A/N: Thanks to all who have been reading this so far, and all who have volunteered to beta for me (you know who you are). Sorry to say, this isn't betaed, cuz I have pretty much no inkling of how to work the internet, so expect some typos here and there. I'm not even sure of my screenname any more (we recently had to buy a new hard-drive, cuz of a ruttin' DUST MOTE!!!!!! Damn...

Oh, anyway, to the story...

*** Arthur Dent hated Thursdays. Thursdays were always the hardest for him to get through. It had been a Thursday when the Earth was blown up by Vogons'. And he was pretty sure it was a Thursday when Fenchurch disappeared. And he knew it was a Thursday today, even though he hadn't bothered to check the calendar for a few days. Why did he know it was a Thursday? Because a man in a pink Little Bo Peep outfit had a rather large and menacing gun pointed at a place where he generally didn't want a gun to be pointed at. Just another Thursday Another man with a brown coat and a pistol pointed at his forehead squinted his eyes at him. No one was quite sure why this was menacing, because it was generally understood that when a person squinted, he had left his glasses at home and was having trouble seeing whatever he was looking at, and he was oh so sorry, but he must get home to get them. Or, maybe it was the fact that a gun was pointed at him. Either way, Arthur was scared of him. "I'm only gonna ask this once," said the man in the brown coat, "what the Hell happened back there?" "And why are there a bunch a crabs on my bunk?" Asked the man with the large gun. Arthur and the pistol-man both looked at him and said, "Huh?!?!??!!?" "What?" Suddenly, Ford came in, whistling, and carrying several bottles of Ol' Janx Spirit and Froozoogled Groot Wine, a good vintage that could kill a buffalo at fifty paces. He looked from Arthur, to the gun weilders, and back to Arthur. "Oh, sorry? Am I interupting something?" Arthur put on his, Talking to Ford when hes sober face. (As a matter of pretence and practicality, he also had a Talking to Ford while hes drunk face, a Talking to Ford while hes Insane face, and a Talking to Ford when hes trying to get drunk while simultaneously trying to get a girl drunk, so that he can bed her, but its not working very well, and so hes running up the tab while getting all hot and bothered face. Amongst a plethora of others, of course). "Oh, not really. These nice men were just going to shoot me if I didn't give them some information that I have no idea how to begin with." Ford gave him a smile that would send most people to a place with nic, padded walls. "Oh, good then. Well, carry on!" And he continued his whistling. Their eyes followed him for a moment, then Jayne called out, "Hey, whatcha got in them there bottles!!" And, he hurried after the Betelguisian, streaming bells and tassels and other pink frilly things. *** A few hours later, everything was just peachy-dory, everyone understood each other, and Jayne and Ford where getting a fine drunk on. "So," Jayne slurred, "yers all from sum diffrent univers-i-whotsit?" "Yep," answered Ford brightly. "An', an' me an' Arthur, thats the bloke over there with yer mechan-i-whotsit, we've been ta the end of the Universe!!! They have good steak there." "Steak is nice," said Jayne, and took another shot of Ol' Janx Spirit, spit it out, then drank from the bottle. Ford followed suite. They were running out of things to get drunk on fast. "But, why is there a gian' space Goose out in th' black, an' is honkin' at us like theres no tamarra'?" "Thats all lost to improbability, my friend." He downed more of his bottle. "So, what was that about crabs in yer bunk?" "Oh, yeah, I was gonna put my lil' shep in my bunk, and I sat down for a mo', and then one a the rutters pinched me where the sun don't shine, an' I swear I jumped up at th' speed a' sound!!!" "Tha's... say, why dija have a sheep?" "Look, ya idjit, can't ya tell by my outfit?" Ford took a good look at it, and slowly, his inebriated mind formed a name. "Oh, I see!! Yer Little Red Riding Hood!!!!" *** Meanwhile, Kaylee and Arthur were having a little conversation of their own, with a bottle of Red Bachaalian Froozle-punch, about three quarters as hard as Ol' Janx Spirit. "So, yer sayin' that ya flew all 'rond with this Fenchurch girl?" "Oh, yes. Its a bit of a trick to learn, really, and damned hard at that, but it comes in handy once you get the hang of it. You see, the trick is to forget that your falling, and you won't. Just, don't think about the ground, or fallling, because you will." "Wow. So... what happened to Fen...Fen...Fenny!" "Don't call her Fenny. She hated being called Fenny." "Oh, Sorry, Arthur, really I am." "S'alright." He took another shot. "Well, she disappeared while we were traveling, and now she's Bob knows where." "Whos Bob?" "Oh, He's the local god on this planet I was living in. I was the sandwhich maker, sent in a fiery chariot." "Oh." She took another shot, and her words were starting to slur a bit. "I'm sorry 'bout Fenchurch, Arthur," she said, and hugged him. It was quite an akward posistion, as she was leaning against him when she uttered, "hamsters is nice," before slipping off to sleep. Arthur, deciding that discreation was the better part of valor, fell asleep as well. Meanwhile, River was sleeping, Zoe and Wash were helping Mal clear out the crabs from everyones bunks, and Simon was looking at Arthur jealously. Suddenly, Jayne called out loudly, "Wait, your sayin' that all the woman I had were... guys?" (Ford had just told him the result of the Maxi-Megallon institute, which had figured out that everything was an illusion except for death, taxes, and hyenas. Since illusions are not tax deductible, the government made them rescind that. And, since illusions obviously cannot die, that was rescinded as well. So, currently, the only real thing in the Universe arre hyenas). Ford went on to explain that men and women were illusions, so it didn't matter, because it seemed real to the illusion (him), so the women he had had were, technically, as real as he was, which meant not at all. This failed to clarify things, so Ford went on to challenge him to an old drinking game of using your telekenisis to pour the bottle of Ol' Janx Spirit into their opponents shot glass. No one would win this particular game for four reasons: 1) Both were too hammered to be able to use their telekenisis, and 2) Ford was playing to lose, and 3) Jayne had no idea how to use his telekenisis, and 4) There was an ominous honk above them as the Space Goose entered the planets atmosphere. As said before, everything was going to turn out chipper for everyone. Except the Space Goose