Dr. Tam, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Boob
Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Simon Kaylee smut, to appease all of those who were upset with my other pairings. There's actually a bit of plot to this one. If you don’t like graphically described sex acts, or you are too young or immature, go away.


with apologies to Stanley Kubrick

This is NC-17 Simon/Kaylee smut (with plot, imagine that!), written for Leiasky. If you don’t like graphically described sex acts, or you are too young or immature, go away.

- - - - -

“Simon Tam, you are the most infuriating creature to ever be placed in this craphill ‘verse!”

Kaylee glared down at Simon, hands in fists on her hips. The rage emanating from her face was palpable, and her eyes could have backed even the Captain down.

Simon’s mouth opened and closed as his brain failed to form coherent thoughts. He didn’t understand how he could turn a simple discussion about their sex life into yet another fight. He mentally kicked himself over and over again for even mentioning Samantha, and comparing her to Kaylee had just been stupid.

Kaylee stormed away, heading up the stairs into the cargo bay. Mal and Zoe had been making ready to head out on the job, waiting for Kaylee and River to join them. Kaylee had to look for a few engine parts for her baby, and River was being brought along for her abilities as a Reader, as was becoming the norm.

“Simon, sometimes you are so dai ruo mu ji,” River said as she left her room, headed for the cargo bay. “When are you going to learn?”

Simon couldn’t think of anything to say to his sister that wouldn’t come off as scathing, so he immaturely stuck his tongue out at his sister.

“She wasn’t even that pretty,” River stated matter-of-factly, disappearing up the stairs before he really lost it.

Simon, full of frustration, stood up and slowly entered the infirmary. Everything was in pristine order, well stocked and organized, as Simon thankfully hadn’t had a patient to deal with in several weeks. He watched the mule coast down the ramp, the two most important women in his life seated in the back. He punched the metal countertop harder than he intended to, causing pain to shoot through his fingers. He was too frustrated to get anything accomplished in the mostly sterile room, so he headed out and up into the cargo bay himself, wondering whether what he was about to do was going to be therapeutic or the dumbest choice he had made since bringing up the topic that had sent Kaylee away in a huff.

Finding Jayne there on the weight bench, Simon steeled himself and approached the giant of a man.

“You want a spotter?”

- - -

Kaylee dug through stabilizers and compressors, her mind still focused on what the young doctor had said. She cared a lot for him, and really enjoyed their intimate time together, but why did he have to bring up some other girl when they were talking about it? She distractedly carried a few engine components to the front of the little shop, paying with the money Mal had given her for the task. She slung the cloth sack containing the various metal parts over her shoulder, a slight smile on her face.

Kaylee knew he cared for her as much as she cared for him, but he just had a horrible sense of timing. She thought about his naked body, glistening with the sweat from their lovemaking, and felt the familiar heat of her rut glowing inside of her. She walked down the dusty street, skipping slightly at the thought of what she was going to require of him to make it up to her.

- - -

“For all your schoolin’ and smarts you ain’t too bright,” Jayne admonished, standing over Simon. “That girl’s crazy about you, and it took you a ruttin’ year to do anything about it. Now that you have her, you still manage to mess things up with your yu bun duh formalities and words. Can’t you rich kids get anything right?”

“It’s not like I do it on purpose to upset her,” Simon grunted, pushing the bar up with a loud exhale. “I just seem to have a horrible sense of timing.”

Inhaling as he lowered the bar back to his bare sweat-covered chest, he lifted and lowered it a couple more times before speaking again.

“What’s it to you anyway?” Simon asked, forcing the bar up one more time to return it to its resting place.

A fire in Jayne’s eyes told him all that he needed to know. “Kaylee’s like a little sister to me, an’ her smile is all that keeps me going some days. When you do something to take that smile of’n her face, you make my day worse. Maybe I could start making your day worse as well. Dong ma?”

Simon got up from the padded bench, wiping his face with a dirty towel as Jayne added more weights to both sides of the bar. “Yes, I understand.”

“Good.” Jayne grunted, taking the bar in his hands and effortlessly lifting. “Why don’ you come around here and spot me like you wanted to?”

Jayne looked up, seeing the Simon’s back as he hastily donned his shirt and walked quickly down the cargo bay ramp.

