“Shepherd…can…uh, I speak with you a moment?” Jayne asked, hurrying down the corridor towards Book.

“Sure Jayne, what's on your mind?” Book replied, turning towards the pursuing Jayne.

Scratching his head, a confused look on his face, Jayne continued. “You remember you tellin’ me I could get back at Mal and the Doc without puttin’ a hurt to em’?”

“Yes, Jayne.” Book replied, “Are you sure you don’t just want to forgive them and move on? That would make you the better man, Jayne.” Continued the Shepherd, placing his hand on Jayne’s shoulder.

“Better MAN, yeah right, Shepherd, I ain’t in' trested in bein’ no better man, I just wanna hurt their pride a little, like they hurt mine.” Jayne continued, wriggling out of Book’s grasp.

“I doubt you’ll be able to get Simon and Mal drunk, Jayne….let alone…” Book began to say, before being abruptly cut off by Jayne.

“Gorramit Preacher! I gotta do somethin’ different, somethin’ ain’t been done before to em’. I need your help Shepherd, I ain’t used to this kinda thing.” Jayne stated, pleading with Book to help him.

“All I’ll say Jayne, is that while I might be willing to give you advice in this matter, I’ll take no part in the execution of any plan.” Book counseled, a slight grin developing on his face. “What you need is a setup….” Resting his arm on Jayne’s shoulder both turned to continue down the corridor, Shepherd Book whispering into Jayne’s ear as they walked.

“Really? That’d be gorram shiny…huh…how’m I...” flowed from Jayne’s mouth, the two becoming quieter as they continued down the corridor.

***

A quick stop at Beaumonde gave Jayne the perfect chance to begin putting his plan into action. It had been well thought out, every step he took, laid out in advance. Book had helped with, well, just about all the details, but Jayne still believed the plan to be his own, his revenge for the misbehaving done to him earlier.

His walk through the streets of Beaumonde was determined. He didn’t have much time, but he did know he didn’t have to worry about being followed. Where he was going, only he would have been known to go. A sharp turn down a dark alleyway, and he was at his destination.

“JIGGLES” Glowed bright in neon above the door.

Slapping a handful of credits on the counter, Jayne blurted “I need a whore…. real quick!”. Turning around to survey the inventory, he spied a previous exploit, who had done a wonderful job of talking dirty to him while completing transactions. Her words were so good he often heard them in his own head; a chorus of five voices speaking in unison, during transactions in his own bunk.

“Hey there…. big…” started the blonde haired lady of the night as Jayne grabbed her by the arm, leading her down the hall to the first open room he could find, making his way to the vanity table; forcefully sitting her down.

Jayne reached into his back pocket to retrieve a pencil, and piece of paper, a grimacing look of confusion on his face. “I need you to write somethin’ pretty for me…. somethin’ with lots sexin’ type words.” Jayne was visibly confused, and continued to search for the right words. “Well, you know, them words you use to make a man….uh….stand to….so to speak.” His confusion now turning to frustration. “Lao tian ye, woman, make a man HARD!”

“Wh-what for?” The scared woman asked, her arm trembling in the big man’s grasp.

Realizing he had scared the wits out of her, Jayne loosened his grasp and dropped to one knee next to the chair. “I’m tryin’ to play a trick on someone, and I need a couple of notes to give to em’ with lots of sexin’ words and stuff like that.”

“So, what do the notes gotta say?” she replied, becoming less concerned, but somewhat elated that she was only going to have to use her hands to write a note for this customer.

Jayne leaned in and began to describe what he wanted in the best terms he could muster. Reading as she wrote, asking her to spice up his simple words and make them sound as dignified and professional as she could.

***

“What’s for dinner Shepherd?” Mal asked as he bounded into the dining area after a not-so productive search for jobs in the city.

“I’m preparing a special, glazed protein bar dish, very difficult, a delicacy aboard some FireFly class ships I hear” Book responded, trying to maximize the minimum effort he was placing on the dinner preparations for the evening.

