The Treasure of Lei Fong Wu

Chapter Eighty-Three

“What the flaming hell?” Wash bellowed as he entered the lounge. Inara and Mal were already there, as was Colonel Campbell, Captain Wu, Johnny, Nyan Nyan, Kaylee and Book. River sat in a corner and stared blankly into space, while her self-appointed body guard and prospective fiancée, Rel Fexive, stood behind her, looking uncomfortable. He wasn’t alone. There wasn’t a smile in the place. “Sit down, Wash,” Mal started. “We got some considerations to make.” “Where is she?” he gasped, his eyes flashing. “Let’s wait for the General and Master Lei to get here. I have a feelin’ we’re gonna need their input,” Mal said, calmly. “Hump the ruttin’ input, Mal! Where’s my gorram wife?” “Ta mah de bounty hunters got ‘em,” Kaylee said, sullenly. “All three.” “Sonovabitch!” Wash swore, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “That’s what I get for not putting a missile in ‘em when I had the chance!” “I doubt that would’ve made ‘em more hospitable to your wife,” Mal observed. “But we got it on good authority that they went without bloodshed or gunplay, so I’d say there’s a fair chance that she’s alive.” “She’d better be,” Wash said, seething, his nostrils flaring. “Or I swear to God I will hunt down every last one of—” “Calm yourself,” Mal ordered. “My wife is gone and you want me to be calm? When would a good gorram time to get upset be, then, Mal?” Wash demanded. “Panic ain’t gonna do no one no good,” Mal said, fixing him with his best commanding gaze. “Take a seat. We got to have words afore we go ridin’ off.” “The hell we do,” Wash said, combatively. “He’s right, son,” Book said gently. “Might be good to have a plan going into this.” The pilot laughed bitterly. “Right, because we do such a great gorram job with the planning of things. I seem to recall a few dozen times when our plans went, oh, disastrously awry, and we had to send in Zoë to pull Mal’s ass out of the fire, only now we don’t GOT Zoe for that, so hump the gorram plans and lets hit Black!” Master Lei had entered the room while he was ranting, and put a hand on Wash’s shoulder from behind. “Your captain is right. She is safely on their ship, and a few moments spent planning will not put her out of our reach.” “Fine,” Wash said sulkily. “But if we aren’t in the air in half an hour, I’m gonna—” “Well, what happened?” The General asked as he entered. Mal told the story, with additions from Captain Wu, including the last known position of the Relentless and her speed. “They aren’t moving very fast,” Kaylee noted. “Probably still recovering from the Sanchez’ little surprise,” Mal pointed out. “The first time you get a Dirty Sanchez, takes a while to come back right.” “That’s true,” Inara agreed absently. “What are our options?” “I say we have Kaylee put a couple o’ gunships in service and we go after them!” Wash declared. “Take me a while,” Kaylee said. “Even with help. But I could do it.” “Yeah, me an’ Master Lei could come in, put a shot across their bow, and bring them to. What do you say, Master? Wildfire and Demon out for a hellride? Ain’t like they got interception drones any more.” “But they do have power – not much, perhaps, but perhaps enough to power their lasers, and more than enough to get their EMPs up and their missiles on line,” the old man said, skeptically. “Not to mention just what that kind of action might cause them to do to your captives.” “You wouldn’t want Zoe an’ Simon to get hurt,” Kaylee agreed, earnestly. “Or Jayne,” pointed out Book. “What about the big lasers?” Nyan Nyan asked. “Could one of those be put into service? We could disable them from afar and go get them as soon as the Sun Tzu could move again.” “That’s not a bad idea,” agreed Wash. “Provided whoever was shooting was very careful with the planet destroying doomsday weapon while they were trying to hit the backside of a fleeing ship just enough to damage it and not destroy it. Make that very, VERY careful.” “It would take far too long to do that, I’m afraid,” Master Lei said. “Those are powerful weapons, but also sophisticated and prone to problems. It will take weeks to get them online, and may require additional supply.” “What about your people? The one’s you said you’d called?” asked Johnny. “The Admiral? Couldn’t he intercept them?” “He’s coming in from a different direction,” The General said, shaking his head. “Even if he could, there’s still the problem of the hostages,” Inara pointed out. “Where are they heading? Mayhap we could head ‘em off?” Kaylee offered. “Y’know, land, break ‘em out, hit sky before they knew what was happening? We do that sorta thing all the time!” “And when I have Jayne and Zoe backin’ me, it sometimes works,” agreed Mal. “But we don’t even known where they’re headed.” “Madras,” Book said. “By their course, it would have to be either Madras or Savoy, and Madras has an Alliance outpost. If they were looking for protection against pursuit, then