Raising and lowering the heavy bar by himself, Jayne had the strange thought that Simon had inherited the craziness that his sister used to have, then turned his thoughts down a much dirtier road.

- - -

Kaylee met up with River in the center of the little town they were visiting. River had been dancing around a little oriental fountain, though there was no music playing. She knew that Mal and Zoe were in one of the buildings around here, so she sat down on a bench near the fountain, content to watch River’s dancing until it was time to head back to the ship. After a few minutes, River came and sat down with Kaylee, opening the bag to look at all of the shiny engine parts.

“He really does love you, you know.”

River’s voice startled Kaylee back into reality from where she had been daydreaming about her experiences so far with Simon.

“Yeah, I know. He can just be so irritating at times, and his timing is terrible. I mean – we was right in the middle of-” she trailed off for a moment before continuing, “but he can also be so sweet, and he is so swai, especially without clothes ...”

“Stop. That’s more than I ever want to hear about my medic, and I am sure River doesn’t want to know such things about her brother.” Mal and Zoe stood over the bench, Zoe smiling at Kaylee over Mal’s shoulder. “You ready to get back to the ship and your swai doctor?”

Though he would never admit it, he was somewhat happy for Simon and Kaylee. Seeing his mechanic as happy as she was did everyone on the boat good, and he had even seen Zoe smile a few times in the past couple of months. So long as he didn’t have to hear about it, it was ok in his book.

They retrieved the mule from the side of a disused building, traveling back to Serenity in relative silence.

- - -

Kaylee headed straight for the engine room when she got back to the ship, wanting to make sure Simon suffered by making him wait. As she set down the heavy bag of parts, she noticed a note hanging from the ceiling, accompanied by a single red rose. The note simply said “Aren’t you hungry?” She took the rose, inhaling the scent deeply.

‘So, Simon Tam thinks he can buy me off by being cute?’ She carefully put the rose and the note in her hammock and started removing parts from the bag she had brought with her. She got her wrenches and started to carry everything to where she needed to work, but after putting it down, she walked back over and smelled the rose again. It had been years since she had held an actual rose in her hands and smelled the scent. ‘No, I have to be strong.’ She returned to her parts, deftly loosening a panel with one hand picking up the necessary tool with the other. Setting the panel aside, she unattached a hose and took out the part she needed to replace. She stopped again, looking over at the note and the rose, then hurriedly stuck the new part in, re-attaching all of the connecting wires faster than she ever had before. She left her tools and the panel on the floor, grabbed the note and the rose, and headed out of the engine room and toward the galley. ‘Simon Tam, if you weren’t so damn good at pleasin’ me, I would wring your neck myownself.’

Kaylee was almost running down the hall to the galley. There was no one there, but there was another note with another single rose at her regular place at the table. “How about that sunset?” She smiled and smelled the new rose, then smelled them together. That was one of her favorite scents in the ‘verse, and he knew it. She quickly made for the bridge, where River was getting things ready for takeoff. Somehow he had improved his timing skills while she was out, because the sun was actually setting in an almost picturesque manner. River turned and smiled at her, pointing at the note and rose on the co-pilot’s chair.

She picked up the third note and rose, smelling deeply of the rose. This note said “Aren’t you tired from all of this running around? My bed is infinitely more comfortable than yours.” Kaylee smiled, taking in the sunset one more time while smelling her roses, then turned and headed for the passenger dorms as fast as her feet could carry her.

When she arrived at his door, slightly out of breath from having hurried, it was closed. She slowly opened it and peeked inside. The room was dim, and she had to step inside to see anything. There were dozens of small candles burning, giving the room a scent of sandalwood that mixed with the hundreds of roses scattered around the room. Looking over to the bed, Kaylee let out a squeal of delight as she realized it was completely covered in rose petals.

“I’m so sorry, bao bei.” Simon’s hands snaked around her from behind, cupping her breasts as he pulled her into him. “Is there any way that you can forgive me?”

“Mmmmm, I can think of a few things,” she purred, arching her back and pressing her neck into his chest and her tail into his growing hardness. “Let’s put them skilled doctor’s hands to work, for starters, and maybe use that mouth for something other than your badly timed words.”