“Well, considering that’s about all we have right now on this gorram ship, I guess a glazed version of it ain’t half bad,” Mal said as he took a seat at the table.

“So how are things between you and Jayne? Has he spoken to you yet?” Book inquired, a slight grin on his face.

“He ain’t doing much talking to anyone these days, Shepherd. In a way, maybe the whole thing took to him, maybe really humbled him a bit.” Mal explained. “I’m just glad he didn’t decide to get revenge, hearing him come up from his room, I thought he was gonna shoot everyone there!”

“Jayne’s a man, Mal, not an animal. Well, maybe he’s a little bit of an animal,” Book added laughing. “He’s wounded, you really need to try to earn his trust back.”

The conversation continued, with Book trying hard to stay one step away from a sermon while at the same time, wondering if Jayne would possibly be able to pull off the scheme he had helped him develop. “It’ll never happen.” Book thought to himself as he continued his conversation with Mal.

***

Jayne hurried away from the bordello, his prize in his pocket. “Not like me to walk away from a perfectly good whore” He thought to himself as he made his way back to Serenity.

As he walked he went over the plan the Shepherd had given him. “Write a note to trick’ em, slip it to em' when they ain’t lookin, see what happens, and laugh my ruttin’ ass off.” He whispered to himself, trying not to break out in a full laugh, his pace back to Serenity becoming more and more quick.

***

With dinner over, and the dishes done, Book decided to head outdoors to enjoy a few well-earned tokes on his pipe. Taking a seat against a support on Serenity’s landing gear, he lit up the aromatic leaf, relaxing in the cool night air.

The relaxing crackle of burning tobacco, created as Book took a long draw on his pipe, was interrupted as Jayne plopped himself down on the ground next to him. “Shepherd, I got the notes wrote, they're real shiny, lots a sexin’ verses and….” Jayne caught himself, remembering whom he was speaking with. “Uh sorry, I know you ain’t interested in what they say.”

“Are you sure this is something you want to go forward with Jayne?” Book cautioned. “The results of this plan may yield unwanted consequences”

“Shepherd, you, yourself told me I could get even without hurtin’ anyone, and that’s what I aim to do. Ain’t too many I ever tangled with that kept the upper hand from me, and I don’t mean to start lettin’ it happen now,” a determined Jayne declared. For the first time he could remember, he was actually using his head, well the one on his shoulders, to get even with someone. “Besides Shepherd, it aint’ like this is gonna cause any permanent damage to em’. Gonna make for a good laugh.”

With a hop Jayne was off, headed into the interior of Serenity to carry out the next phase of his plan. His expression had changed, he knew he had to maintain the angry, tough, look he was known for, but it was hard. He couldn’t allow his anticipation of the events to come to be given away by look of his face.

He had to get the notes to Simon and Mal without them knowing who they came from. Shepherd Book had warned him not to deposit the notes at an obvious time, when he would be the only one absent. After long, strained thought, he decided the best time would be while everyone was lounging around, playing games in the cargo area, he could easily slip away, drop the notes, and come back without being noticed. Inara often spent time in her shuttle at these times, which worked well into the plan.

***

Joining the crew in the cargo area, Jayne motioned Book over to spot him on the weight bench. Jayne removed his shirt, looking around to account for everyone, as he lay back on the bench, taking position to lift. “All there.” He thought to himself, as he strained, lifting the bar from its pockets.

“Hey Jayne, you wanna play with us?” Kaylee inquired motioning for him to come join the action. Always the peacemaker, Kaylee really missed the fun they all had together, and since Jayne had become so quiet, the closeness of the crew had suffered.