that would be the logical location.” “Madras is three days away,” Wash noted, absently. “More, if they’re moving that slow.” “And an Alliance stockade is gonna be all sorts of no fun to break into,” Mal pronounced. “No, we need to catch up to them afore they arrive . . . or get into range of the gunboats there.” “If we don’t have any other ships, it looks like it will have to be Serenity. Can you catch up to them, Wash?” Johnny asked. “Watch me!” the pilot said fervently. “Still a problem with what to do once you’ve caught up,” observed the General. “Assuming, for the moment, that they don’t fire on you.” “That . . .” Mal began, then stopped, then started again. “That is something I think I can handle.” “Why?” Wash asked, accusingly. “Because you’re so damn persuasive and charming?” “Because we have something—” “Mal, no!” River shrieked. All eyes turned towards her. She stared at the captain with a look of horror. “I can’t let you . . . no. You do have something that they want. Me.” “No, ma’am!” Fexive burst out. “River, that’s crazy talk!” Kaylee exploded. Inara was shaking her head. “Well, duh,” River shot back, rolling her eyes. “Consider the source. But I’m what they really want. I’ll go, and trade for the others.” “Sorry, li’l girl, that ain’t gonna happen,” Mal returned, shaking his head. “But Mal, you can’t—” “I don’t hold with other folk tellin’ me what to do on my own boat,” Mal said, evenly. “Just ask your brother. But that includes you, crazy talk an’ all.” “It’s not—” “Enough, River,” Mal insisted. “I started out with a full crew, aim to finish with one. That includes the supercargo.” She made a face and stuck out her tongue. “It’s my decision. It’s my brother. I’m the reason they’ve been chasing us willy nilly around the galaxy.” “River,” Campbell said gently. “We cannot let that happen.” “Yeah, River!” Kaylee said, passionately. “We’ll find another way. I know we will!” “You misunderstand me, Miss Frye,” Campbell continued. “We cannot allow that to happen. River is a telepath that has been exposed to the minds of the highest levels of the Empire – such as they are. No doubt among her other controls, the men who did this to her have included a facility for intelligence retrieval. Which means that when she is once again in Alliance custody, they will be able to discover our secrets. All of our clandestine bases, our codes, our contacts, agents, strategic plans, even the particulars of this ship. No,” he said, shaking his head sadly, “in the name of Imperial Intelligence, I cannot allow her to be turned over to Alliance authorities.” “All due respect, Sir Nathaniel,” Mal said, a tint of disdain in the title, “But you don’t control my people. Not on my own boat,” he reminded. “But that’s a conversation we ain’t even gonna start havin’, for I’ve made up my mind. River stays. We bargain with somethin’ else.” “And I assume you’ve suddenly come up with a master plan?” Wash asked derisively. “As a matter of fact, I have,” Mal said. “But I’m gonna need just a little help from the good folks at the Empire. Need to . . . borrow a few things.” “Whatever you need, Mal,” Johnny assured. “I owe you . . . everything,” he said, gazing lovingly at Nyan Nyan. “But let’s hurry, because they aren’t gonna wait. We can hit ‘em quick, hard, and be back here inside of forty eight hours!” “No, boy – ‘Your Highness’,” Mal said. “This is for me an’ mine. Our contract is over. ‘Sides,” he said, shaking his head. “Ain’t gonna chance makin’ a widow of a bride on her honeymoon. Bad luck,” he remarked with a smirk. “But—” Johnny said, objecting. “He’s right, nephew,” Master Lei said. “You have responsibilities now. You cannot go off on such a romantic and dangerous adventure. You have a duty to the Empire.” Johnny made a face that told everyone that for the first time he was starting to appreciate the downside of being a functioning head of state. Only Nyan Nyan’s hand, threaded through his own fingers, calmed the explosive response they all suspected was coming. “Just because I’m married, a Crown Prince, and . . .” he trailed off before anyone could pounce on the statement. “What my husband means,” Nyan Nyan said carefully, “is that he profoundly regrets not being able to accompany you and risk getting his ass shot off for the sake of his friends, but hopes you understand that his heart is with you.” “Sorry, Johnny, don’t need you. If this goes right, we won’t need any extra gun hands at all. If it goes wrong, one more wouldn’t help us none. I wanna do this without any extra potential corpses. My crew only. Dong ma?” “Well wait just a gorram minute!” Fexive said again. “It’ll take a bigger ship than this one to keep me away from doggin’ my intended’s steps! I’m goin’ with you!” “No, boy, you ain’t. As a matter o’ fact, while I greatly appreciate your assistance with your former boss, an’ I realize what a risk you took for us, your presence might elicit an undesirable response. Martel’s