BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR

SPACEFULLOFOBJECTS

Jayne in Pain
Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A little Rayne "entanglement".


CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2173    RATING: 9    SERIES: FIREFLY

Okay folks. I needed to take a bit of a break from the drama I've been writing lately. So here it is, a little comedy ficlet, and I hope very much it makes you laugh. If it does, great, if it doesn't…at least its short! Leave me a bit of feedback either way if you have a moment.

Jayne in Pain Burning through the black usually meant hours of wandering the many passageways that twisted their way around Serenity. Many crewmembers spent their time reading or playing games. Jayne often worked out or cleaned his arsenal, but when he got bored with that, he usually just wandered the corridors, exhibiting his wonderful social skills with each person he ran into.

***

In his eyes, River was just plain whacked. "Not all there," he’d whisper to himself whenever he caught her in one of her more flighty moments. But she was pretty...real pretty, the sort of pretty that made a guy sorta look beyond the fact that she’d been known to become violent. He had more than one scar, numbering themselves on both on his body and his pride, that reminded him of his tangling with the girl before.

Wonder if she’s ever kissed a man... Jayne pondered as he watched River skip through the cargo bay as if she were in a forest.

Continuing to watch her, Jayne made his way down the stairs and to the weight bench, taking a seat on the padded surface. Plum out of er’ mind she is, he thought again, shaking his head.

River’s skipping stopped. Turning to Jayne, she started to move towards him. Jayne’s body stiffened up, his seated posture preparing for a possible entanglement. River’s pace quickened, her body heading straight for the seated Merc who’s face was beginning to fill with fear.

Stopping dead, her nose nearly touching his, she looked into his eyes. “Jayne wants to know if the little crazy person has ever kissed anyone, eh?”

“Well, uh…the thought has crossed my mind few times,” Jayne answered becoming calmer, realizing he was apparently in the clear.

River leaned in, her mind wrapping him in warmth. Jaynes eyes closed his face tilting up towards hers. His right hand moving up her thigh towards the small of her back as he began to rise from his seated position, their lips coming ever closer.

Their lips touched.

SMACK Jayne fell back as River’s right arm swung around and clocked him on the side of his head. “What the…..!?! You ARE a little crazy person!” he exclaimed as he fell back over the weight bench.

BAM River's left leg caught Jayne’s side as he struggled to push himself backwards and away from her. “Kuang she de! Somebody help me! River’s goin’ all xiong can sha shou again!”

Jayne rolled onto all fours, trying desparately to make an escape. POW. River came down on the small of his back with her right elbow, sending him instantly prostrate to the deck.

“Help!” he screamed, as he crawled away from her. The words Jayne, remember the words!

Bie gao wu mo huang!” he yelled, waiting for her to faint. SMACK Her left fist caught him on his left forearm as he raised in defense. “Dammit!” he continued as he made his way to his feet still back away from her as fast as he could.

“That ain’t them,” he audibly told himself as his panic increased, seeing River methodically making her way towards him still.

Grasping for phrases he'd heard in the past, he feebly yelled “Ya `menedzher pa `ekspartu!” He paused briefly, wondering what he'd just said and what language it was, before he remembered he should continue running. River’s pace slowed slightly, a confused look appearing on her face. Her brow furrowing, she charged again.

POW Her foot dove into his mid-section, causing him to double over in pain.

Struggling to catch his breath Jayne glanced up to see River standing in front of him, her eyes glazed. He again reached into his mind to attempt the words that would free him of his attacker. With an oxygen deprived voice, he strained to speak his next attempt, "Bie gao wu mo huang?"

A slight grin formed on the seventeen-year-old assassin’s face as she continued her advance.

Regaining his ability to breath, Jayne immediately continued his escape, running towards the front of the cargo bay, his head turned backward to see if River was running after him. What’er the gorram words, he thought to himself again.

Reaching deep, he blurted another phrase he remembered. “Vot ma`ya vi`zitka!” he shouted, still running from her attack. "That ain't them either!" he continued, scolding himself.

SMASH River nailed him with both feet square in the small of his back, sending him flying forward towards the bulk head.

“Eta kooram na….” SMACK Jayne’s forward momentum carried him into the frame of the cargo door. His body fell back onto the deck.

Out cold.

*****

*For those of you who are wondering how Jayne would have known Russian…I have no idea, but I figured, it was plausible he picked up the lines below on some sort of job he'd done.

Chinese translations

ji tong tong jue xue - laugh with chickens

bie gao wu mo huang - turtles tell no lies

Kuang she de - aw nuts

Xiong can sha shou - ass kicking killer

Russian Translations

Ya `menedzher pa `ekspartu - I’m the export manager

Vot ma`ya vi`zitka - Here is my card

Eta kooram na…. – Well, them there is the words, well at least what Jaynee got out before he knocked himself out.

