Disclaimer: Not mine, no coin changed hands. Please note that this story has not been beta-ed and accept my apologies for any errors. Or correct me.

Dedication: To all the folk who endure traumatic events and somehow find the courage to rebuild their lives.

Rating: NC17, For adult content, violence in some sections.

Remarks: The next section in my long story arc exploring the challenges faced by Jayne and Kaylee as they struggle to define and build their relationship. Takes place between the series and the BDM, three weeks after my previous story “Leaps of Faith”. Click on my name to read the backstories.

While some readers may find this story disturbing and it does contain references to emotional and physical trauma, it is ultimately a story of courage and human resilience, a story of the power of love to bring healing and redemption.

Feedback: Sincerely appreciated; that’s what it’s all about. Some of you have expressed distress over this story’s title. Please consider the following:

Definitions: Source: The Random House Dictionary of the English Language Raping – (3) The act of seizing and carrying off by force (7) Plundering. Serenity – (1)The state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil.

~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~~

RAPING SERENITY

Chapter One – Uncertain

Serenity breaks atmo over Regina, tearing free from the last wisps of cloud as the surrounding sky goes from blue to indigo to star-lit black. For the first time in months, the crew of Malcolm Reynolds’ ship has completed an easy and legitimate transport job, a welcome relief from a long series of misadventures and near disasters.

Mal stands behind Wash on the bridge, savoring, as he always does, the moments when the Firefly makes her transition into space. Smiling, he grabs the mike and advises his crew, “We’re off Regina, folks. Good job.”

Their encounter with gun-runner Hadley Emerson three weeks previously came close to costin’ Jayne Cobb his life and took a toll on the whole crew. This routine freight job they’ve just completed was a blessing.

++++

It’s Kaylee’s night to cook, so she finishes up her maintenance earlier than usual and washes up before headin’ to the galley. They’ve just taken on fresh stores and she already knows what she plans to fix, with the luxury of real vegetables and meat available for a change.

Mal, Zoë and Wash are sitting together at one end of the big table, laughing and sharing mugs of the latest run from Serenity’s on-board still.

“How’s my Cap’n?” Kaylee playfully smooches Mal on the cheek in greeting.

“Doin’ shiny, li’l Kaylee.” Mal’s eyes are twinkly and he’s grinning in that way that indicates he’s about half-lit. Kaylee hasn’t often seen the Captain smile like that since Inara left Serenity and she feels a pang of longin’ for her absent friend.

Mal sips from his mug and remarks, “Wash tells me our high-priced enhanced sensor array is working like a champ.”

The man in the appalling floral print shirt throws up his hands. “Thank God. No more bumping into things floating around where they’re not supposed to be.“

Wash grins conspiratorially at the little mechanic. He and Kaylee lobbied Mall for this up-grade for almost six months and he’s clearly pleased it’s finally installed. “Now we’ll just bump into things when we mean to.”

Beside him, Zoë rolls her eyes. The deep bullet graze that scored her right bicep has healed cleanly, leaving only a raised, pinkish scar barely concealed by the edge of her short sleeve, a reminder of the wound she received back on Aberdeen.

Kaylee winks at Wash and sees Zoë smile, too. “Man, we been needin’ that for ages.” She nudges Mal. ”Did you remember to get the new forecouple I told ya we need to replace? I patched it again, but it ain’t gonna hold much longer.”

“Well, mei-mei, you cook up somethin’ magical for supper tonight and we’ll see what we can do about that forecouple.” Mal pours another round into his mug and looks quite pleased with himself.

River slips up beside Kaylee in the galley as the mechanic starts to peel and chop vegetables and giggles. “Girl wants to help. Let’s make funny food again!” She grins impishly at Kaylee.

“Mmm…okay. Might not want to make it quite so funny as last time, though... ” Remembering when she previously allowed River to help her with meal preparation, Kaylee’s a little hesitant and tries to think of something safe for the girl to do. She looks around for a minute and hands River some vegetables and a head of garlic. “Can you peel these for me, sweetie?”

River’s nods. “Remove inedible bits and most of the nutrition.” The slim girl strips the husks off the garlic cloves, then points at the daikon Kaylee is struggling with.