like to shoot you on sight. Don’t know the man well, but he don’t seem the forgivin’ sort.” “He ain’t,” conceded Rel. “That big idjit what attacked River in Salisbury? Had him indentured. In a really nasty place. He would like to shoot me. ‘Course, if gettin’ shot will help Miss River in any possible way, I’d pay for the privilege.” River looked annoyed “I might be able to find a place for the boy in my organization,” Campbell said, nodding. “He’s brave. He can fight – and when I’m done with him, he’ll fight better. And depending upon his intelligence, he may go far.” “Now wait just a gorram minute,” Rel protested. “I ain’t about to let Miss River get away from me, now that I done found her. Me an’ her, we’re meant t’be. Only reason I ain’t had the Shepherd or Cap’n Reynolds nuptualize us is ‘cause I ain’t had a chance to do it right. As soon as I see her brother, I’ll be askin’ for her hand,” he declared. “Ain’t that sweet,” Wash commented. “Now what does that have to do with rescuing my gorram wife?” “River?” Inara said. “What are your thoughts on the matter?” The Companion seemed unsure, and held her breath. River got up slowly, and turned around. She plumbed the depths of the young man’s eyes with her own, and after a long pause she bent forward and whispered something in his ear. His eyes widened as she did so, and a look of fright overcame his face. When she sat back down, looking satisfied, Rel looked at Colonel Campbell and swallowed hard. “Sir, if that offer’s still open, I’d be much obliged to accept it. Ain’t sure how stupid I am, considerin’, but I can fight an’ I’m willing to learn whatever you need me to.” That raised a few eyebrows. “What the hell?” Mal swore, confounded. “Let’s discuss this after the meeting,” Colonel Campbell said kindly. “I’d be thankful,” agreed Rel. He looked a little pale. “Back to the damn rescue,” Wash said, irritated. “You said you have a plan?” “I do,” Mal affirmed. “But . . . it’s gonna be complicated, an’ it’s gonna be . . . resource intensive. The question I got for you, Washburn, is what you’re willin’ to do to get Zoe back.” “You know the answer to that,” Wash said testily. “Mal, she’s my gorram life!” he pleaded. “Then . . . Kaylee? Been said you’re sweet on the Doc. You willin’ to—” “Yes!” Kaylee interrupted. “Zoe’s family, an’ Jayne . . . well . . . he still owes me money,” she said resolutely, as if she needed to find a compelling reason to include him on the rescue. “’Course we go after ‘em. If you got a plan, that is. Hell, even if you don’t we’re goin’. You know that.” “Book? Inara? Willing to tag along?” The Companion looked at the Shepherd. “I’m in,” she said, simply. The Shepherd nodded, a bit weakly, but resolute. “I’m all about rounding up lost sheep,” he said. “River?” Mal inquired, pro forma. The girl still looked uncomfortable around Rel, but she nodded. “He’s my stupid brother,” she said. “I guess I owe him at least one impossible rescue.” “You know what I’m plannin’, I take it?” “Yep,” she nodded. “You . . . got any notion if it’ll work?” “Might could,” she agreed. “But it’s a stupid plan. You’d be better off trading me.” “You know as well as I do they wouldn’t go for that. They get you, they ain’t gonna turn loose o’ them.” “Yeah,” she conceded, glumly. “I know. But still . . .” “If you got a better way that ain’t gonna get us all killed, I’m open,” Mal insisted. “No,” River admitted, irritated. “But I know of a way to make it better. Give us more time.” “And that would be . . . ?” “I can hear you fretting about the time . . . about how they are getting ahead of us . . . about how if we don’t lift in the next forty five minutes, we won’t be able to catch them at their present velocity. About how you’re about to throw us all into a panic, rush things, start shouting, making threats, swearing a lot, likely mess up the stuff we got to do.” “You have a gift,” Mal agreed. “I can catch them,” River said, earnestly. “I really can. It won’t be easy, but Serenity will do it.” “You . . . how much time might it buy?” She shrugged. “Three hours or so.” Mal raised his eyebrows. “That would be a pretty gift. And you can do this?” River shrugged again. “If you don’t trust me, I’ll write it out. Wash and Master Lei can look it over.” “Not that I doubt you,” Mal assured. “But I am insane, and all, I understand,” River said. There was enough of a hint of teenage contempt in her voice to be amusing. “I just don’t want you to screw up and leave stuff behind we’ll need.” “Fair enough. So—” “There is one condition, though,” River continued. Mal sighed. She played this game sometimes. She had once wrangled an entire week in the backwaters of a no-name border moon from him once. It had been worth it, in the end, but he disliked ceding control of the situation like that. Still, with River, you had to be careful . . . “And what’s that, darlin’?” Mal said, trying to relax. “I call dibs on shotgun!” she said, eagerly.