COMMENTS

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 12:21 PM

ENGINEANGEL


Yay, I'm the first one to post again, yahoo!!! :D

"Burning through the black usually meant hours of wandering the many passageways that twisted their way around Serenity." ~~ love this line. its imagery and words are just wonderful...

"Jayne often worked out or cleaned his arsenal, but when he got bored with that, he usually just wandered the corridors, exhibiting his wonderful social skills with each person he ran into." ~~ wonderful social skills...HAHAHAHAHA

"River’s pace quickened, her body heading straight for the seated Merc who’s face was beginning to fill with fear." ~~ i like this line.

"River leaned in, her mind wrapping him in warmth." ~~ oooo nice description.

I love the whole concept spacie!!! Ah, poor Jayne...poor funny funny Jayne. Oh and making those phrases in chinese was fun :) I like the turtles tell no lies one *laughs* great job!!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 3:06 PM

JORJAREYNOLDS


Ah, our typical Jayne and our typical River. I really enjoyed this, the imagery and characters were spot on. I really loved the chinese and russian. A truly funny piece. I like it!!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 3:33 PM

LEIASKY


Very funny. Jayne knocked himself out! Bwahaha!

Nicely done!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 6:06 PM

ITSAWASH


Spacie? I'm impressed and apalled at the self-same moment. You rock, you know I think you rock at writing the BDM's, but hey! hey hey HEY! What the heck you think you're doing to my Man here? And you called him JAYNEE at the end? Oooo, man. Uh-huh.

Okay, okay. I'll forgive you, because this fic was so ruttin' funny that I had trouble catching my breath during a laughing fit, and a coughing fit, and had to hold my sides from pain. I needed this bit o' fun, and I think you did too, after the painful but beautiful writing you did on Jobe's life in "Choices of Serenity", Part 2. Everybody who has the ability to read oughta read your Choices series, as well as the rest of your goods.

Loved River in this. Loved Jayne, though I'd give him a touch more smarts than you did, Buster. Loved the batman-style fight scenes. ADORED the translations Jayne tried. Ummm, "I'm the export manager" and "Here is my card"? LOFreakin'L! Yeah, the fic was a good one, a funny one, and even poetical at times: River skipped "through the cargo bay as if she were in a forest." That line is purely lovely, as is the line Engie quoted up above in her feedback.

Nice job, Spacie. I'll forgive you for the maltreatment of MY merc for the sole reason that your talent makes it okay.
-Washie.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 6:43 PM

JAYNEISNOTAGIRLSNAME


Oh Jayne,
when will you learn to not mess with 17 year olds who can kick your ass without breaking a sweat?

Thursday, August 17, 2006 12:22 AM

RIVERISMYGODDESS


exhibiting his wonderful social skills with each person he ran into
~hehehehehe, 'social skills'

the sort of pretty that made a guy sorta look beyond the fact that she’d been known to become violent
~I do think that River is the only one that fits that category, at least for me :)

I love the action words to accent her attacks as he cowers and runs away, yay for River.

I also love all of the Chinese and even the Russian that Jayne pulled outta his ass. Good stuff.

This was a very funny little one-shot, my only problem with it being that it was too damn short. Good work spacie.

Saturday, August 19, 2006 11:03 AM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


I just find it ironically hilarious that it's Jayne that goes unconscious when he recites the code phrase rather than River;)

Totally loved this, spacefullofobjects...though was there an exact reason I missed that Jayne's assinine comment triggered her whoopass skills? Cuz unless this is some sort of whacked out foreplay (which I could fathom as an explanation), then Jayne wondering if River's ever kissed someone who isn't family kinda doesn't make sense as a trigger...at least to me;)

BEB

Sunday, August 20, 2006 3:22 PM

SPACEFULLOFOBJECTS


BEB...

It was all in fun man. Jayne made a comment to himself about kissing River, and she being a reader picked up on it, and ya know...I'm really not sure what set her off, but she kicked his butt.

In addition, it wasn't the fact that he finally got the words that put him out, it was his head striking the bulkhead, as he remembered them.

Sunday, September 24, 2006 3:57 PM

FRELLINGBLONDE


Hee! Oh, Jayne...why are the pretty ones always so dumb?

Thanks much for a good laugh, space. Needed it!

Sunday, September 24, 2006 4:06 PM

PHYRELIGHT


LOL! Shiny!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 2:52 PM

MRSU


Mua-ha-ha-ha! That was so funny, and that's what should become of Jayne trying to flirt with River, in my opinion. You just don't mess with this girl. :)
And oh, are you Russian or know Russian? My jaw almost hit the floor when I saw Jayne speaking Russian phrases, that was neat, hee :)


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