“Nah, I, uh, need to keep working my upper body definitions” Jayne responded taking a moment to sit up off the weight bench, look around the room, making sure he could still account for everyone. As he'd predicted, Inara, was up in her shuttle, looking at possible companion opportunities. His window of opportunity could close at any minute, so he chose to act. With a wink towards Book, he stood up. “I gotta go to the head Shepherd, be right back”

His heart pounding, Jayne hurried through the crew compartment corridor, first to Mal’s quarters, where he took the note and placed it carefully under his pillow. Back up the ladder, a quick look around to ensure he hadn’t been followed, and off he went to Simon’s room.

With the stealth of an elephant, Jayne burst into Simon’s room, knocking things around as he entered. “Slow down,” he whispered to himself, "if you get caught, its all over." Slipping the note under Simon’s pillow, he carefully made his way back towards the cargo area.

Wanting to make sure no one would question where he’d been, he unzipped his pants, and then started zipping them back up as he entered the cargo area again. No one noticed, which was what Jayne was hoping for. As he lay back down on the bench, he caught a glimpse an inquisitive face staring at him from a few feet away.

“Wha' you lookin’ at little crazy person?” Jayne forcefully spoke to River, a grimace developing on his face as the realization that she probably knew everything he had planned, became clear.

A small smile broke on River’s face as she trained her stare towards the big man. In an instant, as if she’d received all the information she was looking for, she turned and bounded off, turning a second time to look back at Jayne, her smile complete, before twirling, and dancing to the other end of the cargo bay.

“I bet the little nut-job knows.” Jayne complained quietly to Book as he thrust the bar upward. “If she blows this plan, I’m gonna hav'ta put her down.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna be an issue Jayne, somehow, I think she approves,” Book answered his hands following the bar up and down, his eyes fixed on the young girl dancing and playing on the other side of the bay. “There’s no doubt though, she knows something.”

***

“G’nite all,” Mal exclaimed, “I’m off to bed, Zoe and I need to be up early, I’ve got a line on a job for us that’ll bring some serious coin.”

“Goodnight!” replies of various versions echoed throughout the cargo bay as Mal exited, heading back to his quarters.

After cleaning up, Mal threw himself on his bunk, intent on a few moments of meditation before he turned out the light. As he laid down his head, eyes closed, his meditation was broken by the sound of crumpling paper underneath his pillow. Rolling onto his side, he pulled out the note, a confused look developing on his face as he opened it and began to read.

Dearest Mal, I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to share my feelings with you. I know there’s been a connection between us for a long time, but I’ve been too scared to act. I need you to know, you make me hot, whenever I see you; my body reacts in ways I try to hide. The thought of you makes me want to touch you, but I’ve never had the courage. Mal, I can’t fight the passion welling in my body anymore…please meet me. I will be waiting for you in the spare shuttle tomorrow night, one minute before midnight; I’ll have incense and candles. By meeting in the spare shuttle, we won’t attract too much attention; we need to be secret. And one more thing…Mal, we won’t have much time, I need you bad, please leave your clothes at the door. Love, The one who wants you!

With a look of complete confusion, Mal dropped his body back on the bunk. A smile growing across his face, as the vision of the one, he believed in his mind had left the note. “Finally.” he said to himself as he rolled over on his bunk, images of the evening to come developing in his head.

***

“River, I’m going to bed now, are you going to be okay?” Simon’s evening salutation had become quite routine, however tonight he noticed something about River’s countenance. “You look like you have something on your mind.”

With a grin, she looked deeply at her brother. “Nothing wrong Simon, I’m going to bed soon, I’m going to go see Kaylee first.” River replied as she turned toward Kaylee’s quarters. “Don’t let the space bugs bite, Simon.”

In his usual routine, Simon primped himself for bed and lay back on his bunk. As he positioned the pillow, his hand came in contact with the note. Laying back again as he unfolded it, he turned to the side and began to read.

Simon, The passion I feel for you in my body grows everyday. It has got to the point, where I can’t control myself around you. I’m unable to function in my duties on this ship as long as I have to hold this in. I need to be with you, but I need to know you want to be with me. Please wait for me in the spare shuttle tomorrow night, one minute before mid-night when everyone else is asleep. We won’t have much time, so to make sure you won’t reject my love, please burn incense for me, I’ll be naked, as I hope you will too. Can’t wait to touch you, The one who wants you!

