“Sir,” began Zoe hesitantly. “Don’t hide it, sir, not from me. Just ‘cause it scared me to see you dying doesn’t mean you gotta be strong all the time.”

“Got no call to burden you with my troubles,” he said simply. “You’re in the same hard place I am, an’ we just gotta get through this.”

“I’m doing fine, sir. I can share a few burdens with a good man who’s got himself far too many.”

Mal looked at her with a sense of doubt in his eyes that nearly made Zoe’s tough heart break. “We weren’t wrong, were we?” he asked. “Sometimes I just don’t see the monsters I thought I was fightin.’ They’re mean sometimes, but not cruel in a general way.”

Zoe felt tears prickle the back of her eyes. Mal had picked himself up and carried on, brave and wisecracking. But the Alliance had shattered his world, and inside he was still trying to put the pieces back together. Zoe’s voice came out a fierce growl, as though she were imitating Mal. “They murdered your family, put you in prison, and tortured you. Now you’re questioning yourself?”

Mal looked away, finally nodding with an expression of slight embarrassment. Zoe’s face softened, and she spoke more gently. “Sounds like a solid plan, sir, just wanted to check.” She gazed at Mal, seeing the confident light flicker back into his eyes as he grinned sheepishly at her.

“Don’t remember us killing civilians, sir, leastwise not on purpose. Might’ve did horrible things, but I don’t remember murdering an entire planet,” said Zoe.

Mal nodded soberly. “That’s all the argument needs making, right there. Ain’t no end worthy enough to justify a means like that.” He looked over at his friend. “So, how does I go about smuggling you back with me?”

Zoe smiled, reflecting on how much she admired her Sergeant. Fighting a war and leading troops had brought out the best qualities in him, and she’d seen something inside him die in the aftermath of the battle of Serenity Valley. She’d seen his faith devastated by betrayal and his optimism killed as they struggled to survive in the field of death left in the aftermath. She’d seen his spirit crushed by the destruction of Shadow and the murder of his family, and his confidence shaken by torture and helplessness. Mal was struggling to find a clear path with nobody to lead and with his own pain as the battlefield, but he was managing it with grace and intelligence.

“Don’t!” Mal said coldly, an expression of hurt in his eyes. The admiration on Zoe’s face reminded him sharply of two scared boys looking up to him for help he couldn’t give. “Too many folks lately lookin’ at me like I’m some kinda hero, an’ I can’t do a damn thing to help anyone.”

Zoe looked at Mal reproachfully for a moment. I know you better than you’re remembering just now, sir, she thought. “Not seein’ a hero. Seein’ a kind, honorable man who’s learnt more about loss and pain and death than he should have to. But I’m thinkin’ you’re one of the rare folks who haven’t been corrupted by it.”

But I have, thought Mal, stung with sudden hurt at the loss of who he used to be. “I’m a different person, Zoe,” he whispered. “I see you look at me like you’re seeing the same guy I was in the war, but – I feel like I look the same on the outside, but inside I been turned upside down and had my head filled with things I can never forget, that’ll always be a part of me and they’ve changed me from who I was. I’m not that guy any more, I’m – empty.”

“No,” said Zoe firmly. “I’ve seen men change, deep down. I know what it looks like to see someone turn from who they were, an’ like it or not, you ain’t one of them. You’re carrying enough baggage for ten men, and that’s going to affect you. Maybe even control you at times.”

She paused. Mal was still looking at her with that sense of gentle sadness in his blue eyes, but he was listening quietly to every word.

“You still got that smile and strength and compassion shining through your eyes that was there when I first saw you. Maybe that can be stolen from you now and then, but I don’t believe anyone or anything can take it away for long. You have a soul that can’t be broken, Mal. That’s a horrible thing for you to be burdened with, but it’s a gift to the rest of us.”

“Now who’s flattering?” asked Mal weakly. Zoe didn’t deign to respond; she simply reached up and brushed her hand against the side of Mal’s face before laying it to rest on his shoulder.

“Can I stop bein’ you now, sir? I’ve about worn out my capacity to inspire,” teased Zoe gently.

“I was kinda enjoyin’ the role reversal,” replied Mal. He spoke the words lightly, but the softness in his voice betrayed his gratitude. “Not so sure you’re right, but that’s the best thing I’ve heard in a good while.” After a minute’s silence, he said “I should tell you about Lee and his cover-up, bein’ as it’s the reason we’re here.”

When Mal had finished, Zoe nodded approvingly. “Could work,” she said. “Sir, you got any sort of idea what to do with ourselves once we get out of here?”

“Not so much. More like knowin’ what I don’t want to do, but that ain’t much usefulness.”

