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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - GENERAL
"Simon thinks about his relationship with Kaylee and how a simple confession before the battle on Miranda has changed everything."
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2111 RATING: 9 SERIES: FIREFLY
TITLE: "HONOUR BOUND"
AUTHOR: Alison M. DOBELL
STATUS: "The Shape of Things" - Part 1
ARCHIVE: Yes. Just let me know where.
SUMMARY: "Simon thinks about his relationship with
Kaylee and how a simple confession before the battle on
Miranda has changed everything."
The usual disclaimers apply. The characters and 'Firefly'
are the property and gift of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
No infringement of copyright is intended.
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
* * * * *
Sometimes it felt as if his entire 'verse had shrunken to the circumference of this scruffy but much loved little ship. The souls on it the only human contact he would have in the Black. He knew that had he stayed on Osiris his life would have been much different. For one, it would not have been his own. He would have been groomed and feted, flattered and manipulated into a position of standing and wealth. The best the Core could offer would be paraded before him like appetisers at a banquet enticing him to choose the main course. Girls, women, ladies, the fairer sex, whatever non de plume such fancies wore would each vie for his attention. Their eyes set less on what they could bring in the way of happiness to each other than the mutual benefit of their financial accounts.
On Osiris it was all about position and power coupled to the politics of greed. Oh, it would be a polite unspoken thing, never the crude acknowledgement of how they were wed to their excesses. They were better than that. Refined and disingenuous, they played the game but not until Simon had been forced free of its' machinations by a greater imperative did he truly see the trap for what it had been. Twenty-twenty vision always hit you looking back. The artifice a grinning skull mocking him with all he had lost. To Simon, all he could see now was how wafer thin had been his escape. He thought he had rescued River but in truth it was the other way around.
Now here he was on Serenity, a world as far removed as anything out on the Rim. People so diametrically opposed to those from his own upbringing that he had mentally recoiled against each and every one of them when he had first come aboard as if a mere touch would sully and stain his soul forever. Only Inara and Book's presence had left him unmarked. Now each member of this dysfuncional crew had become dear to him as the familiar often did in the face of extremes. None dearer than Kaylee. Her sleeping face the vision of a dream he could not remember but which haunted his heart. Yes, he loved her. What was there not to love? This bright, happy, wonderfully optimistic girl had been waiting in the wings for him from the moment he had set foot on this *lese* ship. He had tried not to fall under her spell, knew the things that divided them were greater than those that drew them together. Yet he was a man, with a man's urges and bodily desire had a way of betraying a man's virtue until it became the servant of his need.
In the chaos and panic of Miranda he had finally expressed his one true regret that he and Kaylee had never been together. Never had *this*. When Kaylee had asked if he meant sex he had said yes, because that was what he meant. Raw and deep and primeval. Now, lying sated and curious he watched the way the ambient light shadowed her shining face as she slept the sleep of angels. It was almost like a prayer given form, his hand hesitating to break the spell, to ruin with a touch the perfect moment that should be trapped in time forever. Wonder filled him with a kind of awe. Yes, he wanted Kaylee. He was a man and the body had needs, cravings, desires. But Kaylee wasn't a girl, she was a woman. When she mentioned sex it was love that shone in her eyes, only slightly dimmed by the building heat of desire. When he said sex he meant every one of the body's physical desires made flesh. The humour of the heart was not what he was seeking but here it lay. A shattered blossom of innocent content lying full of trust in his arms. It almost broke him that he could not return what she so selflessly gave.
Leaning forward Simon gently kissed the slightly parted lips, hiding a sad smile as she began to stir. Placing the mask of introspection behind the patient and tender lover. Kaylee's eyes fluttered open, her goodness hitting him like a beam of light. "Hey, Simon."
He smiled and papered her face with little kisses making her laugh and try to catch his fleeting lips with her own. But he was awake and she was still drowsy, the remanants of sleep slowing down her responses until she stopped trying and blinked up at him.
"No fair." Kaylee pouted.
Simon, sated as he was, had things to do. A need to bury himself back in his research, to find a way to undo what the Alliance had done to his sister. Not willing to acknowledge that River was more in her own mind now than she had been since attending the Academy. Yet in his heart he knew it was an excuse, running away. Trying to hide from Kaylee the fact that while his body adored her, his heart had not fallen. Yes, he loved her but he was not in love with her and if he ever confessed the truth of it she would break and never be mended. He knew it, just as he knew where the responsibility lay for the misunderstanding he had unwittingly fostered and that now trapped him. Sometimes when he glanced at the Captain he got a sharp stab of panic deep inside, suspecting the man already knew and hated him for it. But Malcolm Reynolds would no more say anything than the rest of the crew. All of them more than a little in love with their favourite mechanic. So it behoved Simon to play his part. His lips burying his sin in her willing embrace, his body stirring in answer to her waking demands until the smile that graced his lips came out true.
"So," Said Kaylee, one hand sliding down to make sure he was fully awake and would be ready for what she had in mind. "You wanna have sex?"
Simon stared into those brilliant bright smiling eyes, so full of truth and openness that it made his throat dry. When Kaylee said sex she really meant love. Simon grinned at her, did not think he would ever get over the novelty of her eagerness to bed him. "Only if you're sure you can keep up, *bao bei*."
She squealed with indignation tempered by laughter as he knew she would. As they rolled and play fought, their struggles turning to caresses and touches and moans and heated flesh on hot skin, Simon made a silent pact with himself. If he couldn't have what he wanted he would learn to want what he had. At the very least, he owed it to Kaylee. Because despite a 'verse of lost dreams and disenchantment he really did love her, and out here in the Black he would make sure it was enough.
CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)
*lese* = crappy *bao bei* = precious/treasure
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