BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR

MISSTRESSAHARA

Wash Flies High
Friday, August 4, 2006

[b]Well thanks a post about marijana and Firefly I just had an entire scene play out in my mind of Wash getting totally high before leaving a planet. Now I'm not good at writing Firefly fiction so I'll just put down the jist of it. Forgive me if some things aren't clear and the lingo's off, and I'd love to put chinese in there but I won't bother. Maybe later on someone would like to take this and make it into a better story. I'm going by memory of a scene that went very quickly in my head.


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2067    RATING: 8    SERIES: FIREFLY

So this is set on a busy planet, maybe Persephone, and the crew finished some business. Mal comes up to the bridge and tells Wash to take off.

Wash; Right, captain," but Wash looks at the controls confused.

Mal; Wash, take us up."

Wash; Right, up." he looks at the panels like he's never seen them before then sees the stick throttle, "Oh, a stick." grinning he grabs it then starts pressing buttons.

Zoe enters the bridges and Mal turns to her confused.

Mal; Is there something wrong with your husband?"

Curious asks "Why sir?"

As an answer he points to the pilot who's holding onto the controls grinning from ear to ear looking out at the docks. Concerned Zoe goes up to him.

Zoe; Honey, what are you doing?"

Wash; I'm flying, aren't I flying? Why aren't we moving?"

Mal; Because you didn't turn on the engines." Now looking a little angry knowing Wash was probably on something.

Wash laughs and says "Oh right," scans the controls over and over. "I know it's one of these."

Mal; Wash what the hells wrong with you?"

Wash; Nothings wrong with me captain, you wanted off we're getting off." Finds the button with a little "Ah." and presses it. Engines come on. Mal turns to Zoe and with little face signals wants to know what's wrong with him, Zoe is just as concerned and shrugs not knowing. So Mal goes up to Wash.

Mal; Wash..... Wash!"

Wash is still holding the stick but isn't moving it, his grin still plastered on his face. He turns to Mal.

Wash; Ya Mal?" replies with huge grin.

Mal; Did you take Drops?" Zoe cringes knowing the danger Drops are and hoping her husband hasn't found himself in that trap, yet worried from his current behavior it might be true, getting angry inside if he allowed himself to willingly try the stuff. Both are surprised by Wash's vehement answer.

Wash; C'mon Mal what do you take me for? You think I'd try that(chinese swear). I'm better than that. I've seen what Drops do to people. I'm much too happy a person to resort to phoney feelings that Drops gives you." So saying he turns the stick left and right thinking they were flying making Mal more convinced he took something.

Mal; Why are your eyes red?"

Wash looks back at him, points his head up and down but staring at his eyes and in a mockingly accusing voice replies, "Well maybe your eyes'r red so your seeing my eyes are red. What did you take?" The last part he leans in, then grins and turns back to the screen. "Are we moving? I'm supposed to fly this right? Oh right."

It's enough for Mal, he knows it would be too dangerous for Wash to fly so he tells him to get out of the pilots chair, ready to fly the ship out himself, but in a surprising move Wash starts hitting his hand and now it's a struggle between Mal and Wash for control of the stick.

Mal; Wash you idiot let go, you can't fly."

Wash; Leave it...leave my stick alone. I'm the pilot your not only I can fly this thing. Leave it alone, give me my stick!"

Mal; Zoe!"

Zoe; Wash let go of the controls and get out of the chair now."

Wash; I'm the (chinese) pilot here not you two (chinese), you don't fly this boat I do. Let go my stick!"

Finally worried and frustrated Zoe calls for Simon who's in the DR with everyone else, wondering what's going on he gets up from the table.

River for some reason is grinning from ear to ear almost as if she knew what was happening and was finding it ammusing.

The others heard the commotion and are wondering too when River suddenly calls out "Wash is flying." Jayne thinks she's just having a crazy moment and replies, "Case you hadn't notice aint none of us are flying right now." Book, Kaylee and Inarah are looking at the bridge and seeing a struggle.

Mal; Gorramit Wash let go of the controls and get out of that chair. Your not flying."