There wasn’t a doubt in Simon’s mind who had penned the note; the subtle references to duties on the ship were obvious to him. A smile broke on his face, as his mind drifted to places he’d wanted to be, but had never had the guts to go forward with.

***

The night had been restless for Mal and Simon, but surprisingly, both entered the dining area for breakfast in nearly giddy good moods, smiling ear-to-ear, cracking jokes, and toying with the other crewmembers.

Jayne came in last, trying hard not to stare too hard at the expressions on the men’s faces. “I got’em this time, heh” he thought to himself as he consumed his breakfast. All that was left was to wait quietly in the hiding spot he’d picked out and catch the reaction of the two as they meet each other in the darkened shuttle. He wouldn’t need pictures, just the fact that he’d bested em' was enough. They’d never ruttin’ mess with him again.

Feeling like he was being watched, he looked around to see River, staring at him, a smile on her face. Jayne immediately frowned, almost growled causing River’s smile to fade, turn to a scowl, and end with her sticking out her tongue as she turned to go to the other end of the room. Re-collecting his thoughts, he anxiously pondered the events to come later that evening.

***

As the day drug on, Jayne’s thoughts centered around his plan, causing devious little smiles to crack on his hard face, which he immediately erased. The hours crawled by, the crew coming and going, Jayne forcefully maintaining his unapproachable appearance.

Sneaking up to the shuttle undetected had proved quite easy, for Jayne. Since he hadn’t been talking to anyone, he rarely received a “goodnight” anymore. This afforded him the freedom to sneak up to the shuttle undetected and lie in wait for what would surely be sweet revenge.

It had only been an hour or so, slightly before meeting time designated in the note, when he heard light footsteps enter the shuttle. Trying hard to keep his breathing low, he watched, as Simon tiptoed into the shuttle. Candles and incense in his hands. He stripped down, exposing himself to the coolness of the shuttle. The sight caused Jayne to turn his head, but only for a moment, remembering he’d been subject to the same exposure at the hands of the doc.

Laying down a blanket, Simon neatly arranged candles around the edges. In one corner he burnt incense in a small vase, the aroma filling the shuttle quickly. Leaning his body back against the wall of the shuttle, Simon waited for his mystery lover to arrive, a corner of the blanket strategically placed to cover his mid-section. Jayne, noticing the content smile on the doctor’s face thought to himself, “Can’t wait to see that smile fade doc, heh”.

As if by clockwork, the final piece of Jayne’s plan began to fall into place, as the sound of bare feet could be heard coming towards the doorway of the shuttle. Jayne almost couldn’t control himself in anticipation of seeing the reactions of the two men as they met. Jayne’s body shook with excitement, to near orgasmic proportions, as the steps of his plan came to their apex. He’d never done anything like this before, he did it, he got them back for what they done to him.

A figure appeared at the entrance, Jayne noticed Simon begin to straighten up and quickly positioned himself for a better view. The captain sashayed in, not a stitch of clothing covering his body, a smile forming on his face.

“Simon?!” Mal questioned moving closer to the center of the room.

“Mal?!” The doctor answered standing up, the blanket falling away, leaving him completely exposed.

“Oh no!” Jayne exclaimed to himself, trying hard to get a better view.

“You gonna shoot me with that gun?” Simon questioned, a grin forming on his face.

“Ren ci de shang di quing dai wo zou!” Jayne whispered, his face in his hands.

“I do aim to misbehave, doc.” Mal continued, moving closer to the doctor, wrapping his arms around Simon in a close embrace, whispering in his ear. “I knew you’d be here.”

***

Translations:

Lao tian ye - Jesus

Ren ci de shang di quing dai wo zou - merciful god please take me away