He turned her around to face him, a huge grin on her face. He leaned down, taking one cheek in his right hand as he kissed her softly. The soft kiss became deeper as he reached around to hold her in the small of her back, fingers rubbing deep into the tense muscles there. He took her lower lip in his teeth, biting playfully then returning to deepen the kiss, his tongue probing the depths of her mouth. She returned his kiss, sucking his tongue deep into her mouth while her hands rested upon his arms, squeezing appreciatively.

“You been workin’ out, lover?” she gasped as he kissed down her jaw line to her neck, kissing his way back up to her ear. He playfully bit and sucked the earlobe, whispering “yes” as he did. His hands worked their way up her back, still rubbing deep tissue. As they moved upwards, he pulled her shirt with him, exposing her bare back to the warm air of the room. The mixed scents of rose and sandalwood filled her nostrils as he pulled her shirt and undershirt over her head at the same time, his mouth instantly returning to the soft skin of her neck.

He held her at arms’ length, his eyes and hands traveling over her smooth, freckled skin, admiring her beauty. As he was lost in staring at her, she began to unbutton his vest and shirt, pressing her lips to his bare skin immediately after getting them open. She kissed up his chest, tongue caressing the sensitive skin as she worked her way to his erect nipples. Simon let out a gasp as her mouth closed around the responsive nerves, his hand clenching in her hair. As her mouth continued its ministrations, her hands went to his pants, unfastening his belt and yanking then down with his boxers, exposing his pulsing stiffness.

“Ta ma duh Kaylee, I am supposed to be making up to you, not the other way around.”

He leaned over and scooped her up in his arms, stepping out of his clothes and carrying her over to the bed as he softly kissed her lips. He laid her on the multitude of petals, untying the arms of her coverall and pulling them down and off of her legs. Upon pulling off the unflattering garment, he took a split second to take in her entire body in all of its splendor before running his hands up her legs, his mouth attaching itself to the pert nipples standing up on her chest.

Kaylee moaned loudly as Simon’s tongue and teeth played across her breasts, his hand moving slowly up her leg. He found the sensitive nub between them, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger, which elicited another moan from his young lover. His fingers played at the outside of her moist lips, rubbing and teasing through the material of her panties. After another moment of similar attention, he kissed his way down her belly, using his free hand to remove the last of her clothing.

His mouth replaced his hand on her clit, sucking hard as he knelt to get himself into a better position. His arms were underneath her knees, his hands coming around to pinch and caress her nipples while his mouth moved on to lightly bite the outside of her lips. Simon’s tongue snaked out of his mouth, caressing the delicate skin before plunging inside. His tongue slowly found all of her most sensitive spots, quickening the pace as she bucked her hips against his face.

As she felt her release building, she grabbed his wrists, her back arching. She felt her body begin to contract around his tongue, which caused him to increase the intensity, driving her to completion.

“Oh gawd Simon, don’t stop!” She cried out as he caught all of her juices in his mouth before redoubling his efforts toward her fulfillment. One of his hands ran down her bare tummy to find the bundle of nerves at his eye level as the other crept up her chest to her mouth. As hit thumb found her clit, his tongue probing ever deeper into her wetness, she let out another moan, then took his forefinger into her mouth, sucking and lightly biting it. His thumb moved faster as he slowed the pace of his tongue, eliciting the most pleasure he could from the sensitive area on the roof of her inner nook. Moments later, he felt her tighten around him again, tasting her juices before she pushed his head away slightly.

“Wuh de mah Simon, I need a second. Why don’t come up here so I can return the favor?”

She had that sly smile on her face that always caused him to just melt. He gently laid her legs down, as they seemed like jelly to him right now. She turned to lie on her side as he approached her face and waiting hands, which were on him as soon as he was within reach. One hand stroked his rigid length as the other stroked up his leg to cup him from beneath, gently caressing and fondling. Kaylee increased the tempo of her strokes, his head thrown back in enjoyment. As she stroked, she pulled him closer, taking the head into her mouth. His hips involuntarily thrust toward her as she took more of him into her mouth, her hands continuing their attentions.