Wash keeps hitting Mals hands screaming at Mal to let go, "I'm the pilot, I'm the flyer, I'm perfectly fine."

Now Zoe tries to intervene. "Wash honey please, just come into the DR, let Mal fly this once."

Wash; I told you I'm alright! Dammit Mal LET GO!" and in a last effort Wash pushes Mal away, surprising the Captain over the pilot's violent behavior, then just when he starts to get up Wash looks like he finally understands what he does.

Wash; "Oh.... up." In a jerk he pulls the stick hard making everyone fall back from the force. Simon, who was just making his way to the bridge, falls heavy onto the hall floor. Mal falls into Zoe. Everyone in the DR falls out of their chairs as Serenity makes a sharp vertical climb into the sky. Everyone's screaming as well as trying to keep themselves from flying all over the room.

Mal; That's it, your husband's officially banned from ever touching my ship again." he says as he struggles to get up fighting the G-forces the climb is creating.

Zoe; Captain he doesn't know what he's doing...." Trying to come to the defence of her husband but even in her ears it sounds hollow.

Mal; That's my point Zoe, if he knew what he was doing he wouldn't have been so stupid as to take something in the first place. After this is over, if there's anything I leave behind, your giving him a going over to show it aint smart to fly while flying."

Zoe; Understood sir. Though by rights I should be the one to talk to him first."

Mal; Nope, then there won't be anything left for me. Doc, can you get up, we need you in here."

Simon; Rather difficult captain, it's all I can do not to be pushed back into the engine room."

Zoe; We can't keep this climb, we're gonna stall and spin out."

Mal; Wash, even out. WASH! Level - off - the ship!"

Wash; Right, I knew that. Um....." Looks confused trying to remember how, another button?

Mal; Push the stick forward until we're level." Said in a very gritty voice.

Wash; Right.... the stick. That would be the thing I'm holding." unfortunately he pushes it a little hard and everyones flung forward, by now Mal has had it and is ready to beat Wash unconcious.

Zoe; Wash, baby, slowly, not so hard, you'll push the ship into the ground, ease it forward slowly. The little screen in front of you, make the line even with the arrows."

Wash looking a little sheepish glances at her with his spaced out grin. "Oops, thanks honey," turns back to the controls. "So that's what that things for. Even it out slowly... slowly..." says it repeatedly as he pushes the throttle forward. "Slooooowwwlllyyyy...s-lowwly..slowly."

The ship finally evens out and everyone relaxes but starts to ask what's going on. Mal gets up (winches when he realizes he banged his knee) then storms towards Wash.

Mal; That's it. I'm not going to let you crash my boat and us in it. Get out of that chair Wash, now!" He tries to grab the controls but again Wash slaps his wrist hard and holds onto the controls possesively.

Mal; Wash dammit! What the gorram is wrong with you?"

Now suddenly as though Mal and the others aren't there Wash looks out at the blue sky of the planet and all the buildings and passing ships and stares in wonder.

Wash; "Look at how big it is, it's just so," gestures with his hands letting go of the controls briefly causing everyone to fall back again, "so big. Just look at the sky, it goes on and on. Everythings so big." grabs the controls just as it's about to go into a dive. "Wow, did you ever see anything so big?"

Mal; (long chinese curse concerning Wash's parentage) Doctor find out what's wrong with him!"

Simon is just entering the bridge, rubbing his butt from where he fell hard on it but doesn't answer, instead he points at the screen.

Simon; Um.... Captain."

Wash; Just look at it all, everything is just so much bigger. The buildings are bigger, and that sky goes on and on..."

Mal can't take much more and he growls at Simon, not noticing the concerned look on Simon's face.

Mal; Doctor, if you got anything in that bag that can sedate him then mind getting it before we end up being a very large curiosity to the local bystanders."

Simon; But Captain...."

Wash; Just so big. Sooooo big. Even that ship looks big.... really big. And keeps getting bigger. It's amazing isn't it?"

Mal; Ship?"

Simon; Captain."

Zoe; Wash, turn around, climb, up, down, but something."

Wash; It just get's bigger and bigger. I'm just stunned by it all." sits back with an amazed but silly grin on his face.

