic! I hope Russ appreciates your efforts and lives a happy life away from all arachnophobes. And I hope you live a happy, spider-free rest of your life. (I also hope you got some sleep.)

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