Simon’s hands buried themselves in her hair as she moved up and down his shaft, taking all of him into her mouth repeatedly. He was trying to control the thrusting, savoring the feeling, when he had an idea. Without letting his hardness leave her mouth, he reached down to grab her lower torso, stopping to quickly give her nipples a hard pinch. He picked her up, her hair dangling toward the floor and her feet almost brushing the ceiling as she bent her knees, clamping her thighs on either side of his head. He pulled her damp folds up to his mouth, causing her mouth to tighten around him as his tongue entered her again.

For almost two whole minutes he stood there holding her, the sounds of mutual pleasuring and their moans of ecstasy filling the room. She felt the tension in him increase in her mouth as she felt her own body coming close to another release, and seconds later she tasted his massive discharge as she felt what was left of her juices flow into his mouth. His arms wrapped tightly around her as he came, taking care not to drop her as his legs shook with the intense feeling. He carefully laid her back on the bed of rose petals, lying down beside her and looking into her eyes.

Swallowing, she said “Simon, wherever in the thirty moons did you learn to be so good at sexin’ a woman? And have you been working out just for that?”

Simon nodded, giving her his sheepish little grin that made her want to take a bite out of him all over again. “Now that we’ve gotten warmed up, you ready for the main event?”

Her eyes raised in mock surprise as he placed his mouth on hers, kissing her softly as his left hand played idly up and down her bare, sweaty body. She ran her right hand through his dark hair, closing her eyes and enjoying his light tough. After their kissing had stretched on for what seemed to be an eternity, she opened her eyes, a devilish grin on her face. She rolled over, her back snuggled against his toned chest, grinding herself into his stiffening flesh. His left hand caught her leg under the kneecap, lifting it into the air as she guided him into her.

Simon slowly plunged himself into her as far as he could, drawing himself out and back in with the same unhurried rate, relishing the sensations from their bodies moving together. He increased his speed, his left hand holding her leg ever higher, the right pulling her closer to his body. She reached between her legs, rubbing herself vigorously before encircling his girth with her thumb and forefinger, squeezing just enough to cause him to moan into her back.

Kaylee pulled her leg down, enjoying the intensity of that feeling for a few seconds before pulling him out of her. She rolled back over, pushing him onto his back, then straddled him, rose petals sticking to their sweat covered bodies, and thrust herself down upon him once more. Rocking back and forth, she sat up straight, pulling her hair out of her eyes, her breasts rising and falling with the motion. He had his hands on her hips, holding her up against him as she moved.

She leaned forward, her nipples brushing against his chest, her hips bouncing on his as she moved up and down his length, causing his hips to buck and his back to arch. He reached his head up to take one of her perfect nipples in his mouth, sucking hard before she pushed him back down. She kissed him hard, her tongue exploring the familiar interior of his mouth. She finished the kiss with a soft biting of his lower lip, then straightened up again and smiled down at him.

Without taking him out of her, she turned around to face his feet. She stretched out her body, reaching to his toes as he grabbed her hips. She ground herself into him, alternating circular motions with the natural back and forth motion she had used when facing him. She sat up straight, her hands going between her legs to caress him as he entered her. Leaning back, she placed her hands on either side of him, his knees rising to support her legs. He vigorously pulled her hips into his, moving faster and faster. He could tell she was close again, and he knew that he was as well. Reaching one of his hands around to pinch her clit, he felt her tighten around him as he felt his own release explode inside of her.

“Ai-yah tyen-ah Simon, I’m coming again!” Feeling his release inside of her drove her over the edge, the last of her juices spilling over his hardness. She held herself up for a short while, then collapsed into his chest, his softening flesh sliding out of her. He rolled sideways, turning her to face him, and kissed her softly, looking into her eyes.

She grinned back at him, her chest still trying to catch enough breath to forms words, though none came. He pulled her close to his chest, arms holding her tightly as they drifted off into a light sleep, still covered in the fluids of their endeavors.

- - -

Mal’s voice came over the comm., “Kaylee, if you are done, uh, making up, could you get to the engine room and make sure everything is in working order?”

Kissing him one more time, she said “Simon, I’d better go. Otherwise he may come down here and drag me outta yer room, and I don’t think either of us want that.”