Finally Mal turns and see's the on-coming ship, Wash flew them in direct traffic, and rushes up to the controls. He tries to grab them, once again Wash protests.

Wash; Not again Mal, how many times do I have to tell you I"M the pilot. You hired me remember."

Mal; Turn the ship Wash, turn it NOW!"

Wash; But I'm flying." Then he glances at the sky in amazement again, ignoring Mal's efforts to grab the stick. "Don't you feel a little small from it all when you look out there? Isn't it amazing to you Mal? Your far too serious a person, you know you ought to try and lighten up a bit more. War's made you a sourpuss."

Mal; Wash...."

Wash; So big... it's all so big, all of it."

Mal; You wouldn't have happened to have noticed that ship in front of us?"

Wash; Yeah... it's big too, oh hey, it's getting bigger." Said in childlike wonder.

Mal; That's because we're heading right for it. We keep heading right for it you won't have to wonder about the nature of things being big cause you'll be dead. We'll all- be dead." Realizing there was no way he was going to gain the controls Mal stresses to Wash the need to turn the ship.... it works.

Wash; "Hey, that wouldn't be good."

Mal; No it wouldn't, so you wanna...." Jerks his head right emphatically.

Wash; Oh, right.... turn.... Using the stick!" he screams it out like a revelation.

Mal; There ya go. Head over to that port there to your right. Quick." The other ship was now only a few hundred feet away and closing fast. In frustration Mal turns to his first mate and barely keeps his anger. "When we land I want you to see if what he took is in your...." before he can finish he gets slammed into the lockers, blacking out for a moment, Zoe and Simon help him up.

Mal; What the hell now...." They're flung to the other side of the cabin and Simon finds himself under both the Captain and Zoe.

Mal; WASSSSHHHHH!

Wash; I'm gettin the hang of this flying thing. Look at me... I'M SOARING!" Wash is flying madly, turning the stick left and right, gaining altitude, losing altitude. By now they're out of the city but the ground comes dangerously close at times.

It's all Mal can take, struggling up from the pile of himself Zoe and Simon, he's determined to get Wash out of that chair, preparing to bludgeon the pilot to death. Or near to it.

Zoe; Climb up honey, go into space." Zoe manages to say grabbing Mal's leg and holding him back. He stares at her in anger but the look on her face was one he knew never to challenge. It said basically Hurt my man Captain, I will hurt you. It was not something he saw all too often, and it only happened when Wash was concerned. But even though he was willing to give in he also knew Wash had to be removed from that seat. She knew that, nodded. They were on the same court.

Wash; Climb up?" said in a retorical way.

Mal was still looking at Zoe, who was still holding his leg. Grugdingly he said "Take us out of the world Wash. Wash?" No answer prompted Mal to turn around, and saw new trouble. "Oh (chinese curse)!"

Wash; Isn't that a site? Just look at that mountain. It's so big. Who knew they could be that big? Just like that ship it keeps getting bigger and bigger."

Mal; Wash... climb - NOW!"

Wash; It's so pretty."

Finally Zoe knew enough was enough and let go of Mal's leg. "Help him to climb, you won't have to fight for the controls." A knowing look passed between them and Mal rushed once again to the pilot.

Mal; Wash.... you want to grab the stick?" Mal's voice was tense, that mountain was BIG. And getting bigger by the mile.

Wash; Huh? What? Oh, the stick. What did you want me to do?"

Mal; Well it's real simple. See that big rock that's coming at us?"

Wash; Yeah... It's so pre..."

Mal; Pretty right, real pretty. Fact that's about the preetiest mountain think I ever did see in awhile. The problem is, we're gonna know that mountain personally unless you make this boat, well, MISS IT!" said in a hiss.

Wash; Right, cause we wouldn't want that.... like the ship."

Mal; Like the ship, right. So, grab the controls." Mal urged the pilot, looking worryingly at the now VERY LARGE mountain looming in front of them.

Wash; And push down."

Mal, Zoe, Simon; NOOOO!

Mal; Pull up Wash.... UP!"

Wash; Up? Are you sure?"

Mal; Pull the (chinese curse) controls up GORRAMIT!"

