A/N: I dunno where this came from. I started with the "ludicrously drunk" line, and it kinda took on a life of it's own. A mite short, but it does that "dialog with no description" thing I seem to like.

Yes, this is still me avoiding "In The Ether". That bunny is elusive.

*******

"Captain."

"Doctor."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Suit yourself."

"Thank you."

"So, about this problem. I don't cotton to hidin' on my own boat like this. Got a plan worthy of a mastermind?"

"To be honest, I was thinking of opening this bottle of scotch."

"A good start."

"The remainder of the plan is to get ludicrously drunk and admit our defeat."

"Now that there's a plan I can get behind."

"Hey! We drinkin'? Ain't my preferred spot, but I'm in."

"Seems Jayne approves, too."

"Hell, Mal. Gotta keep ourselves entertained, being trapped like this."

"We ain't exactly trapped, Jayne."

"No? They're just camped in the cargo bay, waitin' for us to try somethin' stupid. We all know goin' down there'd be suicide right now."

"I tend to agree. But Doc here says he's got a plan to get us out."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. We're going to get really drunk."

"You mentioned that part already, Doc."

"I don't recall that."

"Not surprisin'."

"Stll not seein' how that'll help us. We gotta get to the mule if we wanna get outta here."

"The mule may be out of the question, Jayne. Got quite a few folk between us and it."

"Damn. Mule's kinda needed, situation like this."

"Indeed. All right. I have a plan."

"Lay it out, Doc."

"How many drinks have you had, Jayne?"

"Uh, four. No, wait. Five."

"Then you're in the back. We're going to sneak down the steps, stay behind the boxes, and run for the mule."

"Risky. Might could use a distraction, Cap'n."

"No one else is around. They already got Wash."

"Right. Then we do the best with what we've got. I lead, Doc in the middle, Jayne covers the rear. Let's go."

"Gorram, Doc. Can't ya walk quiet? Them shoes is squeakin' somethin' fierce."

"They're patent leather!"

"Quiet, both of you! Listen for the screechin', so we'll know they're close."

"Yeah, Doc. Quiet like."

"All right. Round this corner, then quick like for the mule. A man goes down, don't stop for him."

"What about my oath, Captain? I can't just leave someone."

"Won't have a choice, son, 'less you wanna meet the same fate."

"I....I understand."

"Shhh....damn! We've been spotted! Run!"

"Aw, hell! Get outta my way! Wait! Don't look at me like that!"

"Jayne!"

"Leave him, Doc! He's a gonner!"

"But, Captain! He's - "

"Done for! Now drive, boy!"

**

River looked up at Jayne with deep, soulful eyes. No man on Earth-that was could resist such a pitiful look. "Aw, Crazy. Why you gotta use them eyes like that?" A gale of laughter from the crates in the center of the cargo bay made him wince. He looked over, seeing Wash in the middle of the group, with Inara and Kaylee surrounding him.

"It's really not that bad, Jayne! Somewhat pleasant, having all these lovely women doting on you!" Wash gave a cheery wave, but Jayne just shook his head sadly. They'd broken him already. It was a sad thing when a man was sporting a yellow ribbon in his hair and was wearing an unacceptable amount of foundation. Jayne wished for his gun to put the man out of his misery.

"Come on over, Jayne. We'll do something with your hair." Inara beckoned, and River grabbed his arm, steering him to his certain doom.

"Whatcha think, 'Nara?" Kaylee approached with a selection of hair ties. "Blue or pink?"

"Definitely pink, mei mei. And maybe a bit of eyeshadow?" Kaylee and River giggled their agreement.

Jayne Cobb was a hard man, but even he couldn't stop the one lone tear that fell down his cheek. In his final moments, he managed to hope his friends got away.

**

"To Jayne!" Mal hoisted his drink, gathering the attention of the bar. "The man who gave of himself so that his friends could live!"

"To Jayne," Simon echoed.

"What happened to him?" A man looked up from the end of the bar. "Reavers?"

"Worse." Mal downed his shot. "Women."

"Women?"

"With hair ribbons," Simon clarified.

The man shook his headn and threw back his own drink. "Hell of a world."