- - - - -

Translations ( from ):

dai ruo mu ji – dumb as a wooden chicken

yu bun duh – stupid

dong ma? – understand?

swai – cute / handsome

bao bei – sweetheart / lover

ta ma duh – fuck me blind

wuh de ma – mother of god

ai-yah tyen-ah – merciless hell


Tuesday, June 20, 2006 3:02 PM


Wow, porn with plot...HOT porn with plot...guh. Nicely done! Simon working out with Jayne and then leaving when he got an idea was great!

Loved Simon's little notes and Kaylee's determination not to let Simon get to her by being cute...

I should beg you for more S/K more often!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 3:25 PM


Awesome piece!

You've taken the little interlude between Simon and Kaylee and done it the justice it deserves rather than cutting it short and making it "let's come in 3 paragraphs" like, like some authors do. I just love your style!

I loved the thing with the notes and roses, that was PURE Simon.

Keep it up!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006 7:20 PM


I must confess, I skipped the story, but the title was clever indeed. Something about precious bodily fluids, I think...

Friday, June 23, 2006 11:28 AM


First fanfic i have read it was great really good peice of writing

Friday, June 23, 2006 9:49 PM


Good Kaylee and a good start to this: "“Simon Tam, you are the most infuriating creature to ever be placed in this craphill ‘verse!”"

Yes, my Jayne would think just like this, and I LIKE him this way: "Raising and lowering the heavy bar by himself, Jayne had the strange thought that Simon had inherited the craziness that his sister used to have, then turned his thoughts down a much dirtier road."

Nice entrance by Mal: “Stop. That’s more than I ever want to hear about my medic,..."

Simon's romantic efforts--lovely. Sounds like something my own Sweetie would do, actually: "Kaylee headed straight for the engine room when she got back to the ship, wanting to make sure Simon suffered by making him wait. As she set down the heavy bag of parts, she noticed a note hanging from the ceiling, accompanied by a single red rose. The note simply said “Aren’t you hungry?” She took the rose, inhaling the scent deeply." and...She picked up the third note and rose, smelling deeply of the rose. This note said “Aren’t you tired from all of this running around? My bed is infinitely more comfortable than yours.” Kaylee smiled, taking in the sunset one more time while smelling her roses, then turned and headed for the passenger dorms as fast as her feet could carry her.~~Yeah. All nice, wonderful romance here. I ain't a Silee fan, as most folk know, but I do like how you worked these two. Tough to win me over, but you did it here.

And now, for the porn-praise: Ummm, I read that part with my mouth open, heart going stacatto, breath just about that fast. Yep, you did right by Kaylee and Simon. From his first grasp of her breasts from behind to their acrobatic 69 to the end game in the rose petaled bed. Wicked good sexy stuff.

Now go write some Jayne and Kaylee just as good for NC17 loving normal-thinking types like me, will you?

Saturday, June 24, 2006 9:05 PM


Uh...can only say one word about this, River: GUH!

You, my dear, have proven, the wonderful plausibility of porn with plot within the Firefly universe that doesn't skimp on plot development:D


Tuesday, July 11, 2006 10:10 AM


Wow! I think i'll logoff and go find my Kaylee!


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From Bad to Worse, chapters 1-10 (COMPLETE)
This is a re-post from before the BSR got hit a few weeks ago.

The story takes place in between ‘The Train Job’ and ‘Bushwhacked.’ According to Inara, there is a three-ish month gap here, so I thought it would be perfect for this little story and its epilogue.

From Bad to Worse, pt 10
Thrilling heroics ensue.

From Bad to Worse, pt 09
Mal, Zoe, and Jayne come to the rescue, and backup from the engine room arrives.

From Bad to Worse, pt 08
Claire is put to the ropes, though the cavalry is on the way.

From Bad to Worse, pt 07
Mal, Jayne, and Zoe make their way back to Serenity, and Claire and her posse run into even more troubles.

From Bad to Worse, pt 06
The fighting is ended for now, though revenge is on more than one person's mind.

From Bad to Worse, pt 05
The feds arrive, a shootout involving the BDHs and Claire's posse ensues.

From Bad to Worse, pt 04
The gold is recovered, and a getaway is planned.

Sailing Beyond the Sunset, pt 17
Several crew members dwell on things past while one reunion is made and a wave from an old aquaintence is received.

From Bad to Worse, pt 03
The crews search the wreckage for their valuable treasure as Wash and Book attempt some thrilling heriocs.