Wash; You know there's no need to yell Mal. I mean I'm sitting right here in front of you." Wash looks at Mal in annoyance, arguring with him as now the only view is miles of rock. "I'd understand if you were in the engine room and needed to say something but not when I'm right here."

Zoe; WASH PULL UP NOW!"

Wash; Everybodys yelling. Y'know I don't appreciate it." Wash shakes his head in confusion and slowly pulls on the stick as Serenity begins to climb, but Mal's afraid it was too late. There wasn't any room. They'd crash into the mountain and he wouldn't get the chance to throttle Wash.

But miraculously the top of the mountain came into view and it looked like there was a chance they'd make it.

Simon; Oh God." Simon clenched his eyes shut and covered his head with his arms, knowing that wouldn't really do anything to help. Zoe as well turned her head and closed her eyes. Mal could only watch in horror as the ship climbed ever so slowly and closer to the peak. Wash just stared in wonder at the magesty of the site and felt his stomache growl.

And just like that, they were over, with room to spare. Seconds of pure terror gone in an instant.

Wash; I like to glide.... Isn't it nice to glide?"

Mal; I've had enough Wash, get out...."

Kaylee; Cap'n whats going on?"

Inarah; Mal?

Mal; Everythings ok, we're handling it."

Jayne; Some handling, you gonna handle us into some moon next.... sir?"

Mal; Just sit back down..."

Wash; Oh.... up." Revelation

Once more everyone gets thrown back hard as Wash pulls violently at the controls and begins to ascend into space, making everyone curse and rub parts of themselves.

Mal; WAASSSHHH!"

Zoe; Wash, not so steep, we'll burn leaving atmo. Gradual climb honey, GRADUAL climb."

Wash; Gradual climb right. Thanks sweetie." Easing off on the throttle Serenity for the first time since leaving dock, gives a smooth ride as they break into space. Only when they're sure Wash is keeping on a steady course do they finally get up. By now Mal is beyond anger but no longer tries to wrench the stick from Wash. His boat (and himself) couldn't take another jolt.

Mal; Ok, now I want to know, and I want to know right now Wash.... what-did-you-take? And don't go sayin you didn't take anything. Unless this is a really bad joke your playing on us, in which case myself AND you wife are gonna have words with you, that only means your on something. In which case myself AND your wife are gonna have words with you."

Wash; It's nothing Mal. Just a litle amhenrhj" last part was mumbled and Mal perked his ears.

Mal; What?"

Wash; It isn't Drops ok. Sweetie you know me, would I take that?" Turning to Zoe who by now is looking just as angry at Mal.

Zoe; I thought I did, but you just confuse me with all the stuff you do I never know. What was it Wash?"

Wash; Hmmbbbvvbb..."

Zoe; Louder!"

Wash; I don't know exactly was it was... but I was telling him how hard it's been for me sleeping lately, what with our running a lot more than usual. Not having as many jobs so having to worry about coin to fuel the ship so we'd be able to run if we needed too. And..... things." puts his head down from the last sentence embarrased and not willing to say what else was bothering him. But Mal persists.

Mal; What things Wash? If it's affecting my crew to the point where they're looking for relief from a..."

Wash; Personal Mal ok, it's personal."

Mal looks at Wash then Zoe, she turns away, and Mal realizes there was tension between the couple. Well it could account for a lot of stress on Wash's part. Most of them could sleep at regular hours, Wash was needed a lot on the bridge to fly the ship. Maybe Mal should have been a little more observant when it came to his pilot. If Wash was stressed to the point where he couldn't do even basic flying they were all humped.

But that didn't excuse Wash for looking for a temporary substitute.

Ignoring the last of it Mal got back to the point. "What was it?"

Wash, now suddenly losing his focus in the conversation as he looked out at the blackness of space and felt himself sucked in. "Dunno, never asked the name."

Mal, looking at Zoe now with curiosity. "Never asked who Wash?"

Wash; Look at it all. Look at all the black. It's just.... it's just so black... black... with little twinkly lights. I never noticed before how black it is. And it just goes on, and on, and on...... see what I was missing all those years? How could I deny myself this? They're so twinkly." Now his focus lost, Wash stared in a stupored wonder at the nothingness around him.

