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BLUE SUN ROOM FAN FICTION - HUMOR
In which we find out why Ricky-Bobby is doing in the 'verse, but not why he is needed or what will be done to him. Suffice to say that you will see Ford's malicious side. Oh, and... POWER TO THE IRISH!!!!!!! And Randomness, YAY RANDOMNESS!!!!!
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 697 RATING: 10 SERIES: FIREFLY
Now, it is a very curious thing, having a racecar driver show up on the Heart of Gold. If you have anything close to a mind, you would be wondering around three things: Why was Ricky-Bobby here, what is Ford going to do to him to switch Kaylee's and Marvin's personalities back, and what would happen after said thing happened to said racecar driver? Well, fourtunately for you, two of those questions will be answered forthwith.
Now, if you wish to know what Ford would do with said unconcious racecar driver, then you can entertain yourself with these three facts: It involved a shovel, a rope, and a scalpel. If you are still intrested in what happened, just remember: Ford rarely shows his evil side in public, and he was alone in the room with an uncouncious white man with a beer belly. Now, go bugger off and get the Kama Sutra. (No, Ford did not do anything... inappropriate with this man, you bloody prigs!!!). ON TO THE SECOND QUESTION!!!
Actually, it is technically the first question, but never mind that. Now, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on Interdimensional Travel: It is a curious affair, traveling Interdimensionally without a ship. A few certain things must be happening at the moment when an Infinite Improbability drive is activated. You see, an Irish River-dancer must be dancing, two buglers bugeling, three doves diving, four trees frolicking, five frisbees flying, six Vogon's gargling, seven Krickiter's singing songs of Love and Life, and eight bushes being bushwacked. And, if you want to travel to the dimension where said Infinite Improbability is, you must be in your underwear spinning around, shouting "I'm on fire! I'm on Fire!" and call out help from the three Supreme God's. Coincedentaly, those three are the God of Islam, Christianity and Judaism, Tom Cruise (entirely a coincedence, Tom Cruise is the supreme God of stupidity), and Oprah Winifrey (Also a coincedence, Oprah Winefrey is the shortened name of the great Arklesiezure, who is said to have sneezed the universe, and his followers are all living in fear of the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief).
So, Ricky-Bobby was whisked away, and in the milisecond in which he was gone, he saw seventeen Elephant's Riverdancing while simultaneously forming a kicking line, interlocking their trunks. Then, he appeared on a great white ship, introduced himself to the residents, and promptly fainted from shock. No one should see Elephant's Riverdancing. Ever.
So, now you know how he got there, what was being done to him (actually, the Kama Sutra is much more interesting), but not what would happen after the two personalities were switched.
Now, Ford came out, dragging a very beat up looking man behind him. "Hello, all, say hello to Ricky!"
"I thought he was Ricky-Bobby?" Arthur gave his friend a look.
Ford held up a very strange and rather bloody looking thing. No one could quite describe what it looked like. "What... what is that?" Simon looked sick and not quite sane at that moment. Arthur wasn't fazed at all. He'd been to L.A.
"Why, ts his second name!" said Ford cheerily. He moved over to Kaylee, "Now, if you'll just-"
Of course, something very strange happened then. Their was a crash of thunder and yellow lightning, and, LO!, a giant hand came out of the sky, saying, "IT IS NOT YET YOUR TIME, GO BACK," and grabbed Ricky off of the floor. And when he opened his bloodshot eyes into florescent white, he saw Jeff Foxworthy in a Budwieser cap, he was sitting in front of an ice fishing hole, and he was in a lawn chair, sitting next to Bill Engval, who had a Browncoat on. He set Ricky back onto the pavement that he once knew, and flopped about like a fish until he realized that he had lungs.
When the smoke cleared, the name thingy-bob was gone, and Kaylee was back to being Kaylee, and Marvin to Marvin, and Ricky to not being a catfish.
No one knew how Ford did it, but he obviously knew that that hand would come down, because he was holding a bottle of Vodka and already had several mugs set out on the floor, and half of them were already filled. He picked two up, handed one to Arthur, and said, "Well, gents, heres to a job well done!" They all had a toast, and then a Reaver ship landed a mile away from them, at which point River ran in screaming.
But, as said before, everything would turn out just peachy for everyone. Except the Space Goose ant the Remodelers. Poor Remodelors.
(A/N: I know, that made no sense at all. But, bear with me, cuz (gulp), SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!! GASP!!!! So, if this sucks too badly, blame the New York State Educational System.)
Tuesday, September 05, 2006 5:51 PM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006 8:04 PM
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