“Kaylee?” River leans close. “Sweetest bits are deep inside, hard to get to. Tough outer skin protects the best part. Can’t get the sweetness without hard work.”

Kaylee thinks about what River has just said. “You mean the vegetables?”

“No, silly. Jayne.”

++++

In less than an hour, the delicious aroma of Sechuan stir-fry wafts through Serenity’s ventilation system, better than any dinner bell for calling the rest of the crew. Shepherd Book pokes his head in and smiles. “Smells heavenly!” he pronounces, and takes a seat at the table, followed by the doctor and his sister.

Mal’s a mug closer to drunk by the time Kaylee brings the steaming platter to the table. “Smell’s wonnerful, mei-mei.” He grins at Wash, and points over his shoulder at Kaylee. “How ‘bout that li’l thing? Keeps m’boat in the sky and cooks… real good.”

Wash chuckles and gives Kaylee the thumbs up sign then whispers to her behind his hand, “I think you’ll get your forecouple.”

++++

Serenity’s merc limps down the stairs, leaning on the cane he still uses to get around. His left thigh aches and cramps, carrying his weight awkwardly, giving way unpredictably. Jayne’s deeply frustrated with his slow progress and drives himself obsessively through his rigorous daily routine of physical therapy and exercise. He’s become increasingly irritable, terse and more withdrawn than usual.

He and Kaylee talk about the obstacles in their relationship but Kaylee’s uncertainty remains. They haven’t made love in six weeks and Jayne almost hates going down into his bunk. It’s all wrong, too empty. He misses the comfort and peace she brought him and the longing for her is an ever-present ache, worse than his leg.

As he sits down at the table, his eyes flicker to where she stands in the galley, filling the water pitcher. She feels his eyes on her, glances over her shoulder and smiles that tight, noncommittal smile she’s been givin’ him lately, the smile that says, I care about you but I’m not sure I can do this.

His fist clenches on his knee, scarred knuckles white with the tension. If she’d only stop straddlin’ the gorram fence, he thinks. Stop all the fei hua. Hell, just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I went months before we became lovers, never havin’ no idea what her feelin’s was or whether we’d ever actually hook up. Managed well enough.

But that was before.

Before the heat between them reached combustion, before he knew the feel and taste and smell of her, before his heart cracked open and let her in. Man like him don’t often let himself really care for anyone. It’s easier that way. Simpler. Maybe best. Hell, he’s gone over it a thousand times, thinkin’ what he could have done differently, whether to just tell her it ‘s over so the excruciatin’ uncertainty would finally stop.

He’s thought about it and he can’t.

++++

Once dinner’s over, the crew scatters. It’s Jayne’s turn to wash up, but because it’s hard for him to gather up the dishes with a cane in one hand, Shepherd Book stays to help clear the table and carry things to the sink. He’s watched the on-going tension between Jayne and Kaylee and knows it’s eating away at both of them.

“How’s the leg, coming, son?” he asks, placing the soiled plates on the counter by Jayne’s elbow.

“Better, Shepherd. Just slow.” The merc turns on the hot water and adds washing soap, then lowers the plates into the sudsy liquid. “To be honest, that’s not the hard part.” Jayne’s voice trails off.

“I assume you’re referring to your relationship with Kaylee.”

“If’n ya can call it that. Seems like the more we talk, the less anything gets settled. She ain’t said ‘no’, but we ain’t bunkin’ together anymore, neither.” He scrubs at the dishes, jaw tight. “I’m tryin’ ta give her time and space, like you told me, but this bein’ in limbo is hell.”

Book grabs a dishcloth and starts to dry the plates as the merc finishes washin’ ‘em.

The big merc stops in mid-scrub and sighs. “You ever loved a woman, Shepherd? I mean, really loved her. Like before you joined the monastery?”

There’s a sustained silence, then Book replies pensively, “A long, long time ago.” From his voice it’s clear to Jayne he doesn’t care to elaborate.

“It’s somethin’ stays with a man, don’t it?”

Book nods. “I understand, son.”

(To be continued...)