Mal; Wash I..."

Simon; Captain let me. I might get through to him."

Mal; No-one else has yet doctor." Grumbling.

Simon; But I think I may know what he took."

Mal and Zoe looked stunned over Simon's reply. That was some quick diagnoses.

Zoe; How could you? You never tested him."

Simon; I recognise some of his actions. Will you let me...."

Mal; Doc, if you can get him out of that chair and out of harms way, I'll owe you a pony." Mal says this in a hopefull but sarcastic way. Simon gives him an equally sarcastic look and walks up to Wash.

Simon; How do you feel Wash?"

Wash; Fine, look at those stars.... aren't they pretty?"

Simon; Very. Did you smoke it, or injest it, or use a syringe?"

Wash, mezmerized from the vast site of black barely hears the question. "Huh? Oh, smoked it. Look at them, they're so shiny. I mean shiny shiny, not, y'know, shiny."

Simon; I see. Your sure you smoked it and not injested it orally or through a needle..."

Wash; Hmm Hmph. I told him I don't like smoking because of all the pollutants on my world. Why the hell would I want to put more of it in me? Said it'd be ok, it wasn't that kind of smoke, I think that ones winking at me." said with a grand smile as he pointed to a particular star, ignoring the angry looks between Zoe and Mal.

Mal; Who said...?"

Simon; Wait." Simon held up his hand holding off Mal's question. He wanted to know, let him do his job and find out. Reluctantly Mal gave a curt nod and kept quiet. Simon turned back to Wash, who was contemplating a little dwarf star in the distance.

Simon; Are you feeling hungry Wash?"

NOW that got his attention. He looked at Simon with a need in his eyes and his stomache grumbled louder.

Wash; Whooaah am I. I tell you I could eat like a Reaver right about now." grumble, grumble

Simon; Then I tell you what, why don't you let the captain set our course and you can go get something to eat in the galley. We have fresh supplies, don't we Captain?" Simon turned to Mal with a look that said play along. If it meant Wash would hand over the controls well hell yes he'd play along.

Mal; Got some fresh greens come in from the market, picked by our little Kaylee. Plenty of stuff to nibble on if you have a mind Wash. Now that we're on our way, no need for you to be at the controls."

I was wanting to finish this today, but it's coming onto 6:00 am and I'm tired and my arms hurting holding them over the keyboard. I hope I can remember the rest of this, or else all this would be for naught. It's not the best fan fiction out there but as I said before, I have trouble with the FF lingo. Just do my best and hope it's alright. God I hope I can remember the rest tommorow, especially... well you'll see. I thought it'd be short. In my mind at least it was. Oh well. So

To be Continued.

COMMENTS

Friday, August 4, 2006 2:56 AM

NVGHOSTRIDER


Fantastic. I really think you did a very good job combining the funny with actual concerns of the crew. Like the fact that THC moved to being slammed. Never thought it would happen. And the reasoning is pretty good.
But as you know, I'm no proponant of drug use. That was just good fic.

Friday, August 4, 2006 1:57 PM

DQBABY76


this one is pretty funny. im laughing so loud that my neighbors probably think I'm crazy.

Sunday, August 6, 2006 10:18 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Not a bad little fic...especially since it makes me imagine Wash stoned out of his gourd on Mary J;)

BEB

Monday, August 7, 2006 12:46 PM

TONYAHUQT03


I'm in love with Mary jane...Because I got high, because I got, because I got high...LMAO good stuff, It's almost like a PSA for not getting high while piloting a spaceship. Ha Wash got high, he he he he he

Monday, August 7, 2006 5:09 PM

QWERTY


Um...been there, done that. Well, not flown a ship, but just been flyin'. Usually right before going to the local laser rock show. :) (Years ago, though. Really!)

This was cute, but I felt bad for Wash a little at the same time. Poor thing, not being able to sleep and all.

Thursday, July 23, 2009 12:40 PM

SYDNEYDEBS


LOL Mal is going to kill Wash but I love it. Very funny and Wash's dumb comments are a hoot. Thanks


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