“We could always be indentured laborers,” suggested Zoe. “Or I hear there’s a place where a person can gut sturgeon for a living.”

“Sounds like good fun,” said Mal.

Zoe shuddered, then looked at Mal with a grin. “As a matter of fact, considering some of your definitions of fun-”

A loud pounding on the door interrupted, making both Mal and Zoe startle slightly. “Are you two about damn finished in there?” came a furious shout.

They glanced at each other knowingly, letting their gaze linger for a long moment before standing and walking side by side to the door. Neither said goodbye; it would have hurt more than either wanted. They simply stood together as the collection of guards entered, and Mal looked to the side, refusing to watch Zoe be handcuffed and led away.

He took a deep breath and faced his two escorts quietly. The surly guard who’d hit him was in a foul mood, furious at having been challenged in front of his prisoner. The officer who’d defended Mal had gotten an earful while he was waiting, and was none too happy to have been in the company of his foul-mouthed co-worker for so long. He was inclined to blame Mal, but something in their prisoner’s quietly accepting manner defused his anger.

“You know the drill,” he said firmly, resolving to get the return trip over with in a hurry and be rid of a potentially explosive pain in the neck.

They came to a halt at the end of the long march, and Mal’s attacker stepped close, taunting him. “Sure this is where we should leave you? Maybe we should rot you in solitary for a while, see how gorram special that makes you feel. If warm and fuzzy here wasn’t such a gorram pussy, I’d-”

“Stay. Back.” ordered the contact officer in a lethally low growl. They were standing in front of the gate to 28A, and Khiloh was standing guard. Khiloh glanced rapidly between the three men, deciding that the wisest course of action was to get the gate unlocked in a hurry. Mal’s escort uncuffed him, and Mal held his hands up submissively as he walked towards the opening.

A rough hand grabbed the back of his jumpsuit and thrust him forward, causing him to slip on the loose gravel and fall through the gate. He heard Khiloh slam it shut behind him, and scrambled to his feet as the two men left. He hurled some imaginative curses in Mandarin under his breath at the retreating guard’s back, and Khiloh glanced at Mal sharply in concern.

“He hurt you?” Khiloh asked.

Mal nodded. “Nothin’ serious.”

Khiloh nodded, slamming his palms against the gate in frustration. “Just – I’m very sorry. I feel for you. Nobody likes to get kicked around, but I know it takes a lot a’ courage for you to deal with us at all, an’ when I see you trust me it just – I really don’t want to think of you bein’ hurt.”

Mal smiled at the compassionate young officer. “You’ve protected me a good bit, and havin’ someone with your kindness watchin’ over us is a good thing. Makes all the difference in the world.”

Khiloh smiled back hesitantly, and Mal could see his words had meant a lot to him. It had occurred to Mal before that Khiloh seemed more at ease with him and Wash and the other prisoners in their unit than he did with his fellow soldiers; he realized that their trust and friendship was genuinely important to their jailer. There was something about that that Mal found very touching.

“Thanks,” said Khiloh sincerely. “I care about you guys, always get kinda scared that one time you’re gonna write us all off as evil bastards, wouldn’t blame ya.”

“Already did. You’re the one finally changed my mind,” replied Mal. It was true; he could absorb the fact that many people had treated him well, but it had taken Khiloh’s steady and sincere kindness to make him actually believe it without waiting for the other shoe to drop. The quietly intelligent officer had not only saved his life, he was gently showing Mal it was safe to trust his instincts again.

Mal became aware of Wash standing silently to one side; he’d come up at some point in the conversation and was looking at Mal with compassion. “Never gets any easier, does it?”

Mal looked steadily at Wash, reflecting on the story behind those words. The man had spent more than six years locked in this yard at the mercy of the same kind, brutal, and indifferent assortment of people he was encountering, but there was no bitterness in his manner. Insecurity, yes. There was a deeply vulnerable streak in the friendly young pilot, but he still had the courage to relax and to trust those around him. His face bore an expression of simple caring, and Mal felt his own tensions ease.

“Think there’s somethin’ wrong inside if it does, Wash.” Wash looked at him with a blend of surprise and gratitude. It clearly wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting.

Mal felt a sense of optimism and contentment growing inside; ever since the end of the war he’d been hard pressed to find anything that was good or just left in the ‘verse. But now, he could still feel Zoe’s strength beside him, and two concerned friends were showing him that there was genuine humanity left in the remains. Mal heaved a deep sigh of relief. He, Zoe, Wash, even those two boys were going to make it out of here one day, and despite everything, there was going to be a life worth living to meet them on the outside.