*

*

*

The unloading of the Imperial’s equipment and stores from Serenity’s cargo bay went quickly, with so many Guardsmen around to help. Most of it was piled just outside the blast zone in the massive bay. While one stream of men came out carrying gear, another was going in with all manner of items quickly looted from the surrounding areas. Kaylee got a bumper crop of commonly used spare parts, antiques but brand new antiques. Several crates of emergency rations (slightly out of date) were tossed in, along with some special items Mal had requested of the Empire. “You sure about this, Mal?” Wash asked from the catwalk as four guardsmen came in carrying the package with due care. “Yeah,” Mal said, sighing heavily. “Yeah, I am.” “You’ve got big ones,” Wash complimented him. “I don’t say it very often, I guess, you being my boss and kind of an asshole sometimes, but I’ve always admired the way you think . . . big.” “No guts, no glory,” he quoted. “No, it’s not just that,” Wash said, shaking his head. “Any idiot can have guts, and Jayne pretty much proves the point. You . . . hell, if it were up to me, we’d be flying there already, jets hot, with no ruttin’ idea what to do once we got there. You . . . you put together a plan before I can finish cursing the gods, and you know just how to make it happen. I . . . I guess I admire that, and I thought I should say so. Before we all get killed.” “Um . . . you aren’t gonna want a hug, are you?” he asked, hesitantly. “Oh, c’mon, Mal! I just paid you a huge compliment! You know how emotionally constipated we men are. That was hard for me.” “I know how much she means to you,” Mal said softly. “I expect you think you do,” Wash agreed. “But . . . she’s my whole ruttin’ life. Before her, I was this weak-spined half-man thing. I was a good pilot – possibly a great pilot – before I met Zoë. I wasn’t really a man, though, until I knew her. Knew her . . . love . . . God, Mal, if those bastards—” “Find your calm, Wash,” Mal said, a little sternly. “Part of that great strategic mind you were so admirin’ is keepin’ my people frosty. Gonna need you on your toes.” “I know, I know,” Wash said, his face red. “I’m just . . . hell, I know she means a lot to you, too. I know you . . . love her, in your way. You and Zoë have a special relationship. I understand that. It pisses me off pretty regular, but I know it’s as important to her as you. She’s told me stuff, about the War . . . and the Valley . . .” He shook his head, resigned. “It’s gonna take me years, and maybe a couple of kids to get beyond all that, but I know you saved her life about a hundred times.” “That’s true,” Mal agreed. “And that she saved yours about three times that much. But that’s OK, I’m shiny with that. I’m glad you did, ‘cause I wouldn’t be here, and she wouldn’t be Mrs. Washburn if you hadn’t. I have to face the fact that we both love the same woman, just in different ways.” “You done?” “Yeah.” “Good. I give you a lot of go se about your marriage, and I want you to know I only meant about half of it. Zoë’s happy, and that’s something I never thought either of us had a chance at after the War. Part of me stays pissed off that she an’ you had to go and make things complicated, but the other part of me knows you brung her somethin’ I never could. You’re a good husband, and that’s about the best I could wish for her.” “Thanks, Mal, that means a lot,” Wash said. He looked at his captain for a moment. “One hug?” Mal looked at the man thoughtfully. “Okay, but only the part of me that’s not perpetually pissed off at you,” he conceded. “And you can’t tell Zoe. And it has to be manly.” Before they could consummate their masculine bonding, Johnny walked up, looking pleased with himself. “Got you some going away presents,” he said, smiling. “Kaylee can put ‘em in later, but I had them tear out the protein re-sequencer in the pilot’s lounge and toss it in the hold. Tied down good, of course.” “Hell with Zoe,” Wash said, resolutely. “We got biscuits!” “Thanks, Johnny. Sorry we’re bustin’ out like this . . . I would have enjoyed seeing how y’all got it together. But we got—” “I understand,” he said, holding out his hand. “You’ve got to go. I hope you’ll track us down and look us up, once we get settled.” “Count on it,” Mal said. “And that would be where, exactly?” He made a sour face. “Nyan Nyan has a plan. Apparently she and Inara hashed out how to rescue the whole ‘verse while we were out playing tag with Tigers. We’ll shoot you a wave when I find out. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind. I had Kaylee pick the lock on Jayne’s quarters and left his gift on the bed.” “Don’t mind,” Mal said. “But . . . she can do that?” “Took her two seconds,” Johnny admitted. “Kaylee?” He called out. The engineer was overseeing the stowage of the loot. It was all being carefully tied down, in the even of free fall. She looked up. “You can pick the locks on our quarters?” She made a face. “O’ course!” “You’d never . . .” “Swore to use my powers only for Good, Cap’n,” she assured him. “Uh . . . Okay,” Mal said, unconvinced. “I didn’t know she could do that.” “I’m gonna go say my goodbyes,” Wash said. “Get a capture of me an’ the Heavenly Master for my scrapbook. Good working with you, Johnny!” he said, shaking hands. “You too, Wash. Good luck with the rescue.” “Thanks. Good luck on the whole re-establishing the Empire thing.” “So . . . you an’ your missus have a chance to . . .” “Um . . .” Johnny said, his face flushing deeply. “Yeah, kinda. Inara loaned us her shuttle.” “Hmmm. You weren’t away for all that long.” “Let’s just . . . hey, it’s been good working with you, Mal! Learned a lot from you. I’m going to need every bit of it, too.” “No doubt. Just keep your head clear, kid. Remember, it’s just a job: you get in, you do it, you get paid. They tell you its anything else, you’re getting distracted. Just a job.” “Got some nice perks,” the young man admitted, renewing his blush. “So I see. Well, fifteen minutes to lift. You and your bride best be commencin’ the happily-ever-afters. Have a good honeymoon.” “Good luck, Mal. Walk in the Way.” “I make my own way, but thanks.” He watched Johnny walk down the stairs, confidently ordering Guardsmen about like he had been born to it. “Yeah, you’ll do fine, kid,” he muttered as he waved one last time and left. Mal followed him down and waited for Inara and Book and Wash to take their leave from their new friends. There was a lot of hugging. Mal decided to linger back and look mysterious. He had a thing about too much hugging. As if by magic Kaylee appeared at his elbow. “I guess we’re done, here,” she said, pouting. “Yep. It was fun.” “Yeah. Except for the torture and the fighting and such. It was.” “A lot of work, though. You still okay with the plan?” “Cap’n, I’m along for the ride. You tell us what to do, we’ll do it. We all got a stake in this.” “Just checkin’. You okay with your particular part?” Kaylee looked uneasy. “Well . . . wouldn’t be my first choice.” “I know, but we all got a part to play. Would you rather hang back in the shuttle with Inara an’ River an’ Book?” “No,” she said, simply. “I need to do this. They’re my crew,” she said, simply. “That’s my girl. Now, you look over that nightmare of a course River set up?” “Yeah. She’s a smarty. I never woulda thought of it.” “Will our girl hold up?” Kaylee looked offended. “O’course! She can take pretty near anything. It’ll be tricky, I guess, but no worse’n all the other crap we put her through.” “That’s what I want to hear. Optimism in the face of adversity. Does a captain proud.” “And if any pilot can pull this out of his pi gu, it’s Wash. Wildfire,” she corrected. “Wash,” Mal said, correcting her correction. “I think it was outstandin’, what you an’ he did. Took guts, an’ initiative, an’ a lot of wacky thinkin’. But if he’s gonna pull this off, he’s gotta be Wash the Firefly pilot, not Wildfire the hot-shot fighter pilot.” “He will,” Kaylee assured him. “He says he got all that mid-life-crisis stuff outta his system, now.” *

