Now, if you have been reading so far, you may have noticed a glaring hole in the plot: River. Namely, where is the little schitzo, anyway? Well, that question is quite easy to answer... actualy, no, it isn't. It is really quite hard. Oh, well. River had been, when said Space Goose entered the atmosphere, outside of Serenity, while Ford and Jayne had been sampling some fine French Champagne. How did Ford have French Champagne? Well, he had made some contacts with people who know people who know people who know things who know other things that know people who are a part of the Blerontinian Smuggling ring, which had had a rather lucrative trade in French wines and illegal Yassacaan perfume. And, if you had been a rather extra hard and caring reader, you may have also noticed a second glaring plot hole: Book. Well, he's for the next chapter, and if you simply MUST know about him, then you'll just have to suck it up and wait for it. For, this chapter is all about River... well, almost all about River. Forde, it should be noted, had had only enough time to get first opinions of around four people on Serenity: Jayne, Kaylee, Simon, and River. They are as follows: Jayne: a loud, boisterous man. Also, look under "Kindred Spirit" and "Drinking Partner", which, of course, he was both. Kaylee: A nice girl, and who may have a bit of Yassacaan in her (but of course, any self respecting Yassacaan would go into a fit upon seeing Serenity, either reaching for his/her SD pistol or a dust rag, depending on whether he/she had met Mal and/or Kaylee first). Simon: a stuck up little git who has to that stick out of his ass. River: Crazy/quiet/scary/strange/wierd/smart/stupid/funny/cute/goorshnarg (for those who don't know, goorsnarg is a Betelguesean word that Ford uses when a dramatic word is needed but he can't find it). If you find that contradictarory in any way, please bear in mind that Ford was, by this time, getting a fine drunk on with Jayne. Anyway, River saw the falling Goose (note: when a giant Space Goose enters atmosphere, it is immediately to have the word "Space" dropped from its title, as it is no longer in space, and so is only a giant Goose), and said to herself, "A falling Goose. Make a wish." And, of course, one is to never, never, NEVER make a wish upon a falling Goose, as the wish will be granted in reverse. Now, River said, "I wish that Simon wasn't such a boob." Unfourtunately, in anyother language it would be jibberish backwards, but in Jibberishian, it translated into: "Make the Reaver's come back or I will unleash mani-fold vicious Rabbit's upon thee, oh mighty Goorslagen-Freeg!!!!" Of course, Goorslagen-Freeg is a rather powerful diety from Jibberlandia, home of the Jibberishian's, who speak Jibberish, and he just happens to take the form of a Space-Goose. So, in due course, the Space Goose crashed into the Mountain's of Both Highness and Low Tempreatures, making them, briefly, into, the Hills of Extreme Lowness and Warmness. Then, they proceded to become the Plains of Levelness and schorching Goose-i-ness, and then into the Crater of Extreme Below-Sea-Level-ness and Red Hotness. (It is good to note that, at the exact moment, the giant Goose suffered SMEF, or Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure. Of course, something cannot become nothing unless that something was a nothing to begin with, in which case it would never have been a something, so that that something-that-which-is-nothing would never have been able to suffer from SMEF in the first place. Said Goose dissapeared into nothingness for so small an increment of time that, had one been avble to realize it had passed, that same instance in which you realized you had thought it would be null and void, as that small increment had already passed at the point where you had thought "..." If that made any sense ay all to you, please go get psychiatric help right away. The Goose then reappeared in the small, impoverished, famished world called Remodelo. When it appeared, looking and smelling like a giant cooked Goose, they sang songs and praised their God, Killikillikilari, and danced around like idiots in long conga lines, then, when they were almost starving to death, which was about five minutes, they all dug into said Goose, and immediately died of lead poisoning. Every ony but the Remodolers knew that a Space Goose, upon entering a planets atmosphere and suffering SMEF, will immediately aquire copious amounts of lead in its skin. Poor Remodelers) Of course, everything would turn out chipper for everyone. Except the Space Goose and the Remodolers. Poor Remodolers.