*

*

“You really are trying to get us all killed, aren’t you?” Wash asked as the turbines whined up to speed. “I mean, you couldn’t ask for a splashier suicide than this.” “Relax,” River said breezily from the co-pilot’s seat. “It’ll work. Did last time.” “You can’t have done this before,” Wash said, mouth agape. “Not . . . exactly,” River agreed. “But I saw Rowan do it, an’ she got the idea from her uncle. So that’s twice its been done. With our current mass to thrust ratio and the heightened power output of the new core boosting the effectiveness of the gravity drive, it should work fine,” she assured. “At least, that’s what the voices in my head tell me.” Wash continued to look agape. “Just joking! Ai ya, can’t anyone take a ruttin’ joke?” “Did you take your meds today?” “Yes,” she enunciated, rolling her eyes. “I’m coherent, aren’t I?” “Let’s . . . table that issue for the moment. Why did you want to ride shotgun?” “I need to oversee the gravitic vector while you’re flying. Relying on you to maintain both flight control and the vector would have been taxing your abilities.” “Nonsense,” Wash said, sniffing. “I could handle it.” “Mayhap,” River said. “But can you calculate the relative mass/apparent mass differential, subtract out sheer forces, and account for the drag coefficient in your head? And make an accurate correction? Three times every minute? And keep us on course at the same time?” “Well . . . no, but—” “Shotgun!” River sang. “Fine. But when did you learn how to run a flightboard like that?” “Rowan taught me. And you. And Master Lei. And Devon. I hitch through your minds while you fly. Oh, and Rowan let me take the controls on her shuttle that one time.” “You . . . hitch a ride?” Wash asked, his manner changing quickly from disbelief to wariness. “Yeah,” River said, matter-of-factly. “I hope you don’t mind. I can’t really help it, anyway.” Wash looked at her a moment, then flicked three switches that began the preflight sequence. “That means you . . .” “Know your darkest secrets, most intimate desires, and greatest fears? Yeah,” she said. “Kinda. Most of the stuff I come across is hard to understand. But I know about the secret in the apatosaurus.” “You what?” “I know. It’s OK, I won’t tell anyone. I swore to use my powers only for good,” she explained. “You . . . don’t ever tell anyone. Zoe especially,” he warned. “I won’t!” she assured him soothingly. “I think it’s kinda sweet.” “Yeah, well I’m nervous even keeping the thing, ‘cause I know it’s gonna come back and hit me in the face someday. But you don’t say a word or . . . or . . . or you never get to fly my ship again!” “Pinkie swear!” she said, exasperated. “It’s all shiny.” Mal’s voice came over the intercom. “Hatch is closed, Wash. Everyone who’s goin’ is on board, an’ those who ain’t are clear. Take us out.” “Yes, sir, Captain,” Wash said, cycling up the throttle. “Preparing for lift.” He snagged the intercom mike and toggled the ship-wide circuit. “Attention Travelers! This is your enraged and vengeful pilot speaking. We’ll have lift-off in a few moments, and we’d like to welcome you to the First Annual Serenity Crazy Rescue Plan shindig, brought to you by the twisted sister on board, River Tam! Let’s hear it for River, everyone! Providing she didn’t really screw us up and we’re dead, we should be arriving at our rendezvous point in about an hour and a half. Secure all loose items and strap in – it’s like to get a might bumpy before we come to a full and complete stop. Pilot, out.” “Thrusters at max. Release the locks?” River asked, her face serious. “Go right ahead. Lift in three . . . two . . . one . . . and we’re flying. Oh, by the way . . . just what did you say to Rel to make him change his mind?” River looked embarrassed and uncomfortable. “Well, I mostly use my powers for good,” she finally said, after a pregnant pause. “Let’s just go get my stupid brother.” “Fair enough,” agreed Wash, grinning. “Let’s go get my wife.”